I sat in one of our hangout rooms in YG, the soft glow of the television casting shadows across my face. The air was thick with tension as I listened to the excited chatter of my friends and my members, all discussing the news that had just reached our ears. The love of my life, my ex-girlfriend, was finally returning to Seoul after a two-year hiatus. I knew the reasons behind her departure – a desperate attempt to escape the pain I had inflicted upon her. A pang of guilt gripped me once again as I recalled the tumultuous times we had shared, the mistakes I had made. This time, I didn't want her to hurt, especially not because of me. Though I had spoken of finding closure, I feared it might reopen wounds that had barely begun to heal.

In the solitude of my thoughts, the television in the background caught my attention. The news anchor spoke excitedly about her return, and a montage of her career played on the screen before playing her new single. My heart skipped a beat when I realized today was the release date for ‘evergreen’. I sat up in anticipation, my eyes fixed on the screen, eager to catch a glimpse of the woman who has continued to captured my heart.

Her comeback stage appeared, and I watched with a mix of awe and admiration. I couldn't help but be proud of her accomplishments, of the passion she poured into her art. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the figure on the TV – the one who had once held my heart, now standing on a stage, pouring her soul into a song that was undoubtedly meant for me. As the melody filled the room, I felt a surge of emotions watching her sing, a bittersweet nostalgia tugging at my heart.

Taeyeon started to sing the first verse, and my initial smile faded into a solemn expression. The lyrics cut through the air, penetrating deep into my soul.  The words she had written, the emotions she expressed, were a haunting echo of the mistakes I had made. The song was a painful reminder of the shards of trust I had shattered when I let another into my life without considering the consequences.

"Am I not, what you wanted baby?"

My heart sank as I realized the song was a direct response to our past. The weight of the words hung heavily in the room. My eyes welled up with tears, my body frozen in place. The lyrics laid bare the pain I had caused, the scars that lingered.

“You know you really made me hate myself

Had to stop before I break myself

Should've broke it off to date myself

You didn't deserve me at all-“

I watched, unable to tear my eyes away, as the song continued. Taeyeon's voice carried a haunting melody that seemed to echo the ache in my heart. The emotions I had kept buried surged to the surface, and I found myself overwhelmed with regret for the immature choices I had made.

The room felt suffocating, the air heavy with remorse. I couldn't escape the vivid memories of our time together, juxtaposed against the stark reality of my betrayal. Taeyeon's voice carried the weight of a heartbreak that echoed through the years, and I couldn't help but feel the crushing weight of guilt settling on my chest.

As the music video concluded, I remained seated, contemplating the consequences of my past actions. The realization that I had become the subject of her poignant ballad was a bitter pill to swallow, and I couldn't shake the haunting truth – I didn't deserve her, not then, and perhaps not ever again.

In that moment, I vowed to observe and support her from afar, although the thought makes my heart ache, I was determined to ensure that the woman I love finds happiness, even if it meant she’d find it without me.

Taeyang, my close friend and Big Bang member, noticed my distress. He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, offering support and understanding. Taeyang, aware of how much Taeyeon had positively influenced me and my life, suggested that perhaps now that she was back in Seoul, we could maybe talk to each other – not necessarily to rekindle our romance per se, but to find some sort of closure.

I nodded in appreciation, my eyes reflecting a mix of gratitude and sadness. I excused myself from the room, expressing the need to be alone for a while. As I left YG, I felt a torrent of emotions surging within me. The lyrics echoed in my mind, and the weight of my past mistakes pressed on my shoulders. I knew I needed to confront the pain I had caused, and perhaps, in the process, find a way to heal both myself and the woman I still cared for deeply.

My car rumbled along the familiar path, the engine humming in sync with the thoughts racing through my mind. The grassy area with the big tree loomed ahead, a sanctuary of memories that had once been a secret place for us. As I parked the car, the weight of nostalgia pressed on me, and I took a deep breath before stepping out. The secluded spot had witnessed the blossoming of our love – a place where Taeyeon and I sought refuge from the prying eyes of the world. It was our private paradise, a haven where we could be ourselves without the scrutiny of the public. The grass beneath the tree had cradled our dreams as we daydreamed about a future that seemed so promising. My mind wandered to the countless picnics we shared, the laughter that echoed through the quiet space, and the tender moments we spent lying in the grass, sharing our aspirations for a life together. The mention of "Jiyeon," our imagined first child, brought a bittersweet smile to my face. The dreams we once built together now lingered in the air, haunting me with what could have been.

Our paradise, once filled with laughter and love, had become my refuge in times of despair. It was the only place where I felt I could truly breathe and every anniversary, I would come here, hoping against all odds that she’d join me, but who was I kidding? Each time, I faced the crushing disappointment of solitude.

Today, after hearing Taeyeon's new song, I needed solace. The drive to our special place was instinctual, a pull from the past that offered a temporary escape. This was my haven, my sacred space, but I couldn't shake off the feeling that it might be different today. As I reached the clearing, the sight that greeted me sent a jolt through my entire being. A figure stood by the river wearing a worried expression. My heart raced as I recognized her silhouette against the backdrop of nature's serenity. Taeyeon, the woman who had shared this sanctuary with me, was here.

For a moment, the world stopped as I debated whether to approach her. The urge to run to her, to wrap her in my arms and apologize for everything again, was overwhelming. But I resisted. She deserved peace, and I needed to respect the boundaries we had established. With a heavy heart, I took a step back.

The sun bathed her in a soft glow, and I couldn't help but admire the resilience etched on her face. As she paced, lost in her thoughts, I wished I could take away her pain but I reminded myself once again, she deserved better than the turmoil I brought into her life. As much as it pained me to see her standing there, so clos