“Hyukjae-ya.” 

“Hmm?” 

“Do you ever yearn?” 

Hyukjae turned his attention away from the dark skies to look at Jongwoon, whose face was oddly serene for someone who had just asked such a question. 

It was getting late. The two were sitting at the rooftop of Mouse Rabbit after a day of brief schedule. Hyukjae had requested to tag along with Jongwoon to the cafe instead of returning home to rest, claiming that he wanted to exploit some free coffee from the older. 

Jongwoon wished his stupid mind would stop reading so much into Hyukjae’s random sparks of affection as anything more than brotherly love. 

“What do you mean, hyung?” 

“Do you yearn for anything right now?” 

Hyukjae was confused. “No?” 

“Mhmm.”

“Hyung… what’s wrong?” 

There was a bout of silence. Jongwoon stared tiredly into the far and between stars twinkling in the midnight sky. His cup of latte now cold on the table. In the back of his mind, he wondered why was he feeling so sleepy and at ease when he was the one drinking coffee. There wasn’t a single ounce of weariness on Hyukjae’s face and the younger didn’t even have caffeine since they settled down. Jongwoon had knocked the younger’s head when Hyukjae playfully rejected all of Jongwoon’s offers to make him different drinks to his liking.

Yah! Didn’t you say you are here to exploit my coffee?! Why aren’t you drinking anything! 

I don’t trust hyung in the kitchen! I don’t want Mobit to burn down, Jongjin will be sad. 

You jerk, I won’t be making the drink for you! Tell me what do you want. 

No need, no need. 

“Nothing, Hyukjae-ya. Nothing is wrong.” 

The night was getting colder and a sudden gust of fleeting wind sent a shiver down Jongwoon’s spine. Just as he was about to reach for the throw-over laying around on the adjacent seat, he felt warmth draping across his shoulders. He turned to see Hyukjae fussing and adjusting a grey hoodie on Jongwoon's shoulders so that it would align fittingly over his body. 

“Hey, it’s your hoodie, you’ll be cold too.” 

“But hyung is so thin! You are the one that will be blown away by the wind!” 

“You’re so annoying.”

The pair settled into another round of peaceful silence. One of Jongwoon’s older solo songs came on shuffle in the cafe, and Jongwoon immediately reached for his phone, wanting to change the song since it felt awkward to be listening to your own song with someone beside you. 

He was already in the application when a hand reached out to snatch the phone away.

“Yah! What are you doing?” 

“Hyung! You can’t change the song.” 

“Why not? It’s weird!”


“I like to listen to hyung’s voice! This is one of my favourite songs too.” 

“Do you now? Since when were you my fan?”


Hyukjae gasped, a face of offence and aghast. “Jongwoon hyung! I always tell you that I’m your biggest fan — do you not believe me?! I’m hurt.”

“You’re joking all those times… you’re joking now too.” 

“I’m not, hyung.” 

“Why don’t I believe you, hmm?” 

Hyukjae paused, and then — “I always thought hyung’s voice is so pretty, so comforting. I would always get excited when we have to record for a new album because it meant that I can listen to your voice more.” 

Jongwoon was startled, he didn’t expect such a sudden admission from Hyukjae, let alone one that was so sweet that it was tugging on his heart strings so painfully. Do not hope, do not hope, do not —

“What —”

Hyukjae ploughed on. “Do you know that I would listen to your songs to fall asleep sometimes? Hyung, your voice… it helps me to sleep especially after I wake up from my nightmares.” 

“You still have those nightmares?”  

“Yeah.” 

“You could have called me like you used to.” 

“Heh… it’s embarrassing to call you at 4AM every now and then, and I know you haven’t been able to sleep well lately. Your songs… they make me feel safe too, even though I definitely like listening to your actual voice more.”

Hyukjae was playing with his fingers, his gaze casted downwards, but his voice firm and sincere. He almost looked shy. Jongwoon was at a loss for words.

“I love your voice, Jongwoon hyung. I love many things about you, actually.” 

Hyukjae finally looked up and met Jongwoon's gaze, his wide eyes were anxious yet determined. Jongwoon felt breathless at the sight of the younger’s face illuminated by the pale moonlight. 

“J-just now… hyung asked me if I ever yearned, right?” The younger’s voice shook. Jongwoon thought that his heart was going to race out of his chest, his cheeks were warm and he was sure he would fall over any moment from all the emotions that was coursing through his veins right now. 

“Sometimes, hyung, when you hug me or pull me close to whisper into my ears, I would freeze up so bad, because my heart would be beating so fast and I would be so nervous. Those times, I would hope so hard that you would hold me longer, cause I know I wouldn’t have the guts to do it myself. Other times, when I see that you are sad, or stressed, especially when you’re dieting and not sleeping well, I would feel my heart ache. I want to cheer you up… but I’m embarrassed, so I’ll just tease you. I like to see your smile, Jongwoon hyung — is that considered yearning?” 

Jongwoon just couldn’t seem to pinpoint the myriad of emotions that he was feeling. All this while…

Hyukjae cleared his throat. Jongwoon realised that his silence must have been unnerving for the younger who had just confessed something so saccharine. “But… what do you yearn, Jongwoon hyung?” 

“Hyukjae— I…” 

Jongwoon thought back to all the times Hyukjae would flash his gummy smile at Jongwoon across the room when their eyes meet by chance; the times Hyukjae would send him caring messages hidden behind bratty teasing and overbearing emoticons; the times where, off-camera, Hyukjae wouldn’t pull his hand away when Jongwoon reaches out to hold it to express his affection. And that one time, where Hyukjae showed up at his door at almost midnight, unprompted with a bowl of homemade fruit salad, begging Jongwoon to please, hyung, you need to eat, it hurts me to see you suffering, you don’t need to go to this extent, hyung. 

All this while…

“Hyukjae.” 

“Y-yes?” 

“I want to kiss you. Can I kiss you?” 

“What?!!” 

“So… can I?”

“Does that mean you like me back, hyung?”


“You’re really my dongba-yah, Hyukjae.” 

Jongwoon leaned in, and their lips met softly. Hyukjae didn’t dare to move his hands, lest this was all a dream, even though he was itching to hold onto Jongwoon. As if his hyung knew what he was thinking, one of Jongwoon’s hand reached for Hyukjae’s hands and wrapped them tight, while the other hand laid a gentle caress on Hyukjae’s cheek. 

They parted eventually, but kept their foreheads together. Jongwoon thought he would never get to see Hyukjae this close, feel him so close. 

“Of course I yearn for you, Hyukjae-ah. There’s no one else for me but you.”