nothing crazy to see here. this is just a small vent as i'm hoping that, maybe if i got it off my chest, i can finally let this whole thing rest the way i should have a long time ago.

i've always considered myself as someone who moved on easily, all things considered. i don't like to dwell and i certainly don't like reopening wounds. when it's over, it's over. but now, here i am with my chest still aching over someone i haven't spoken to in months. maybe it's been over a year, i don't know. determining how long i've been grieving over this would just be humiliating.

i just want it to make some sense how two months of a could've-been relationship could haunt me for this long. i've been in situations like this before that didn't work out, and i've been in more since then. none of them was ever this devastating to get over. none of them hurt as much as getting over you does. and that thought after having realized that i may have been nothing more than a passing fancy for you in comparison.

somehow, i still find myself subconsciously comparing people to you. i still find myself reminiscing about our conversations even when i've deleted them all long ago in hopes of making it easier for me. i find myself hoping to run into you somehow somewhere while simultaneously being terrified of it because i wouldn't know what to say... other than i miss you.

i think that alone sums up all of this mess. i miss you terribly.. and dealing with that has been so much tougher than i ever could've imagined.

i'm not really sure what else i could do keep the wound from bleeding over and over no matter how much i try to let it be. maybe letting time do its job is the only way, but it's been so long and it feels like it isn't flying at all for me. it's been too long.