It's 11:50 pm on New Year's Eve.

Donghae has a half-empty glass of champagne in one hand while the other rests in his pants' pocket. He's leaning against a wooden pillar on the porch of a beautiful house by the sea.

The idea of spending New Year's Eve at the seaside came from several colleagues, and Donghae eventually agreed to, thinking there would be nothing to lose. It's private and comfortable. The night is pleasant, it's less hot than during the day and there's a gentle breeze in the air. Around him, there're friends, acquaintances and also a few people Donghae only knows by sight, talking, drinking and enthusiastically waiting for the arrival of the new year.

Donghae can't say he feels the same.

New Year's celebrations makes him especially anxious. It's difficult for him to be enveloped by excitement and hope when the uneasiness is a little overwhelming. Uneasiness for the new year that would arrive, and for the year that's passed.

This is the moment when you look back and mulls over everything that's happened in the last twelve months—and the picture isn't always rewarding. Donghae, unfortunately, is used to it.

It's not that he has terrible years every year, not at all. Happy, enjoyable moments always outnumber the bad ones. However, sometimes it seems much easier to focus only on mistakes and frustrations than on successes.

The timing couldn't be worse. It's like there's a heavy, loud little devil on his shoulder. He's a little tipsy, although he hasn't been drinking that much (he's never had much of a tolerance). His year wasn't especially bad, nor was it good—it was irritatingly ordinary and uneventful, like many others. He expected more from it, and he blames himself, thinking he should've worked harder to make it a better one. He also pictured that this New Year's celebration on the beach would be different, despite knowing he'd be disappointed for raising expectations.

And there's someone he's waiting for before the clock strikes midnight, who is clearly late.

He was the one who chose to isolate himself a little from his colleagues when realized that midnight was getting nearer. He sighs. Donghae feels himself being deliberately oversensitive, with self-pity and self-loathing dangerously taking over his emotions.

Despite everything, he's quiet, without disturbing anyone. Donghae at least has the conviction that he knows very well how to be emotional in silence when he wants to.

The drink in his hand doesn't interest him that much anymore, but he sips it anyway.

11:52 pm.

And then, Donghae sees him. In fact, he seems to sense his presence even before he lays his eyes on him.

He's, of course, beautiful. Wearing light blue jeans and a white dress shirt, with a few buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His soft black hair dances on his head in the rythm of his steps. So casual, yet so incredibly handsome that Donghae swallows hard.
 

He's waving at Donghae with one of his bright smiles as he walks towards him, carrying a glass of champagne in his other hand as well. Donghae automatically grins and waves back at him before he looks too stupid.

"I'm glad I made it in time!" Hyukjae says excitedly when he's close enough.

Donghae steps out of the porch and approaches Hyukjae, offering him a half hug as greeting. They linger just a little—Hyukjae squeezes him lightly in his arms and Donghae likes it a lot.

"You almost miss the fireworks," Donghae says as they break the contact.

"Sorry, my niece didn't want to let me leave my parents' house," Hyukjae comments amusedly. "She even grabbed my hair when Sora took her off my lap."

Donghae can relate to her so much.

He chuckles lightly, pretending he hasn't heard his own thoughts. "She's too cute."

Hyukjae smiles fondly in agreement. He takes a quick sip of his drink, and Donghae quietly admires the way his adam's apple moves under his skin with the action.

"Let's get closer to the water?" Hyukjae asks. Donghae looks around quickly, spotting some of his and Hyukjae's friends talking nearby, and nods his head.

Donghae loves his colleagues. But, as selfish or maybe a little silly as it may sound, right now, Hyukjae is the only person he wants to be with. And in so many ways that Hyukjae is unaware of.

Part of the bitter feeling Donghae feels tonight (just like many other nights) is the resentment over the fact that he never had the courage to confess. And the way Hyukjae's holding his hand as he guides him along the fluffy sand does nothing to help him concentrate on anything other than the touch of his delicate fingers on his own and the feelings that, for over two years, since he met Hyukjae, he tries to repress.

Hyukjae lets go of his hand when they find an empty space between small groups of people, and Donghae sighs almost in relief.

He looks at the glass in his hand and suddenly wishes it was fuller.

Hyukjae gazes at the dark sea, which is calm and reveals small gentle waves, then at Donghae again.

"Did you get here all right yesterday?"

Donghae nods his head positively.

"Too much traffic?" he asks.

"Surprisingly, no," Donghae answers. "Just a little, but we made it in 3 hours. You know, Kyuhyun was driving."

Hyukjae snorts and lets out a mocking whistle. "Ah, you guys were brave."

"You had to see Siwon closing his eyes and grabbing the seat every time he made a turn."

Both of them laugh lightly. There's a brief silence as Hyukjae seems distracted by the night vision of the sky and the sea almost blending into one single element.

"Are you excited?" Hyukjae asks suddenly after a moment.

"For what?" Donghae questions.

"For next year," he clarifies.

Slightly taken aback, Donghae thinks for a while. He could give him a generic answer and avoid any questioning, but Donghae doesn't feel he needs to lie to Hyukjae.

"I don't know," he replies. "I don't think so. Or, I do. I wouldn't say excited. I don't know what to expect, so it usually just makes me nervous."

"Come on, there must be things you want to do. New Year's resolutions or something."

Donghae shrugs. He does have a lot of things he'd love to do and accomplish in the next year, and there're a lot of other things he's feeling right now.

His thoughts are racing and messy, and he doesn't know if he can voice them coherently. In addition, his slightly intoxicated mind and the unstable emotional state that left him on the verge of tears almost twice tonight seem like a recipe for possible disaster. He doesn't know which disaster, and all of this probably doesn't even make sense, but he hesitates to answer.

"Donghaeee," Hyukjae teases him, one of his fingers coming to playfully poke his waist. Donghae can't control a laugh and he immediately squirms and pulls away from Hyukjae to avoid any more touches. "This is the perfect time to confess embarrassing wishes to your best friend."

11:56 pm.

He doesn't poke him anymore, and Donghae takes a step closer again. Their chuckles fade to small smiles, Donghae's taking on a wistful curve. He lowers his head slightly, hiding his eyes before answering it.

"I don't have any embarrassing wish," he begins. "I just... I want the usual. I want... happiness. I want my mother and my brother to stay healthy."

"Oh, come on. Everybody wants all of this. Nothing more specific?"

Donghae raises a questioning eyebrow. "Why are you so interested?"

Hyukjae is the one who shrugs now. "Nothing much, just curiosity."

The conversation is hitting a sensitive topic and Donghae feels anxious again. However, he doesn't shut him down. It's almost like Hyukjae wants him to talk and get all the feelings out. Donghae is weirdly inclined to and, at the same time, wants to keep his mouth shut or just change the subject.

When Hyukjae's hand takes his again delicately, playing with one of his fingers, and gazes directly into his eyes with a look that he can't quite decipher, Dongha