“Well, well, I was wondering when I would be pulled into the loop,” Fay cooed coyly as she greeted an anxious, all too vulnerable Talia on the other side of the phone. “I assume that no news is good news, then? Shouldn’t be too worried, so why now?” she asked, not at all betraying a single ounce of the information she knew—or rather conjured from the lack of evidence and the crumbs she was receiving from Joochan and Alex.

            “I need to know if I’m crazy—Well, I know that I am, but I need to know for sure that I’m not losing it this time around. I need to know that I am doing the right thing,” Talia sputtered on the other side. Fay had never seen Talia so distraught before, the closest being the last time she read a story from Alex and she curled in the corner. However, that was just a picture, and it was more funny than anything. It was not real life, a voice cracking, eyes blinking too quickly or darting around the room, pinches on the bridge of the nose. Fay knew that she had to be gentle in handling whatever news would be inevitably thrown at her now.

            “You’re asking the wrong one, then. When have I—or anyone else in this friend group—ever had a brain cell? You know that I just end up saying ‘yes’ to just about anything,” she sighed, only halfheartedly. She sighed, trying to compose herself more than she was trying to console the other. “What’s the matter?”

            “Nothing’s the matter. It’s just that Seungmin and I talked and I just need to know what I’m doing wrong. Why aren’t we going anywhere? Is it me? Is it—” she began frantically.

            “So, something is the matter,” Fay interjected, already halfway exhausted since she knew she had no expertise in this push and pull game the two called a relationship. What she did have expertise in was her friend and the art of being a hopeless romantic, not that the latter could do much good in this murky situation.

            “No, it’s just that we talked and I was on top of the world, but the more I think about it—”

            “The more upset you get because you don’t even know which way is up or if you can even go that way, right?”

            “How did you know?”

            “I’ve read this all before. For goodness’ sake, you’ve even borrowed some of the books I’ve read. This is nothing new, but I’ll admit, it doesn’t make it any easier to tackle. So, what did you really want to call about? It’s not that you guys are talking. It’s not even that you’re confused about it. It’s got to be something else, especially since you’re coming to me and not Alex about this.”

            “Well, how could I? It’s not like she would do any good and besides, you already have Joochan. So, how in the hell did you make it work so easily? It’s been months and it feels like we are simultaneously still at square one, but also, he’s said some things, you know. I don’t like to think very much and this is why. I’m losing my mind over it and I don’t even know if I should be!”

            “What has he said?” Fay asked, both curious into how they were fairing and wanting to do anything to avoid talking about her relationship with Joochan. While it was going well, everything she could have ever wanted and more, she still did not feel comfortable divulging information about them. She was partly still in disbelief, believing God was playing a cruel trick that he would inevitably end when he had has his kicks as well as partly protective of his life, the one that they shared, even while being so far apart.

            “He- he told me he loved me,” she blurted, clearly not sharing the same concern for the privacy of their relationship, hardly able to contain her excitement as it returned and rushed over her. The words played once more in her head and though he had said it hesitantly, it still warmed her to her core. Fay nearly dropped her phone. Here, she was starting to doubt what she knew, what she didn’t, what she had seen, what she hadn’t. Maybe, it had always been Talia and she was too busy projecting her own ideals for Seungmin and Alex onto her. Maybe, this whole time, it was she that was writing and twisting the narrative. She loved her friend deeply, but she relentlessly held onto the fact that Seungmin and Alex seemed paired for each other from the start. Yet, those words struck her and brought her back to a reality that she didn’t know—or want to know—existed. Those were strong words and she had only heard them from Joochan a handful of times in the months they had been dating by now. It felt dangerous to say so easily, so openly, since it always felt like they were being watched, scrutinized, even from the safety of their own dorms. Yet, for Seungmin to finally admit it, it had to be serious. It had to be real, unlike her fantasies of Alex and him being together. He, being far more cautious than Joochan from the very start, would not be so careless as to say this so freely, nor as heartless as to say this for the sole fact of condolement and conversation.

            “Hello? Should we switch to video call? You alive over there? Do I actually need to call Alex so we can come pick you up and make sure you’re okay?” Talia probed, startled by the silence, starting to doubt herself and her heart. She was no stranger to how much Fay wanted Alex and Seungmin to be together. Though she knew that Fay valued their friendship and only wanted the best for everyone involved, she made it no secret that she thought Alex and he would be cute together. She had never once mentioned her feelings about the Talia/Seungmin pairing and she had the feeling that she knew more than she let on. Yet, Talia would never ask, out of trust and out of fear for the answer. Yet now, the silence was deafening, threatening. It also somehow fueled her. Maybe, this was all the truth that she needed. She wasn’t losing her mind, not overreacting. All the thoughts that raced through Fay’s head about safety and consideration seemingly telepathically reached her, too. She knew that Seungmin was risking anything and everything, his image, his career, his heart, simply by communicating with her, but to say something so serious, so binding would be impossible for him to do if he didn’t mean it. While it had not been a written message that she could use to blackmail and exploit him, there was enough proof in her heart as well as her call logs that gave her the advantage in the power dynamic. There was no way he would risk himself like that if he didn’t mean it.

            “No, no, I’m here, but that was just so sudden. It’s not something to expect so soon, let alone from an idol, but I’m happy for you. This could only mean a good thing, right? What was there to worry about?”

            “On one hand, it does feel better to hear it from you, but on the other hand, I can’t be completely sure that that was completely genuine, you know. It felt a little off, like he was scared to say it or he was thinking about something else,” she admitted, the wave of doubt finding its usual spot back in the center of her mind.

            “The fact is that he said it, which is a step in the right direction, is it not? That’s what you wanted, right? You see, this whole time, everything was leading up to this. I know it seemed a bit touch and go there for a bit, especially after the party, but you got what you wanted, right?” No matter how much she said it, no matter how much she wanted to convince herself of such, it didn’t sound right to her either. It felt like she was only trying to console her, to tell her what she wanted to hear, but even she felt like she wasn’t telling the truth. At this point, she couldn’t be sure what it was.

            “Do you think that he still has feelings for Alex, or was I wrong on that one, too, about the party?” she asked, voice growing softer, more concerned as she weighed the other potential victim, the potential yet unknowing and likely unwilling villain in the balance.

            “You said that he cried for her right, when you found him?” she asked, wanting to refresh her memory, but more so wanting to gauge her reaction. “You said that he was crying for Alex and that he was talking about something else and that he took it a bit far with you, right?” she probed, unusually careful with her words as she wanted to snoop for the truth herself.

            “Yeah, he was going on and on about how she had left him, but that he was in good hands with me. He said that I was helping him and that he didn’t need her anymore, but it still hurt for her to leave so suddenly. I still can’t forgive her for that one,” she paused, shaking her head though the other couldn’t see. “It didn’t go much further than that and he fell asleep pretty shortly after, but of course, I stayed to look after him.” Fay inhaled deeply, holding the phone away from her and nodded her head slowly as she discerned all the details. This story was not the first story she had heard, had been subjected to on the way back home that next day. Most of it was still true, but Talia was either hiding something or making something up. She went into much more detail about how he had leaned on her, but did not elaborate on what came next as she had done the first time before. Granted, the first time, she chose not to dive too deeply into detail, but Alex and herself had been initially concerned for she had stated that he got touchy with her. Now, he had been asleep, a perfect little angel after what had seemed like a roller coaster of a ride between liquid courage and a