And we became stars

It is late at night, the moon shining brightly in the firmament, its light illuminating alongside the night lights the otherwise dark room Jongwoon is in. The silver ornament holding his ring finger shines as it reflects the moonlight, taking Jongwoon's attention away from the cityscape the open windows offer. He looks at it and gently touches it with his other hand. He smiles at it, but his expression is full of other feelings accompanying the deep love he still feels.

He starts singing as he thinks about the pair of his ring, the one resting in the hand of the love of his life. He thinks about the story they shared and the memories they formed together. But more than anything, he thinks about his beloved, his one and only partner.

He thinks about Kyuhyun.

They met in a singing competition they participated in more than twenty years ago. They were very young then, just a pair of kids with the dream of making a life out of music. Two innocent souls who didn't know about all the cruelty and harshness of reality, neither about all the wonderful things hidden in the small things of life. They had dreams about big accomplishments, to make history and become stars with their singing.

Thanks to their love for music, they quickly became friends. There were a lot of differences between them, from music and fashion taste to hobbies and habits. It showed in small things, like how Jongwoon didn't understand Kyuhyun's obsession with videogames, while Kyuhyun didn't understand Jongwoon's addiction to coffee. But apart from those things, what surprised everyone was how they could be such good friends when their personalities were so different. Jongwoon was blunt and decided, a little weird but extremely kind and softhearted, despite his sometimes short and unpredictable temperament. On the other hand, Kyuhyun was prideful and snarky, strong-willed and very logical, but surprisingly romantic and sweet. They were so different and contrasting, but, somehow, they complemented each other.

Theirs was a strong bond, one that didn't take long to go from a simple friendship to something more. And so, one evening at Jongwoon's house after school, between jokes and laughing at stupid things, a gaze was shared. Time stopped as they could only stare, getting lost in the feelings accumulated and silenced that were finally overflowing. Jongwoon doesn't remember who made the first move, but what he remembers is Kyuhyun's flustered face after sharing a chaste kiss. The blush in his face is something engraved in Jongwoon's mind, just like the surprise slowly morphing to understanding and relief in Kyuhyun's chocolate eyes. Those eyes that got filled with love and happiness just as they were closed for another kiss, one Jongwoon eagerly corresponded. A sweet and tender touch, a needy request for a something more in their relationship, a step to achieve happiness.

After an awkward talk and some more kisses, they became boyfriends.

They kept it as a secret, fearing the rejection from their peers, but more so of their families. The possibility of being forcefully separated if they were to know about them was absolutely heartbreaking. So, as to not cause suspicions, their meetings were under the pretence of mere friends hanging out. They could only share their true feelings when no one was there, just living of brief kisses and loving looks, of secret meetings only the four walls of Jongwoon's room would know about.

Since they shared dreams, they decided to make auditions at the same company. It would be difficult, but they were certain they could do it. After some long talks with their parents and a lot of convincing arguments, they were allowed to make the audition. Thankfully, they passed in the same company and soon after, they started their training. Since they were from the same gender, there were little restrictions the company made to take them apart from each other, so they could be together during breaks and after their classes. They still had to hide their relationship, so they couldn't hold hands while walking home together nor kiss outside the safety provided by one of their bedrooms, but just having the other by their side made up for that discomfort.

They worked hard day after day, doing their best to improve their singing and make their dancing less worse. It was difficult, so hard having to bear all the exhaustion after hours of practice when they were already tired with school and homework, but the reward of singing in front of hundreds of people was getting closer and closer. They just needed to work for a little more to accomplish their dream, to become stars that light people's hearts with their music. They were so close, so they kept working hard and harder. They kept doing their best.

That is, until that wasn't possible.

No one saw it coming. No one thought about the possibility of it happening. The symptoms were there, but they were overlooked. Everybody thought they were just part of the usual exhaustion from the training. Headaches, bruises, lethargy, everything was deemed as nothing concerning. So then, when Kyuhyun suddenly fainted mid practice after having a nosebleed, Jongwoon didn't know what to do.

He cried and called for his name until the ambulance came, he sat alone in the waiting room and prayed for him to get better, prayed it were nothing serious. Kyuhyun's family arrived after twenty minutes, but the doctors didn't know what was wrong yet. Jongwoon just heard something about some analysis and some other medical examinations that must be done, but he didn't register anything. He was too tired after all the crying to pay more attention to the adults talking.

It took some days for them to get the results, days in where Jongwoon spent his time running from his classes to the hospital, squeezing as much time as he could to stay by Kyuhyun's side before going to the company to train. Kyuhyun asked him more than once to not worry, to not overexert himself and use the time he spent at the hospital to rest instead. Jongwoon listened to him and rested more, going back to spend time with his other friends, but he didn't stop visiting, even if he got some scolding and grumpy glares as response from his actions. Jongwoon knew that despite the strong face Kyuhyun was putting, the younger was scared. That was enough reason for Jongwoon to stand by his side and give the little comfort he could. There was little reassuring he could give when he himself was afraid of the results, but he wanted to do everything in his hands to help Kyuhyun.

When the results of the analysis came, Kyuhyun's parents were the ones who received the diagnosis. Jongwoon didn't know what was it at first, but just seeing the usually strong couple crying let Jongwoon know it wasn't something good. He didn't have the heart to ask them about it, neither did they have it to tell him at that moment. He abstained of asking about it to Kyuhyun as well, even if the need to know was eating him alive. In part to not burden the younger, but also because he feared what he may hear.

After some more time, though, Kyuhyun finally told him about the diagnosis, but all the medical terms were incomprehensible to Jongwoon. Kyuhyun was purposely using them to not let Jongwoon know how serious was everything, focusing more on the possible causes and treatments, without saying anything too revealing. Not getting to the point. But when the word chemotherapy escaped his lips, Jongwoon understood. Kyuhyun quickly realized about his carelessness, so he tried to reassure Jongwoon saying that would only happen in the worse case scenario, that just some medicines should be enough. That it wasn't nothing serious.

But they both knew that wasn't true. It was very serious.

When Kyuhyun could go back home, the joy Jongwoon felt was immense, but it didn't make it easier hearing the already known news; Kyuhyun had to abandon his dreams. With how delicate his health was, he wasn't allowed to keep exerting his body. He had to rest and focus on recovering. And that required time, constant visits to the hospital, lots of blood tests, medicines and some other things Jongwoon didn't know about. But he had faith everything would be fine. He just comforted Kyuhyun, crying with him that night he was officially out of the company.

And so, Jongwoon found himself alone when going to his training, silently holding back the tears and yells of anger, frustration and sadness. At that moment, Jongwoon learnt life was a . He witnessed how a dream could be broken so easily, how all the hard work done could go to waste just because of something beyond anyone's control. How someone so dear to him was sentenced to undeserved suffering. How everything was so unfair.

The worst was, there wasn't anything he could do to change the harsh reality.

What he could do, though, was being Kyuhyun's support. And that's what he did. Or what he tried to do, at least. He went to see him as often as he could, helping him with everything he could, just as Kyuhyun helped him on his own way, like lending him a hand when doing homework and learning new songs. The shows of affection stayed there, but they were sometimes followed by sessions of uneasy tears, questions about the future and uncertainty about the world. Everything felt so wrong and so difficult at times that impotence was the only thing left. But they didn't give up. They were each other support, one of the strongest pillars that kept the other afloat in that sea of unexpected change that is life.

They kept fighting.

When Jongwoon's debut got announced, Kyuhyun was in his second year of college. His condition had already stabilized by then, but he had already given up on becoming a singer. There were more things that brightened his days and would like to do aside from music, so although it hurt, Kyuhyun got to accept he had to choose another path. He never denied he felt a little envious of Jongwoon, but his joy and pride were enough to leave that feeling behind. Even if it was only one of them who could shine on stage, it was enough to feel like their dream had come true.

Fame didn't come easily, but with Jongwoon's husky voice and excellent technic, making a name for himself in the field occurred eventually. Being a solo singer, he had some leverage to convince the company to let him live on his own and not in a place controlled by them. He rented an apartment at the perfect distance between the company and Kyuhyun's university. And in a expected turn of events, Jongwoon and Kyuhyun started living together. They eventually moved from that apartment, though, when Kyuhyun got a job at a small company. By that point, their families already knew there was ‘something’ going on between them, but no one dared to say what exactly was that something out loud. They were in a silent agreement of not meddling, but without really accepting yet.

But even without the full acceptation of neither their family not society, they were happy. They shared their time together, living between joyous laughs and loving smiles. Things weren't perfect, there isn't such a thing in life, but Jongwoon was sure he couldn't have been happier. Even with the occasional clashing of ideas and plans they had, busy schedules and all the different difficulties a relationship entangles, they could handle it all and stay stable.

They shared years of waking up on each other arms, sweet glances, tender touches and steamy nights. Days of mundane happiness, where the little things such as singing together while making dinner were enough to make their hearts full. And it was in one of those normal days when they interchanged rings, with the promise of loving each other their whole lifes and even after. And they stayed true to their words.

Jongwoon thinks it's sad how such wonderful days could be resumed in brief words about routine, but he understands it to some degree. Even when those years were filled with some of Jongwoon's most precious memories, only the ones who live that exact moment can understand the bliss brought by the simplicity of things. How the mix of the detergent used in their clothes and Kyuhyun's natural fragrance could bring Jongwoon such peace, or how those good morning kisses made everyday better were things only Kyuhyun and Jongwoon could understand. After all, when being with someone loved, even the most boring thing can become magical.

However, that delicate stability was broken with another routine examination. Even after all the efforts of avoiding stress, doing special diets, undergoing different medications and treatments, making changes of routine and regular revisions, Kyuhyun's body couldn't recover completely. The problem was still there. It just hid and grew in silence, merely controlled by the medicines rigorously taken. Kyuhyun was especially vulnerable to other conditions and it just took one small error for everything to go beyond repair.

Negligence, a word Jongwoon despises, was the cause of the misfortune that followed. He still wonders how a small error could escalate into something so big. It seemed implausible, but before they knew it, they were enslaved to frequent stays at the hospital again. But unlike before, a solution wasn't that easy to find. The treatments proposed weren't giving the desired results, they only worked as means to slow down the inevitable arrival of the end. The doctors resorted to more invasive treatments with worse side effects, but they did little to improve Kyuhyun's condition.

The pain, the fear and the frustration made Kyuhyun a mass of intolerance. Everything could make him mad as what he was suffering took most of him. Kyuhyun's reactions irked Jongwoon back, creating a tense atmosphere between them more often than they could manage. Jongwoon knew it wasn't Kyuhyun's intention, so he tried to hold back, but there were times he couldn't control his words, snapping at the evident provocations Kyuhyun threw without really meaning it. They would reconcile after every fight, trying to be more patient for some time. But then, the pain would increase, breaking the so hard earned peace they just constructed.

Jongwoon was sick of that endless cycle. He was sick of everything. He wished for it all to end, he didn't want to live in that agony anymore, but he didn't want to let go of Kyuhyun either. He felt guilty of his own thoughts, those that intruded his mind without permission. Those that made him feel like the worst piece of trash in existence. Because he fantasized about Kyuhyun's suffering stopping, but not in the ideal way he truly wanted. He would never say those thoughts out loud, but, sometimes, Kyuhyun dying seemed as the only solution, the only way to end his suffering and everyone else's worry. And he felt like for thinking something like that for even a second. He still feels like everytime he remembers it.

It was only because of Kyuhyun's and his own family that he could stay strong through it all. They were there for the both of them, making sure they were fine, or as fine as they could be. They were the reason Jongwoon could keep working without going insane with the worry of leaving Kyuhyun alone. They were the ones who helped Kyuhyun to find himself between all that hopelessness. If it weren't for them, Jongwoon would have broken seeing how Kyuhyun's body and heart was being destroyed little by little, how he was being taken away to a place his hands wouldn't reach.

The recovery prognosis didn't get better. Despite the efforts, the medical team found themselves unable to do anything more than reduce the pain. The diagnosis was devastating, but that didn't make Kyuhyun give up. He clinged to life, fighting to keep alive with all his forces, getting more tired and exhausted every day. But he didn't relent.

The doctors gave him just a couple of months, but with the stubbornness that characterized him, he surpassed that life expectancy. He stopped taking medication aside from the painkillers, but that didn't stop him. He returned home and enjoyed his time in the way he wanted, not losing the shine in his eyes. Jongwoon was by his side, and they shared beautiful moments together. However, the way Kyuhyun was getting weaker and weaker was evident.

Jongwoon was losing him, and it hurt a damn lot.

It was in a spring morning when Kyuhyun stopped Jongwoon when he was preparing to go to work. He asked him to stay with a weak voice. Jongwoon looked at him and Kyuhyun smiled, not letting even one slight trace of fear show on his expression. But just one glance at his eyes let Jongwoon know.

And he stayed.

He called his manager only to tell him he wouldn't make it to the recording, not even excusing himself with an explanation. He was going to focus all his attention on Kyuhyun for that day, nothing else mattered.

They made a big breakfast, playing with the ingredients and the pancakes mix. The kitchen was a disaster, but just for that day, they wouldn't care about cleaning. They ate their breakfast in a cheerful manner, telling jokes and dumb anecdotes from their highschool days. When they finished, they made a quick travel to the nearby park. Kyuhyun was so thin and out of form that the short walk to the ice cream stand exhausted him. Jongwoon didn't mind carrying him, but decided to just follow a turtle step to not tire Kyuhyun more. They sat at a bench, holding hands, and saw the flowers blooming, staying there in silence for about an hour before going back home.

The rest of the day happened in a similar way, with laughs and kisses and hugs that hid the immense sadness they felt. They decided to watch a movie to end the evening and sat on the couch. When the sun set, Kyuhyun told Jongwoon he was tired. The older looked at him with a reassuring smile and even with his trembling hands, he accompanied him to bed. They cuddled under the warm blankets, holding the other in their arms. Kyuhyun kissed him countless times, conveying all his feelings with each touch. He pulled apart just enough to see Jongwoon at the eyes. His hand brushed some locks of soft hhai to them rest on Jongwoon's cheek. And then, after whispering a last ‘I love you’, he closed his eyes and fell asleep. Jongwoon held him tighter, not being able to hold back the tears trailing down his face, wetting Kyuhyun's unresponsive body. He called for his name, knowing he wouldn't get a response anymore, knowing he would never hear that deep, velvety voice teasing him, singing with him, saying his name. He left him alone, to go to the sky and get the rest his soul deserved.

He became a star.

The day of the funeral came, but Jongwoon didn't know anything anymore. It all felt like a bad joke, a nightmare he wanted to wake up from. But that was his reality. The ing cold reality. He saw with unfocused eyes Kyuhyun's family, fallen apart in tears. They were utterly devastated. To the surprise of a lot of people, the one crying the most was Kyuhyun's father. The stoic man that kept calm under all situations looked so fragile, lamenting the lost of his only son, someone so young that was supposed to outlive him. He was being consoled by his wife and daughter, but they were as heartbroken as him.

Relatives and friends reuned to bid farewell to Kyuhyun, every one and single of them experiencing some level of grief. But Jongwoon didn't feel anything. He was numb, empty. He gave his heart to Kyuhyun, so when he left, he took it with him. Jongwoon already dried his eyes that night the sun of his days went away. He didn't have tears left to shed anymore. So he stood there, receiving condolences that did little to ease the hole in his chest.

After the ceremony was held, people started to leave little by little, until Jongwoon was the only one left. He remained there, lost and confused, until his mother went to guide him home. He stayed with his parents, not thinking he could be able to return to the suddenly cold apartment, where the void of Kyuhyun's presence was felt the most, only second to his soul.

The next days, Jongwoon worked on autopilot. He woke up, ate breakfast and went to work without any thought in his mind, just moving his body out of routine. But that routine he was so used to was broken. The place he woke up in was different. The bed, the food he ate, the people before his eyes were different, even when they were part from his world as well. But nothing was the same. The change was evident on anyone's eyes, so Jongwoon ended up receiving a couple of months free of schedules to recompose. But instead of helping him, it only made him sink in his self confinement.

Probably taking pity of him, the breeze must have delivered his heart back from Kyuhyun, as instead of a hole, he felt the weight of the loss in his chest. The numbness got replaced with burning anger in the face of the unfairness of everything. Why, why why!? Just why!? Why Kyuhyun, why did death have to take him in such a painful way!? Why did life prepare such tortuous events for someone who didn't deserve such punishment!? Jongwoon wanted to blame something, to direct that anger born of impotence and take it out on anything. But he couldn't bring himself to blame fate, as he didn't think Kyuhyun was destined to live such tragedy. He couldn't blame the doctor, as the regret was palpable in his look and his attempts to remedy everything. He couldn't blame anyone nor anything, and that rage slowly gave place to the immeasurable guilt he felt. His head got full with ‘if only's that did nothing to bring Kyuhyun back. They only plunged him into a greater guilt, accusing him of not having done enough.

In a pathetic attempt to forget everything, Jongwoon got back to the apartment, to the place he called home only because Kyuhyun was there, and tried to get rid of every belonging of him, everything that reminded Jongwoon of his smug smile, his cheeky laughs and his warm existence. Every memory felt so heavy to manage.

And it was in that madness that he found it. In a carefully folded sheet, Kyuhyun's messy handwriting was there to give Jongwoon a message. He took the letter with unsteady hands and read it.

And, for the first time in weeks, he cried.

The letter was Kyuhyun's last farewell, left there to remind Jongwoon how much he loved him and how much he wanted him to keep going. He left behind a last composition, a gift for Jongwoon to help him go through the pain of lost. He cried while clinging the letter to his chest, letting himself feel all the emotions he suppressed before.

Even after a tragedy, life keeps going. Tears of joy are shed as sad laughs fill ominous silences. Cups of hot chocolate warm people's hearts during the cold winter as cold ice creams give some refresh in the summer heat. People die as more people is born, somebody gains something as someone else suffers a lost. Life keeps going, existing in all it's contrasts and contradictions, perfectly imbalanced, cruel and beautiful.

And Jongwoon? Jongwoon keeps living as well. He keeps singing on stage, even when his number of fans decreased after his military service. He sings about the things that hurt, the things that make him smile and the things he lived. But more than anything, he sings about the love he still feels for Kyuhyun.

His mourning process was difficult. He felt like giving up so many times, but he managed to keep going. It still hurts at times, but he knows he isn't alone. He has his family and his friends, even his manager is there for him. And above anything else, he knows there is a star in the sky looking after him.

However, there are nights in where he feels lost, just like tonight. At times like this, he sings to the moon. He sings the lyrics he wrote for that song gifted to him, asking the wind to deliver his message to Kyuhyun. He sings all the emotions he feels and vents them in the void of the night. And then, just as his voice falters, he feels the wind in his ears, whispering Kyuhyun's support in a language unknown for humankind. But Jongwoon understands. And he keeps going.

He's going to live his life until the last day he will have, recording everything in his soul. So then, the day he reunites with him, he'll have enough things to tell him about.

He will keep living, until the day he can shine with him, bright in the sky, as stars that illuminate people's nights.

Until the day they can sing together again.

___________________

[Originally posted on November 20th, 2022.

Misspelling and some others errors were fixed and some details were added. This may be the story with the most edition.]

Author's notes: (⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠) Hi! Did you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it? Great!

Now, time for excuses.

Ok, I'm not a sadist nor a masochist, but I do enjoy angsty stories. However, I originally wanted to write happy stories for KyuSung week. But between my busy schedule, the lack of sleep I experienced and my no planning whatsoever, things got messy.

I already had some fluffy ideas for days 6 and 7, but while reading another fic to get inspiration to write, I got angry. The story was so infuriating I had to write something to vent all that frustration. However, that wasn't enough to return to a more fluffy writing, so I chose angst (⁠◡⁠ ⁠ω⁠ ⁠◡⁠)

I'll try to write the emoji story, but I don't promise anything. [Edit: I did it! Two months later, but I did it!]

About this story: Since I had a draft that somehow fitted the singing prompt, I decided to use it and after twerking and rewriting the plot, this is the result. I guess it is... good? Decent? I don't think I was able to portray the illness nor all the emotional charge it represents properly, but the attempt was made.

I thought at some point of killing Yesung instead of Kyuhyun, but my mind automatically (?) went to a story about alcoholism, which would have drifted out of the singing element even more. So this is it.

On other business, I'd like to share this sentiment i have about my entries: I'm disappointed in my performance for this event, but I guess that's the expected result when procrastination and lack of planning happen. I'm sorry some good ideas got wasted in this unpolished work. I would like to promise I'll write them properly in the near future, but I don't think I'll be capable of doing it, at least not in the foreseeable future.

I hope this collection of messy writings have brought you some entertainment. So after reminding you procrastination isn't good, I'd like to give my best wishes for you.

Byebye!