Chaewon POV

 

Eunchae talked your ear off about everything. She told you about how difficult the courses are in order to join the Seraph Division, how children must choose if they want to join as early as five years old because the courses that are offered to children are required to join the Division. You learned that Eunchae is 16, that the age in which people are allowed to join the Seraph Division is 16 and that she knew since before she could remember that she was supposed to be in the Seraph Division.

 

You can’t imagine your life like that. Your life was always filled with uncertainty, and it still is. Having your life planned out since you were that young sounds strange to you. You don’t think you would be able to handle it.

 

Either way, that conversation led to Eunchae leading you to the Hall of Heroes, claiming that she aspires to have her picture there one day.

 

“Have you ever visited Raeix? Seeing this is a must whenever you do!” She squeals, pulling your arm as she races down the hallway to a large wooden door.

 

“Never visited,” You shrug, still unable to copy her enthusiasm. 

 

Eunchae gasps, and she freezes in place. “Not once? You… never visited Raeix?”

 

You’ve had better places to be, but you don’t tell the girl that.

 

You remember that you’re supposed to not… remember anything before the “accident”. Saying that you never visited makes sense, right? Most likely, yes, because you would’ve recognized this place.

 

“I think I lived a busy life before this,” You lie straight through your teeth. You don’t know why, but lying seems to be a bit more difficult when it’s to Eunchae and Sakura.

 

You push that thought away.

 

“You think? You must have!” Eunchae continues walking, and her hand pulls open the large door. 

 

You’re met with the smell of leather. You look around the room and notice the amount of picture frames on the walls. They go down the hall as far as you can see. It almost seems never ending, like it goes on without stopping, but you know that nothing lasts forever. You cough, clearing your throat.

 

So, this is the famous Hall of Heroes. It’s no surprise that you’ve heard of it. Actually, it would be even more surprising if you haven’t.

 

“It’s so… golden,” You voice out, still taking in the sight of so many golden frames.

 

The same velvety red carpet runs along the floor with the same marble arches on the ceiling. More chandeliers, golden as well, hang from the ceiling and illuminate the long hallway. It’s basic, but still signs of riches. Your hands form fists.

 

“I know! It’s so pretty, right?” Eunchae speaks as she drags you away from the entrance. “Raeix’s most famous seraphs have their pictures here. Look! It’s Lucil Omur!” The girl points at the first painting to your left. This one has a small stand below it, adorning vases of flowers with multiple other bouquets resting on the floor. There are a few pieces of paper that are on the stand, words scribbled on it that you don’t bother to read. A few candles are set on the stand too. WIth a few steps, you touch the wick with two fingers. They’re still warm.

 

“Why were they lit?” You ask, your curiosity getting the best of you. Turning your head to see Eunchae, you notice her smile has grown wider.

 

“It was just the 100th anniversary of Raeix’s foundation. Lucil Omur was one of the few seraphs that helped with the foundation of our planet!” Eunchae approaches the table, deciding to stand next to you as she admires the man in the picture frame. “Almost everyone was celebrating.”

“Almost”? Raeixans seem like the type to be patriotic, to love their country more than their loved ones. With how much you’ve seen the Raeixans you’ve met so far boast about their planet, you could’ve been fooled. You were fooled.

 

“There’s more seraphs here! We should go see them!” Eunchae grabs onto your arm and drags you to yet another picture frame. 

 

This one makes your blood run cold.

 

“You’ll never guess who this is!” Eunchae shakes your shoulder with the same enthusiasm from before that never went away. You stay frozen–or, as frozen as you can be when a teenager is shaking you.

 

“Commander Kei.”

 

And just like that, the air turns cold too.

 

This is the most Eunchae has been quiet since you met her, and you’re pretty sure that you don’t like it. You’ve grown used to her constant rambling.

 

You let out a breath, and it’s then that you realize you had been holding it in. Hesitantly, you tear your eyes away from the picture of the man and meet gazes with Eunchae. Her eyebrows are slightly furrowed and her eyes are wider than usual. 

 

“You…know him?”

 

Oh, you know him all right. Everyone on Paridiy knows–knew about him.

 

But then your eyes widen. You’re not supposed to remember anything. It’s not like Eunchae knows, but if she finds out in the future, then it will be complicated to explain.

 

“Uh–no, I don’t,” You rip your gaze from the girl back to the photo. Commander Kei watches you with narrowed eyes, almost as if he’s judging you. You process how intimidating his stare is. You much prefer Eunchae’s stare. “I feel like I’ve heard of him before. His name.”

 

Eunchae’s eyebrows relax, and she doesn’t look as surprised. “Oh! I was about to say, because people that know of him are usually from Raeix and…Paridiy,” She says Paridiy’s name with a small scowl, and you have to control your face muscles from contorting.

 

“Maybe I read about him, then.”

 

“You’re not sure?” Eunchae asks.

 

Right, she doesn’t know.

 

Thankfully you’re interrupted by a voice that you wish came sooner. Not that you would admit that.

 

“Chaewon? I thought you were going to wait outside the Council Room.”

 

You whip your head around and are met with calm black eyes. Sakura stands in the doorway, leaning against the wooden frame. You hadn’t heard her come in. You wonder how long she’s been standing there. Hopefully not long enough to hear your slip up.

 

“Sakura,” You feel yourself drawn to her, so with a limp, your feet carry you to stand before her. “I tried, but this one dragged me away.”

 

You gesture at Eunchae, and she grins. It seems her excitement gets the best of her, because she runs up to the captain, opening her arms in the process. To your surprise, Sakura opens her arms too.

 

“Captain Kkura!” Eunchae wraps her arms around the captain, and you shift away from the two as they hug. Does Eunchae try to hug everyone she meets? Also, what’s with the “Kkura”?

 

“I see you’ve met this ball of energy,” You notice that Sakura separated herself from Eunchae, the girl standing next to the captain with the widest grin you’ve seen.

 

“You know her?” You ask, your confusion getting the best of you this time, because how does Sakura know Eunchae?

 

“Unfortunately,” Sakura confirms, but not without Eunchae landing a punch on her shoulder. Sakura laughs at that, and your eyes widen in surprise. “She’s going to be joining my unit soon.”

 

Right, Sakura is a captain and she shouldn’t bother with caring about you.

 

“I see,” Is the only thing you say before averting your eyes from the pair.

 

You ignore the stinging in your chest. It doesn’t matter, like whatever it is you feel right now.

 

Sakura and Eunchae lead you down the hall of heroes. You are slightly slower than them because of your limp. When you crashed into the ship, you should have thought of the consequences. However, Sakura walks slower on purpose to walk with you.

 

It’s simply her duty as a captain, you tell yourself.

 

The two speak between themselves, and you choose to not interject since you don’t know what they talk about. Something about a final test and how Eunchae is required to take it. Then there’s also something about a celebration for someone who’s name you didn’t quite catch, and frankly, you don’t care enough to ask. It’s none of your business, anyway.

 

An arm wraps around your waist, causing your head to turn. Brown meets black. Sakura’s lips curl into a soft smile. You’re not sure how you’re supposed to feel, but you let it happen.

 

The two continue to talk, and you continue to walk wordlessly. You wish it stayed that way.

 

“So, why are you here, Chaewon?” Eunchae asks, turning around and walking backwards with a smile. You stiffen.

 

You’re here because you don’t have anywhere else to go. You’re here because of your friends, because of Minju. You’re here because you can’t let them go in such a way. You’re here to watch Raeix fall, but you can’t say that out loud, can you?

 

“Eunchae, maybe you should ask a different question,” Sakura butts in, and you feel her grip tighten around you.

 

“Why? It’s just a question, and she doesn’t seem like she minds!” Your eyes meet Eunchae’s, and you think her smile is contagious when a small smile slips onto your face, despite your muscles still being a little stiff.

 

You feel the captain’s gaze on you, so you turn to meet hers. There’s a glint of worry in her eyes.

 

“This is your choice. I won’t force you to do anything,” She speaks gently, and you try your best not to melt.

 

You turn away and see the excited smile on Eunchae’s face.

 

You should feel uncomfortable, you should be saying that it does bother you since what happened is still fresh in your mind, but you nod your head “yes'', because when Sakura pulls you the tiniest bit closer, you don’t feel any of those. Brown eyes meet worried black ones, and her eyes visibly soften. You ignore the strange feeling that builds up in your chest, telling yourself that you’re telling the younger girl because it isn’t the truth about what happened and not because of anything else.

 

You start with the lie about the ship, how for a while it was only silence and your family. You tell her about how it all changed in a second, how everything suddenly started shaking and a buzzing noise emitted from the engine.

 

You attempt to push away the thoughts of your friends, how everyone was having fun, only for it to be stripped away within the duration of a second.

 

You talk about how the ship began to sway, how parts of it mysteriously caught on fire. You tell them about how frightening the experience was, even if it’s not true. Some parts of it are true. It is only hidden beneath the pile of lies.

 

You reach for your hand, fidgeting with your fingers.

 

You speak about the alarms blaring from the system, the flashes of red throughout the rooms of the vessel. The screams of your family and everyone on board. Their cries. How the ship groaned as the metal began to melt.

 

You push away the thoughts of your friends’ screams, the screams of the people, the flashing lights of emergency service vehicles. 

 

A shaky breath in.

 

You lie about how there was a strange crash, how the ship rumbled as it tore apart into pieces., how your girlfriend protected you, sacrificing herself.

 

You keep the mentions of blood to yourself, how in reality, it was you that tried to save her and not the other way around. How you failed.

 

Another shaky breath.

 

You tell them about the way the air became colder as you got exposed to the frigid cosmos. The last moments with your family were you failing to keep them safe because you’re weak. How you believed you would die.

 

How you left her.

 

You… smile. You don’t know why, but you smile. It’s not wide, it’s not a grin, it’s a small one. You feel your eyes begin to water.

 

“Chaewon?” You hear Sakura call out to you, except it’s muffled. 

 

You feel numb to everything, but still, you smile.

 

And finally, you can’t keep going. When you inhale deeply, you notice how difficult it is to let it back out. Your breath is stuck in your throat, and you look up. Eunchae watches you with wide, glossy eyes. She’s only so young. She shouldn’t have to listen to your sorrow.

 

Brown eyes turn scarlet red. Black eyes meet red ones.

 

You need to leave, you can’t be here right now, especially when you find yourself seeking her comfort. A breath in, and one out. They quicken, and you start to wonder why you hyperventilate over anything else so often.

 

You pull away from Sakura’s embrace, ignoring how much you miss the warmth you’ve grown used to. You watch as Sakura reaches a hand out for you, a word coming out of , but you hear nothing.

 

Running away as best as you can, you don’t look back. You make your way to the large wooden doors, pushing them open and rushing around the corner to yet another hallway. A hand to your chest, and you feel how it raises as you attempt to catch your breath.

 

It seems that the events that occurred today have finally caught up to you, and it doesn’t seem to be going away. Tears stream down your face as you remember everything that you wish you could forget for only a moment, for right now. A hand covers your mouth, trying to stop yourself from sobbing, and it works for the most part, but you can’t help the feeli