BGM:. Drunk Text – Henry Moodie

“So … here’s your stop,” I say, blowing small puffs of smoke with each syllable.

The night was cold, more than any other nights that week, which explains why we’re holding hands in the pocket of my padded jacket.

“I guess so,” she answers, turning her body to look at my face. Acting out of instinct and habits, I raise my hand and lightly pinch her blushing cheeks.

She frowns, threatening to bite my fingers if I don’t let go of her cheeks.

Which I of course, didn’t, and instead of biting my fingers like she said she would, she just lets out a big fat air through her parted lips.

Laughing, I give the crown of her head a few light pat.

“Okay … okay. I won’t annoy you any more. Go, get in. It’s cold out here. I’m leaving now,”

“With my hand?”

“Huh?”

Then I felt it, the light squeeze on my right hand. And that’s when I realized, that I am still holding her hand.

I pull our hands out and leave a wet kiss on the back of her palm, purposely making a loud smooching sound as I did so.

“There, your hand. Returned with a kiss,” I say, smirking

“Eeww! That’s it, I’m leaving your crazy here,”

She turns around and unlocks her front door while I am still laughing at her reaction.

“Hey!” I call, my laugh has long stop when she pushes her front door open and she turns to look at me from her shoulder, left eyebrow slightly raised.

‘I love you'

Those are the words that I want to say, yet I stop myself. Instead I say, “goodnight, let’s hope your face won’t be puffy from all the food you ate tomorrow,”

She gets into her home and slams the door on my face without wasting a second, as expected.

The scene flashes back in the back of my mind as I stand there, waiting for the ultimatum. Waiting for her answer to my confession, hoping that I am still not too late.

“Miss, I am your designated driver for tonight. There’s two addresses listed here, which should I sent you to?”

The man from the driver seat asks, looking back at his drunk passenger sprawled at the back seat, a bottle of whiskey in her hand while her latest iphone in the other.

“My place,” I answer, swinging the bottle whiskey up to my mouth and gulping the liquor down my throat.

Scratching his head, the man adds, “which one? Itaewon or Cheongdam-dong?”

“Aish! So many question, just go to the nearest one!”. I answer, quite angrily while unlocking my phone.

“Itaewon it is!”

And the car drives away in the darkness of the night.

Clicking my tongue, I press on the messaging app that I often use, which directs me to the window of my most recent chatroom. A smile breaks on my face as I stares at the beautiful woman in the picture.

‘I am who you drunk texted at midnight, but am I the reason why you can’t fall asleep at three as you wait for me to reply? If I am not so scared to be honest and open, will I know if you feel what I am feeling inside?’

Seconds continue to tick away, turning into minutes.

People come and go, walking passed both of us. Some even turns back to look at us, must be wondering what we are bot doing, standing there.

Her back getting more rigid over time and her hold on her handbag becoming tighter and tighter, until her hand turns white.

This is what I did to her.

To us.

It used to be so easy for her to choose me, as if it is the most plausible and logical choice to make.

But look at her now.

She is hesitating.

Contemplating.

Wondering if it will be worth it if she turns around and miss the flight.

In my head, I see her turning around. Our eyes will lock and we will run to meet each other halfway. Like a river flowing to the sea, our arms will go around each other as I lower my head to kiss her on the lips.

Like a movie.

Like the cringe-worthy romance novel that she loves so much

But an imagination is what it will ever be, because instead of turning around, she continues to walk away. One step after another.

She is leaving, my love is leaving. But there’s nothing that I can do, and like a fool, I am blankly standing here looking at her getting farther away until she becomes a dot and disappears amongst the sea of people.

I hear the sound of my heart breaking and I feel the pain of the cracks. But there is no one else to blame but me. Will this go away after time passes?

Will I be okay?

Will we be okay?

Everything, I lost everything. All because I was too busy protecting what we had, instead of trying for what we could have been.

We could have been together.

We could have been beautiful, the kind of couple that everyone both hate and envies.

We could have been anything.

But now we are nothing, all because of my foolishness and cowardice.

A week passes, with no contact or whatsoever. I hope she is doing just fine there, wherever ‘there’ is.

I wish she isn’t hurting as much as I am.

I wish she isn’t missing me as much as I am missing her.

But I wish she would send me at least one text, to tell me that she is okay.

I wish she would tell me if I should still wait for her or … there is no ‘or’ actually, I would still wait for her, even is she tells me not to.

She deserves that much.

I deserve that much, for hurting her.

For pushing her to her limit.

“We are just friends?”

What was that?

How could we be just friends when her lips are what I long to kiss?

How could we be just friends when she is all I can see when talking about the future?

Grabbing the half-filled can of beer on my table, I gulp the whole content in one go, taking as many liquor courage I could get for what I am about to do next. Then I reach for my phone and tap on her profile in the Kakao apps.

Clicking on the screen, I type out the message that I remember writing that one night when I was drunk and send it to her before I type another message.

‘I wish I had sent you that drunk text that midnight. I was just scared it would ruin our friendship, but I really meant it and I wonder how you would reply.’

I hit the send button and throw my phone across the room, not flinching even when I hear the smashing sound as it hit the walls. My tears continue to wet my cheeks, like the rain wetting my ceiling -to-floor window.

Edited version because I feel like there’s something lacking with the previous. The ending is left with so many possibilities, so tell me your version of endings in the comment box.

Thank you!