Kibum was watching his reflection in the mirror and sighing. He looks good with his oversized sweater and plain jeans, but he just thought that this is not enough. Lee Jinki never liked him looking this plain, Kibum thinks. But Kibum is not in the mood to mix and match accessories for his outfit and honestly Kibum is really a simple man and he is comfortable with what he uses right now.

“What even I’m thinking,” Kibum whispered while laughing a little, “I didn’t even have a date with Lee Jinki,” he laughed again, realizing that pleasing the certain Lee Jinki was becoming a habit for him. 

Finally, he gives himself a little nod and proceeds to walk out from his apartment.

*

Kibum found himself re-adjusting his earphone in the crowded bus. He is frowning when he hears the song that has been played on his phone. The song is an upbeat song that he used to love pre dating Lee Jinki. But because Jinki prefers slow and ballad songs, he changes his playlist into the song matching Jinki’s liking.

Kibum didn’t even remember when he added this song back into his playlist, maybe it was months after they broke up. He hums along with the song and tapping his foot excitedly. His mind travelled back to when he was still dating that certain man and he realized that he lost himself trying to please the other man.

Lee Jinki was the love of his life, so Kibum thought. He is funny, albeit a little awkward, handsome, wise and caring. So, Kibum went all the way to keep Jinki by his side and in order to do that he sacrificed many things in his life.

Kibum has stopped doing theater when Jinki said that he is uncomfortable watching him on stage. 

Then, he moved from the student dorm to the apartment because Jinki liked to stay with him until late night and their student dorm has a night time policy.

Kibum also grew apart from his best friend, Minho, when Jinki said that he is jealous of their relationship.

Kibum shaking his head in disbelief, now after a year breaking up with that man he finally could see the light. Maybe.. Maybe Jinki gets bored with him because he is trying hard to please the other. He didn’t give a chance for Jinki to cater his needs, it’s always him that is catering Jinki’s needs. Maybe without realizing it, Jinki also wants to be dependable and Kibum couldn’t give that.

Kibum lets out a little laugh and huffing.

“So the wrong is two ways” Kibum thinks, he feels bad for blaming and hating Jinki.

*

Kibum finally arrived at his destination. He promised to bring a girl to his favorite restaurant. It was an Italian restaurant and they have the best pasta in town, in Kibum's opinion. His mind wandered again to the time he was still dating Jinki. They would also meet here, when Jinki is in the mood for Italian food. But mostly, their dating would take place in either Kibum or Jinki’s apartement.

Kibum opens the door and is surprised that the girl is already inside and currently looking at the menu. He walks to the girl and sees her eyes glistening with excitement when she sees Kibum. Cute, he thought.

“Ah, hello sunbae-nim!” She greets Kibum while standing up and giving him a little shy smile.

“Hey Taeyeon-ssi! You’ve come early…”

“Eung, this is my first time being here so I thought I would like to study the menu first before you’ve come, sunbae-nim. So that you wouldn’t have to wait for me to choose the menu.” Taeyeon answered his question eagerly like she really wanted to have a conversation with Kibum.

Kibum looks taken aback for a while. Taeyeon’s consideration made his heart beating faster, he’s trying to remember when was the last time his date showed some consideration of his needs. Kibum is a devoted person. He would do anything to please his partner, hence he is the one that is always showering consideration to his partner.

*

He remembered his first serious relationship. It was with the famous cheerleader in his high school. She is really pretty and strong-willed, things that made him fall in love with her. They dated for about two year and only broke up because his ex passed an audition to become an idol. He remembers that his ex used to love his way of pampering the other. He pampers her with so much love and affection. He listens to her story at the end of the day, giving his advice when she asks for that, very supportive of her dream when people around her would mock her dream to become an idol. Kibum was the very first person she told when she passed the audition. They are celebrating the news in one of the cafes near their school, but that celebration is also the last time Kibum could call her him. Bae Joohyun, his ex, looked very disturbed that time. Even though they came to celebrate her passing the audition, her face looked forlorn.

“Did something bother your mind, Joohyun-a?”

Joohyun shakes her head but tears rolling down her cheeks nevertheless.

“Tell me?” he asked with a soft voice. He could feel where this conversation would lead and he felt his heart clenched in pain.

“Oppa.. I… I’m sorry…” Kibum stays silent and encourages her to continue.

“I… I just read my contract… and…” more tears fell from her beautiful eyes. Kibum hates to see her crying, it makes him want to cry too. He gives Joohyun his handkerchief and holds her hand, trying to give her strength.

Joohyun chokes in between her sobs, but still continue,

“My contract… there it stated that… that it was prohibited for me to.. to have a romantics relationship…” When she ended her telling, she let out a little howl and began to cry uncontrollably. Kibum tried his hardest to hold back his tears. He stood up and gave Joohyun a tight hug.

“There, there… it’s okay Joohyun-a… it’s okay… everything will be okay…” He can feel Joohyun shaking her head in his embrace.

“I… I don’t want to, oppa… I don’t want to…”

“Sssshhh… remember, this is your dream! You are a few steps closer to becoming an idol, Joohyun-a… I… I would always be your number one fan, you know that right? I would always support you, whatever relationship we have. I understand, Joohyun-a… please stop crying… you made me sad…”

Joohyun raised her chin so she could look at Kibum. Kibum gives her his encouraging nod and kisses her forehead.

“I will miss us, Oppa…”

Kibum only tightening his hug.

Because when Kibum loves someone, he will give his all. Even though it means that his heart would be scattered into pieces.

*

His relationship with Lee Jinki is no different. He pampered the man with his all and he is ready to lose everything for that man. It’s not like Jinki asked him to, but Kibum is the one who goes all the way to please the other.

So when he sat in front of Taeyeon, he found himself being fascinated by the girl. Taeyeon with her innocent smile and glistening eyes could make Kibum open up himself. He speaks about everything and nothing all at once and Taeyeon nodding herself and humming in agreement at the right time. Kibum really has a great time talking to Taeyeon. She listens to every word and makes witty comments when necessary. Kibum loves the girl's playfulness but when it was her turn to speak Kibum could see the innocence. It’s all too overwhelming to Kibum and makes his heart beat fast.

“Oppa,” Taeyeon called him and brought him back to reality. He has told the girl to stop calling him sunbae-nim and call him Oppa instead. He could see her face brighten and she started to call him Oppa excitedly.

“Yes?”

“I think we’ve been here for too long, the server has been eyeing us from a few minutes ago and I’m afraid if looks can kill, we both would be dead by now.”

Kibum laughed at her comment and asked for the bill. The sky turned dark when they both stepped out from the cafe.

“Well… I had a great time, Oppa! Thank you for taking me to dinner!” 

“It’s okay, Taeyeon-a. I also have a blast! You are so funny and it’s been nice talking to you…”

Taeyeon gave him a bright smile that made Kibum’s heart skip a beat.

“Can I walk you to the train station?” Kibum found himself saying before he could hold himself.

Taeyeon looked surprised but her face showed happiness. She nods shyly and they begin to walk together to the train station.

Kibum considered telling Taeyeon about his past relationship but when he started to open his mouth, Taeyeon beat him with a funny anecdote about hoobae-sunbae relationship. The anecdote is so funny that Kibum couldn’t help but let out a loud laugh. He kept laughing until his stomach hurt and didn’t realise that he’s been holding Taeyeon’s hand all this time.

“You are so funny, Lee Taeyeon!”

Taeyeon blushed, her chin became so red that it made Kibum want to pinch them.

When they arrived at the train station, Kibum waited for her train to come. And when the train finally came, he couldn’t help but asked Taeyeon,

“Hey, maybe.. um, can I ask you out again next time? Not as an apology this time.”

Taeyeon nodded her head in a second, even before Kibum finished his sentence and Kibum found himself grinning.

Suddenly his past relationship didn't matter anymore and this feels so right.