“Oh? Hi…”

A man with a black suit and a very familiar face is standing in front of me with a phone in his right hand. He looks awkward but trying to stay calm, as he always did.

I, of course, fail to staying calm.

I never thought I would meet him in this place. The place where one of my office mate’s wedding is being held.

Jungwoo, Ha Jungwoo, Jungwoo-ssi. He was the man who gave me so many happiness and pain at the same time. I never knew another other than him. I never kissed another man other than him. And I hate that I never loved another man other than him.

But this is life and I can’t blame life for making us separate after years being together.

We divorced 3 years ago after married for 2 years. A very short marriage. But we’ve been together for more than 8 years. With our marriage time, we’ve been together for 10 years. I was 20 and he was 31 years old when we first met. But who knows that together for a long time will guarantee that our love will face no problem. We are human after all.

“Y-you know the bride?” Jungwoo-ssi’s voice wakes me up from my daydreaming.

I nod slowly.

“We are at the same company.” I answer, with a slow voice.

I hate this, I hate that I can control myself and my feeling in front of him.

Not that I still have place for him in my heart. In 2 years, I have never once thinking of him. Sometimes one of our acquaintance told me how he was doing. But I have no connection with him anymore so I just said thank you for letting me know without really thanking him with my heart.

“Are you still working at JIS?” Jungwoo mentions my previous company.

“No. Almost two years in new company.”

I feel a bit nervous for no reason.

He is still the same ahjussi I knew for years.

The safe feeling I feel right now also doesn’t change although I tell myself again that I have no place for him anymore.

The wedding hall suddenly full with so many people. They are gathering in the center in front of the small stage where the bride and the groom are standing holding a bucket of a flower.

“Wanna try to catch the bucket?” Jungwoo talks with his little smile. His little dimple appears. Same.

I laugh a little while shaking my head.

“Why? Who know you will get it.”

He said I need to catch the flower but he pulls my arm to stand in the corner where nobody stand. Only two of us and our glass of orange juice. We still like orange juice, also same. I hate it.

“I don’t want to get the bucket.” I answer while watching those people that have the happy smile on their faces. They look happy. I don’t know why they really want to catch the bucket. Do they want to get married soon?

“Look like they really want to get married soon.” He said like he can read my mind. Yes, actually he can. He did read my mind for years that’s why I always said yes to everything he said.

“They don’t know how married life are.” He continued while letting his laugh.

I just laugh a bit because I don’t know whether he is serious or just joking. Or laughed at our failed marriage.

“Do you come alone?” he distracted my thought again. I nod.

“You?”

He lifted his two shoulder and put his glass on the table near us.

“I have no one to come with, as you always know.” He said.

“I don’t know that.”

He laughed again. Now with his eyes wondering everywhere.

“I always hope you’ve found someone and so you will not coming alone to a wedding.” He said in his calm voice. The voice that always soothed me back then. The voice that I never know still succeed to sooth me even now.

“I can go anywhere alone because I am a 33 years old woman after all, a grown up.” I said a long sentence for the first time today.

He looks at me with his dewy eyes and smile. That damn smile.

“I know. I just want you to be with someone.”

“Have you found ‘someone’?”

“Of course no.” he looks at me again with his eyes growing bigger.

“I mean not yet.” He continued in a soft voice.

We don’t continue our talk.

I don’t know what to say. And I don’t know why he also seems like he doesn’t know what to say.

It becomes a 5 minutes silence and when he tries to talk again, a waiter who takes the dirty glasses and plates passes between us. He pulls my arm again because the waiter passes between us again.

“So, hmmm, where will you go after this?”

“Home.” I gave him short answer because I don’t want to look nervous now. I have no reason to feel nervous.

He nods doubtfully.

“Want a ride?”

He doesn’t look at me while asking.

“I-I can use taxi.”

He still doesn’t look at me but I know my answer is not what he wants.

Another minutes of silence.

“Okay.” I revise my answer

I can see his dimple again. Following his smile.

Jungwoo-ssi walks to the exit door alone and let me come to meet the bride to say goodbye. We don’t walk together until I see him in his car in front of the wedding hall.

He took off his black suit and his necktie. Now I can portrait the husband I once had two years ago when he arrived home after work. I feel the warmness in my eyes.

The memories in my head is played without notice.

He is still the same. Maybe my heart is also same.

“Get on.” He looks at me who just stand and busy with the memories.

“Do you still live in the old house?”

Old house. Our old house.

“No. I moved out after…” I can’t continue my word.

“Okay, so where is it now?” he understands.

I tell him my address and he drives his car without saying anything.

Strange.

We separated. We never talked to each other for a good two years. And now suddenly we meet again and I forget that we divorced because we thought we would never able to face each other again.

I feel the heat from my heart. I feel like burning. There is a feeling I never want to feel again on these last two years that suddenly comes again and attacks me so good.

“Why did you move? Didn’t I say that I want you to stay there?” he opens up the conversation.

“I can’t live alone there. You know that.”

“You said you will forget everything so I think it doesn’t matter if you keep staying there.” He continues.

He surely doesn’t understand anything.

“It’s just more comfortable to move out. Plus it’s near my new office.”

He nods slowly.

“As long as you are happy.” He said again.

The third moment of silence.

We don’t talk anything until his car arrives in front of the building of my apartment.

He looks hesitant. So do I.

I don’t know if I need to ask me to stop by or just say thank you and bye.

“So…” he sighs. “You don’t change your number, right?”

I shake my head.

“W-why?”

“We don’t know. Maybe I want to talk to you later.”

He smiles and looks at me.

“You want…I mean…to go up? Ehem.”

Stupid b*tch.

He laughs and looks away. Looks like that my ex-husband knows I once really liked his dimple.

“What do you have?” he still laughs.

“Nothing.” I look down and trying not to meet his eyes.

Long story short, we arrive in my apartment and he looks around in his place.

“Do you want…coffee?”

He smiles and points at the white sofa on the corner.

I don’t wait for his agreement and walks through my room, leaving him sitting on the sofa while looking at the window.

Ah, memories…