TW: Physical Abuse, Verbal Abuse

 

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The sound of a hard slap echoed inside the hotel room that Amber shared with her partner. The impact left a sting on her left cheek, her left hand touching it. Mentally cursing when she felt something wet when her fingers touched the part that stings.

 

.

 

She took a deep breath calming herself, the enraged woman still shouting and blabbering nonsense in front of her. Throwing whatever her hands lay upon to Amber. She knows not to say anything and just waits for the storm to pass. It will do no good if she will say words that will further anger the woman.

 

“You liked it, right? Do you like flirting with those s? You useless piece of !” There goes the water glass breaking into pieces near Amber’s feet.

 

“Don’t forget Amber, I’m the only one who stayed when everyone left you! How dare you do this to me!?” The valuable-looking lamp shade landed on the sliding glass door leading to the veranda of their suite. Luckily, the glass door is stronger than the lamp.

 

“I told you don’t ever talk to any woman you meet outside! Are you doing this to make me crazy?! Are you mocking me?!” Her chest accepted the pounding fist of the woman she once considered fun to be with.

 

Sighing, she sat on the bed and stared at Tracey, the person whom Amber regrets meeting. The woman stood in front of her, arms flapping while yelling and cursing, looking like a bird in that silly game.

 

“Tracey…” she said in a louder voice, shutting up the woman from her violent rants. The woman stopped, breathing hard and glaring murderously at poor Amber. But Amber does not flinch, tch… she’s immune to much more murderous and ice-cold glares. This glare from Tracey is nothing compared to…

 

She breathes hard to compose herself once again, staring straight at the devil incarnate, careful with her words. “I wasn’t flirting with anyone at the Lobby. I went down to the Lobby because I feel suffocated here in our room. We’ve been here in Seoul since 2 days ago… you told me to stay here and I did. I stayed here and worked from morning till night. I need air… I needed to breathe, Cece. So I went down and had coffee at the cafe. I didn’t do anything you won’t like. I only talked to the Receptionist at the desk because I asked her to reserve us a table for two tomorrow morning.” she held eye contact with the fuming woman, showing that she is telling the truth. Which is actually half truth and half lie.

 

It’s true that she came down for coffee because seriously, she feels so suffocated inside their hotel suite. Two days inside the suite, mostly alone, makes her anxieties double. Unwanted thoughts circles her head. She felt the need to escape… to breathe.

 

The half lie?

 

She didn’t ask for a table reservation. But she did ask the Concierge for a huge favor, something confidential that she needed to slip a $100 bill in his coat pocket to keep his mouth shut.   

 

“Are you saying the truth?” Tracey asked voice coated with distrust.

 

Amber nodded gently, answering. “I am saying the truth.”

 

Tracey’s face softened after making sure that Amber is being truthful. The devil incarnate (Amber’s secret name for the woman) changes her mood in an instant. From being a monster , she suddenly shifted to caring girlfriend mode. She sat beside Amber giving the latter a side hug. Amber flinches a little with the contact but didn’t make it obvious. Her hands closed in a fist.

 

“Remember Amber… No one else can love you but me.”

 

Why did I even end up in this hole?… she asks herself mentally.

 

 

 

 

 

Five years ago, Amber was brokenhearted when she flew back to Los Angeles. Leaving Seoul to forget the pain of parting with the person she loves the most. Their breakup was mutual.

 

“I love you, Amber…”

 

“Coming from you who is always busy. You don’t even have time to answer my calls. Am I not that important to you anymore, Soojung?”

 

“I just told you I love you! Of course, you are important to me…”

 

“Then how come I don’t feel it?”

 

“What are you saying!? That I’m not doing everything for this relationship? Amber… Please understand--”

 

“Yeah yeah… that you are still building your acting career that’s why you have lots of acting projects to fulfill. Yeah, sure. But how about me?? I’m also busy, Soojung! But I didn’t forget calling you, texting you, I even flew all the way here just to see you and make sure this relationship still exists!”

 

“And I didn’t forget to call you back too! I reply to your messages, I admit a lot of times late, but still, I do! Amber, I can’t be on my phone 24/7 waiting for your calls and messages. I thought we already talked about this?”

 

“We did. And it .”

 

“I told you before, you don’t have to go back to LA. You were doing great here in Korea.”

 

“And I told you too, I want to establish my own studio in LA to help my homies. Why can’t you understand that?”

 

“Because I can’t understand why you left your successful career here in Korea just to go back there and waste your time and money over people who don’t appreciate the help you give them!”

 

“Don’t talk about my homies like that! At least they are always there when I need them!”

 

“And what? Say it, Amber!”

 

“You know, Soojung… I don’t know anymore…”

 

“Huh… you’re giving up, is that it?”

 

“I think we should rethink this relationship…and give each other space. I feel like it’s not working anymore Soojung.”

 

“Fine. You want space? I’m giving you space, Amber. Enjoy your space.”

 

Five years of space that Amber regrets.

 

How she wishes she can turn back time.

 

 

 

 

 

She met Tracey through mutual friends. She can’t remember the exact date or time, but she does remember being in a club drinking a few glasses of scotch, waking up in an unfamiliar room with a head-splitting headache, . She remembers how the woman gave her the attention she was craving, the attention Soojung failed to give her when she needed it the most.

 

Tracey, an Asian American who dreams of making it big in the music scene. Before Amber met her, she was making videos of her song covers and uploading them on her own Youtube channel. An average singer with big dreams of making it to the top. She will do everything to achieve her dreams and no one can stop her.

 

Amber enjoyed the companionship Tracey gave, enough for her to forget about Soojung. She had enough of waiting, she got tired of expecting a call from her girlfriend to fix whatever damage their relationship had. The first few months of their togetherness were full of fun, partying here and there with friends. Booze overflowed, and deafening bass from the DJ’s speaker made the night more enjoyable.

 

She felt a new sense of pride. Here she is now with a woman out in the open, who publicly holds her hand and kisses her in front of everyone. Gone are the days she always feels small every time Soojung will discreetly drop her hand whenever they walk down the street. Tracey was the woman she always wanted to have. A woman who proudly shows her off to everybody and is not afraid of what other people will think.

 

This was what was missing.

 

This… was something that Soojung failed to do to save their relationship.

 

And this…

 

Was a scam that Amber fell victim to.

 

 

 

 

 

On the other side of town, the woman that Amber regrets letting go stands alone on her balcony overlooking the river. She takes a deep breath, filling her lungs with cold air. She watches the cars passing by down below and releases a deep sigh. Tomorrow will be a very busy day for her again. It’s not like she isn’t used to this kind of life.

 

“Soojung, tea?”

 

A mug of steaming hot tea was handed to her by her Mother. “Thanks, Mom.”

 

She took a gentle sip of the hot liquid, the delicate floral taste rolling on her tongue. The taste brings back a distant memory from the past that involves a certain someone who always serves her Chamomile tea after every meal. She remembers the first time she tasted it, well she spat it in the sink.

 

“What was that?! Eeew…”

 

“Babe, it’s Chamomile tea! How can you not know Chamomile tea? We as a family always drink this tea after every meal… It aids your digestion and improves sleep quality. Come on, finish this…”

 

“Do I have a prize if I finish that?”

 

“What are you, five?”

 

“Amberrrrr~~~….”

 

“Fine. You get a kiss from the best kisser in the world! Mwahahahahahahaa!!”

 

 

Ohh, how she longs for those kisses again!

 

Her mother’s voice pulled her back to reality, “Hmmm… someone is reminiscing again.”

 

“Mommmm…” a small embarrassed laugh escaped her lips, knowing her mother caught her again.

 

“Wanna take a walk outside?” the elder asked.

 

She took another sip of her tea, eyeing her mother with a small mischievous eye smile. “Oh, Mother! You just want to get an Egg Sandwich without telling Dad!” The two of them shared a laugh.

 

 

They ended up in a nearby convenience store that they always go to when they go out for their night walks. She was scanning the shelf looking for that brand of potato chips she loves, completely immersed in her own little world of potato chips. She didn’t even care when the sound of the door chime echoed in the whole store, indicating a new arrival.

 

She didn’t even notice the newly arrived person walking in the opposite aisle of the convenience store, like her also looking for that special bag of M&Ms she loves. When Soojung found what she was looking for, the person on the opposite side also found the reason for her convenience store run.

 

It will be some sort of magical moment if both walk at the same time, clueless of what fate has in store for them. Probably even more romantic if the two of them bump into each other, eyes wide mirroring surprise. Then surprise changes to longing, tenderness, familiarity… home.

 

Amber probably will be speechless even though she really wants to say the words she’s been wanting to say: “I missed you.”

 

And Soojung, knowing Amber will be speechless with that look in her eyes, will probably say it first: “I missed you.”

 

But then… I guess fate has something better planned. Not tonight, I guess.

 

Not tonight.

 

 

 

 

 

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