A/N: Wrote this in the middle of resting from packing our stuffs. Had to post right away before I forgot. But, I haven't edited this much. No time.

It had been 6 months. Six months of living alone, eating alone and sleeping alone. He had been living in solitude not because it was his choice, not because he had no option and definitely not because he hated company. It wasn't the life he envisioned. It was far from his dream to spend his waking days without anyone beside him. It was because of his pride. He was too proud to chase the man he had only loved. His ego was too high to admit that he made a mistake and apologize for it. And he regretted it. He should've run after him. Hugged him tight and begged him not to leave him.

That night Sunggyu said that he had enough; enough of all the bulls he'd been doing to him. Everything that happened that night was still fresh in his mind as if it just happened yesterday. Every word that Sunggyu said was like daggers that stabbed his heart. Because all of it was true, even though he had a hard time accepting it at that moment. Too proud, he stood there facing Sunggyu and failed to take everything in like a man. Both of them were lashing out at each other. Platters, glasses, and vases flew out of control and landed broken on the floor. It was a mess and it was a messy, angry and emotional break-up.

"Woohyun, when will I be the first? When will be the time that I will be your priority over everything?" The stream of tears on Sunggyu's face was making his heart clench. "Would it hurt you to reject your friends' invitations to go clubbing? Will you get fired if you go home early when we have an occasion to celebrate? Does it make you feel satisfied to make me wait for you for hours without knowing if you would show up? Is it too much of a bother to you to answer my calls or my messages? Is it a blow to your damn stupid pride to at least say 'I love you' first? Does it make you happy that I was always crying because of you? Does it make you a man that I was always begging for your attention?"

He wanted to answer all of his questions, but he was out of words. There was a voice inside him that was telling him that all the words Sunggyu threw at him were wrong; that it was a mistake for Sunggyu to think like that. But at the back of his mind, he knew that it was all true; that he took him for granted. Nonetheless, he was an egotistic bastard and too proud to accept it.

"I've had enough, Woohyun. I'm so tired, drained, and hurt. I don't think I could continue living like this. I love you. I love you so much Woohyun but I can't do this anymore. I'm not some kind of item you pick up only when you remember me or when you need me. I couldn't give you more of me because I didn't have any more to give. You squeezed all the life in me that there was nothing left. Let's end this. I couldn't take it any longer."

Sunggyu turned away without looking back, without thinking twice. He left him. He left him all alone in the middle of their messy and lonely apartment.

 

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance, the stages one would be experiencing in case of loss. But was it possible to undergo stages of grief when the loss wasn’t because of death? He was asking himself that. Because if there was anything that died during the next few days after their break-up, it was his heart.

*****

DENIAL

As Sunggyu's back retreated from him, as the front door opened and closed, as there were no footsteps that made thudding noises on their hardwood floor, he found himself saying that it didn't happen. They weren’t breaking up and Sunggyu would never leave him. After he cooled down, after he had time to think, after he had gone for a walk, he would return. Sunggyu was just angry at the moment and he didn’t mean everything. There was no hurrying. Even if it took hours and a few days, he would let Sunggyu calm down.

However, many hours had passed, and Sunggyu never came back. All turned into a month and Woohyun still believed that Sunggyu never really broke up with him. Waiting was his best option. He couldn’t deny the fact that there was a daunting feeling inside him that was weakening and lowering his ego but he was still a proud man. He wasn’t that person who would run after someone; that someone should be the one crawling back to him.

ANGER

Woohyun returned home late one night and he felt something strange in his apartment. He realized that being in denial about the breakup was enough and that it had already made him a fool.

There was a surge of rage building up from inside the pit of his being. All Sunggyu’s things were missing. His favorite book that was sitting on the coffee table was nowhere to be found. His red mug that was cleanly washed and dried out in the dishwasher which was a gift from his niece, was gone. The wall space for the Starry Night painting by Vincent Van Gogh which they bid and won in an auction was empty. And all Sunggyu’s clothes and shoes occupying half of their closet space were all cleaned out. Everything that reminded him of Sunggyu was gone: framed pictures, photo albums, perfumes, accessories and every earthly thing that Sunggyu owned inside their apartment.

He was angry. He was furious. He was mad. All the words that could be found in a thick dictionary related to anger, he was all that. Why would Sunggyu choose to get all his things when he wasn't home? Why wouldn’t he face him and talk to him? Why would he decide to go their separate ways without asking if he wanted it? Because he would never want it. He never wished to live in a place without Sunggyu in it. He didn’t like to sleep on his bed at night alone and without being welcomed by Sunggyu’s peaceful sleeping face in the morning. He didn’t want to come home to an empty and lonely apartment because the love of his life wasn’t in it. Sunggyu left him with nothing but memories: memories of good and difficult times, memories of his back that was disappearing right before his eyes.

Yet, Woohyun couldn’t even touch his phone to call Sunggyu. He couldn’t even ask him all his questions. Anger engulfed him. He was steaming and full of wrath but more with himself and not with Sunggyu. Yet pride always hindered him from reaching out to him and asking him to return home. He was arrogant, conceited and he was a coward.

BARGAINING

He would give up everything to have Sunggyu back: his friends, his work, his life. He would exchange all the precious things he possessed just to have Sunggyu again. Back in his arms where he could nuzzle his nose on his neck, nibble his ears, feel his heart that was beating in a relentless thump, and feel his warmth that was so comfortable that he wanted to stay very close to him as long as it was possible. Everything wouldn’t matter if Sunggyu wasn’t in his life. He missed him beyond measure, beyond he could even feel and beyond anyone could ever imagine.

He missed his kisses every morning when he woke up, every night before their lids flutter shut and every kiss in between those. He longed for the bright smile that would help him get through a one hell of a day at work. He yearned for his touches, innocent and not, which caused his insides to twist into knots. Because the way Sunggyu made him feel was making his whole body tremble. The manifold of emotions he felt because of a single touch was making him a complete lovesick fool and he had no idea that he could feel all those surges of emotions all at the same time: giddiness, anticipation, nervousness, lust and love.

He would give up everything to have Sunggyu back but his ego. He was clinging to it as if it was all he had.