Long years of abuse and ugly comments taught Yesung how to control himself and his autism. He isn't going to lie, it is hard, but if he wants to have a work and a relationship he has to control himself.

He is smart, he just must act like everyone else around him. You have to blend in if you want to survive. Yesung doesn’t fully understand to the people around him. Except Siwon. Siwon never lies, never hides what he thinks or feels. He understands Siwon and numbers. Being a financial analyst is easy for him and his boss knows Yesung doesn’t like working in a team, so Yesung is mostly alone in his office and works 8 or 9 hours a day before going home with Siwon because they works in the same company.

Friendly and kind Siwon works in HR department. Many people wonder how they can be together - weird and timid Yesung versus outgoing and handsome Siwon. Siwon doesn’t care about other people, he loves Yesung. Siwon can’t describe the strong urge he has. He must protect Yesung and take care of him, otherwise people would exploit or hurt him. The best way how to protect Yesung is having a  “little” day. It is a term to describe that Yesung can slip in his comfortable little space during their free days, he can enjoy feeling like a little kid for a day or two. On Fridays, right after work, Yesung crucially needs to be little.

The office is full. He can’t rock, he can’t stim if he doesn’t want to look even weirder. Yesung sees Ryeowook watching him and tries to smile before his mother’s strict voice inside his head stopped him.

Don’t smile! Your smile is weird.

That’s what his mother always told him. Weird. W-E-I-R-D. Weirdweirdweird. That’s him. Yesung alias Weird. Nice to meet you, I am Weird.

Yesung snaps out of his thoughts and slips his hands underneath the desk and starts hitting his thighs. His punches are getting stronger, but Yesung doesn’t feel pain. He often ends up covered with bruises and scratches without knowing from where did he get them. Yesung knows Siwon will give him a sad look like always when he finds new wounds on his body, but Yesung can’t stop himself.

Siwon turns off his computer and packs his bag before leaving his office. The walk to Yesung’s office isn’t long, just 4 minutes and he is opening the door. Yesung freezes when Siwon appears on the threshold and Siwon sighs. He will make sure to put ice on Yesung’s slim thighs after getting home.

“Yesung, hang in there.”

Siwon Yesung’s hair, his long fingers gently scratches Yesung’s scalp and he takes Yesung’s coat. Siwon peeks out of the office to see if the hallway toward the elevators is empty. There is nobody in sight so he gently takes Yesung’s hand in his and quickly leads him out of the office and straight to the elevators.

“Just a bit longer and we will be home.”

Siwon has been with Yesung long enough to recognize when he is teetering on the brink of a meltdown. He is sure neither of them wants to have a public meltdown, Yesung can be stressed and tired but he always breaks down in privacy even if the process of pushing his meltdown away exhausts him even more.

The elevator arrives and takes them in the underground parking lot. Siwon unlocks their car before helping Yesung inside and buckling his seatbelt. The traffic isn’t bad, they will arrive home in 20 minutes or less. And then Siwon will unpack Yesung’s little things.

Yesung is getting worse. He is bitting on his short fingers and rocks in his seat. Siwon is driving as fast as he can and then he fumbles with his keys and tries to unlock the door of their apartment while also holding Yesung’s left wrist in his free hand, Yesung’s bitting was getting too brutal, a bit of blood appears on his wrist. Siwon closes the front door and Yesung really can’t keep his together any longer.

He throws himself on the floor right in the hallway. Siwon winced when Yesung’s body collided with the white tiles and quickly hurries to him. Yesung bangs his head against the floor just to get rid of the weird feeling inside his brain. It feels as if ants are crawling inside his skull and it drives him crazy.

Siwon carefully lies down on the top of Yesung while also placing his forearm between Yesung’s head and the floor. Siwon’s weight on the top of him calms Yesung down. Siwon kisses his cheeks and presses his body even closer to him. Yesung is sobbing, but he feels a bit better, the pressure inside his head isn’t so terrible. Siwon feels the small hands trying to find some way underneath his shirt. Yesung’s sweaty hands Siwon’s warm skin and then both palms press on Siwon’s chest so he can feels the heartbeat. Yesung is tired, but he is finally feeling at peace.

Siwon slowly stands up, ready to lie down on the top of Yesung if he continues in his meltdown. Luckily he is calm so Siwon pulls him on his feet.

“Do you want to play?”

Yesung weakly shakes his head no. He is feeling too fidgety to play with some of his toys.

“What about a bath?”

Yesung is silently thinking, Siwon knows how much he loves long bubble baths. Yesung slowly nods and Siwon grabs his little hand. Siwon leads him in the bathroom where he asks Yesung if he can undress him. Water is steadily filling the bathtub while Siwon is undressing Yesung. First he needs to treat the small wounds on Yesung’s wrist, he doesn’t want the soap to sting in it. He puts a cute band-aid with Pokémon on the bite marks and gently kisses the thin wrist.

Siwon adds a bit of bubble bath formula in the warm water and foaming suds start to appear while berry scent fills the air. Siwon helps Yesung with getting in the bathtub and lets go of his hand only after Yesung sits down. Siwon gets Yesung’s favorite bath toys - there is a yellow rubber duck, a wind-up turtle and a glowing jellyfish. Yesung pushes the duck around and Siwon takes a soft washcloth. He is gently running the washcloth over Yesung’s arms and chest … he is slow and gentle, the last thing he wants is scaring Yesung into another meltdown.

After the long bath Yesung feels much better as if the water washed away his stress and anxiety. Not only he feels better but also smaller. Not physically smaller, but mentally. Siwon has a pacifier ready and now slips the rubber teat between Yesung’s lips. He unfolds a huge white towel with small clouds patterns. Yesung feels like he is drowning in the huge piece of thick fabric, but drowning in a good way because he is so warm and the towel smells so good. Siwon easily picks him up while Yesung on his pacifier. Yesung doesn’t care where is daddy carrying him, he knows that Siwon or daddy how he calls him, means safety. No one can be mean to him when he is feeling like daddy’s little peanut, otherwise daddy will beat them. Siwon would really beat anyone who is rude toward Yesung when he is this much vulnerable.

Siwon goes in their bedroom and puts Yesung down on their bed. He is gently drying his hair and blows on the forming bruise on his forehead. He is quite used to seeing Yesung harming himself, but it always hurt his heart. After drying Yesung, diapering him and dressing him in a fleece tracksuit, it is time to eat something. Pasta with some sauce sounds good, Yesung won’t need to chew. Siwon sits Yesung down on the kitchen counter and starts cooking. He starts cooking Rotini pasta and opens a jar of Alfredo sauce. Yesung is just silently watching his daddy and on the pacifier. He isn’t hungry, but daddy will coax him into eating at least a small bowl of pasta with the sauce. Yesung squirms a bit, but he is too scared to jump off the counter. Siwon mixes the pasta with sauce and puts it on plates. He lifts Yesung again and sits down in the living room. It is easier to make Yesung eat when he can watch the TV.

Yesung is comfy. He is warm, the fleece is soft, daddy’s arm is wrapped around his waist and he can watch The Emperor's New Groove. Siwon remembers every word of that movie, Yesung wants to watch it all the time. Siwon is slowly feeding him the pasta. Slow and steady pace, that’s what won’t scare him away. Siwon reaches his hand to grab a pink sippy cup with red hearts. He holds it in front of Yesung who takes a long sip of the warm tea. After dinner, Siwon decides to have a soft dessert. Yesung doesn’t like cold ice cream, but they have chocolate pudding. Yesung is really full after the dessert. He is full and sleepy. Now it is cuddle time.

Siwon sees Yesung is close to falling asleep and he turns off the TV. He carries Yesung in their bedroom and puts him down on the bed.

“Do you need to pee?”

Yesung shakes his head no and Siwon his hair. Yesung grabs his gray teddybear and brings the fluffy fabric closer to his face. The stuffed bear smells like strawberries, Yesung likes strawberries. Siwon pushes the pacifier between his lips to prevent Yesung from bitting on his lips or fingers. During the workdays when Yesung needs to act “normal”, he pushes his real behavior away and during weekends he acts the way he wants. And sometimes it means bitting himself or Siwon. Occasionally Siwon feels like a teething toy. He even tried teething toys, but Yesung didn’t like them.

Siwon brings a new pair of fluffy socks and puts them on Yesung’s little feet. Now his baby is warm and Siwon lies down. He knows what is coming next - Yesung will lie down on the top of him. Siwon is going to wait until Yesung falls asleep and then carefully move him. It will take a while.

Siwon’s one hand is rubbing Yesung’s back while his second hand plays with Yesung’s soft hair. The pacifier is slowly bobbing between his lips and Siwon is watching his peaceful face. Yesung is so calm, the ruckus inside his head is gone, the itching underneath his skin is also gone. Siwon watches how Yesung’s eyes close and his breathing is slower. Siwon waits for half an hour before gently grabbing him around chest and moving him on the bed next to him. Siwon is still for a moment, he is waiting and observing Yesung if he doesn’t wake up. Yesung’s slumber is deep, he doesn’t even budge.

It is too early for Siwon to fall asleep. He puts one AirPod in his ear and takes his phone. He watches videos on Youtube while mindlessly Yesung’s small hand until he starts feeling sleepy. Siwon puts his phone away and checks on Yesung for the last time before closing his eyes.

The End