Years ago, people said that they were like soulmates and Kim Yongsun had readily answered that indeed they were and were great friends. 

She never saw the flicker in Byul's eyes nor the reaction of the kids.

     Now, Idol Solar was a confident hot mami but introverted Yongsun definitely had her ups and downs. Her most recent unmotivated and almost depressive phase was followed by a crazy fitness phase in an attempt to challenge herself and get herself out of her funk, and a tentative Byul had quietly stood by her throughout it all. 

Like always.

But the younger girl had clearly been trying to distance herself lately, even minimising her teasing and coming over, and frankly Yongsun had no right to say anything after years of complaining about it.

     Admittedly, even she knew that it had all really stemmed from her being in one of her strange moods and snapping at Byul one evening, scolding her for being so… free and without a care in the world - when she should be thinking about her own future.

And instead of escalating into a fight like it would have done in the years gone by, Byul had sort of smiled sadly at her and then thanked her for her advice.

The next thing she knew, Moonbyul was announced as the host of what would become an increasingly popular and successful radio show and release multiple songs in one year, breaking her own sales records.

And still counting.

(And even though Byul had done exactly as she had asked of her, there was a part of her that was unreasonably annoyed at her.)

     Yongsun had always wondered why the rapper was so good at writing and performing breakup songs, even if she threw in chirpy bops in between. She always seemed so happy and so careless but there was pain in that deep voice of hers when she sang them. 

She crooned in "ddu ddu ddu":

What can I do?

That's how love works

When a heart abandoned another heart

Is this how it is?

Baby don't cry for me

Don't tell me to forget

That's how breakups works, that's all

(And she looked really good for someone who was singing in the rain.)

Whatever the case, Yongsun just wasn’t happy.

And she was sure it was because now, they were both busy; she recently had her solo comeback and now had a new musical coming up after all. She had been so relieved when she had found out that her love interest would be played by none other than her '91 friend Changsub, so she didn't have to be all awkward and stiff in any romantic scenes like she had been with Eric. 

And sure, she might have been too tired, too busy or too annoyed with Byulyi lately but it didn't mean that she didn't light up like a Christmas tree every time she saw her and they had schedules together.

They were best friends after all.

But then of course, that punk Covid came around and they both got it barely a few weeks apart. 

And she missed her. 

Frankly, their little summer of love less than a year ago (where they filmed Jeolmi's Guesthouse, Boss in the Mirror and that ridiculous MV for Promise U that felt more like a love song than a breakup one and not to mention their villa getaway post fitness magazine shoot where Byulyi basically spoiled her the whole trip) now felt so damned long ago.

But now that she thought about it, that summer felt like it carried a note of finality to it. 

Like spending your last summer with your high school friends, having fun and making memories but knowing deep down that you might not ever see them again as you all move on into adulthood.

Like something was… over?

Whatever it was made her sit up sharply with cold sweat running down her back, startling her older sister. 

They were currently both lounging around in their new living room, flicking through TV channels. 

Ignoring her sister's stare, Yongsun mumbled aloud the question that had been whizzing around her mind for the past minute.

“Did Byulyi try to break up with me that summer?” 

Yonghee merely blinked at her earth shattering revelation and Yongkeey had the gall to yawn from her corner.

“You're meant to be dating in the first place to be able to break up, you know.” Was all her older sister said as she adjusted her position on the sofa.

“Shut up, I’m thinking.” Yongsun clapped back, this time ignoring her sister’s glare (and the quietly muttered, “Ooh, dangerous…”) so that she could examine her thoughts in more detail. 

“Unnie!”

The Kim sisters were both surprised when they heard Byul’s voice and their heads swivelled towards the TV simultaneously, much like meerkats in the wild.

It seemed that they had stumbled upon a rerun of Kick A Goal with Top Girl’s final match of the season.

And somehow, both of them lost their train of thought.

Now, Yongsun had nothing against her sunbaes but watching them coo over their ‘maknae Byulyi’ and watching Byul hugging them, made her… angry. 

(Again.)

“Byulyi doesn’t come over any more these days.” Yonghee casually pointed out as the match ended. “I’ve missed her. Where is she?”

And she wasn't sure why but it made her even angrier.

“I don’t know. We’re both busy.” She huffed.

But her mind took her back to how Byul would normally follow her everywhere like a lost puppy but recently had only sent her a coffee truck and supportive messages during her comeback, instead of popping up unexpectedly to surprise her and entertain her. 

And then her treacherous mind (maybe Yonghee-unnie was right, it was dangerous for her to think) took her back to the moment she had turned up to one of Byul’s football matches. 

The younger girl had promptly burst into tears, later spouting some bull about feeling the pressure from her schedule, but they were soulmates and Yongsun felt raw pain coming from Byul and felt tears in her own eyes without understanding why. 

(Byul played well and fought hard, despite their unlucky loss, and Yongsun's voice was hoarse by the end from all her cheering and her limbs twitched with excitement even after the match was over. In fact, her heart was pounding for hours afterwards and she was sure it had everything to do with the adrenaline coursing through her veins and nothing to do with how cool Byul looked when she was calm and focused in a football match.)

     So really, a combination of all of her confused emotions had her head reeling and she couldn’t examine anything more closely because of the number of rehearsals she had to attend… and it meant that her automated reaction was to behave coldly towards Byul when they finally met up to head to Germany. 

But she was utterly stumped when Byul smiled at her gently and patiently chipped away at her iciness until she found herself laughing and joking with her like normal. 

It helped that Wheein was joining them for the first time in a long time and their happiness was infectious. 

When they went to their (obviously) shared bedroom, Yongsun didn't even bat an eyelid at the one bed in their room, instead she let Byul take her photos, before she relaxed a little in said bed. 

     And without realising it, she found herself smiling fondly at the younger girl as she leaned out the window to take another shot and couldn't help but pick up her own phone and take one of her from the vantage point in the bed. Their interactions had felt so damned natural that when Byul turned at the clumsy chime of her iPhone's faux shutter sound, she had returned the soft smile that had appeared on her best friend's face. 

She had really missed her. 

And when Yongsun decided to step out of their hotel to explore the city a little, whilst she knew that the younger girls would decline to roll in bed together a bit longer, she found herself automatically assuming Byul would accompany her. 

And of course, she didn't disappoint. 

They headed out (after a few more selfies in the elevator) and were aware that the fans had spotted them but hung back at a respectful distance. 

And then she noticed all the little things Byul still did for her: like tidying her appearance; or holding her phone for her since her outfit didn't have deep enough pockets; or instinctively knowing when Yongsun was thirsty or hungry or bored; and making her feel safe whenever that lean arm came over her shoulders. 

That constant quiet support was what made Byul her soulmate. 

And soulmates could be friends, right?

     Out of nowhere, she recalled her gremlin of an older sister, who had decided to take it upon herself to tell her all about how Byul had been getting a lot of marriage proposals lately and getting a lot of female fans (celebrity or general public) thanks to that blasted radio show. 

And fair enough, she herself had noticed the way many of the idols at KPOP.FLEX greeted Byul excitedly, dragging her away from their group (even for a minute) to chatter and giggle at her jokes. 

Boys and girls alike. 

And then her brain went into overdrive.

What if Byul actually accepted one of these girls? 

She was well aware of her friend's preferences and had no problem with it. 

But what if she did date one of these girls? 

She tried to reassure herself that there was no way Byul would.

…right? 

She hadn't ever shown any real interest outside of casually flirting with them, so why would she start now? 

But then, her phone buzzed as notifications popped up from her Mata Hari group chat and Byul handed it to her in case she wanted to check them, and in a hilarious case of word association, a thought hit her like a thunderbolt… 

What if Byul had to do a scene where she kissed one of these girls?  

(Never mind the fact that it was unimaginable in their homophobic home country.) 

Cold sweat appeared again and she froze in the middle of looking at souvenirs. 

Byul immediately noticed of course and after subtly asking if she was okay, gently guided her back to the hotel, not realising the turmoil she had unwittingly set off in the older girl.

     The odd thoughts were fortunately swept away by the rush of performing in front of an adoring and screaming crowd, and they were all lost in the adrenaline of it all. Yongsun happily forgot everything and allowed Byul to drape herself all over her as normal. 

But as soon as it was over, and her stage makeup was washed off along with her Solar facade, Yongsun found herself trying to distance herself from Byul again - at one point actually physically pushing her away and snapping at her that she was tired. 

The latter immediately stopped, an understanding lopsided smile marred by an undercurrent of sadness appearing on her face, and gave her all the space she wanted throughout the long flight home. 

Yongsun pretended to sleep but couldn’t because she couldn’t get over the fact that she knew full well that she was willfully being a brat.

Well, maybe it was finally time to think things over.

Over the years, she had episodes like this.

It was a dance they had done many times before, where they would be inseparable one moment and then she would be ice cold (and confused) the next but after all was said and done, Byul would always come back to her side. 

Was it all because she was just that kind and forgiving? 

Well, it was because she loved her, right? 

But it would take a special kind of love for anyone to put up with her .

And in the darkness of the ‘night’ on the plane and covered by the hum of it, it dawned on her how much Byul loved her.

As more than a ‘best friend’.

And she tried her best not to panic. 

     Yongsun immediately started thinking back through years of memories and all of those moments she had chalked up to Byul being greasy or silly or annoying… they were all coloured slightly differently when there was an undercurrent of love in them. 

That was Byul being loving, patient and caring. 

Sure, they might have had bad first impressions and had many fights as the maknae of one family butting heads over leadership with the eldest of another… but somewhere along the way, Byul just relented and took everything she threw at her and always came back. 

They did everything together, they even went on double dates with the gay hairdresser couple together for Christ’s sake , without once feeling awkward or out of place. 

Or jealous.

And while they were on that topic, she now knew why Byul had never dated after her girlfriend in her trainee years, but why hadn't she? 

Yongsun turned her head and looked over at Byul, curled up as far away from her as she possibly could, trying to adhere to her prickly request to leave her alone and her heart ached at the sight. 

Byul was playing some video game on the console in front of her, all bleary eyed and needing sleep but as always unable to, and she turned when she realised that she had an audience. 

But she shot up immediately and dropped everything at the sight of tears in Yongsun's eyes. 

And Yongsun couldn't help but cry harder at the panic and concern and love in Byul's eyes and actions… and she just threw herself at her. 

Byul caught her safely and took her whole weight (as always so easily for someone so lean) and without a moment of hesitation, wrapped her arms around her.

     Kim Yongsun stoutly refused to tell Byul why she cried (mainly because she wasn’t sure of the reasons herself) and just hurried her along, knowing that she had her radio show to get to. As the leader of Mamamoo, she sent Byul out of the Terminal with Hwasa first (both needing swabs done for upcoming schedules) and let a tired puppy go ahead of her. 

She knew full well that she needed to talk to Byul, catching the worry in her entire aura as she was steered away by one of their managers, but wasn't ready to face the consequences of whatever she was feeling. 

     Instead she went home at a sedate pace, thankful that she did not have rehearsals then following day, and as soon as she walked through the front door, she left her suitcase by the door and plopped down onto the sofa beside Yonghee to ask what she had been questioning the whole journey home.

"Soulmates can be friends, right?" 

“Well, hello to you too. How was your flight? I’m good t-” Her sister rolled her eyes and started with her usual sarcastic sass but stopped immediately after seeing the true conflict in her younger sister’s eyes and addressed her question carefully. 

“Soulmates can be friends, yes… but that’s up to them to decide what they want to be.”

Yongsun thought about Byul. 

Their history, their career, their future…

And found tears welling up in her eyes once more. 

“Yongsun-ah… talk to me. I won’t understand until you talk.” Yonghee said gently as she handed her some tissues. “Did something happen?” 

“I…” The idol sighed. “I only just realised that Byulyi’s been in love with me for so long and I don’t know what to do…” 

“Okay.” Yonghee replied evenly, “Well, how do you feel?”

“I…”

     Yongsun could now see that she had never missed romance because she had the most greasy idiot beside her, she never needed companionship because she had someone who happily followed her anywhere and never let her introverted self swallow her whole, and she had never felt the need to hide her true awkward self because she had someone who was her number 1 fan and was always proud of her.

So, how did she feel ?

She felt… loved .

And she was starting to feel a lot of things for the person who loved her.

She looked up at her patiently waiting sister and summarised all her convoluted thoughts with a simple, "Soulmates can be friends… but I don't want to be." 

A knowing smile slowly spread across Yonghee’s stern features, as if she had been waiting a long time to hear those words. 

“Maybe you should say that to the person who needs to hear it the most.”

“But what about our family, our friends… our fans…” Yongsun whispered as if they could all hear their conversation.

“Let’s take one step at a time, okay?” Then a classic Kim smirk appeared. “Besides, the two of you never gave a about what other people think so, why start now?” 

Yongsun let out a wet snort and leaned over to give her sister a quick hug before the pair separated quickly with a “Ew…”, both giggling at their faux disgust.

     And as it happened, their flight back from Germany had landed later than expected and it meant that Byul’s swab wasn't back in time, so Studio Moon Night with Mirani was postponed to later in the week. Thanking her lucky star (no pun intended) for not having to suffer through another night of fawning and flirting, Yongsun called Byul and asked if she could come over. 

She was amused when Byul almost apparated in front of her door. 

     Yongsun pulled her into her living room, where both Yonghee and Yongkeey greeted her happily before stepping out for an evening walk. Mentally thanking her sister for the space, she stood in front of the (slightly) taller girl in the middle of the living room, feeling nervous for the first time ever.

Byul was wearing her usual style; casual shirt over a loose fit t-shirt, ripped jeans and a baseball cap pressed down onto her head. 

She was handsome yet beautiful, lean yet strong, with a y deep voice and a wicked sense of humour.

But she was kind as she was gentle, forgiving as she was caring, and was just full of warmth and energy that people just gravitated towards. 

Said girl crush studied her, waiting patiently for her rather sudden inspection to be over.

(And distractedly wondered what Byul saw.)

For a perfectionist who had a near pathological need to plan things, Yongsun was known to have a propensity to randomly and quite abruptly throw herself into things without thinking.

This would be one of those moments.

“I love you, Byul-ah.” She blurted out. “I think I’m in love with you.”

The silence was deafening.

And it became increasingly agonising the longer it stretched out.

Byul initially appeared shocked before a painfully neutral expression fought its way onto her face.

“B-Byul-ah… please, say something…” Yongsun tried, suddenly feeling like she was teetering at the edge of a precipice, about to plunge into a deep dark abyss.

Her terror spiked when her soulmate’s face morphed into one of barely repressed rage.

“No.” A low growl reached her ears.

“No?” She was terribly confused now.

“No. No, you don't get to do this." Byul finally ground out in an angry whisper. 

Yongsun took in a shaky breath.

They plunged in head first.

“I’ve been in love with you for a long time.” The rapper’s voice was hoarse, whether it was from the hype concert or the heavy emotions, she wasn’t sure. “And I held my feelings back as much as I could for as long as I could… to protect us- to protect you because I always thought that you felt the same but you were scared of what it would mean.” 

She let out a dry humourless snort. “Guess, I was wrong.”

Yongsun watched as, brick by brick, Byul’s inner walls came down and she felt deeply saddened and fully responsible for the anguish she was clearly causing her.

“But I… I won’t let myself be some experiment for you… o-or be flung aside when things don't work out with our careers, our family or our society… just because you think you’re in love with me.” The younger girl lowered her head, hiding her eyes beneath the brim of her baseball cap. “ Yong… you mean everything to me.” 

Yongsun’s breath hitched. 

“And if being best friends is all I get to have then… I’m willing to just have that.”

She was utterly stunned at the confession and found herself asking, “B-But what you would have done if I… I dunno, just one day decided to get married.” 

Byul’s shoulders slumped before she wearily shrugged, carrying a look of someone who had thought about this one too many times before, as she replied quietly, “Your happiness has always meant more than my own. And I would do everything in my power to make your wedding perfect… and then slowly fade away out of your life.” 

Yongsun’s mouth closed with a click of her teeth.

Her love was as selfless as she was.

“To be honest… I had already started doing that when I realised that you were finally tired of me. So I started trying to build my own life because I realised that I had built it around you.” She added sadly, “I don’t want you to be confused about your feelings because you think you’re losing me, because you aren’t. I was just trying to stand on my own and away from you, so that you can breathe and… maybe not be annoyed by me anymore.”

     Kim Yongsun was almost sobbing by this point, whilst Moonbyulyi was teary-eyed but looked… resigned as if she had been dreading yet expecting this day to finally arrive. Yongsun's heart fully shattered at the suddenly exhausted girl before her, her walls in ruins at her feet, making her wonder if she had ever really known what Byul was feeling all this time.

"No." 

Byul blinked away her tears and tilted her head to one side, “No?”

“No.”

Yongsun found herself stumbling forwards, before throwing her arms around her soulmate and breathing in her scent. She felt Byul move her arms to hug her back whilst rubbing her back comfortingly like she always did.

‘I can't let her go.’

Her mind told her and she wondered if the tearing in her soul at just the thought of Byul slipping away, was what it felt like to love someone so much that they felt like a part of her.

She pulled back and scrubbed away the tears (and snot) on her face, determined to get it right this time. 

“Look, you’ve had so many years to sort your feelings out but I’ve only had like a few hours but that doesn’t mean my feelings aren’t real.” Yongsun said firmly, for once liking the fact that she had to look up (just slightly) to look deep into her soulmate’s eyes. “All I know is that I can't be without you, I don't want any future without you and I’m nothing without you. I want to kiss you, to hold you and never let you go, Kim-Moonbyulyi.”

Her voice softened as her expression did, a shy smile gracing her features for the first time since landing in Korea.

“I love you, I know I do. I was just… a slow Yeba finally realising the feelings that have been there for years.” She let out a short sigh. “I’m sorry that I kept you waiting for so long, Byul-ah… but thank you for loving me anyway.”

     Byul said nothing for a long moment but Yongsun felt her breath hitching and she knew the girl was crying. She held the rapper like she promised, pulled her cap off her head to card her fingers through the blonde locks (thinking that the bleaching had left her stunning but with so many dead ends), until Byul calmed and moved to press their foreheads together.

Yongsun experienced something wholly different when she felt puffs of Byul's breath hit her lips and she was reminded of how there was a time she couldn't take her eyes off those slightly chapped lips she was staring at now.

(And of the times she had wondered what it would feel like to kiss them, but only out of curiosity of course). 

“C-Can I kiss you?” She asked hesitantly and at the almost imperceptible nod, she leaned forward and captured those lips, only to find them more soft and supple than she could have ever imagined. 

They kissed curiously, exploring, and Byul let Yongsun take her time to get used to the sensation before deepening it, making the older girl moan into as their tongues slid over each other's. 

They shyly slowed themselves down, both flushed from head to toe, trembling and a little breathless as they smiled and shared innocent pecks until their heart rates settled to a more manageable pace. 

Yongsun never thought she could be so wrecked after one kiss.

And then she wondered how they had never done this before.

They fit so well and it felt so right. 

 

     And the next day, as Solar checked her phone to see that Moonbyul had trimmed her hair after she had made one comment the night before (finally seeing that her soulmate was well and truly whipped for her ), she realised that they had gone back to ‘normal’ almost immediately.

Except they could kiss (and do other things that made her blush fiercely) now. 

Their close friends would look at them with, "Finally!" stamped over their features when they told them, and their fans would say, "We knew it!" but for now they wanted to take the time to enjoy their love and see where it was headed.

Because they were soulmates and always meant to be.

And they had all the time in the world.

 

 

 

Author Notes:

Hello regular readers and new ones joining the fray!

I was meant to writing the next chapter of "The Operator" but a rabid plot bunny bit me and dragged me down its rabbit hole and this popped out... oops.

Totally inspired by *soft* Moonsun in Germany as you see above (fancam credit to its_just_skyy on Twitter) - seeing them so sweet and loving made me want to write "angst with happy ending" for some reason lol

Anyway, hope to see you in my other fics - check them out if you haven't!
Please leave comments and/or upvotes because I love hearing what y'all think :)