Avoidance

It had been one week since Kyuhyun battled fiercely with his demon like subconscious and had come to a most startling conclusion.After endless hours of emotional turmoil and continuous internal debate that had him about ready to turn himself into an asylum for the mentally insane,he had a moment of clarity,a moment of certainty.He had come to a conclusion, to a point of knowledge.He was in love with his Yesung hyung.The question then became,what would he do next?

He did what any man in his position would conceivably do, he avoided it.Really what else did anyone expect him to do.He had just realized that he was in love with his hyung, his band mate and a guy.It was not just something a person accepted.As far as he knew, and again later confirmed,he was not especially persuaded by men, yet he was not just favouring a man,but was basically irrevocably in love with him.Not just any man,mind you,but a hyung and a band mate.It was beyond messed up.Kyuhyun did not know where to start dealing with all the crazy, he realized he had within him.He at this point, won't deny it was love.No one put themselves so much mental torture in determining an issue and then point blank ignored the conclusions.The days of denial were long gone.It was clear from every possible angle that he loved the weird turtle lover.He was certain and most definitely thorough.He thought everything over meticulously.

At first he did not trust himself with the initial conclusion.He had never been in love before and had little romantic experience, for all he knew he was making something out of nothing.That little thought bubble was shot down rather harshly by that demonic subconscious of his, that rather meanly informed him, that it was not a fangirl and in no way found his mental retardation cute.He really hated his subconscious,but as usual had to give way to its assertion.He was in love.It was as simple as that.Upon his acknowledgement however,an even bigger issue arose.What was he suppose to do with his love? He tried asking that know it all subconscious of his, who would only then decide that silence was his preferred state.When it was torturing him senseless, it was anything but silent,but when he needed its persistent advice, it left him hanging.He lamented the condition of the world.When a man could not even count on his own subconscious,then really who could he count one?Only for that spiteful voice to whisper teasingly ‘Yesung’, making him blush like an idiot from the warm feeling,then for it to be replaced quickly by utter embarrassment.

Love made you a fool, he realized.He hated love,but he knew deep down,he could never hate loving Yesung.What was a man to do in his position? He basically felt genuine but tainted love.He was blinded by the warmth sometimes, but he was still in touch with reality.He knew what he was feeling was extremely weird and even more problematic.He would have to deal with all sorts of rather difficult questions dealing with his uality and all things associated.It was even more problematic,because honestly he did not exactly know where all that stood.In his mind, he still found women particularly attractive and could not honestly say he viewed Yesung exactly in that same light, and he most definitely did not have those thoughts for another man before.With so many issued and even more uncertainty,was it even worth it? 

He would only feel a calm,serene aura wash over his entire being,all saying that Yesung was always worth it.He relished the moment,but knew he was still in the same position he had started.He could not deny it,that was plainly obvious,he could not just accept it,and he most definitely couldn't act on it.He would not even know what to do,if he had to act on it.Would he just confess?Yesung would think he was a psycho,who was weird.Hell! Even he thought he was a weird psycho.Who in their right mind was in love with a man,but did not find him particularly attractive?He was this distressed and he had not even allowed his mind to wonder over to the taped and barricaded questions as to the effects all this would have on his future,his career, his family, his own life.He just hid the questions away,covering it with the warm feeling he had whenever he thought of Yesung.He really wished that the warmth was enough.The voice from the abyss would chime softly each time that it was,but he was not ready to accept that.He did the only thing his male mind could come up with.Avoided.If he could not deny and could not act on it, then he would Avoid it.Maybe it would lessen, fade away perhaps?

It had been one week since operation avoidance began.Kyuhyun determined that the best way to avoid his Love for Yesung was to avoid the man himself.Yesung was bound the give him those fuzzy feelings and that would not help the with the whole avoid it till it disappears thing he had in mind.He could safely say that it was one of the worst week of his life.He was currently sitting in the back of their transport van on his way to some schedule, next to Ryeowook, head leaning against the head rest.He felt exhausted.This avoiding thing was hard,especially when you lived with the man and worked with him as well.Yesung was currently occupying the front seat,his own eyes closed, face relaxed.How did Kyuhyun know this?As it seems, avoiding does not necessarily mean ignorance.

He had made all positive efforts not to be in the same place as Yesung for any extended period.Like a few minutes ago, when he deliberately pulled Ryeowook to  the seat next to his,ensuring that Yesung had to take up a position at the front.He immediately felt guilty, as despite his best efforts, he always just seem to know where Yesung was and what he was thinking.Sitting in his current position, listening to Ryeowook sing along to the radio,eyes closed, he could still only see Yesung’s face in his mind.His dark,often lined eyes,almond shaped and bright.Every time he closed his eyes, his vision clouded with those eyes.He was beyond frustrated.He had spent years with Yesung,yet had never considered his eyes,yet today that was all on his mind.Every single time he closed his eyes, he saw Yesung’s bright shimmering eyes across his face,and through the darkness.He wanted to scream,but held it in.He forced his eyes open, only to have them betray him.They did not look to Ryeowook who was now telling him about some new recipe he was going to try, nor did they look outside the window as they journeyed along a road lined with tall evergreens,they only sort out the ebony ruffled locks of the man in front,sliding down to fix their gaze on skin between his collar and the end of his hairline.Kyuhyun was just frustrated.Out of all the things to draw their attention,his uninteresting neck?He thoroughly disapproved of his eyes' conduct.Yes! He was going to blame it entirely on them.

This continued for the entirety of the journey,as it honestly had been happening for the entire week previously.He more he avoided Yesung, the more he thought of him.He spent the time in the vehicle, nodding mindlessly to whatever Ryeowook was saying to him, being scolded when Ryeowook realized he was not listening, and fighting with his eyes and mind.Every time he closed them to teach them a lesson, his mind would immediately bring forth a picture of kohl lined almond eyes.It teased so much as to never have the rest of his face attached, just those eyes.It was taunting him, showing him that he was so obsessive, that he would be haunted only by his eyes.No matter how much he shook his thoughts clear it was always one or the other.He wondered if Yesung never felt his eyes piercing his skin, rarely leaving his head.Maybe he did,but in true Yesung fashion ,he helped Kyuhyun in his own way.Kyuhyun supposed that Yesung knew, but choose not to acknowledge it for Kyuhyun’s sake.Ryeowook however was not that perceptive in that moment, questioning loudly

“Kyuhyun why are staring at Yesung hyung’s head? “ Ryeowook questioned innocently, completely unaware of the near heart attack he was causing in Kyuhyun.

“I’m not” Kyuhyun sputtered out, forcibly drawing his uncooperative eyes away and towards the window.His eyes had no shame he gathered.They had been caught red handed and yet did not have to decency to want to look away.He had to utilize more will power than he thought he possessed ,to bring them away.

“You were.I swear you were going to stare a whole in the back of his head” Ryeowook pointed out, giggling cutely.Kyuhyun however found no cuteness in it at all.He was horrified.It seemed however that Ryeowook was unaware or ignoring his horror, choosing instead to giggle with Sungmin who had chimed in with his agreement.

“I was not” Kyuhyun firmly denied, looking a little bit fiercely in Ryeowook’s direction.The poor eternal maknae did not understand what he had done so criminal to be looked at that way.All amusement drained from his face.Kyuhyun though had realized it and softened his expression slightly.Ryeowook's face also soften and he said no more of the matter. Kyuhyun did not wish to scare Ryeowook.It was all his eyes fault, not Ryeowook’s. Kyuhyun was glad that Ryeowook, now understood that the matter should not be discussed and had decided to be quit the subject. 

Kyuhyun had decided that was enough.He could not be caught again.He could not get his eyes to focus on anything else but that messy ebony paradise in front of it or he was better of with his eyes closed.Yes, he would be tortured by visions of almond eyes,but atleast that was private torture.He was now even willing to enjoy it.It refused to be washed away and he was tired of fighting.Now he was just going to lean back,close his eyes and wonder about the greatness of kohl lined almond shaped eyes.He at the same time,could only wonder why Yesung had not said anything.He was positive Yesung had heard that little discussion with Ryeowook,who had said it loud enough to wake the dead in Kyuhyun’s opinion, yet Yesung had not looked back once.His head had not shifted even.Did Yesung not care anymore about what Kyuhyun did? Was he also avoiding Kyuhyun? Did he not even wonder why Kyuhyun was staring at him? Kyuhyun decided that the prospect of Yesung also avoiding him, made him infinitely sad.

The performance and all associated activities were a daze for Kyuhyun.He followed the tried and tested routine mechanically, letting his muscle memory guide him along.His mind on the other hand was somewhere far away, probably with Yesung he supposed.He spent his time,with his eyes closed, trying to push those eyes from his consciousness or trying not to notice things about Yesung.He must of looked really out of it as everyone from his manager to the cordi noona had asked him if he was unwell.Those questioned obviously roused Leeteuk and Donghae who proceeded to interrogate and examine him.All the hyungs had made some sort of inquiry to his well being,even Siwon, though he pretended he had not heard his voice.The only thing he could focus on though was the fact that Yesung had only glanced in his direction,but did not let his eyes linger, instead turned his attention back to Siwon,to continue whatever unimportant conversation they were having.Kyuhyun was sure it was unimportant compared to his well being.Kyuhyun honestly just felt like crying.It was one thing for him to avoid Yesung but another altogether for Yesung to be ignoring him.A voice chimed in from somewhere inside him, that it was a good thing.’Wasn’t that what you want?’.He nodded at the internal voice,but still had to fight the urge to cry.His little nod, only encouraged Leeteuk to fuss about him more and only increased his feeling of sadness.He just wanted this day to end.

He was not that fortunate though.They still had a performance to conclude.He was a professional and would always act as such.He would not let his mental troubles affect Super Junior.In those few seconds before, he took his deep breathes and washed troubled  Cho Kyu Hyun away and welcomed The Evil Maknae of Super Junior , Kyuhyun.That always worked,but today it did not.Upon his last  large intake of air he just happen to see Yesung (Really? It just happened?) doing the same.All he could think about thereafter was Yesung.He only heard his voice, only saw his movements, only heard his name being shouted from the audience.As he stood and listened to Leeteuk do their greetings all his eyes were willing to process was Yesung’s relaxed posture, his warm smiles and his habit of shaking his head, then finally his movements towards Siwon and the smiles he would direct to the other man.Kyuhyun’s eyes hurt,not much as his head, and if he was willing to admit it, his heart .

By the time they returned to the dorm Kyuhyun just wanted to curl up on his bed with his pillows and wish the world was a nicer place,a place where a man could avoid love with ease.He had to endure another round of “Kyuhyun ah are you feeling okay?” from all the hyungs remaining that did not have a follow up schedule,before he could finally retire to his bed.He had successfully convinced them that he simply had a headache from tiredness, causing by late night gaming and he just needed sleep.They had proceeded to chastise him for his bad habits but all wished him rest and promised to deal with him later,all except one.He generally did not like to be reprimanded but in that second he may have been willing to beg for one from his Yesung hyung.He would suppose he was going insane but he was convinced that,with state his mind was in since Singapore, his sanity had long been lost.

On his bed staring at his ceiling, he could only wonder how such a good idea had this sort of outcome.If he wanted to deal with this love issue,wasn't avoidance best? However since he started avoiding Yesung, things just got worst.It was like the man was consuming him bit by bit and the most frustrating part was that Yesung was not even trying.One the first day Kyuhyun had just avoided being in the same room as the man, then he later avoided eye contact.Yesung at first seemed a bit taken aback, but then Kyuhyun noticed that Yesung had not made any effort to contact Kyuhyun either.That thought scared him unbelievably.Why was Yesung not trying to get his attention? A voice within questioned inquisitively ‘do you want him to?’He knew it was ridiculous and in no way aid in achieving his purpose, but in a way he felt insecure.Right now, to be honest he did not know exactly what he felt, he just knew the sum total was making him miserable.His thoughts were interrupted by a gentle,almost timid knock on his door

“Kyu ah ,Can I come in?” even if he was deaf Kyuhyun figured he would recognize that voice.He had it memorized in his soul, he was sure.It probably would not be in the best interest of his plans, but Kyuhyun knew he had to see him now, before he completely lost it.He needed, even just for  a second be in the same space as the older singer.

“Yes” Kyuhyun stammered out.He was indecisive.Part of him was screaming that this was a bad idea, but the  majority of him was begging for a fix.He felt like a desperate addict.He did not enjoy the feeling but that did not mean he would turn away Yesung

“ Are you feeling okay, Kyu ah?” Yesung asked nearly timidly, as he approached the bed, choosing this time to stand awkwardly at the side, and peer across the little distance he allowed.His eyes looked at Kyuhyun, then pulled away to stare at the wall, then back to Kyuhyun, repeating the process on a loop.Kyuhyun did not notice, as his eyes too were closed.

“I am fine, just a headache” Kyuhyun assured as best as he could,considering he was dying inside.He felt so much that he wished he felt nothing.His heart was pounding, his body telling him Yesung was near, his mind rejoicing that Yesung still cared, his will reprimanding him for being weak.

“Are you sure Kyu ah?” Yesung asked once more, honestly not knowing really what to say.He knew Kyuhyun was avoiding him.When he realized it on that first day it hurt him more than he expected and was willing to admit, but then he realized that Kyuhyun was just dealing with whatever it was in his own way.Yesung felt hurt, but he was willing to hurt to let Kyuhyun feel better.If Kyuhyun thought avoiding him was best then he would help him.He would do what ever was necessary to make Kyuhyun happy.The problem was Kyuhyun was not happy.Kyuhyun looked more troubled and even more lost than before.He could not bear to see him like that , but could not find a way to help him.He was going to let Kyuhyun deal with it in his own way, but he had to see him now, to know he was well.After he would go back to helping Kyuhyun avoid him,but he needed these few seconds just to make himself feel better.Surely Kyuhyun could give him a few seconds at least?He was not sure what exactly he felt for the younger, but he knew whatever it was, was not willing to let Kyuhyun be away from him for long.

Kyuhyun heard the question directed to him in a voice timid and almost weary.Kyuhyun wondered how he or rather they, let their relationship for a lack of a better word get to this point.Yesung was someone he trusted during his darkest hour, someone he would bet his life on,someone he could tell nearly anything, now that same person was acting as if he feared him.Kyuhyun sighed.He was ready to give up.He just wanted to bury his head in his pillows and pretend that this new world did not exist.He was near his end, when he felt Yesung’s easily recognizable hands on his cheeks, warm and tender, then a shift on his bed as Yesung took up residence at the edge, from the movement Kyuhyun knew it was still reserved.

Kyuhyun opened his eyes finally, to stare into the almond shaped eyes that had tortured him all day.He would have congratulated his mind for replicating them perfectly, if he had the capacity to think clearly.At that moment he was lost; lost is dark shining eyes.He saw nothing and everything.For that blinding second, the world was perfect and he would never feel pain again.He refused to draw his eyes away and was grateful Yesung had yet to redirect his. He knew this was a backwards step in his avoidance stance but he didn’t really care.Yesung’s eyes were speaking to him, telling him that everything was going to be alright, that he would get through whatever it was, that no matter what happened Yesung would be near him, in one way or another.Kyuhyun finally realized he had not answered Yesung’s question

“I am fine now”Kyuhyun responded with a shy smile.He just felt better.He wouldn't pretend that he did not know why.He knew perfectly it was because of the warm hands on his cheek, body near his and eyes that could always convince him that everything would be alright.

“Okay” Yesung replied dumbly.He honestly did not know what happened and why he acted the way he did.He just saw Kyuhyun looking so lost and wanted to do something.His body,he would swear, moved on its own.Before he knew it, his hands was on Kyuhyun’s cheeks and their eyes were having a conversation.He wished with all his might that Kyuhyun be happy, that he forgot his troubles.He knew he did not have magical powers, but he still hoped for it.He  was happy he could have this moment.He had felt Kyuhyun’s skin under his fingertips and looked into his eyes, that had to be enough.If Kyuhyun still wished to ignore him, then he would continue to help him.Whatever made Kyuhyun happy. Feeling painfully awkward, even for him, he removed his hands and stood up.With one last smile, he exited, hoping that Kyuhyun was better.

Kyuhyun was sorry to see him go, but glad for it as well.That was beyond awkward and he would know, he had been in enough awkward situations to last at least three lifetimes. He felt better though, which was actually rather sad.It took the  very thing he was trying to quit to make him better …so much for progress.How was he supposed to avoid Yesung if he craved for him presence so much? It had only been a week and he was dying inside.They did not spend any special amount of time together before, they just existed. Yesung was part of his world.Someone that would always be there.He was being ridiculous.Yesung was still there, just not as present.None of this made any sense to him.The avoidance was supposed to make the love go away, to make it less obvious, yet all he had to show for his efforts was his own weakness.He felt better, yet realized that he was basically screwed.He sighed for the umpteenth time that night.He closed his eyes and prayed for sleep to claim him, yet somehow knew it would be a long night;spent thinking about avoidance and failure.

The following day things did not get any better.In fact it got even worse. He was just going to continue with the avoidance, holding out hope beyond hope that things got better.He doubt that it would, but at this point he had no solution to any of his problems and that was the plan in effect, so it going to continue until his will power was strong enough for it to be effective.That was the mindset he had  when he entered the kitchen.Sungmin was there, seated at the table looking fondly down at some blueberry pancakes,which he quickly began shovelling into his mouth, making various sounds of appreciation,Eunhyuk was on the other side drinking a glass of strawberry milk, watching Sungmin look lovingly at his pancakes, and then  devouring them.Kyuhyun was grateful for the fact that Yesung was not there, atleast then the avoiding would be easier.Then it happened, he smelt it, that faint coffee cinnamon mix.It could only belong to one person.His eyes darted about the room, looking so see if Yesung had entered.

“Kyu what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Eunhyuk asked looking at the maknae carefully.

“Yeah yeah..I’m fine” Kyuhyun reassured quickly.He did not want to alert Eunhyuk to his mental instability.He was sure the man would first break into giggles and then proceed to cry a river when he realized that Kyuhyun was not kidding.

“Was Yesung hyung here?” he asked as nonchalantly as he could, not wanting to draw suspicion to himself.He was already acting weird enough as it was.He was actually surprised that Leeteuk had not interrogated him yet as to his odd conduct, but then again Leeteuk dealt with Super Junior.Odd was normal for him.

“He was here about an hour ago.He came to get his coffee before he left for his schedules.He looked tired,so it’s a good thing he doesn't have anything difficult”Sungmin informed between mouthfuls.

“Is he alright?” Kyuhyun asked immediately, voice anxious.Whilst he wanted the romantic love to go away, that did not mean he expected the love he felt to leave.Yesung was always going to be special to him.

 “Calm down will up? He is fine, just tired.I don't think he got much sleep.You both have been acting weirder than usual.Are you guys fighting?”Sungmin questioned, eyes now fixed on Kyuhyun.Also similar was Eunhyuk, who as also staring intently at the maknae waiting for an answer.

“We are always weird.We are not fighting, just busy” Kyuhyun chuckled humourlessly.Oh how he wished it was just their little squabbles.Neither Sungmin nor Eunhyuk looked like they believed him but choose not to pursue the topic further, for which Kyuhyun was grateful.He chuckled for real this time, when he realized that EunMin probably thought their breakfast was more important than the question, judging by the haste Sungmin returned to his pancakes.

With his tea warming his hands, he walked to the living room and flicked on the large TV.He just wanted a bit of mindlessness.As it was he had been too involved in his mind.Then it happened again, that smell invading his senses.That had to be impossible he thought to himself.The entire room seemed to smell like him.Kyuhyun knew that instant that he was now certifiably insane.

“Do you smell that? That coffee and cinnamon thing?” Kyuhyun desperately questioned Sungmin when he had wondering into the room.Kyuhyun must have appeared like a mad man to Sungmin, he was sure he probably was.

“Coffee Cinnamon thing?No.Why would the room smell like that?Kyuhyun, all kidding aside, you sure you alright? Sungmin questioned, looking Kyuhyun up and down, raking over his form, trying perhaps to see any physical defect that could be causing the increase in his randomness.

“ I am fine.Really.Just a little out of it I guess” Kyuhyun tried reassuring Sungmin, though he was probably in more need currently.To him the whole room smelt like him.The couch, the cushions, even the walls.Since Sungmin had made a great show of sniffing the air and then proceeded to look at him like at him as if he was a raving lunatic, he was positive that he was, alunatic that is.How on earth did a whole room start to smell like him? He was beyond the point of insanity.His head hurt.

“You have been acting really weird and you don’t look so good Kyu ah.You know that if something is wrong you can come to me, to any of us, right?” Sungmin looked down at him with worried eyes, voice persuasive and reassuring.Kyuhyun knew they all loved him and would do anything for him.He was even a little annoyed with him self for worrying not just Sungmin but the others as well.

“ I know, but really I'm fine.Just confused about something” Kyuhyun smiled at Sungmin.It was as genuine of a smile he could produce with his chaotic mind, filled with that scent…Oh God that scent.

“Alright.If you need anything at all, you come find me okay?” Sungmin looked at him once more, eyes willing Kyuhyun to understand that he was there if he ever wanted his help.

“I will” Kyuhyun conceded, nodding his head to signify that the message was received loud and clear.Sungmin smiled at him fondly, took a couple steps towards him, ruffled his hair slightly and then said he was going to find Eunhyuk.

Kyuhyun returned to his room, hoping that the smell would be confided to the common areas, that maybe the man had traversed that morning.He was unlucky once again, as his room smelt only of him.He knew physically that was impossible.He was not a man of special taste, but he was sure between him and Sungmin, the room was sure to have various odours of the numerous cologne brands they endorsed or given to them by fans.In his recollection, the room never smelt likehim before, not even last night even he left.It was driving him crazy.It was like all his nose could detect was that faint smell of coffee and cinnamon.He closed his eyes and willed the scent away, thinking of every other smell he had encountered, only for his mind to once again betray him.All he saw shortly,were almond shaped eyes.All he could smell was him.Kyuhyun was sure he was going to cry.

For the rest of the day, he lived in a world ruled by almond shaped eyes and one that smelt of coffee.It was even so bad, that he was having lunch and instead of smelling the fish, he only  smell registering in his mind was coffee/cinnamon.He never closed his eyes any more.He did not even want to blink.In this test of will power he was failing miserably.He even began noticing everything about the man.He may have been on an avoidance drive, but they still had to work together as Super Junior.He kept himself as reasonably possible, away;aided by the fact that Yesung once again made no move to approach him.From his sitting position, he noticed everything about the other.The way he would his own fingers as he waited, or stretch up to brush his hair to the side,the way he tapped his foot on the floor, or would look confuse for a split second before, titling his head slightly to laugh or giggle at whatever Leeteuk and Donghae were saying to him.He even noticed that he smiled a little more brightly at Siwon.To say this was a troubling situation would be an understatement in gross negligence.What was the point of avoidance, if it only made him hyper sensitive to every action of the man.He noticed more things about him in the last ten minutes, than he probably had in the 6 years they had lived together.

During his little staring session, he had caught Yesung’s eyes.The man that had become an obsession.Honestly, what else could he called it? Who rationally could only smell hints of someone else who was not even in the room? Was it not obsessed people that could picture, perfect replication of only eyes in their mind? Those same eyes staring back into his own for a split second, before being withdrawn, but not before Yesung had smiled at him ever so gently.His heart hurt, for more reasons that one.His heart hurt because the smile was warm and he wanted them to be his forever and ever, it hurt because he knew what he wanted would not be possible and finally it hurt because, once again he was not the one with the will power to pull away. Kyuhyun did not want to cry anymore.He doubted tears could help him now.

By the time they returned to the dorms Kyuhyun could not care to speak to anyone or do anything.He walked straight to him room, stripped out of his heavier clothing and buried himself in his blankets.He had heard Leeteuk enter, touching his forehead, asking him about something.He took all the strength he had left and mustered a tame assurance of his well being and desire only to rest.If he was lucky, Leeteuk would just think he had a cold, which was prone to contracting.At this point he even wished he had a cold.The accompanying throbbing would ensure he would not smell coffee and cinnamon or have enough coherent thought to envision almond shaped eyes. Leeteuk seemed to be willing to give him a respite, for which he was grateful.He closed his eyes and let sleep claim him, only to dream of warm smiles and dark hair.He awoke a couple hours later, room dark and silent.He felt a tinge of disappointment.He was expecting Yesung to be somewhere there about staring at him.He shook those useless thoughts away to then notice a turtle plushie at the side of his bed.He smiled brilliantly.Yesung was there and that  alone was enough to destroy any worry he had.Kyuhyun was going to swallow pride soon.

Kyuhyun exited his room with the intention of finding Yesung, to let the man know he was fine.Instead he stumbled into Living Room to find Siwon and Yesung talking, Kyuhyun catching the tail end of the conversation, because the occupants were too distracted with each other to notice his presence, something that nearly made his blood boil.

“You're happy I’m here right Hyung?” Siwon said with a sickeningly fake cute voice,well that was how it sounded to Kyuhyun anyway.He did not know why Siwon even tried cute.Even in blinding rage, Kyuhyun would not deny the man was handsome, but cute he definitely was not.

“Always Siwon ah” Apparently Yesung did not share Kyuhyun’s sentiments, positively cooing at Siwon, a warm appreciative chuckle leaving his lips.

“Do you have a schedule? Or just here to see me?” Yesung teased Siwon gently, giggling a little bit, Siwon eating in all up, rather disgustingly.Seriously, why was Siwon here again?Kyuhyun could not understand really.

“Aren't I always here just to see you” Siwon quipped, before throwing his ridiculously large,burdensomely heavy frame on the much smaller man.Did Siwon not think? He could hurt him.Kyuhyun’s subconscious was laughing at him for his sheer ridiculousness,but he still thought those were valid concerns.

Kyuhyun had had enough.He was swallowing his pride, he was giving up.He was going to surrender.This exercise in avoidance had been an absolute failure.He  had just realized that his pointless efforts at avoidance only gave people like Siwon precious time with his Yesung hyung.It was not as if he had anything against Siwon(Really? You have nothing again him?---Shut up!!), he just wanted to be the one Yesung smiled at,hugged.He was fed up.He could never Love the  man any less.He probably just loved him more now.

“Hyung” Kyuhyun called out, finally making his presence known.Yesung released Siwon, turning his attention over to Kyuhyun who was striding into the room.Kyuhyun did not acknowledge anything or anyone.He just approached Yesung quickly and attached himself to the elder's back.His arms thrown over Yesung’s shoulder, head using said shoulders as a resting place, eyes closed, nose relishing the scent of coffee and cinnamon. Kyuhyun only opened his eyes briefly to glare at Siwon in front of him as covertly as possible, who in return just looked at him like he was crazy.Kyuhyun knew Yesung was talking to him.He heard the husky voice, obviously peaked with question, but Kyuhyun really could not concentrate on the words being uttered.He was just too busy allowing himself to be consumed by the warmth his chest was pressed on, the small shoulders holding his weight and the smell invading his nostrils.He supposed Yesung was asking if everything was okay.

“Everything is perfect hyung.Just perfect” was all Kyuhyun would say then, continuing to hold on to Yesung’s back, rocking side to side, eyes closed, nestling his head into Yesung’s neck.Kyuhyun was just happy to be near him again after what felt like a lifetime but was only a little more than a week.Yesung for his part, did not know what was happening or why it was happening, but if Kyuhyun needed his comfort he would always be there for him.He may have been willing to admit that he was rather happy that Kyuhyun was clinging on to him.Siwon on the other hand, was utterly lost.Yesung was always kind of weird, adorably so but this was a little to odd for his taste.He was just talking to Yesung, when Kyuhyun came out of no where and threw himself at Yesung, then glared at him.Seriously,what was up with Kyuhyun these days? Now it seemed as if they forgot he was there.Siwon did not understand what was going on and decided that he was not even going to try to.

Sometime later Kyuhyun had returned to his room feeling a lot lighter.It was odd he thought.Before his room only smelt like coffee and cinnamon, but now after he was practically attached to the man, he could smell the musky after shave he often used.Kyuhyun would never understand obsession or love.Kyuhyun had quit.It is not something he did often, but in this case it had to be done.He had achieved nothing expect heartache and the rest of his hyungs thinking he had gone insane, which he probably had.He must have been insane or incredibly stupid to think he could love Yesung less.That snarky voice from the abyss once again raising up to inform him that he was just stupid and if he had just listened to it, he would not have had to suffer.Whilst Kyuhyun did not appreciate the reprimand or the insult, he could not disagree.He had been incredibly foolish.How could he think love would diminish? He probably loved the odd man more now.After he basically stalked him, he now loved the way he played  ith his fingers when he was bored, or tapped his feet in perfect rhythm or titled his head to smile. Kyuhyun had realized that his will power was no match for his love,which was sad and thrilling at the same time.

Kyuhyun obviously could not deny he loved him, and now obviously,as this little exercise in embarrassing failure had shown, he did not have the will power to avoid his love, all that was left to do was to act on it , to face it.Kyuhyun laughed.That was always easier said than done.Kyuhyun though, had realized that what he felt was true love.Even from his limited knowledge he knew that true love did not wane or weaken.His avoidance may have been a failure from his original objective but it had been rather instructive elsewhere.It had confirmed that what he felt was  true love.Something that would not fade, but only got stronger with time.Wasn't that worth fighting for? He knew that all his original problems would still be there, but maybe his love would be enough.He had just experienced ,a life without Yesung, however limited and it had not been pleasant.He hated everything about it.He made a decision then and there.His avoidance and denial was at an end.He would man up once again and deal with it.Whatever the future  brings he would be ready.Knowing full well  that he was being incredibly cheesy and even more sappy, he swore that once he had Yesung beside him, everything would always be alright.The question now being

“What do I do next?”

A/N: Well there you have it.Its a little later than I expected but I finished it.Its a little bit cheesy,so I apologize but most of you probably already know that I am incredibly cheesy..lol...This follows from Contemplation and maybe the Confession would be next.I have two huge term papers due so it won't be as frequent anymore.Not stopping just not as regularly. If you spot any spelling/grammatical errors point it out so I can fix it..my editing is not very good :( Also as my public service announcement --Don't go to law school and if you are already there avoid European Union Law like the plague lol :)

A/N2 :Some one asked me about Yewon.I think its pretty obvious that I am also a Yewon shipper,with Siwon being one of my ultimate biases.Hence he tends to make an appearance always.In this continuum however, its not romantic in anyway,contrary to what Kyu believes..lol..Hope that clears everything up :)

Comments are Always Appreciated...Let me know If I am doing this right :)