"If I had a day that I could give you
I'd give to you a day just like today"

Hyukjae stopped in front of his door's apartment. He stood there for a moment, shoulders slumped and head bent low like a brooding rooster. What was he thinking? He really wasn't thinking of anything, but inside, he's spiraling down in an endless loop of nothingness. He knew he had to claw his way out of the blackhole he's falling into, but he's too exhausted to mentally struggle against his inner demons. 

After a few long, heavy exhales, he tapped in the passcode and went inside. As soon as he was in, he slipped off his shoes and coat and left them cluttered on the floor. Hyukjae wanted to be alone. He declined his friends’ invitation to hang out because he didn't have enough energy for any social acrobats. Besides, he wanted to be alone, so he could sort out his thoughts. But now that he's got what he wanted, he's regretting it a little. It was his choice to live alone, but right this moment, he didn't want to be. 

He didn't want to be out with his friends, but he didn't want to be alone either. He only needed a companion who'd sit with him through his silence; a comforting presence while he mulled over his thoughts. But his place was quiet, without any signs of life besides him and a few house plants that were a few days close to dying. He forgot to water them. Sora and his mom would surely nag at him when they see them. He decided not to think about it and spare himself from a different source of headache. He's had enough stress to last him for weeks. He'd been slammed with work, and this was his first day off in a long while. Instead of feeling happy and relieved, he felt burdened and displeased. It'd been a long time since he had a back-to-back schedule, but miraculously, he'd managed to them all up.

He spent months preparing and shooting for different shows, but when the crew showed him the pre-airing videos, he'd learned that most of his scenes were cut off. When he asked why, the directors could only give him a sympathetic look and a half-hearted shrug. 
 

"That's just how it is, Eunhyuk. Parts that we deem as not interesting enough will not be aired," the director said, too preoccupied with whatever's on his computer screen to spare him a look. When Hyukjae remained standing there, not saying anything, the director looked up, "Come on, you can't be down about this! This isn't something new! This happens all the time. Not only to you but to almost everyone," the director added with a light laugh.

Hyukjae clenched and unclenched his fists. The director had a point. Of course he knew that. This wasn't the first time this happened to him. But still, he couldn't tame his heart. He'd put a lot of effort into his projects since it's been so long. He tried too hard because he wanted to show the best side of him to his fans who'd been patiently waiting for him to appear on more TV shows. But he couldn't even give them enough air time. 

Hyukjae pinched his nose when he started to feel a stinging sensation at the back of his eyes. Not wanting to look weak and affected in front of the director, Hyukjae cleared his throat and flashed a smile. "Yes