F*** , how can this happened????!!!!

 I kicked the air while my body was still laying on the bed. I don't have the energy anymore to live this day, and so on. The sky seemed to fall, the ground collapsed, my life was not on my side.

 I can't sleep but my eyes are won't to open, I wish if I could sleep I wanted to sleep forever.

 My words are getting louder.

 Trying to forget what happened last night, especially what Father and Mr. Kim said. I really didn't think about it but it did come to mind by itself.

 "I don't really want to force you, but what is the best for you. Even though you're an adult, I still want someone to take care of you. The only one I can trust is the Kim family. And also.. I want to see you married, before Dad really doesn't exist in this world. For other reasons, you can ask the Kim family.  this is what's best for both of you."

 I haven't had time to ask the Kim family why. How strong is that reason to make us have to get married.

 Is this to hide that wonshik-oppa is really gay??

 Noooooo

 Again I was shouting while kicking the wind.

 "Do you always do that?"

 I heard a deep male voice from the doorway.

 Sure enough the door was open and there was Wonshik oppa who was leaning on the door frame.

 "Since when?"

 "Since the first kick." The answer is relaxed.

 It's true that we were friends when we were little, but... we were separated and now we're both adults. It sure feels different right?

 "Do you want to talk or not? Because in two days I won't be home." he asked in that deep voice. It is said that the voice is the most adorable and attracting women.

 I'm not sure that our last meeting sounded that deep. What I remember is his yell voice like a woman when he falls from a kindergarten swing.

 "Okay." Words are just words, my body is still attracted by the gravity of the mattress. I just lay down and didn't get up right away.

 "You're not going to wake up? You want me to come into your room?"

 "No no, this gravity is very strong." I tried to defy gravity and get up like a zombie.

 "We'll talk on the balcony." He left me, and walked ahead.

 Snorting I got up and walked to the balcony. It felt like there were iron chains on my legs, it felt so heavy like a living weight.

 Arriving at the balcony covered by glass, I could see him looking up at the sky. From behind alone he already looks handsome. He really has become a mature wonshik and is not a crybaby anymore. Even though his behavior still a thousand percent. I am sure of it.

 I slowly opened the glass door, and slowly he turned around and his eyes looked directly at me.

 "Okay, because I don't have time so just get to the point. I don't want everything to be complicated, let's make it simple."

 "How? You seem to think things are easy."

 "It won't be easy if you go against the grain. I mean, just live as they want. Then our lives will be easier."

 "Not for me, you're an idol what would I be, if your fans knew. Don't you think about your career? Your girlfriend?"

 "I know it won't be easy, but now I'm in my own entertainment company. At least it won't be complicated."

 "So, you accept this arranged marriage?" I asked firmly, he rolled his eyes while blowing the wind.

 "Not really. In a situation like that it would only get worse if I rejected. Ah, my mind is already too full of work." He ruffled her hair. In contrast to his frustrated tone, his face actually looked normal, relaxed.

 "I'm surprised you can be this calm, you used to be so careless in matters."

 "It's getting more and more troubled now. So, is there anything else you want to say?"

 "I'm just confused about things I don't know what. Maybe, I just need some time to think."

 "Don't be so hard, because you don't have to go against the flow. Just go about your day as usual. Your job is even a date with your boyfriend. We still have 6 months to go until our wedding day. It could be, they change their minds too or we have a way."

 "I don't have a boyfriend." I was annoyed.

 "Good then, there won't be any extra drama. Ok, I'll go. Oh yeah, your kakao id." He gave me his cell phone which he had been holding. I typed my kakao id, and added friendship.

 "Ok, later you have to add me too."

 "Okay, I'm going. Bye." He walked past me and "oh yeah, I don't have a girlfriend. You got it wrong." He muttered in a half-whispered voice.

 Oh I see, so it's all just rumours. Indeed, idols must be hard to avoid rumors. This is all going to be difficult for me, let alone him. However, I understand that we also can't oppose all of this. Moreover, he is a very family oriented person.

 I understand the past Kim Wonshik, but I'm not sure about the current Kim Wonshik. I've known him since childhood, which I remember when he was in kindergarten and I was also Jiwon in the playgroup.

 He's a very brave kid when he fights someone who annoys his little sister, but he's also a crybaby when things don't go his way. He's been ambitious since he was little, but I think he's a cool oppa. Jiwon allowed me to brand Wonshik as my oppa too. Thankfully, because I'm an only child and really hope to have siblings, especially older siblings.

 One incident, that day it rained quite heavily. Me and Wonshik-oppa lost Jiwon, where did he go. Investigate, she was surrounded in the middle of the park with a bunch of kids our age. They were jealous that Jiwon always had the newest toys that maybe the boys didn't have.

 Me and oppa are planning something. He would ride a bicycle and cut their line, and bring Jiwon. Meanwhile I would throw balloons filled with flour from the top of the straw. Imagine that when I was in 1st grade and Wonshik oppa was around 2nd grade, but we were able to devise strategies to save people.

 All went well for Wonshik Oppa and Jiwon, but I had to break my leg. There was a boy who pushed me, unfortunately not to where the slide was sliding, but to the side and I fell from a height of about 2 meters. That day also rained heavily and was very slippery, so I could fall easily.

 Since that day the three of us got closer. Plus, Jiwon thinks I'm a hero. Even though I had to undergo surgery and the scar is still there, I feel proud of myself.

 When we were in middle school, we rarely played with Wonshik-oppa anymore, because he already had male friends. Moreover, he also entered the football club, it is certain that he has many friends. But, once in a while when we have time off, we also play together, such as going to the playground or the mall.

 I also remember that he was the narcissistic type in the past, armed with a cellphone camera that was not that many megapixels, he took a selca. Some are still stored, and of course made a laughing stock for people. Especially VIXX members and their fans.

 Look how different it is now.

 Until now I couldn't believe they were the same person. Especially now that his voice is getting louder. Plus, I can't judge whether his character is still the same Wonshik or not. Moreover, he is an idol now, almost everyone knows him. I'm not expecting much, but I hope you're still the good Wonshik-oppa you used to be, even better.

 The last time we met, when he was still a trainee, that's what I call a farewell.

 Where there is a farewell that's where I realized, that I admire him not as an oppa. But as a man.

 But that feeling must have faded with time, we never saw each other again. In the course of time I met new people, including someone who once stopped in my heart and left again. All the new people who came and went and most of them left, and only a few stayed. That's life. However, someone who has left, has returned and maybe he will stop in my life for the future, namely Kim Wonshik. Maybe?