Donghae woke up, head throbbing like it had not in a long time. He had forgotten to close the curtains and the midday sun was killing his eyes. Good thing was that he was laying in his own bed. He reached for his phone on the floor. It was still miraculously on, and was bursting with notifications. Mostly from Leeteuk and Shindong (he had not shown up to work this morning), a few from Heechul (drunk texting that made no sense), Dara had called him (6 times at 4am) and a text from Yunho. The last one was the first he opened. Yunho was not much of a texter, he was more of a ‘showing up at your door at 6am to go for a run and eat 8 fried eggs’-kind of person. He was asking him to meet next week, he quickly answered by the positive and called Heechul. 

“Hello sleeping beauty.” Heechul said on picking up. “Leeteuk called me earlier to let me know that if you weren’t lying dead in a ditch, it was no reason enough for not going to the shop.” 

“ hyung. Why did you let me drink?”

“You asked so nicely, I couldn’t possibly refuse my favourite person a few drinks.” 

Donghae huffed and got up to close the curtains. He sighed, his eyes appreciating the lack of light in the room. 

“You remember anything?”

“I don’t remember getting home. Did you put me in a cab or something?” He rubbed his eyes, walking to the bathroom.

“Oh.. uh… Hae…” Heechul stuttered. How un-Heechul-like. 

Donghae heard noise coming from the kitchen/living room area and stopped dead in his tracks.

“Hyung, I think there’s someone at my place. Did I go home with someone? Please tell me I brought someone home and that I’m not about to get murdered.”

“Yeah you did, Hae. But…” But Donghae was not listening anymore, he was opening his bedroom door to see who was in his kitchen. He almost dropped his phone and muttered “I’ll call you back, hyung.” 

Lee Hyukjae was standing in his kitchen. Wearing only boxers. Sun shining on his milky skin. He turned around, hearing Donghae’s voice. 

“Good morning. I was trying to make some coffee, I didn't mean to wake you up.” He smiled sheepishly. 

“Did we… did anything…” Donghae did not know what to ask or how to begin. 

“You don’t remember?” He shook his head. “Well it figures, you were ing drunk last night.” Hyukjae chuckled, turning back to the coffee machine. “You called me     at like 3am telling me I had to drive you home or something, and since I’m such a good friend I came to rescue you.” Oh no, Donghae thought. “And you know, for someone who rejected me the other night, you were quite insisting on me sleeping in your bed. With you. You were devastatingly worried for my back, of course.” 

Donghae grunted, sitting down at the kitchen island, his head between his hands. Hyukjae slided a cup of coffee across the table. 

“But I was the perfect gentleman, and slept on the coach.” Hyukjae winked. 

“I’m sorry.” Donghae said, looking at him through his hands.

“It’s okay. I had fun. Drunk-Donghae is quite a smooth talker.”

Donghae snorted and took a sip of coffee, trying to avoid looking at Hyukjae’s body. 

“How much do you remember? You seemed quite surprised to see me here. So I guess you don’t even remember calling me.”

“I… I remember being at the club and refusing to do body shots with Heechul hyung. And then, I… I danced?” Hyukjae raised an eyebrow, visibly interested. “Where was I when you came to get me?”

“In the street. But there were lots of clubs in this area.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t do that. Not anymore.”

“The calling-me-up part or the doing-body-shots part? Because I was getting very hopeful for a second there, not gonna lie.” Hyukjae . 

Donghae shook his head, a small smile on his lips. “Thank you for getting me home. And you know for…you know.”

“For coffee. No worries, that’s my specialty in the kitchen.” He put his cup in the sink, going to the coach to put some clothes. Finally. He was pulling up his jeans (not that Donghae was looking) when the front door opened on Dara.

“Good morning party people!” She stopped straight upon seeing Hyukjae in the middle of the room, still getting dressed. “Oh, hi. I’m interrupting. I’m so sorry!”

“You’re not interrupting. Just close the door or I’ll get complaints from the neighbours.” 

Hyukjae huffed, pretending to be hurt by his words. “I’m on my way out. I’ll get out of your hair.” He winked at Dara, who giggled behind her hand. Hyukjae waved goodbye and was out of the flat in seconds. Donghae could finally breathe again. 

“Holy . I cannot believe Heechul oppa said the truth.” Dara exclaimed, putting bags smelling like takeout on the table. “How was it? Was it everything you hoped for? I mean he has a great body, I swear I saw ing abs! I knew we should have told him to come and celebrate with us, he so likes-”

“Nothing happened, D.” 

“-you. What? What do you mean? I just opened the door on him getting dressed in your living room.” 

“He slept on the coach.” Donghae muttered, opening the bags and fishing for food. Dara let herself fall on a chair next to him, clearly disappointed. 

“I had so much hope in Drunk-Donghae.” She sighed, putting her hand on his shoulder, patting him.

“Well apparently, he was not over me rejecting him after his race.”

“Wait, what? Why did you do that?”

“He’s committed to someone else, I’m not getting in the middle of their .”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” She rubbed his neck. 

Donghae shrugged and opened the take-out packages, pushing some food in front of her. He asked her about her night. He remembered seeing her dancing with some girl. But nothing, she said. She had just kissed a guy before her Uber arrived. They finished eating and Donghae had to call Leeteuk to beg for forgiveness. Fortunately, he still had a job at the end of the phone call and was expected to do extra hours for the next week. 

🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎

Donghae was meeting Yunho on the day of his third race in Seoul. The early July sun was warming his arms in the chilly morning. He was waiting for his old friend on a cafe terrace. Talking with Yunho would be good for his mind before the race, he knew that. Yunho was always hyper-motivating. He finally showed up, thirty minutes late at the meeting he had organised. He sat down facing Donghae, looking at him through his dark sunglasses.

“Nice to see you, hyung.” Donghae smiled. “How’ve you been?”

“Since when? Since you fled to China without telling me or since you called me begging for help?”

Donghae winced but he deserved this one. Yunho had made him the racer he was today, but he had betrayed him by leaving him behind in Tokyo. 

“It’s okay, little one. I’ve forgiven you or else I wouldn’t have let you set foot in Seoul.” He took off his sunglasses, eyes as warm as in Donghae’s memories. As much as Yunho could be cruel, he had always been surprisingly soft with Donghae. Offering him a job at 17, letting him move with him to Tokyo at 18, promoting him first racer at 21. 

“I’m sorry about your father. I wish I could have come to the funeral, paid my respects properly.”

“It’s okay, hyung. I couldn’t go right away, anyway. But Mom said everyone appreciated my offerings when I saw her last month.”

“Does she know?”

Donghae raised an eyebrow. “That I’m still in Korea? No, I’m not here for long anyway.”

Yunho hummed. “How is it going at the shop? Leeteuk making you sweat?”

Donghae laughed and they fell back into a natural conversation they could have had 5 years ago in Japan. They talked about racing, about the car he had now, the one he had left in Taipei. So, of course the conversation led up to the one thing Donghae did not want to talk about. 

“How’s Liu? I couldn’t believe he let you come here.”

“Why?”

“You basically signed a wedding contract with him and the gang. And suddenly he’s all chill letting one of his biggest source of income go around in Korea? Doesn’t sound like Liu at all.”

“Like I said, I’m not here for long.”

“You talked to him since you’ve arrived here?”

“He called, I didn’t pick up.” Yunho’s both eyebrows rose up. Donghae knew how dumb he was being. Not picking up when a Taiwanese gang leader was calling. It was a miracle Liu had not hired someone to shoot him yet. 

“And you’re still alive? He must really need you.”

Donghae shrugged, not wanting to discuss this any longer. “I’m racing tonight. You’re coming?”

“I can’t. I’m dining with my Mrs tonight.” Yunho had married a Japanese lawyer two years after moving to Tokyo. Somehow he had convinced Miho to come back to Korea with him. “But you have all my luck. Not that you’d need it.”

Yunho paid the bill, saying that hopefully there would be a next time and Donghae could take it then. 

🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎

Next time Donghae and Hyukjae saw each other was at Donghae’s race. The first thing Hyukjae noticed was that he had once again changed his hair colour. Instead of the red he had been wearing terribly nicely for the last two weeks, he was now sporting pink hair. A street racer had no business looking so cute, Hyukjae thought. Kyuhyun was already talking and laughing with Donghae and Heechul. How did the brat get here before Hyukjae? 

“Did you know Kyuhyun was coming? I thought he had a study session with his crush.” Hyukjae muttered through his teeth. 

“Don’t you know Donghae is his new favourite hyung?” Yesung mocked him.

“Whatever.” He grunted, joining said brat. 

“You finally made it.” Kyuhyun said seeing them walking up to the rest of them. “It’s about to start.”

“Good luck out there, Donghae.” Yesung told him, clapping the racer on the back.

“Thank you, hyung. I’ll see you guys after the race.” He hugged Heechul briefly before going to his car. 

Hyukjae followed Heechul who was leading them to the rest of the team. There was Dara, a guy he once saw at Leeteuk’s shop, called Henry or Harry, and another guy who could not look more out of place with his Burberry trench and his slicked-back hair. Kyuhyun went straight to this guy and beamed at him, speaking 10 words a second. It finally dawned on Hyukjae that this guy was the study date. Kyuhyun had brought the prosecutor’s son to an underground car race. He swallowed the need to yell at Kyuhyun when he saw the soft smile and softer eyes looking at his best friend. He exchanged incredulous looks with Yesung who rolled his eyes, before engaging in small talk with Heechul. 

“Hi Hyukjae!” Dara called. It felt weird to be called something else than Eunhyuk in a racing environment. 

“Hey, how are you?” He greeted back.

“Good! Have you seen Donghae yet? He’s going to be thrilled that you came.” Hyukjae’s eyebrows jumped up, Donghae looked a lot of things (cute, gorgeous, concentrated, tensed) when he saw him, but not thrilled. “By the way, I’m so sorry about the other day. I didn’t mean to barge in on you guys. Donghae always tells me off because I don’t knock.” She smiled, looking genuinely sorry. 

“Don’t worry about it. You weren’t barging on anything, I was getting ready to leave.” 

She did not look relieved at his answer, as if she was expecting him to say that yes, she had been interrupting. Thankfully, the race started and Hyukjae focused on the white car taking the lead. He recognised the purple car chasing Donghae, as a young racer from Busan that was getting well-known in the Seoul scene for being reckless. This race was a match made in heaven, two reckless racers in the lead. The third and last place car had a customised plate saying ‘SUGA’, Hyukjae knew him well enough to know he did not belong in last place. This guy was a strategic racer, unlike his two opponents. Soon enough SUGA’s green car was eating ground on the purple car and caught up with Donghae. The last part of this circuit was all about taking risks. Donghae’s strong point, Hyukjae thought. He could barely hear Heechul yelling curses, or the crowd getting crazy at the speed that SUGA was gaining, almost taking over Donghae. Hyukjae stopped breathing when he saw the two cars grazing each other, leaving green paint on Donghae’s car. He was finally able to breathe again when Donghae crossed the finish line, in first place. He went directly to him. He did not hear Heechul calling for him to stay put. He pushed through the crowd that was starting to gather around the winner. His eyes met Donghae’s, he held out his hand to him. Confused, Donghae gave him his car keys. He got into the driver’s seat and watched Donghae shake hands with the other racers before sitting next to him. 

“What are you doing? Henry is the one taking care of the car after races…”

Hyukjae only grunted and stepped on the accelerator. He drove them just out of the circuit, getting out of the car as soon as he turned it off. Donghae did the same, confusion written all over his face. 

“Hyukjae, what’s -” But lips were already on Donghae’s mouth, swallowing the words. Hyukjae’s hands were on both sides of the other’s face, Donghae’s fingers circling his wrists. As the kiss deepened, Hyukjae caged Donghae’s body against the car, keeping one of his hands on his neck. After what felt like only seconds, Donghae put both his hands on Hyukjae’s chest, pushing him away to catch his breath. 

Hyukjae put their foreheads together, breathing hard. Donghae’s hand was his cheek, putting some stray hair behind his hair, a gentle smile on his puffed lips. 

“Just wanted to say congrats.” Hyukjae breathed out. 

Donghae’s mouth went “Oh” before Hyukjae was kissing him again. They were interrupted by a phone going off, a text from Kyuhyun saying they were waiting for them at Sooyoung’s bar to celebrate Donghae’s win. They reluctantly got into the car again, Hyukjae still driving. The drive back into the city was quiet. Donghae’s anxious thoughts were really loud and Hyukjae gripped the wheel tightly, focusing on the road. 

When they made it to the bar, their friends were already drinking and celebrating. Henry hugged Donghae like the over-excited puppy he was. Donghae took advantage of it to sit next to Dara, kissing the crown of her head, whispering in her ear. The red of his lips from their kiss was fading, and Hyukjae felt an unpleasant feeling in his chest. He took place next to Yesung, with a first-row seat to Kyuhyun making out with his study buddy.

Hyukjae felt Jongwoon’s gaze on him and Donghae all night. He knew Donghae felt it by how tense he was each time he would reach out to him. So when Donghae said his goodbye, claiming to be too tired to keep on celebrating, Hyukjae bid farewell as well, following him outside. Donghae was lighting up a cigarette and sighed when he saw him. He was not facing him when he said:

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you and your boyfriend these days, but what happened earlier… I shouldn’t have kissed you back. You never know what you had until you lose it… or something.” Donghae looked cute when he was not sure of himself. Hyukjae had a hard time concentrating when all he thought about was finding a way for Donghae to kiss him again. Wait a second, boy-what?

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Jongwoon hyung.” Donghae sighed. “God, Hyukjae. Kyuhyun told me you guys did not know where you were standing but still I’m not blind, nor stupid.”

“Oh Hyung and I? No we’re not… it’s not like that.” Donghae raised an eyebrow, he had seen those looks. “I swear! Kyuhyun has no idea. It’s… it’s complicated but -”

“Well, relationships usually are complicated, Hyukjae.” Donghae bite back, breathing in the smoke, eyes sad. “But you have to push through these moments, not give up and throw yourself onto someone else.” 

Donghae started to walk away, stepping on his cigarette. And if Hyukjae liked looking at his back, he could not let him get away. He grabbed his arm, making him turn around.

“You don’t get to judge me okay? I don’t know what kind of agreement or freedom you agreed to have with Dara but don’t pretend to be better than me.” God that sounded so wrong, Hyukjae thought. Donghae looked confused, eyebrows in a frown. 

“Dara and I have no agreement, we’re friends. She can be touchy-feely and I am protective of her, but we’re friends. I have never kissed her, I have never slept with her.” Donghae sighed, looking everywhere but at Hyukjae. “Can you say the same?”

“No but -” Hyukjae tried to explain.

“I don’t pretend to be better, I’m aware I’m probably way worse. And that’s why for once, I want to do the right thing.” 

“This is the right thing.” Hyukjae answered, hands brushing Donghae’s, looking for his eyes. Tell me you feel it too, Hyukjae thought. He came closer, and seeing Donghae was not pulling back, he put their foreheads together, breathing in the man in front of him. 

“You promise me I’m not in the middle of something?” Donghae sounded small. 

“I promise. I broke Jongwoon hyung’s heart long ago. We’re having a hard time coming to terms with what it means in our friendship.” Half a lie and half a truth can make a whole truth, right? 

“I don’t… I feel pulled to you, Hyukjae, and I want to give in.” Please do. “But I’m not ready for something serious. I’m in a bad spot in life.”

“Let’s just go with the flow. Follow our guts, take the risk.” Donghae smiled at that. They both knew how good he was at taking risks. So he let Hyukjae take his hand and drove him home. 

They were not dating. Donghae tried to repeat this to himself in the following weeks. But, then, on most nights, Hyukjae would end up sleeping in his bed, in his arms. And on those mornings, he would greet Donghae with sleepy eyes and a sleepy kiss on the mouth before getting up and making him coffee. On rainy summer days, they would stay in bed all day, comfortable in each other’s embrace. It felt so real, Donghae was not ready to wake up. He did not want to think about Taiwan, or the missed calls and threatening texts. 

So, when his phone rang on a late Sunday morning, he already knew the unknown number displayed on the screen. He did not need to save it on his contacts, as he knew exactly who was calling.

“Make it stop.” Hyukjae whined by his side. Donghae rolled in his bed to turn it off. His finger hovering over the denying button, his conversation with Yunho came back to his mind and he knew he could not put back answering any longer. He went to the bathroom, letting Hyukjae drift back to sleep. 

“Hello?”

“And he answers. Finally.” The voice spoke in Chinese. “I thought you had forgotten about me and our agreement.”

Donghae sighed, his brain trying to switch back to Chinese. “I thought I was having the well-deserved break we had talked about.”

“Yeah, yeah, your father dies, you’re very sad and homesick. But I’m losing money, Donghai. When are you coming back? I need a date.”

“I don’t know…”

“I’ve been told you were settling in quite nicely. Racing. Making new friends. One in particular caught my attention.” Donghae heard some shuffling and papers wrinkling on the other end of the phone. “Eunhyuk, another racer. Quite good. Better than you. Should I make an offer to him?”

“I’ll be back by the end of the summer.”

“Good. Good. That’s what I like to hear.” A dog barked. “And I’m sure Feifei will be just as happy.”

The line was cut off before Donghae could reply.