[ for k3ykwangie ]

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Times change, People change... but that smile stays the same.

> [ It has to be you – Yesung (Super Junior) ] [ its very loosely based on this song (pretty much only the feeling of the song, without understanding the lyrics. ]

[ the gray text is flashbacks of the past, 6 years (or more) earlier than current time ]

It's been 6 years since I was in Seoul last. I have so many good memories of when I was living there as a child. Everything seemed so simple, and lovable. There was nothing I hated about living there. Well... it's not like I hate anything now either, but I guess now that I'm older, I'm 18, maybe I won't see Seoul as the place I use to see it as before?

All my memories of Seoul, all of them are good memories, but the best ones all include my friend Lee Kikwang.

He's this really sweet boy, with a cute smile. He always made my day with anything he said to me. Whether it was funny, or motivating... or even with just simply smiling, he could make a bad day a very exciting one.

He was the reason I was so sad when I had to move out of Seoul 6 years ago. I cried. A lot.

“Jian-ah!” I could hear my name being called, as I was calmly lying on the grass looking at the sky. “Jian-ah! Wake up!!!!” he yelled.

Just pretend to sleep... don't wake up. Was what I thought, but I guess it was a bad idea.

“Ugh,” I groaned as I felt something heavy sit on my stomach. It was Lee Kikwang, of course.

“Jian-ah!!” he screamed again, even though he was quite close to me.
 

“Ya! Get off of me you brat!” I hissed and sat up. “And use your indoor voice,”

“Scary... even though we're outside...” Kikwang said, and quickly got off from on top of me.

I chuckled as I watch him back away a bit too far from me. He was totally exaggerating.

Pouting, I made a face like I was about to cry. “Oppa hates me?” I knew that would make him quickly come back to me again, and he did. He hugged me tightly while telling me how he would never ever hate me.

The way he smiled was so cute, so I quickly forgave him and smiled too.

I miss him so much, I thought as I was walking around at the airport with my luggage. I've finally arrived in Seoul, and I'm looking for Mrs. Lee, who was supposed to come pick me up. I was going to stay in her house for a while , while my mother was going to start moving things into our new house.

After six years, we're finally moving back to Seoul.

I can't wait to see Kikwang again... I wonder if he's changed. Hope not.

“Lee Jian?” someone suddenly spoke behind me, startling me a little.

When I turned around, I saw a handsome man looking at me with an indifferent expression, which quickly turned into some form of shock... or surprise?

“Ahhh, mm, yes. Who are you?” I said.

“You don't recognize me?”

Now that I looked at him a bit closer... too close in fact, because he was totally getting into my bubble... he did seem familiar. I was afraid to ask, just in case I was wrong, so I just shook my head and stepped back.

I could have sworn I heard him sigh before he took my bags and motioned me to follow him. He said Mrs. Lee, who was supposed to come pick me up wasn't able to come, so she sent him instead. For some reason he also had one of this friends with him, who was driving us.

“Stop staring at me already.” Kikwang said after a while. He didn't look at me, so I was a bit surprised that he noticed it.

“Sorry, just.... I wanted to ask you....” I started, but hesitated a bit. “You're, Lee Kikwang right?”

I was afraid to hear the answer. My heart was beating so fast for some reason. It would have been unbelievable if he really was the same Lee Kikwang... my childhood friend.

“aaaaaaaaaaah!” I screamed as I was sitting up on the ground beside a tree that I had just fallen off of. My knee was hurting very much. “Oppaaa!” I cried.

“Jian-ah! Are you ok!?” Kikwang ran to me worriedly and looked at my knee. “Does it hurt anywhere else, or only your knee?”

“Knee only...”

He crouched down with his back to me, and motioned for me to get on his back. “You live too far, so I'll bring you back to my house. Umma will treat it for you!”

If I wasn't in so much pain, I would have probably smiled at Kikwang's kindness. He was really a very nice and kind hearted boy. My best friend that I would have hated to loose.

“Yes. I am Lee Kikwang. So what?” He spoke indifferently again while looking in the other direction. Why won't he look at me? Does he hate me now???

“Ah, Hyung she knows you?” the guy who was driving said.

“Yeah, we used to be friends years ago.”

Used to be... Those words hurt me a lot, but I tried to hide it.

“She's very pretty.” the friend said, and I saw that he stole glances from me from the mirror from time to time.

“Shut up!” Kikwang growled, then added. “She can hear you.”

“I know she can hear me.” his friend laughed.

I smiled awkwardly, a bit embarrassed that they were kind of almost fighting because of me or something.

“Ugh.. anyway we're here. Stop the car.”

After the car stopped, Kikwang took my bags out of the car, and said bye to his friend who then drove away.

I frowned because of the way he was talking to me... the way he was acting. This couldn't be the same Lee Kikwang that I knew years ago.

“Oh my sweetheart~!” Mrs. Lee suddenly cried and ran to hug me. “Why are you frowning? Did my son do something to you again?”

So he really is the real Lee Kikwang after all... still... so different. At least Mrs. Lee hasn't changed.

“No. No, of course not!” I lied. Of course he did do something. He broke my heart... well... its not like I was in love with him but... I really really missed him. The way he acted made me feel like he didn't really want to see me anymore.

“You're a horrible liar, Jian-ah!” Mrs. Lee chuckled. “Yah, where is that boy! I have to teach him a lesson for hurting you again!”

That day when I hurt my knee, as soon as she saw it, Mrs. Lee blamed Kikwang for hurting me.

I did try to tell her to stop giving out to Kikwang, because it wasn't his fault, but she didn't believe me. After much begging, Kikwang finally told me to stop trying, and admitted he did hurt me, and then apologized.

I felt really sorry for making him get into trouble, but he always told me not to worry... That he was used to it.

“Ya! Kikwang! Where are you going?” Mrs. Lee asked when she noticed Kikwang grab his coat and keys.

“Out.” He replied, again with that nonchalant voice which was getting on my nerves at this point.

“You were so excited that Jian was finally coming back to seoul last week, and even this morning... so why are you suddenly being so mean?”

Excited??? can't even imagine it. I thought as I watched Kikwang sigh.

“Take her with you! Wherever you're going now.”

“What? No way!” He said, but when he saw Mrs. Lee glare at him he groaned, “Ugh... fine.”

“Why do I have to go to the shop! I don't wanna!” Kikwang yelled at his mother when asked to go to the shop to buy milk.

“Because I said so! Just go! Its only across the road.”

“Can Jian-ah come with me?”

“Eh?” I asked, surprised. I had just been reading a book, so I looked up to look at Mrs. Lee and Kikwang questioningly.

“No! Jian is a guest here today. Go now!”

“Ugh, fine.” Kikwang groaned.

“Mrs. Lee!” I spoke up, making Kikwang stop on his way out. “Can I go with him? I want to!”

Mrs. Lee looked at me surprised but then turned to glare at Kikwang. “Did you threaten her or something?”

“What!?”

“Anni!! I want to go! Can I?” Seeing Kikwang smile because he was happy that I wanted to go with him made me smile too so I turned to Mrs. Lee again and made a cute face, “Please?”

“..oh... ok then.”

“No, it's ok. I'll stay. I have to unpack anyway.” I said as I stood up. I didn't want to annoy Kikwang, who obviously didn't want me to go with him.

Funny how this situation is so different from what I would have been like in the past.

“What? Are you sure?”

“Yes. Kikwang obviously doesn't want me to go with him, so...”

“--no!” He suddenly interrupted with a loud voice. “..It's not that! I... Jian-ah!” Kikwang walked up to me, and grabbed my hand. “Come with me.”

I yanked my hand away, but he didn't let go. “No!” I yelled, but then he tightened his grip on my hand “o..ok!” It really DID feel like he was threatening me this time...

Is this really the Kikwang I used to know? How many times have I had this thought tonight?

“Ya.” I said but Kikwang continued walking. “Ya! Are you going to let go of my hand? Where are you going? Let go of my hand already!!!” He has really changed so much... I don't like it at all. “YA! Why are you being like this?”

“What am I meant to be like then?” he asked, stopping and making me bump into him. “Jian-ah...” He sighed and looked away.

I worried about him a bit. He seemed like he was under stress, or something like that. He seemed confused.

“I don't know.... You're just.... You've changed so much.”

“And you think you haven't?” he looked at me seriously.

He was still holding onto my hand, and I noticed that he was getting closer and closer to me, so I took a step back. “Kikwang o..oppa! You're scaring me...” calling him oppa really made my heart race. Why did it sound so different now than it did back then.

“'Oppa' ?” Kikwang smirked. “...and Jian-ah, do you really think you havent changed? You think I always saw you as the gorgeous and y woman that you are now?” As soon as the words slipped his lips, his eyes widened and he looked away.

He then pulled away from me all together, and started walking toward which ever direction again.

“What..!? What are you even talking about!” I yelled and ran after him. “I'm not talking about the way you or I look! I mean... your personality and everything has... ugh! STOP already!” I grabbed his arm, but soon realized that it was a bad idea.

With a swift movement, he grabbed both of my hands and pulled me closer to himself again.

“You don't think change of appearance may change ones attitude toward the other?” He asked.

He was really invading my bubble right now, and I was starting to feel a little scared. Now that he was so close, I could actually smell a little alcohol off of him, even though it was only a little. This must be why it was his friend who drove him to the airport. He seems totally sober though.

“What do you mean,” I tried to keep my face as far apart from him ask I could but he just kept getting closer. “Your appearance has changed too. You're more handsome... a..a..and..”

“and?”

“no.. nothing...! Anyway! At least I still try to behave the same way with you!”

“Maybe you should stop trying to see me as the old childish me, and be your real self.. as who you are now, and try to see me as who I am now... STOP LIVING IN THE PAST!”

“the.. past...?”

“Right! The past! The me back then didn't even see you as a girl at all! You were nothing more than a best friend to me! But now--!” he suddenly stopped, but his grip on my hand didn't loosen, nor did he pull away.

I was afraid to ask, so I hesitated but then I still decided to ask anyway, since he was looking so deeply into my eyes, confusing me way too much. “...n..now?”

"I'm a man, Jian-ah. And you're a woman... do you understand?”

“Yes, but what does that have to do with our friendship? Back then, you were a boy, and I was a girl! Why do you suddenly not want to be friends anymore?”

"Because--!!” Kikwang started, but then stopped. His face and his body which had been so so close to me just now, suddenly he pulled away from me a little bit, and he sighed, as he moved his hands from my wrists to my shoulders, “....do you have a boyfriend right now?”

"What? ...w..why?”

Without saying anything else, his face was suddenly so close to mine again and then, his lips met mine.

He kissed me!

My heart was beating so much I was afraid it would jump out of my chest!

It can't be, that he l..loves me right? ...and I... don't love h..him, do I?

I felt too weak to push him away... or was it because I didn't want to?

He pulled away a few seconds later, and looked at me deeply in my eyes, warming my heart again, with that same smile which I had missed so much. I couldn't help but let out a small giggle with a smile too.

"I love you, Jian-ah... will you go out with me?” He asked.

I have heard these words so many times before, from many different guys... but this was the first time I felt so excited and happy about it. I was speechless, and couldn't make any words come out of my mouth, so I just gave a light nod as an answer.

"Yay!” he suddenly laughed like a child again, and I could feel that he was smiling as he wrapped his hands around me, and hugged me close.

While walking back to his house, holding hands, we were silent and didn't say anything. I guess nothing needed to be said. As if everything that needed to be said tonight, had already reached the other.

Still... I couldn't help but ask... “Why were you so mean to me earlier, oppa.”

“Mean?”

“The way you acted earlier, when you came to collect me from the airport... I was so scared that you might have hated me.” I pouted, and looked away embarrassed.

He just chuckled, and spoke with a very quiet voice. I already told you once, and i'll say it again, “I would never ever hate you,” he added. “I'll only love you more and more.”

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The end.

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By the way, Can you guess who the driver was (when Kikwang went to collect Jian at the airport) :]