Donghyun can't believe he almost gave in to his desire. Joochan kissed him and he kissed him back! He wouldn't even dare in his right mind. But today, is just different. He knows.

 

 

 

 

He feels likes he's always on the edge lately. Whenever Joochan blabbers, whenever he laughs, whenever he eats, whenever he's around. He always manage to control his feelings, but it's just really getting too much.

 

 

 

 

He's also been bottling things up lately and Joochan knows that. That's why he even decided to stay in his apartment today tho he didn't ask for it. He wants comfort, but not today when he's so fragile and do not have enough energy to hide his feelings.

 

 

 

 

They just finished a movie and decided to sleep already. There's only one room in his apartment and its nothing new that they're sleeping together in his bed. But Joochan got a little bit clingy today. Putting the words he cannot dare to say through his actions. Donghyun knows that he likes him, Joochan didn't even try to hide it but they didn't really talk about it. What's there to talk about when Donghyun knows that even if he likes him back, things wouldn't just go their way. He's not ready to be committed, he's not ready to lose him, his bestfriend.

 

 

 

 

Donghyun was facing the wall when he felt Joochan hugged him from the back. His hand caressing his tummy. Its like giving him a sense of comfort though Joochan really knows nothing about what he's been going through. It feels nice and he can't help but sigh. Joochan made Donghyun rest his head on his other arm serving as his pillow. The hand that was on his tummy wanders upwards and stops on his chest. His heart beating faster and he knows Joochan's too. Donghyun closed his eyes and savored the moment. Only their breathing can be heard. He was taken a back when he felt Joochan moved and hovered over him. He opened his eyes and he can see Joochan staring at his face. Their eyes met, Joochan's was full of uncertainty and Donghyun's was full of questions. Joochan started learning over and he didn't do anything to deny him. He felt his lips again his own. He never felt this contented before. He let his guard down and decide to just go with the flow and that was the most satisfying feeling he had ever felt. The kiss feels so innocent at first when it was just their lips touching, Joochan leaned harder and he can feel their skins touching even when they still have their clothes on.

 

Things started to get heated when he kissed back harder, fighting for dominance. Joochan took his shirt off and Donghyun just stared at him, eyes clouded with desires, before he did the same for him too. They continued kissing, their hands are everywhere until Joochan's went down on his pants and touched him there. He went back to his senses and pull himself away from Joochan.

 

 

 

 

No it can't be.

 

Joochan was worried, it was obvious by his furrowed brows when he asked him why.

 

 

 

 

"Joochan, we can't do this. I'm sorry."

 

 

 

 

He took his shirt and ran away from the apartment to the rooftop.

 

 

 

 

That's why he's here. Taking some fresh air to wash away his clouded thoughts. He can't believe what just happened.

 

 

 

 

He is your bestfriend for sake!

 

 

 

 

He's not usually like this but he guess he's just really falling harder day by day.

 

He heard the door of the rooftop opened and he didn't need to look to know who came.

 

"I knew you'd be here." Joochan said as he walked towards him. He didn't sit beside him but instead stood in front of him.

 

Donghyun didn't answer and looked away.

 

"I'm sorry." Joochan sincerely apologized which got Donghyun's attention and made him looked back at him.

 

 

 

 

"You don't have to feel sorry." He mumbled. "I kinda wanted it too."

 

Silence came over them. Donghyun just stares at Joochan fidgeting.

 

He's so annoying.

 

He can't stand them being so awkward like this so he decided to be himself again.

 

"Do you have a ?" He asked all of a sudden.

 

"No.. b-but I promise I won't come inside you!" Joochan stuttered.

 

He's really cute, Donghyun thinks but he kept his cool.

 

"Are you clean?" he raised his eyebrow.

 

"Of course I'm clean! Its actually my first time... If you'll let me.." he scratched the back of his neck as he gets embarrassed saying that.

 

Donghyun was quiet surprised with what the man said but he made sure he didn't make it obvious.

 

"Are you not afraid I'm not clean?" he challenged the man

 

"No! I trust you!" he said very determined. Donghyun snorted.

 

"You shouldn't trust people that easily Joochan." Joochan was about to retort something back but he didn't give him the chance to do so when he spoke again.

 

"The fact that I'm actually considering ing with you this easily should scare you somehow. What makes you think I'm clean when it's obvious that I have done that before with someone else." he nagged at him. Joochan looked down and kept his silence.

 

Donghyun was pretty sure he's contemplating now and planning to forget whatever he had in mind.

 

But then, this man is full of surprises.

 

 

 

 

He looked up and looked straight at him in the eyes and said, "The fact that you're asking me first like this when we could have done it earlier without much thinking speaks a lot to me. You're careful and I know you more than anyone else though you think otherwise."

 

Donghyun was lost for words and that moment, he knew he really wants this man. But still, he thinks he doesn't deserve someone like him.

 

 

 

 

After his long silence, he spoke again. "But its your first time, and I told you I've done that before with someone–"

 

"You of all people should know how much I like you and your past doesn't matter to me–"

 

"You can't be sure if that would stay like that, as a past, I'm afraid I can't be the man you want me to be, I wouldn't change myself for you and... you just can't trust me." his every words are like knives in his tongue.

 

 

 

 

"Still, I like you. I wouldn't even dare to ask you to change because what's so wrong about you? You're just you and if it's going to be my first, I want it to be you. I'm not scared at all."

 

"And honestly," he scratched his head again,"I know you like me too, though its not as much as what I feel about you, I'll make sure to start doing something about that later." he shyly laughed

 

 

 

 

Donghyun snorted in his mind.

 

If only you know.

 

Donghyun rolled his eyes for nth time that day.

 

"That's so you, getting ahead of yourself." Joochan's laugh gets even louder.

 

"You didn't even deny it!" His laughter died down as he offered his hand to him.

 

"Let's go?" Donghyun just stared at him down to his hand.

 

"Did I already say I'll do it with you?" he scoffed but there's Joochan just waiting for him to reach out to him, like he knew he'd always do.

 

"Even if you don't feel like doing it with me right now, just hold my hand for the mean time. We'll decide what we'll do next as we walk together." Joochan smiled endearingly at him.

 

He's melting inside but kept his stoic face.

 

"You're seriously getting yourself in trouble." He shaked his head as he reached out to him and hopped down the desk. The wind suddenly felt warm against their skin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"So, what flavor do you prefer? Durian? Should I buy a durian flavored condoms?" Joochan playfully asked.

 

"You seriously have your way of ruining the mood." Donghyun nagged at him again.