The stench of cigarettes filled the stale air, seeping into the carpet, Chaeyoung, was laying on. The short-haired girl shut her eyes, her mind racing in every direction. It feels like it was just yesterday when her girlfriend, Mina, had packed her things and left. In reality, it had been a week. Chaeyoung had been trying to push the memory away, filling her body with whatever vices she could get her hands on. It didn't help that every time she closed her eyes, the day Mina left played over and over again.

*A week earlier*

"I'm done with this, Chaeyoung. I can't keep-" A sigh erupted from the brunette's lips, "We can't keep doing this to ourselves." Mina stuffed her clothes into a suitcase. She kept her emotions to a minimum, avoiding Chaeyoung's eyes. The blonde's eyes were filled with pain, Chaeyoung got down on her knees, "Mina... Please don't leave... Please." She yelped out as sobs began to choke her. To Chaeyoung, it felt like her world was going down in flames. The door slammed as Chaeyoung stared blankly out the window, tears silently running down her face. The tears that had suffocated her made her eyes raw and sore. Mina was gone. Chaeyoung watched her leave. She didn't try enough to stop her.

 The blonde girl picked up her phone, dialing a familiar number, hoping to hear Mina's voice once more, but her number had been disconnected. The tone of the phone was the final nail in the coffin for Chaeyoung. The petite girl grabbed her keys, not even bothering to clean herself up. Her tears blurred her vision as she sped off from the home she shared with Mina. A part of her wanted to crash into a wall, knowing Mina would hear about it. Maybe it would make her care again. Chaeyoung shook the thoughts out of her head, deciding instead to settle for her former habits.

 Her car came to a stop in front of her old friend's house, she stared ahead as her mind raced through all of the "I love you"s she shared with Mina. It was enough motivation to get out of her car; to do something to forget. The messy girl trudged up to the steps, music slipping through the cracked open front door. Chaeyoung pushed open the door, her dead eyes following the people surrounding her. She was scanning the group of people, looking for her old friend, Ryujin. Her breathing became more labored as she pushed through the people huddling in the hallways. After a quick scan of the living room, finding her friend didn't matter anymore. Finding something to make her numb did.

That's how Chaeyoung ended up laying on a shaggy carpet with red cups littering the tables around her.  It had been a week and the blonde's hair grew matted and frizzy. The clothes she arrived in were sticky and stained with alcohol. She pushed herself up, a headache pounding in her head. Chaeyoung stood up shakily, her hands wrapped around a half-full bottle of wine. She pressed it to her lips, pushing through the same crowd of people that cycled in and out of this house. The cool, bitter taste traveled down as she stumbled into a bathroom. 

  A group had already set up shop, blocking the sink. They were speaking in hushed whispers as Chaeyoung clung to the wall, watching. One of the girls in the group turned around, a smirk toying at her lips, "D'ya want some?" She giggled out, gesturing to the lines of on the sink. Chaeyoung widened her eyes slightly, looking away, "I don't know if I should..." The strange girl slithered her arms around the shorter girl's neck, "Aren't you tired of being sad?" Chaeyoung would be lying if she said that wasn't all she needed to hear. She stepped forward, tears filling her eyes. She looked up at her reflection in the mirror, whispering to herself, "I'm so tired." 

Minutes later, a strong flavor dripped down Chaeyoung's throat, supposedly it was a sign the worked. The battered girl walked out of the bathroom, eyes stuck to the floor. Chaeyoung reached for the handle to the backyard, ignoring the storm brewing outside. She slid open the screen door. The sky was turning a dark grey, wind whipping at her exposed skin. All she wanted to do was scream, hoping it would get to whatever God decided to leave her feeling this empty. As she felt a sob creep up in , a new feeling began to take over her body. It was warmth, a numbness. Chaeyoung smiled to herself, tears running down her face. This was a feeling she could manage. This was something she wanted; emptiness. 

She stepped back into the dingy living room, standing amongst the large crowd. Hands grabbed at her clothes as she laughed up at the ceiling, a girl wrapping her arms around her waist. Chaeyoung leaned into the girl, feeling the high absorb her. She couldn't come down from this, the blonde needed more. Chaeyoung turned in the stranger's arms, inquiring about where she could find more drugs. Lucky for her, the stranger had some. Chaeyoung could barely keep her head up when a line was prepared for her and presented to her. She took it, her nose numbing immediately. Chaeyoung pushed out of the crowd, collapsing on the carpet with a giggle. She felt so ing good, how could she have possibly been in pain before this? This was a high she was willing to ride out until the end of her heartbreak.

Her eyes trailed back to the crowd that she had just escaped from, landing immediately on a familiar brunette. Chaeyoung's breath was caught in , "Mina?" She shouted over the music, picking herself back up. It felt like her feet were made of lead, "Mina!" She shouted as she watched the brunette slip further away. Mina looked back to smile at her, Chaeyoung followed her out of the back door. The blonde gasped as it became harder to breathe, the rain was pelting her skin. Chaeyoung swore she saw Mina come outside, she looked around the empty backyard. Was she even here? Chaeyoung felt her heart skip a beat as she felt weaker. She collapsed on the concrete outside, her breathing getting faster and faster. Chaeyoung could barely manage to fill her lungs. She choked on her gasps as her eyelids became heavy. The rain felt like it was soaking her, cleansing her of her pain almost. Chaeyoung felt the emptiness she craved consume her body. She was almost... okay with it.

Lights flooded her face as voices began to flood her ears. Chaeyoung's eyes fluttered open to a hospital room, squinting at the bright lights. She took a deep breath, becoming aware of the breathing tube lodged in . Her eyes adjusted to the environment, her heart race increasing. The machine next to her began beeping as the nurse rushed into the room, placing her hand on Chaeyoung's arm, "You're okay. Relax." The nurse soothed her with a sympathetic smile on her face, picking up files from the end of her bed. The nurse promptly exited as tears slipped down Chaeyoung's face, how could she have been so reckless? Her hands were stuck to her sides, strapped in. "Do they think I did this on purpose?" Chaeyoung thought to herself as she struggled against the straps. Her thoughts wandered to how terrible she felt when Mina left. Maybe a part of her wanted to overdose. Maybe a part of her was tired of being left behind. Her breathing turned to hyperventilation, her heart began racing in the fragile girl's chest. Chaeyoung couldn't admit to herself or anyone that she wanted to be done with the life that dealt her these cards. The monitor next to her alarmed the nurses of her panicked state as they came flooding in. How could she want to be saved when the girl she loved left her to bear this pain?

 Chaeyoung's eyes became familiarly heavy as the nurses checked her vitals in a panic. Her eyelids shut as her hands gripped the thin hospital sheets. A weak gasp for air escaped her lips as she felt the darkness consume her again. "How could she leave me?" Chaeyoung thought to herself, slowly feeling her body become weightless. She didn't want to keep fighting to continue being in pain. A thought flooded her brain as she felt lulled to sleep, "Is there anything else for me?"