Mina was always collected and sure.

She remembers those 2 adjectives on her Elementary School report card, and it became true and truer as she gets older. Later on it evolves to graceful when working under pressure, or goal-oriented, but the core remains, the words are unchanged in Mina’s mind.

 

Collected and sure.

 

She had always wanted to be a surgeon, from the first time her dad gave her a stethoscope toy as a gift for learning how to read, up to the first time she had gotten a real stethoscope of her own.

 

No distractions during college, up to Med School, continued ‘till her internship, ‘till her Residency.

 

Collected and sure.

 

She’s pressed against the thin mattress of the on-call room, legs wrapped tightly around her girlfriend’s slim waist. Lips are dragging along her neck as she gasps and moans, throwing her head back to allow her more access. She almost feel like she’s going to explode with want when fingers tighten in her hair as she lets out an audible whimper.

 

Right now, she’s barely collected but definitely sure.

 

She doesn’t want to stop.

 

Even if she’s late to the Rounds she’s supposed to be 5 minutes ago, or she can feel her phone vibrating on her packet. She doesn’t want to stop.

 

She pulls her girlfriend one more time, and when her teeth sink into her skin, she wonders why she’s  reacting so violently to her touch, because she had never felt this consumed with lust before. Somewhere, deep down, it's like there's a quiet rage bubbling under her skin, too, buried way beneath the all-consuming desire, making its presence known subtly with the occasionally too hard or pleasurably painful bite.

 

Their relationship had never been this physical, always soft, always gentle. Always, always as if they’re exploring each other’s bodies for the first time. Is it the thrill? That they can be interrupted anytime? Is it the honeymoon phase?

 

Mina doesn’t know and Mina doesn’t care.

 

She wants Tzuyu.

 

She wants her bad. (Or at least that’s what she’s been telling herself for the past weeks)

 

She groans, when Tzuyu stop, and pulls away from her, grabbing her pager on the side table. She reads the message with a smile on her face.

 

She would almost roll her eyes, but a frown definitely appears on her face, “Don’t tell me you’re that excited for the pit. Should I worry?”

 

She hears a low chuckle from Tzuyu, her dimple appearing as she shakes her head. Mina tries to ignore the way her pulse picks up at the small gesture. A small gesture she can only associate with her.

 

“It’s Jeongyeon.”

 

This time the frown is deeper. This time, the urge to tighten her legs around her waist is stronger.

 

It makes sense. It's understandable how all those pent up feeling would burst forth in a situation such as this. She already has enough on her plate. With her balancing her newly relationship with her intern Tzuyu, her now junior, Jeongyeon who’s hella close with her girlfriend, and then there’s her ex who requested for her about every case.

 

“It’s not what you think.” It’s soft, and it’s supposed to placate your worry. Even after the confrontation (where Mina almost cause havoc on the street with her road rage), she noticed Jeongyeon had indeed dropped the teasing and the physical touches. But sometimes, when Mina wants to direct her anger at someone, the clueless blonde girl seems to be an easy target.

 

Tzuyu continues, “She's my resident now. Just my resident.” She kisses Mina on the forehead before half-sitting on top of her, sliding her hands onto her thighs, so Mina can unlock legs. She begrudgingly did so. “And I told her about us and she said she respects our relationship.” A firm nod, and a squeeze to both of her hands. “She just knows I'm really interested in Neuro. And she's been keeping eye on Doctor Im's surgeries. She said she'll page me when something good comes up.”

 

“Doctor Im?” She whispers, sounding hoarse.

 

“I told you, right? That I want to be in Neuro.”

 

“Right” She stubbornly states, lips pursed.

 

Tzuyu must have mistaken it with Mina’s distrust on her closeness with Jeongyeon. So she moves her fingers in between Mina’s, and tugs her towards her pulling her up. She looks at her lovingly as she fixes her hair, “There's nothing going on with me and her.” She pecks her pouty lips and then says, “I only love you.” The surprise is short lived, however, as all thought is forced out of her mind when those swollen pink lips close on , a talented tongue flicking and teasing her to the edge of insanity.

 

There's complete silence save for her shallow breath, until the sound of the pager echoes in their ears.

 

Before Mina can comprehend, before Mina can process, Tzuyu is shuffling to get out of the bed. “Okay, that's the second time. She'll give it to someone else if I don't sprint to her so… Bye. I'll see you later?"

 

Mina blinks her eyes fast, unmoving, “I… yeah.”

 

When she looks to Tzuyu, Tzuyu is already the door, with her lab coat hanging on her arm. She looks exactly the same a she’s always post-make out section, all glowed up, with a slight disgruntled hair. The way Tzuyu would always sink her teeth onto her lips, running her tongue over them, and Mina would always find herself following the movement with her eyes, like it completes her day. Almost lost in a trance, The unsuspecting girl breaks the spell bu turning towards her, even racing an eyebrow at the obvious staring. Mina doesn’t faze, shameless. Before Tzuyu turns the door knob, however she looks back at her, almost embarrassed. “I, uhmm… I didn’t mean to say it like that. I know it’s too early to say, but, that’s what I’m feeling so—”

 

Mina opens to respond, to say it’s okay, maybe, hopefully, to say it back—anything but silence.

 

But Tzuyu had already opened the door, the noise of the busy corridor had already entered the room drowning whatever Mina is about to say – supposed to say.

 

When the door closes, Mina is left with silence. Mina is left with her thoughts. Mina is left with her guilt.

 

She hears her own pager pings, but she doesn’t reach for it.

 

“I love you too." She whispers, tasting it in .

 

“I love you too.” She tries one more time, her voice shaking in anxiety and anticipation.

 

She bites her lower lip, for some reason feeling a pang of something in her heart when she realized it’s the first time the confession was made between them. Spoken out loud, shaking Mina to her core. She should savor it – she had wanted it for so long. It is hers to celebrate, it is hers to keep. Happiness and joy seems like a dream and when she recalls moments where she was filled with unbridled elation, it plays in her mind like a fantasy.

 

“I love you too.” She says in her mind, more determined to say it back. She tries to collect herself, reaching for her phone with the intent of texting Tzuyu. Maybe it’s not the ideal way to say it back, maybe a simple, ‘Have a great day? Let’s have a date night later,’ should suffice? When she unlocks it, hoping to see the picture of her and Tzuyu, however, her eyes harden at the text that welcomed her instead.

 

Unknown Sender:

I love you.

 

Unknown Sender:

I still love you.

 

Unknown Sender:

I’m booking your afternoon. Clipping an Aneurysm on a standstill operation. You’re welcome. 😉

 

Mina closes her eyes as she relents with a huff.

 

So much for being collected and sure.

 

 

---

 

All preppy, her heart pounding remembering how her confession went, Tzuyu jogs up to Chaeyoung and Dahyun, all ready to share the recent development on her love life. She shakes her head, trying to contain her excitement, when she saw Jeongyeon’s blonde hair, sticking out because of her height. When she reaches themshe  stops on her tracks when Jeongyeon turns to her, and glowers determinedly as she crosses her arms, “Chou, why don’t you cover up that love kiss on your neck before the whole world sees it?”

 

Tzuyu’s hand went straight up to her neck when she hears Jeongyeon’s voice. Dahyun and Chaeyoung snicker at her side, turning to her and shaking their heads. Dahyun pats her back, as if to say she’s all good.

 

Tzuyu frowns and mumbles, “That was one time…” Before she can protest, Jeongyeon had dropped the glare and joined her friends while giving them charts. Ever since she told her they can’t be flirty towards each other, no matter how harmless, Jeongyeon had kept her word, and in Tzuyu opinion, even supportive-something Tzuyu would always be thankful for.

 

When Tzuyu gets her clip and opens hers, her shoulders almost slumped, “Bowel obstruction?”

 

“What? Ace Tzuyu too good for bowel obstruction?”

 

She shakes her head almost immediately, looking around her colleagues, not wanting to make an impression. It’s just the three of them for now, so Tzuyu takes a step towards Jeongyeon and mumbles, “Doesn’t Doctor Im have a surgery later? I worked on the patient’s history and overnight labs yesterday.”

 

“As you should.” Jeongyeon retorts, not looking up from her chart.

 

Tzuyu stood still, taking a deep breath, ignoring Chaeyoung’s frustration being stuck with Sana again and Dahyun’s teasing on how she got the case.

 

When Jeongyeon is done, she waves the case and hands it to Dahyun – with Tzuyu following the movement with her eyes, like she’s eyeing a prized posession. Dahyun pats her back and says she’ll tell all about it to her later teasingly.

 

Jeongyeon, amused as she turns to a scowling Tzuyu, “You pulled an all-nighter,” she explains. She laughs when Tzuyu’s mood doesn’t change, “Besides, Doctor Park likes you too much that she’s you in Trauma.” Tzuyu remembers being stuck at the ER yesterday, trying to revive a DOA patient, doing extra measures -literally pumping heart on an already dead heart- because Doctor Park is teaching her the lesson of: ‘You do everything that you can, so when the family comes, you can tell them that you did indeed tried everything that you can to save a patient’.

 

When Tzuyu turns to Jeongyeon asking if she’s punishing her, Jeongyeon only laugh at her and tells her, ‘they’re not dead until we call them, Chou. That’s a privelege, only we get to have. Deciding when it’s over. So you pump and pump, until you’re out of options.’

 

“I promised that when this cycle ends, I’d put you in Neuro.”

 

“Right.”

 

“For now, have fun with your Bowel Obstruction.”

 

Tzuyu can only make a face.

 

---

 

She never thought she was actually able to hurt this much, but as she paced in their bedroom floors; tears streaming down her face—she feels broken, shattered, completely irreparable. The pain is so agonizing, so concentrated on her destruction that she thinks she'll never be able to smile again.

 

Not be able to smile.

 

It’s almost disconcerting… the way Im Nayeon used to for it. She rarely smiles before she met her. But after she did, she was mostly the reason for it.

 

“It was a mistake.”

 

It was a mistake, is what she said. Just like the first one was a mistake. And the second one after that.

 

Mina doesn’t even look at her, unlike other times that she was livid – for what it’s worth, she’s still livid now. But she stood still and tried to compose herself. She didn’t -- she couldn’t.

 

A mistake. Maybe this was too.

 

“I’m sorry. I ended it right away. It shouldn’t have happened.”

 

Yes, it shouldn’t have. But it did, and it’s all that matters now. Not the empty apologies Mina couldn’t take – shouldn’t take.

 

Mina told herself maybe it’ll hurt less this time. It’s the third. Third ing time. She should have seen this coming. It should hurt less than last time.

 

“Sorry won’t cut it, Nayeon. Not this time”

 

Nayeon. No ‘Love’, no ‘Baby’. Just Nayeon.

 

Nayeon’s still loveable, likeable, at least tolerable.

 

But all Mina could think is it all means nothing to her now, except pain and betrayal. Because it doesn’t hurt less. It hurst every time, more so than the last. Because she’s been stupid enough to hope, against all logic, against all experiences that it won’t happen again.

 

But it did, and it’s all the matters now.

 

---

 

“Your girlfriend is pretty and talented. I can see a pattern.”

 

Mina keeps her lips pressed in a thin line, determined to ignore the woman hovering over her. She continues to glare at her notes, not reading any from it, gripping onto her pen like her life depends on it.

 

“If I have to pick one, I’d say it’s her eyes. Yeah, that sounds like something you’d focus on. All doe, almond-shaped eyes, that sparkles when she laughs – all that jazz.”

 

Mina encircles a random word at her notes, not even caring what it is. She closed her notebook, and then taps her fingers impatiently against the hard cover. “Can we make this more about the patient than my personal life? Doctor Im, I’d appreciate it if we could keep our relationship strictly professional.”

 

Before, Nayeon would tease for it – avoiding looking at her that is. Talking about being professional while looking at a wall instead of setting her eyes on her. But then again, Nayeon is the one instigating, initiating every move. And every reaction, no matter how cold, Nayeon would take.

 

“Or maybe it’s the insane body proportion?” Nayeon continues, all fired up from Mina breaking the silence.

 

She leans into her, and doesn’t hide her smirk when Mina takes a subtle breath intake at the proximity. “Ultimately, I’d think it’s ‘cause she’s very smart. Ace Tzuyu, is it?”

 

“Has a nice ring to it. Probably deserves it too. Young puppies these days, so eager to learn. Like you used to? Being too smart for your own good.”

 

Mina doesn’t take the bait. It . But Nayeon isn’t deterred. All coffee cups ignored, all attempts on a conversation denied. Mina would either avoid her at all cost, or sneer at her when given a chance. It’s all harsh, but it’s what’s Nayeon’s expecting. Nayeon left her that night, and when she came back, all of Mina’s things are gone, only her apartment key left on the table.

 

Mina ran away, moved to another State, and blocked her on all platforms.

 

But Mina is stuck with her until the Pre-Op preparation is done, and Nayeon would eat it all up.

 

“I can see why you were distracted.”

 

Mina knows she’s merely doing it for the attention. It’s ironic, how familiar it feels, like they’re back to when they were just starting. But unlike before, there’s a vile in , and she’s highly considering on spitting right at Nayeon’s face.

 

Collected and sure, she reminds herself. She’s not gonna spit on anyone’s face, even though they rightly deserves it. She realizes the pain is real, and the pain is still there, no matter how hard she convinces herself that she’s over it, that she’s done. “She's not just a distraction,” she sneers, not even caring othat she’s supposd to be calm and collected.

 

Hook,

 

“She's been following me around like a very loyal puppy.” Nayeon chooses to play the same route, not backing down. “I’m guessing she doesn’t know.”

 

“There’s nothing to tell,” Mina gritted through her teeth.

 

Line,

 

“Then why are you a pent-up aggression?”

 

 

Nayeon gave her a small smirk and pulled her head back up. It’s a lot of work, she knows that herself. And she knows how bad she had hurt Mina. Everything she had said that night, she didn’t mean to say out loud.

 

But she did, and it’s why they are where they are right now.

 

For all the things said, and unsaid, she can admit – and will always admit, one truth remains.

 

“I love you. I still love you”

 

…and sinker?

 

The words are definite déjà vu from a time long since passed but Mina still remembers, oh how she remembers, exactly what it took to say them.

 

Nayeon had always been overly romantic in any of the varied stages of their relationship. May it be a daily texts of those words, and a kiss on the cheek before they part, or a cringey pick-up line that she drops smoothly in conversations that used to fire up Mina’s cheeks, or to driving around all night to take Mina’s mind off of a bad day at work as they get lost on Google Maps, talking all sorts of things until Mina feels better.

 

Mina doesn’t forget how it all feels. She remembers, always she would remember.

 

Especially the ones the cuts through the gut.

 

Like how she called Nayeon a self-righteous prick, a cold-hearted who always needs something warm underneath her. That underneath the façade of that assertive, outstanding surgeon, is an insecure little girl who needs someone, anyone inflating their ego, basking in her glory—

 

It’s vile, and Mina should hate herself for it, but

This time – finally, Mina looks at her dead in the eyes, her fingers stop tapping, a pregnant pause between them, and Nayeon waits.

 

“I don’t,” Her voice is steady and sure, ending the conversation.

 

She doesn’t love Nayeon. Not anymore.

 

---

 

She remembers the first time she told her she loves her. They were drunk, stumbling on the beach until they can get to Nayeon’s car. The beach bar was packed, a Wednesday night where they somehow forget that they always do fireworks on that day of every week. She can faintly remember Nayeon singing over an Ariana song, something of her early releases, and talking about how it’s her go-to karaoke song, and then Nayeon leaning back to the driver’s seat, catching her breath as she laughs at the bystanders at the beach – one was actually screaming for a lost shoe.

 

It’s unceremonious how she said it. She doesn’t even know what the trigger was – what made her think it’s the perfect time to say it. She thought of waiting for the fireworks to light up the purple sky. Maybe ‘till Nayeon has calmed down. Or maybe when they get back to her place after doing something more.

 

She guessed there was never a perfect time to say things like that, but ideally, she thought Nayeon deserves something more romantic.

 

“I love you.” She says, watching Nayeon fumbles through her bag for a bottle of water, as she singsongs, ‘my throat is parched.’

 

Nayeon doesn’t stop her search, but she responds casually, “I know, baby.” And if she was looking at her, Mina could even imagine her throwing a wink at her.

 

Mina follows her with her eyes, not saying anything, probably still processing what she had just said, maybe regretting the timing of it all.

 

Nayeon gets her bottle, drinks her fill. She caps her bottle and then looks at Mina, “I love you too. I love you too.”

 

I love you too.

 

Mina almost forgot she was meant to say it back.

 

I love you too, she tries again in her head. She lets herself smile, to feel once again as she turns her key to Tzuyu’s door.

 

She needs to say it back. She doesn’t want Tzuyu to think she doesn’t feel the same. Because she does. She really does.

 

Unfortunately, by the time she got to Tzuyu’s place after her surgery, a pop song undeniably from Dahyun’s playlist is already blasting on the speakers, Dahyun and Chaeyoung are already in the living room with half a bottle of sauv blanc on the table, and they’re all spinning on their feet to the beat of the song.

 

It was Dahyun who beckons her over, and she greets them with a smile on her face.

 

It could wait, she thinks. For now, she celebrates with them.

 

---

 

Tzuyu never considers anyone’s misfortune her blessing. Especially any case, regardless of how rare it is. Because that’s just bad and borderline sadistic. But when a guy with 7 nails in his head comes through the doors of the ER, still conscious and talking, she had never felt torn between being thankful and guilty at the same time.

 

Doctor Im was there, checking his right side for numbness, “What’s our immediate concern?”

 

“Infection,” Tzuyu answers dutifully, ready to help at the side, jumping to her spot when she answered first than her colleague Lisa on the side, closing and opening, still in shock on seeing the patient wiggle from his crash cart.

 

“No CT, I want films, how do we do it?”

 

“Three-axis points and a C-arm in surgery,” she doesn’t buffer, and she doesn’t even remember knowing it like it’s the back of her hand. But it’s the first time she’s talking to her.

 

Impressed, Nayeon turns to her, “Excellent. Doctor Chou, is it?”

 

Somehow, that made Tzuyu speechless.

 

Nayeon would fight the urge to smirk, “Guess you’re my intern today. Do some research on whether this has happened before and keep him still at all costs. I don’t want him moving. Need that nails out of his head in half an hour.”

 

Before Tzuyu can respond or even nod, Nayeon had already left the room, not without tapping Jihyo’s shoulder and whispering, “I’m gonna borrow your ace, hold the fort down.” In which, Jihyo replies with a snicker.

 

Tzuyu was at the patient’s side, asking for his name, telling him his wife is on the way while checking his vital signs. She felt Lisa move on her own accord, finally breaking through her trance. She tells Tzuyu she got the basics and would take it from there. Tzuyu nods at her and grabs his chart to update it until she felt a presence on her back. “Stop smiling, that’s a guy with seven nails in his head, conscious.”

 

She mumbles, whispering under her breath, “I’m doing my job, Doctor Yoo. Neutral smile with patient reassurance for Step 1 Pain Management, just like you taught me.”

 

But Jeongyeon decides to squeeze on it more, patting Tzuyu’s shoulder, leaning onto her side, whispering on her ear, “Uh-huh. No butterflies on your stomach the first time she got to call you Doctor Chou?”

 

Jeongyeon chuckles when Tzuyu turns to her only to roll her eyes and smacking her shoulder lightly. She gives the chart to the Service Nurse and orders for the next procedures. “I’m expecting you to kiss my starting this moment. How about you get me some gelato?”

 

“Technically, you didn’t do anything. That patient came through the ER doors where I’m stationed at.”

 

“Mmkay. Chou Tzuyu, you are gifted and you are ungrateful.”

 

A smile makes it way on her face, and Tzuyu doesn’t fight it this time.

 

“You know that’s half the reason why Doctor Park wants you in the ER, right? ‘Cause of that smile? It calms the patients, gets rid of the panic and all that,” Jeongyeon comments knowingly. “And for that reason, maybe I should page Dahyun and assign this to her instead. Make you watch this at the gallery like I did on that standstill operation.” Tzuyu had given Dahyun the puppy-eyes from gallery as she watches her reap all of her hardwork, as the pale girl watches the surgery up-close, scrubbed in the OR, all because Tzuyu is stuck in the ER, following Jihyo like the good intern that she’s supposed to be.

 

“Right. Gelato? Doctor Yoo, I’ll be right back.”

 

---

 

“Hey sweetie, here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna put this right one up your arm. And then this little cute butterfly,” Nayeon uses her baby voice, the one she reserves when she acts cute, “is flying up to you.” Mina follows her movement wordlessly as Nayeon carries the line for the Diazepam to cure her seizure, on a small zigzag as her free hand traces the veins on the child’s left arm. She hears the toddler giggle as she follows Nayeon hand. Almost flawlessly and in one go, Nayeon succeeds on inserting the needle. She chuckles, and puts a tape on it as she says, “Oh, oh? We don’t want the butterfly to be cold, let’s put a cute little blankie over it.”

 

Another giggle.

 

And then twitching on the child’s leg stops.

 

She smiles to the parents and turns to them, “Magical stuff isn’t it? All for our little princess here.”

 

She taps the leg one more time, and turns to the parents, “Let’s see what we can do when we get more films, okay?”

 

When they exit the room, Nayeon turns to Mina, “Get me an MRI and a CT scan. Doctor Hirai, page me when we have more room to see what’s actually wrong.”

 

Momo gave her a nod, and both of them walk aimlessly along the corridors. Soon they were joined by Sana with a slightly bump on the shoulder, “Well, you three looked chummy. I thought we hate her?”

 

“I hate that she’s actually so good even with kids that it’s making it hard for me to truly hate her,” Momo doesn’t hesitate to say, much to Mina’s displease. She knows how good Nayeon is in getting anyone’s good graces. She had heard the nurses talk about her: how she didn’t bulldoze her way into the authority totem pole, and how even with the credentials, she acts friendly and down-to-earth. The patients love her, the nurses wants her, and Board definitely likes the patients she’s bringing in the hospital.

 

“Don’t fall for it. She’s exemplary good at what she does, it’s part of her charm,” Mina offhandedly comments, as she puts the chart under her arm.

 

“So we’re admitting she’s charming now?” Sana pipes in. Mina doesn’t relent in giving in. “’Cause while we’re at the topic… She’s audacious and brave, I’ll give her that. First, a standstill operation, and the 7-nails guy with no nerve damage, like what can’t she do?”

 

“Be faithful,” Mina mumbles as she stomps her foot against the halls.

 

It earns a laugh from the two.

 

"Okay, can you two just chill for a second? I don’t need this negativity right now. I may have a surgery scheduled in 3 hours and I need all the good karma I can get," Momo pleads, and squeezes both of Sana and Mina’s arm. She leans into Mina’s side. “Have you actually had a talk with her?” Momo asks, clinging her arm onto Mina’s, pulling her in her direction.

 

“She cheated on her thrice, and blamed it on Mina being boring. If we’re taking a vote, I’d say there’s no coming back from that.” Sana says, sticking by her stand to not let Mina get ed again by the same person. She was there at the aftermath and nothing can change her mind, even if it’s how exceptional of a surgeon Nayeon seems to be.

 

“Oof—she called you boring?” Momo winced. “Maybe she doesn’t mean it?”

 

“They always mean it,” Mina says, closing her eyes remembering all too well.

 

---

 

“We can work this out. I need you.”

 

“Not more than you need to a random chick’s throat on a bar!” Mina screams, her hands shaking.

 

She grabs a stick, and lights it. Whenever she gets antsy, she needs nicotine. It’s a bad habit she got in Med School, something she picked up from her friends. She knows it’s bad, like an alcohol, but she can’t help it. She needs something – anything, to fill her in as her breath felt like jammed on .

 

Breathe in, breathe out, she reminds herself.

 

It shouldn’t hurt anymore. Not as bad as the last time, she kept repeating.

 

“It wasn’t serious! I was drunk! It was a one-time thing! I didn’t even talk to her after it had happened!”

 

“Then why is she on your phone, begging like a in heat asking for a breeding?” Mina was never crass, at least not that crass even on ing. But she doesn’t care anymore. She’s reeling, and she knows, she knows, she’s in the right to cause this retaliation.

 

She sneers, clenching and unclenching her fist, her hand shaking as she takes a hit from her lit cigarette. “What was it this time?”

 

Nayeon’s own tears start to fall.

 

She knew there had been a crack in their relationship. A crack that caused this rupture overtime. And like a doctor, like fixer, she needed to know the cause.

 

“The first time was a closure with an ex, the second…” She puff a smoke, her vision getting blurry, “Ah… the second was when we had fight. What’s your excuse now?”

 

“Baby—”

 

Mina scoffs, “Do you call her that too?” She can hear her fragility in her own voice and knows she’s desperately clinging to something that’s already gone.

 

“I was lonely. You have to admit, the two of us haven’t been the same since. You don’t talk to me. We don’t even fight anymore.”

 

They don’t fight anymore? So what? She does like this so they could? What kind of person does that?

 

Some things are too broken to be fixed.

 

“You’re despicable,” Mina hissed, flicking ashes from her cigarette. She looks at her and repeats, “So ing despicable, you adulterous . It’s a pity. Under that confident face and steady hands, all that lies is self-destructive—"

 

 

---

Mina couldn’t tell the exact moment it all sort of clicked in her head.

 

Because that’s the thing.

 

It did not click.

 

It made no sense whatsoever.

 

But there came a time where she doesn’t look at Nayeon and feels this immense urge to punch her in the face.

 

Like there she is, with Nayeon next to her, ordering for her when she agreed to eat late dinner with her. It was late, and there’s not much of an option for dinner, and on their way out, Mina realized she had let Tzuyu take home her car because it was raining earlier.

 

Nayeon orders for her a cheeseburger, with cheddar, extra pickle, light onion, no tomatoes, a curly fries, and Iced Latte with Vanilla, no sugar.

 

When Nayeon glances at her, Mina was too speechless to say a word, Nayeon looks at her sheepishly, “What? Did your order change?”

 

Mina doesn’t answer, and Nayeon doesn’t make a big deal out of it. It’s a little too quiet, aside from the crew repeating Nayeon’s order from the other side of the window. And Nayeon’s looking at Mina with that look – that look she’d been sporting ever since she came back into her life that makes Mina want to hate but only makes her heart feel light. It makes her want to forgive her, makes her want to cry.

 

Nayeon lightly steps on the accelerator, and waits on the next window. When they get their orders, Nayeon parks to a vacant lot without asking Mina. Mina doesn’t find herself aching to get home, to get away from her.

 

“They probably didn’t get my order right anyway—it’s McDonald’s on a night shift, I’d be lucky if I get and extra ketchup. I don’t know why you bothered.”

 

Nayeon searches the paper bag for her sundae, and doesn’t look up, “I like to be pretentious like that.” She hums approvingly when she tastes the first dip, like she always does – almost like a child high on sugar. Nayeon always dives on dessert first before the main course. She turns the volume up a little, not too much to deflect conversation, but enough to fill the space with music as they eat.

 

And just like that the walls had crushed, the spell is broken – because the familiarity is back, and it’s so stupid how that simple, irrelevant things like that can make Mina feel weightless.

 

She looks around, and pulls the window down, and let the cold breeze of the night brush through her face. She remembers all the late-night drives she used to have with her, and the countless of songs Nayeon sings along to.

 

“Operated on a tumor today,” Nayeon drops as she off an ice cream off her spoon. “With your girlfriend.”

 

Mina stops munching on her fries midway, to look at Nayeon with a scowl, “Can we please not—”

 

Nayeon clicks her tongue and shakes her head, her tongue clicking as she swirls her spoon on mid-air, laughing with mirth. “She’s so pretty and talented, I’ve never seen anyone so eager to just learn, you know? I’ve never seen anyone so attentive like that with me and my work, and still be caring to patient Pre and Post-Op, like she pays attention, really pays attention to the patient’s history. Begged me not to touch any of the temporal lobe even if with an invasive tumor. It’s part of who he is, she says. He’ll never be the same she says.”

 

Mina hasn’t heard about the story itself, but only bits of it from Tzuyu’s time with the patient. She knows how attached Tzuyu is with this one, she just likes Neuro that much. And Mina can’t take that away from her. She doesn’t know how Tzuyu will react if she knew.

 

“So freaking attractive and cute, I’d be distracted too.”

 

She meant to reiterate she’s not just a distraction, never was, instead she says, “If you even attempt to flirt with her, I swear I will destroy that nose.”

 

Nayeon scoffs in disbelief, but immediately she starts falling on fits of laughter, and Mina joins her after a second. It’s indescribable and inexplicable how they went from calling each other names to laughing at something together.

 

“You think I haven’t tried?” Nayeon scrunches her nose, looking at herself in the rear-view mirror. “Wanna spice things up in the bedroom? I’m all up for a . I’ve been all dried up for a while now.”

 

“A while? How long is that for you? A week at most?” It’s a jab, another way of calling her a , like that isn’t the worst thing Mina had ever said to her. It’s rude and unkind. But Nayeon doesn’t let herself be defined by it.

 

But Nayeon doesn’t take offense. She takes it like Mina’s an old-friend, passing up an inside joke instead of hitting an assault. “9 months and 22 days, actually.” She clicks her tongue and hums on the last spoon of her ice cream, “Hmm. 23 now, it’s 12:29, look at that.”

 

She doesn’t notice the time, that they were on the parking lot for an hour now, and she hasn’t murdered Nayeon yet.

 

But she does notice Nayeon counting, like it meant something.

 

“I like her,” Nayeon concludes. “I like her for you.”

 

It doesn’t take a moment for Mina to drop her burger on her lap, and to look at Nayeon, and to see her looking back at her with that look – that look that reminds her that Nayeon was and is the same song that play in her head whether she likes it or not. Maybe a little ticked this time-- a remix of an old song, she’s forgotten and all too well at the same time.

 

Mina told herself she’s done with this. And maybe she is.

 

But the Nayeon with her this time, is the Nayeon she fell in love with. Different, changed, -- something she can’t put a pin on. Maybe the year apart was good for them both, Mina isn’t actually sure.

 

And she wishes, oh how she wishes being with her like that felt wrong. But it makes her heart hurt and flutter at the same time.

 

In some sense, she thinks that Nayeon is like a nicotine. Bad for her, but a habit she picked up on when she was young and naïve, and didn’t know any better – but an addiction nonetheless.

 

Later that night, when Nayeon stops at the front of Mina’s apartment, she’s trying to look anywhere but her, and she’s eerily quiet – and it both irritates Mina and makes her feel uncomfortable. Before Mina gets off of her car, Nayeon turns the volume down and says, “I didn’t mean it when I said you’re boring.”

 

“You meant it,” It doesn’t sound forcefully as she used to, but she say it just the same.

 

She cuts Mina off, smiling – it’s forced, like she’s unsure if she’s digging a deeper hole or finally getting herself out of it, “Really, I didn’t mean it. To say it loud at least,” It’s sincere, and she smiles back at Mina, less awkward this time, as she scratches the back of neck.

 

“Is that supposed to make me feel any better?”

 

Mina stifles a groan, and fights a scowl, “No. I know, I know-- It doesn’t make what I did right—”

 

“Cheating on me thrice?”

 

Nayeon ducks her head, “Yes, and—”

 

“And having the audacity to leave that night after all the things you’ve said?” It’s supposed to make Nayeon feel sick, and it definitely does. But Mina hasn’t bolted out the door yet, and this is actually the first time they are having a decent conversation.

 

“Yes.”

 

The silence that follows isn’t awkward, more like a transition on what to say next. A cue for Nayeon to say something, but to be honest, she hasn’t thought of these things far ahead, she’s half-convinced she’s already dreaming at this point.

 

She thought Nayeon would point that Mina had said something too, some horrible things no one had ever said to Nayeon. At least bring up that Mina isn’t a saint either. Instead, she hears an apology.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

It should feel like a broken record. Something Nayeon says by reflex when she makes a mistake. But Mina doesn’t get mad or remotely annoyed, doesn’t even tend to break down and sob. It felt like it’s long overdue. And it’s not like she’s expecting a long essay on why or how things happened. They were long way passed the point, and Mina doesn’t even find herself to care to long for the answers.

 

Instead, he nods at her slowly, almost accepting. This time, she believes Nayeon truly means it.

 

She gets out of the car without a word, and closes the door behind her gently. Before she takes a step towards her door, she turns back to Nayeon and says, “Drive safe.”

 

It’s obvious it means something to both of them, but it doesn’t necessarily mean enough to mean anything at all. They don’t talk that night, even on the day after. But Mina stops holding Tzuyu’s hand in front of Nayeon either.

 

---

She’s been expecting this, because it’s kind of inevitable.

 

"Why didnt you tell me?"

 

It came out of nowhere – or maybe it’s always been there, lurking in the dark, waiting to be found. A what’s supposed to be a lazy Sunday afternoon, with them wrapped up in sheets and limbs tangled on each other’s, is now filled with questions waiting to be answered.

 

"There's nothing to tell," Mina responds weakly. Her fingers fiddle in front of her, aching to touch Tzuyu, aching to reach out to her girlfriend, and give her a hug.

 

But it’s too late now. Looking at her eyes, the eyes she loves to much, now b with tears, now burning with something that looks a lot like doubt and hesitation.

 

"Nothing to tell?! I've been following her around for two months trying to impress her. Some would think I kinda have to know!” When Mina doesn’t answer, Tzuyu’s blood boils even more, “What? When we were talking about exes, you just conveniently forget that we’re now working with one?!"

 

Mina doesn’t have an excuse other than she didn’t feel like Tzuyu has to know, at least not yet. She truly believes she could handle it herself, and Nayeon did stop her advances towards her. It’s a ty one, and she knows if the roles were reversed, she’d throw the same fit, maybe even worse. But it’s one of those problems you thought you can fix without anyone knowing. Or moreover, it’s one of those crimes you thought you can get away with.

 

She knows it’s wrong, and she should’ve told her the moment Nayeon stepped in the hospital, maybe even after she got the first ‘I love you’ text from her that she deleted, definitely after she forgave her and they both settled on a civil relationship: a little less professional, but not enough to be personal. But she couldn’t find a timing and the right words, and the courage to open up the past.

 

It was all behind her now, Mina thinks. They were way passed it, her and Nayeon.

 

She’s not thinking of an excuse. She knows this battle is already lost the moment Tzuyu comes to the living room, with a forgotten box of pizza on the bale, her wallet in one hand, and the matching keychain on her free hand.

 

It’s the one used to be attached on her key on her shared apartment with Nayeon. The one she couldn’t let go. She told herself it doesn’t mean anything. That it’s only a memento of a love that was real and had ended. She’s one of those people who doesn’t get rid of all the ex’s stuff. Like an LV bag Nayeon got her on their first anniversary, or the watch she got from her first girlfriend. Keeping those things doesn’t mean she still has feelings for them. It only means Nayeon has good taste on bags, or that it was the watch she got after passing her licensure exam as a physician.

 

For Tzuyu’s part, the keychain had been familiar to her, she had always seen it attached on Mina’s purse. But only a week later had she seen a matching one from Nayeon.

 

It wasn’t that hard to connect the dots. And thinking back now, it all made sense. How Mina used to hate Nayeon when she first came, and how Mina can’t mask her displease every time Tzuyu talks about her. Until a month ago, where they suddenly clicked. Like Mina just stopped loathing Nayeon’s existence. Tzuyu remembers asking Mina about Nayeon. She knows they must have at least known of each other, they came from the same hospital before MGS, but Mina brushes the question off, and said she was only a colleague to her.

 

They stood in silence until Tzuyu scoffs at Mina’s lack of defense on herself. She doesn’t know whether she hates it or should be thankful for a room of doubt. It doesn’t have to be anything, but her not saying who the ex was is very concerning to Tzuyu, "All these time you wanted me to be honest, when you were the one keeping something like this from me!"

 

“It’s all over now. Long been over! It was a very bad break up, something I don’t ever want to revisit. I’m with you now, and it’s all that matters. I should’ve told you--” The waterworks finally caught up to the situation, and begins to start up when she speaks, but Tzuyu doesn’t waver. Tzuyu takes a step back, and wrings her wrist away from Mina’s reach, throwing Mina’s wallet causing some of the coins and the cards from it to disperse on the floor. But neither of them are paying attention to that.

 

All of Mina’s words are being drowned by the ringing on Tzuyu’s ears; the aching on her heart outweighs every other sensation and is obviously dispelling any sign of rational thought. She doesn’t hear the rest of Mina’s explanations, even the words echo like a hollow plea in her ears. All she can do, is rethink the past months: look for signs, any signs she mistook, misread, failed to see.

 

Were they talking in secret? Maybe in plain sight? Maybe in front of Tzuyu, and Tzuyu didn’t catch it? Has Mina changed? Has anything changed? When did lie start? Where did it all go wrong?

 

There’s another one, she afraid to acknowledge – refuses to acknowledge, but it’s there, lurking.

 

Am I not enough?

 

She swallows a lump on , she needs a distraction. Her attention swivels from the attempted self-pity and back to the girl still in front of her, trying to reach her, growing desperate by the minute. Lips parting, her eyelids are heavy, “So, I'm your rebound. Awesome,” Sarcasm dips into venom as she spits. Mina isn’t even surprised at the aggression. “Well, she's here.”

 

She remembers saying it over and over the first time Nayeon comes. And on how excited she was for having a mentor she had always dreamt, especially the first time she scrubbed in to assist her. Nayeon was there and she’s living up to her expectation. Nayeon was there and it’s exceeding Tzuyu’s anticipation.

 

 But now, now…-- Tzuyu wets her lips, shaking her head furiously, as her dreams crashed in front of her. She just needs something, anything to at least temporarily distract her from the pain she’s feeling.

 

“She's here and I'm guessing she's here to take you back.” She says as she paces the long living room. “So where does that leave us?” She asks, almost furiously – desperately trying to hold back emotional tears that are begging to be released. She looks at Mina and she can’t properly read on what she’s feeling. She’s always been good at closing herself off, as much as Tzuyu wish she can see through her façade, she can’t.

 

Mina doesn’t answer.

 

Not right away.

 

But at her silence, the dam breaks.

 

Time is of the essence, and in Tzuyu’s fragile state, any hesitation is as good as a confirmation.

 

When a broken sob, left Tzuyu’s lips, Mina gets a hold of herself, and embraces Tzuyu. “I love you," her voice shaking, tone soft and defeated now. She tries to even her breathing, wipe away Tzuyu’s tears, trying to penetrate a gaze.

 

Mina doesn’t break her hold, even when Tzuyu tries to get away.

 

Mina frowns into her neck, and repeats, “I love you. Please.”

 

At the proximity, Tzuyu can breathe in her scent, something stirring in her stomach at the soft scent of vanilla and cream that lingers on Mina freshly showered skin. It’s the lotion Tzuyu got for her just two days ago when she was complaining of her skin breaking out, and Tzuyu telling her she don’t notice it. She can still remember how Mina clasped the lotion like a child with a soda as they sip. And how she kissed right after and even into applying the first one for Mina.

 

But it’s all done now, Tzuyu is sure.

 

She sniffs, and her lips tremble, “You’ve never told me that. All these time... You didn't say it back and--"

 

Mina can’t help it, but she hushes her with a kiss not wanting to hear more. Her lips are soft as Tzuyu had always felt, but the kiss isn’t. It’s messy and aggressive, wretched and sloppy – all at the same time. Even so, Tzuyu doesn’t responds, not unlike she used to.

 

"I'm saying it now," Mina can’t find it within herself to be embarrassed at how desperate and needy she sounds. “I love you.”

 

Mina has been thinking about it. Of an ideal timing. She wanted to make it right this time. But in retrospect, she thinks that if there’s an ideal time to say it back, then nothing fits more than this.

 

This time, Tzuyu finds the strength to break-free, suffocating at the words and the burden, "Thats the thing. If you had told me before this... Then it wouldn’t feel like youre just saying it to save this."

 

"But I want to save us! Tzuyu, I love you!"

 

But Tzuyu had turns and grabbed her phone and her sweater from Mina’s rack. Didn’t even bother to get the rest of her things in Mina’s bedroom.

 

Tzuyu shakes her head. And it’s like she wants to be furious, but she’s just sad.

 

“Tzuyu, I love you,” It becomes more desperate as she says it. Maybe more sincere too.

 

But Tzuyu’s already out the door.

 

---

 "What are you doing here?"

 

"I’m here to pick up my Ace. You've filed a leave until yesterday and Doctor Hirai told me she had no intern today because you didnt show up at Rounds!"

 

Tzuyu turns around, leaving the door open for Jeongyeon to come, and for her to hear more about her Rules that she had heard since the first day of the blonde’s Residency. Don’t upset the Attendings because it makes your Resident look bad. And you don’t want your Resident to look bad because you will be stuck with Discharge and Clinical duty for a month, forgetting what scalpel feels like.

 

"Do you want to get kicked out of the program? Do you want to throw away everything you’ve worked hard for over a break up?"

 

Over a break up. Tzuyu wants to be clear they haven’t really cut the ties officially. Mina is still on her inbox. And she even gave in and answered her call the two nights before and had even let Mina in yesterday. But even after an explanation, Tzuyu looked pissed and Mina looked guilty. So here she is, hiding in her den, afraid to face Mina and Nayeon.

 

“I can’t be around them, Jeongyeon! I feel so stupid just thinking about it.”

“Yea? Well, nobody said it was easy.” Jeongyeon removes her coat, and places on the arm of Tzuyu’s couch, sitting across her. She sighs, looking at Tzuyu’s face, her eyes tired, her nose red. I a soft tone, she continues, “It’s a big hospital and you should be in your Peds Rotation. Get all warm and fuzzy with the kids?”

“Yes, Peds. With Doctor Hirai, Mina's bestfriend.” Tzuyu wipes the side of her face with the sleeve of her sweater that looks like it has been worn for days, all crumpled and stained. “Last time I saw her, she was giving me plushies and candies 'to cheer me up' and I dont have the energy to deal with it, but she's my boss! Any way you can get me on Plastics instead?”

 

Jeongyeon looks at her aghast, “Plastics?”

 

Tzuyu shrugs, “Our Plastics is top notch. And the pay is really good, and doesn't require crazy hours—”

 

“If you think Doctor Minatozaki is bad... Doctor Kim eats Interns for breakfast. In Manoban’s rotation, she hadn’t been inside of an OR. And that’s Lisa, Tzuyu. She’s a crowd favorite, and she didn’t manage to break the ice.”

 

But Tzuyu is not hearing her, “Doctor Kim has an ongoing research about new skin graft? Doctor Kim is known all over the East, and oh, even celebrities in Hollywood come to her!” Jeongyeon’s jaw drops, unbelieving. But Tzuyu is now way deep down her hollow fantasy.

 

The following week, Tzuyu starts her Rotation on Plastics. A week and she can say she had fully distanced herself from Mina and her friends, and her ex. They talk casually on texts, and calls, but no meet-up yet, Tzuyu is not ready for that. Not until Mina can admit, say out loud and truly mean that she’s done with Nayeon, that it’s all behind her. She can’t have it both ways.

 

And until Mina can give her that, she’s staying around, following Jennie like a shadow. Except she doesn’t do what Jennie does. She updates her charts, accompanies her on Rounds, does Discharges for her. But that’s it. Just like Jeongyeon had promised, she will never be inside an OR under Jennie’s wing.

 

“How’s Plastics?” Dahyun dared to ask even when she knows the answer.

 

“We have one admitted at the Burnt Unit this morning. Light up his face, totally burns it.” Tzuyu says monotonously.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Doctor Kim’s aiming to recover all of his face before the infection starts. Pretty confident she can do it all herself that she doesn’t want me in there, not even for debridement. She said, she doesn’t want an amateur damaging the goods.”

 

Tzuyu is sulking. Dahyun and Chaeyoung had never seen her sulk like this, it’s unbecoming of her. Tzuyu used to bring joy in the hospital corridors, now she has this dark aura with her anywhere she goes.

 

“Maybe she’d change her mind. I mean, that’s a first, right? He didn’t come here for a Face Lift. it’s a burn. She had got to need some hands in there.”

 

Tzuyu can only sigh, swiveling in her chair, “The only hands she needs is the one to carry her bag and her latte for her. This morning, I got promoted to holding her phone, and answering texts for her. I did a typing tests with Rose, Mark and Mingyu, and apparently, I’m the fastest typer. So yay.”

 

Chaeyoung clears her throats and interrupts, “We know you can’t be in Neuro, but you need to be back at the Surgical Floor, Tzuyu. We keep scores on the good cases, and you’ve been slacking, very unlike you. Do you want to pay our tab this month? Because Jeongyeon has been drinking. And she has been drinking a lot.”

 

“Jeongyeon’s still on our tab? She’s a Resident," Tzuyu complains.

 

“I don’t even remember the last time you were in the gallery. Maybe camp out in Trauma? Maybe in General?” Chaeyoung suggests. If Tzuyu won't budge, she might at least try to coax her to worry about her career.

 

“Here’s a crazy idea,” Dahyun pipes in, “Why don’t you talk to Mina? Like, ease your way into it. She told you Doctor Im had stopped, right? That they’re… uhm…. Whatever they are now.”

 

“We talked, that’s all we ever do. And it’s not enough.”

 

“Well, uhmmm… Have you tried, being physical?” Chaeyoung’s suggestion was met by an eye roll.

 

Tzuyu heaves a sigh, closing her eyes, massaging her temple, “Doctor Im is the Neuro-goddess who is great with kids and can operate on a guy with nails on his head without damaging any nerve. She can resect a tumor with fuzzy edges, and not damage any nerve.” She’s torn between resenting and adoring. “She's beauty and brains and has a matching colorful personality... An epitome of a social butterfly. She's... Everything I wanted to be. How am I supposed to compete with that?"

 

“You can start by updating my charts, Chou.”

 

Tzuyu almost falls on her chair. She stood up, and regained her balance, grabbing the nearest chart. “Doctor Kim, do you need anything?”

 

A Enhancement, or in medical terms, a Gluteal Implant. For a girl who’s probably doing it for her boyfriend or girlfriend, Tzuyu doesn’t pry anymore. What’s the point? She was only there to take notes, to book an OR, and to discharge.

 

Except she said that out loud, and the next thing she knows, she’s being kicked out of the Admission Room.

 

She waits for the onslaught of insults, maybe her next punishment from Doctor Kim, but it doesn’t come. Jennie doesn’t even looked up. She looks bored, if the narrowing of her eyes goes by. Tzuyu had become good at this, at reading people, that is. And on her third week, she had managed to read Kim Jennie. Maybe because the Plastic Surgeon doesn’t let her do anything but observe… from a far.

 

“Wallowing in self-pity and despair, is it?” Jennie stops in her tracks and Tzuyu bumps into her. Jennie glares at her, and Tzuyu ducks her head in apology. The last time she stepped on Jennie’s shoe, Jennie sent her in Dermatology.

 

“I don’t see the glam in Neurosurgery. The Morbidity & Mortality on them last year was higher than Cardio. My Department earns twice as much than them even with Im’s imports.”

 

“It’s the rush, Doctor Kim.” Tzuyu mumbles under her breath.

 

“The what?”

 

“The rush. And the ambiguity of it. The brain is an organ that controls your body, makes up who you are, makes you feel, makes you breathe, keeps you alive.”

 

“A Heart surgeon would argue.”

 

“Are you still you when you’re bed-ridden and under coma, brain-dead?” Tzuyu retorts, not out of spite, but to initiate a conversation.

 

“Okay, Chou. I get it. You love Neuro. Then why are you here, in my Department? Sulking around, telling patients your opinions not facts?”

 

Tzuyu pouts, “Shouldn’t I have said that? Telling a patient she should be wary of doing a massive implant just because she wants to please someone else?”

 

Jennie gives her a look, “You're drop-dead gorgeous.”

 

“What?

 

“You're stunningly beautiful.” Jennie steps in to her personal space, putting her finger in her chin, “Your cheek bones are perfect, your jaw line is defined. You’re the face, people come to me to achieve.” Without waiting for a permission, not caring whether they’re in the middle of a hallway, Jennie grabs Tzuyu’s lab coat and spreads it, revealing her scraps. She inspects her with scrutiny, “Your legs are to die for, your hips are proportionate and your —”

 

Tzuyu takes a step back, breathing heavily. She would not be objectified at her workplace, not like this, “Doctor Kim this is highly inapp--"

 

But Jennie doesn’t stop. Jennie squints her eyes and crosses her arms. She’s intimidating her, and other days, Tzuyu would falter, “You don’t notice this, but when you look at the mirror, you feel good about yourself, because you know, inherently, you know that you’re pretty. And other people believe it too.” Before Tzuyu can respond, even though she’s unsure on what to- maybe deny it, maybe ask for a point, Jennie delivers, “Not everyone is as blessed as you. When they come in through those doors and they become vulnerable to you, the last thing they need is for an always-been-good-looking girl to tell them how they should see themselves. Your job as a doctor, is to balance the patient’s wants without causing any complications. Explain the options. It may not be a tumor, a bleeding heart, a blot clot, or a puncture in their lungs. But there’s a sickness there somewhere and you need to fix it. Got it, Chou?

 

“If you think she's doing that to get her ex back then we give her wild goose chase. Reschedule 2 or three times. And when she comes back, finally doing it for herself, then you give her everything you've got, make her face be crafted by God! Or at least someone with a God-complex.”

 

“Y-yes, doctor Kim. I'm sorry.”

 

It’s the most the Jennie had talked to her, work-related that is. She might even think it’s the last lesson she’ll ever learn from her. But she takes it all in, word per word, and take it to her heart.

 

“You didnt have to be here. You could’ve been a model, an idol. You could’ve asked for anything and people would make it happen for you. And yet you're here. Yet you're in one of the hardest, most competitive career there is. You've earned my respect. Now work hard not to lose it.

 

 “I’m sorry, Doctor Kim. I’ll work harder from now on.”

 

“Don't be sorry. Be the best.”

---

 

Clock strikes 10, and once again, Tzuyu is alone in her room. She hears a knock on her door, and she drags herself to carry her feet against her carpet. When she opens the door, she almost slams it, “Doctor Im?”

 

Nayeon was there, all timid and shy, covered in her padded coat and her beanie. She had just removed her gloves and Tzuyu can see them hanging from her pockets, “Hi. Can I come in?

 

“Uhm. Not to be rude but it's very late and I'm really drunk, and I just want to rest.”

 

“Should we have the conversation here? At your doorway.?”

 

“Some would take a hint and say, 'alright. I'll see you tomorrow.'"

 

Nayeon chuckles, "Tomorrow, you'd still be hiding behind Kim's lab coat."

 

Tzuyu rolls her eyes, "And you think the appropriate time is to go at my place at what? 10:15pm? Ugh. It's 10:15 and I'm tired already."

 

"Yes. And you've only done enhancement."

 

Tzuyu glares at her, "And I made someone's life better. That’s right. Me. It’s my first surgery with Doctor Kim--"

 

“A Enhancement. I had a tumor at the Spinal Cord at the same time, and if you were in my service—”

 

Tzuyu rolls her eyes and attempts to slams the door, only Nayeon was stronger. She had put her hand against the door and pushed. Surprised by the resistance, Tzuyu was pushed aside.

 

Hearing a small thud, Nayeon quickly came in and helped Tzuyu up.

 

“Ouch, my .” Tzuyu complains, wincing a little.

 

Nayeon guided her to the couch, not without closing the  door to Tzuyu’s apartment. “See, if you stop being stubborn—”

 

Another glare, another hiss, “What do you want?"

 

"I've put in a request for you starting next week. And you'd stop finding an excuse to stay another month at Plastics."

 

"Let's see what Doctor Kim has to say. She's been fond of me. She’s letting me in on her Ear Reconstruction. We're the Plastics Posse.'

 

Nayeon snorts, “The what?”

 

"Doctor Im, what are you doing here? We are not friends. And you are not welcome. How do you even know where I live?"

 

"You’ve missed a good Neuro case, a Tumor Resection for a Enhancement. I think it's time to stop being immature--."

 

"Immature? You call me immature in my own home?"

 

"’Cos thats what you are. Now let’s get this over with and come back to my service."

 

She stares at her with mouth wide open. Honestly, Tzuyu is looking about ready to burst into hysterical laughter or comical rage – both she had never felt before. But she’s so absorbed with her heartache that she clenches her fists onto tight ball against her palm, and steps towards Nayeon, “You have got to be kidding me. You're an insufferable, self-absorbed, selfish --"

 

Nayeon takes a deep breath as she composes herself and then standing straight, hand-on-hips and eyebrow raised. "I’m saying dont let your personal vendetta take over your life! When I first came here, did you think I was excited to see you everyday? Knowing you're the girl who's with the person i love? Did I make your life miserable? Did I deprive you of the education you deserve? No. I never. And I know it still hurts, but don't throw away your career--"

 

"I’m a second year intern,” she rolls her eyes, huffing, “I think I still have my life ahead of me. And fine, Plastics is great and Doctor Kim is a nice mentor, once she warms up to you, Neuro is still my first love. Another Neuro Attending will come--"

 

"But you dont need another Neuro Attending. You need me. So it up."

 

No.

 

"You’re a reminder that I lost. You're the reason I feel bad everyday. You're why I have to drag my feet across the hospitals halls when I used to look forward to any good Neuro case! You made me hate something I love! You took two things away from me! If you know how it feels then you would really give me some space. If the tables are turned and if she chose me, I bet you would be on the first flight to wherever you came from and I honestly wouldn’t have asked you to stay for my own gain. So NO. "

 

Nayeon shakes her head, "You and I work well together. So well, it's insane. I could teach you--"

 

But Tzuyu interrupts with another bitter laugh, "You knew. All this time you knew. And I bet, every single day you’ve tried to get her back. To get her to break up with me.  So don’t ever come back here and pretend you’re strictly being professional. Because it is personal."

 

---

The conversation stops when Doctor Kim abruptly join their table, unannounced, without any permission. But then again, an Attending like Kim Jennie doesn’t usually ask for one to be invited.

 

Chaeyoung and Dahyun stops eating and can only stare at her from their seats.

 

Jennie doesn’t even regard them. She slides a paper into Tzuyu’s direction and taps it. She then anchors her chin over her palm, “It’s the list of 3 of the most exciting surgeries I could schedule on Friday. Which one do you want?”

 

“Wait, you’re asking me?”

 

Jennie shrugs, looking at her nails, finding it interesting, masking her true intentions, “It’s your last week on my rotation. It’s my parting gift.” She rolls her eyes when Tzuyu starts smiling. She hasn’t seen her smile like that since the start of her service. Only two days ago, when her patient had hugged her and thanked her for a job well done. She had heard about it. It’s been the talk of the nurses on the surgical floor and she used to see it when the young girl and Mina was still dating, but she hasn’t had the opportunity to see it.

 

Until now.

 

She rolls her eyes, not wanting to break her image, “What? Maybe I wanna answer a call during a surgery.”

 

"Or… I could stay for another cycle... If you request for me."

 

At that, both of Chaeyoung’s and Dahyun’s jaw open widely, if that’s even more possible. They would almost whimper. Tzuyu? Another month at Plastics? No way. Jeongyeon had made a list for the next cycle and she was supposed to be in Neuro. Back at Neuro.

 

"You can ask for anything!” She had seen Doctor Park pull the same trick before ever since she got promoted to Head of Trauma. What’s stopping Jennie to do the same? “Plastics is one of the top department in this hospital. Your revenue is the highest!"

 

"Kiss . Be careful, I might be into it.”

 

It’s inappropriate, but it goes over Tzuyu’s head. She looks over at Mina’s table and she saw her still looking with a scowl on her face. The confrontation with Nayeon doesn’t leave her mind. And maybe she’s being immature.

 

But time is of the essence and she’s taking Mina’s indecision a confirmation.

 

Jennie pulls her attention back in, “Well, I could request for you for another cycle. But why would I want that?"

 

Tzuyu doesn’t lose the eye-contact with Mina. And she waits for a signal, anything, to tell her Mina had chosen her. Maybe it’s the timing Mina wants. Maybe she would stand up, walk towards her across the cafeteria and claim what’s hers. But Mina is there, unmoving, with Momo and Sana waiting for her next move, Sana mouthing words to Mina.

 

Nothing.

 

Sometimes, nothing is already something.

 

Tzuyu’s shoulder deflates, and exhales through her nose, disappointed, she looks at Jennie, and lifts up the corner of her lips in an attempt to mask the sadness.

 

It’s pointless because Jennie had seen it, and she doesn’t mind, doesn’t care more like it. Tzuyu can have her self-pity and despair as long as she lives up to her name, Ace Tzuyu. With another sigh, and Tzuyu accepting the paper, she says, “I thought we're the Plastics Posse?”