You Are My Sunshine

 

 

Joohyun's

 

 

"Ate Irene get the out of the damn toilet" pinunasan ko kaagad yung luha ko, while the bathroom door keeps on banging, outside was Jen screaming.

 

 

"Ilang timba ba ng tae yang nilalabas mo diyan, ihing-ihi na ko hayop ka" Jennie's voice is getting louder as she keeps on banging the door na feeling ko ay bibigay na in any minute, ayoko naman na mas umingay pa yung bunganga niya kaya naghilamos ako kaagad at binuksan na yung pintuan. 

 

 

"Ano kamusta tumira sa banyo–" napatigil siya sa pagsasalita when our eyes met, she probably noticed na namumugto yung mata ko because of crying the whole hour na nasa loob ako ng banyo

 

 

"Ate? Did you cry?" Her voice softens, Jennie is always angry and loud. Pinaglihi ata ni mama sa sama ng loob, but she has this soft side padin naman, she may look scary pero iyakin yan nung mga bata pa kami, so i had to look tough kasi i'm the older sister i should be the one protecting her.

 

 

I can't tell her i cried, because crying is for the weak. 

 

 

"No, i did not" She nods, she walked inside the bathroom but before she closed the door i heard her say "You can always talk to me like how you used to when we were kids" I looked at her and nodded letting out a small smile, we are having a family dinner today sa rest house namin sa batangas, ngayon lang din nakauwi sila dad after he took jennie to move sa korea. Mom and Dad recently got in good terms after they got divorced sixteen years ago, Dad took Jennie with him, While me and Jisoo was left in the philippines to stay with Mom.

 

 

"Kakarating lang ni Jen and she's already screaming and cursing" salubong ni Jisoo pagkadating ko sa living room. She looks done, late nadin to nakauwi kagabi kasi nagextend siya ng shift niya sa hospital. "Good thing tulog pa si blossom, kung hindi puputulin ko yung dila niya"

 

 

"Grabe naman sa puputulin ang dila love" Jinyoung appeared laughing while holding a bottle of milk, kakagaling niya lang ata sa kwarto ni baby som.

 

 

"I would like to see you do that" i heard a familiar voice sa likuran ko, nagulat naman ako nung lumingon ako.

 

 

"Gago? Ginagawa mo dito?" Lisa laughed nung nakita niya yung gulat sa mga mata ko, Kasi first of all Jennie knows na homophobic si mom so bringing her girlfriend in our family dinner would maybe create a mess, Also she knew how mom slapped the hell out of Jisoo when she brought her ex girlfriend seven years ago sa family dinner namin.

 

 

"Ate if you're thinking na baka gawin din ni mama yung ginawa niya sakin before kay Jen, wag ka magalala, kaya yan ng bunso natin" Jisoo assured me while Lisa nodded, "Masamang damo bunso niyo, matatakot si Tita diyan"

 

 

"Gago ka hon ha narinig ko yung sinabi mo, kalbuhin kita you want?" natawa kami nung nakita namin na nakapamewang si Jennie habang nakasimangot.

 

 

"Si Joy at Yerms asaan?" They all looked sa labas kasi saktong pagkabanggit ko ng pangalan nila ay may nagsigawan sa barbeque area. This kids never changed talaga. Dapat nga hindi sila invited kaso paboritong pamangkin ni Dad eh so wala kaming angal.

 

 

After the dinner, we decided to drink, mom and dad didn't want to join so they went to their respective rooms na.

 

 

The dinner went good but it was a little awkward when Jennie announced her engagement, Dad is very happy for her, Mom just nodded and didn't even bother giving her a look. Jennie doesn't give a naman, As well as Lisa, Pacool yang dalawa na yan kala mo naman mga hindi iyakin nung bata pa.

 

 

"I'll bring jisoo to bed na girls lasing na to, enjoy drinking goodnight" Jinyoung said and stood up from his seat. "Sige pakisabi din kay som if gising pa siya tita irene said goodnight" he nodded and went back inside with Jisoo in his arms, they look good together, but i know Jisoo, Rosie was the one she loved the most. Kahit naman si Jinyoung alam yan, but i guess even though their love was genuine and true they were not just meant for each other.

 

 

Tulog na sa gilid ng pool si Joy at Yeri so I was left drinking with Jennie and Lisa na nagsusubuan ng pulutan ngayon. "Respeto naman sa single tangina niyo"

 

 

"Inggit ka?" Jennie smirked "Medyo lang" nagtawanan nanaman sila, may paghampas pa si Jennie sa balikat ni Lisa. They look so happy together. I would be lying if i say na hindi ako naiinggit, i never really had a relationship with someone, like a serious one palaging hanggang landian lang, hindi naman sa ayaw ko magcommit, it's just that i don't really see myself with anyone as of now.

 

 

"Wait lang hon, i'll answer a call from a friend lang" Paalam ni Lisa when her phone rang, Jennie nodded and smiled.

 

 

"Ay wow hindi ka na selosa? Parang dati lang umiiyak ka pa saamin ni Jisoo kapag nagaaway kayo ni Lisa kasi may kausap siyang ibang babae" It's so nice to see her having a character development, she really changed a lot this past few years. She got more mature, Parehas sila, Hindi na sila nagaaway over small things, nakakaproud.

 

 

"We were in college back then, di pa ako ganon ka mature sa ibang mga bagay" She smiled, and then she looked at Lisa who's laughing habang kausap yung kaibigan nito sa di kalayuan. "I trust her as much as i love her" Lisa smiled when she saw Jennie looking at her, even kids could na tell how inloved they are to each other, their eyes screams adoration

 

 

"Ang layo na ng narating niyo, you've been together since the first day as college students, reaching your dreams together, it's been what 13 years?"

 

 

"Damn, i just realized how old iam" napabuntong hininga ako, tumawa siya "Thirty-five ka palang naman, not that old i know you will still find the one for you"

 

 

She stopped for a while and smiled at me "If only you'll allow yourself"

 

 

"What do you mean?" Mahina siyang natawa

 

 

"I know you too well Ate Irene, i know how much you love Seulgi" The moment she mentioned your name, naramdaman ko kaagad ang pagsikip ng dibdib ko, kinabahan ako bigla, i haven't heard them talking about you that much ever since we stopped talking eleven years ago, i know you often meet with Jennie kasi batchmates kayo and you guys belong to the same circle of friends, naisip ko din na siguro sinabihan mo silang wag na magsabi ng kung anong tungkol sayo saakin.

 

 

"Dahil ba sakanya? that's why you were crying earlier"

 

 

"How sure are you, that it's about her?" natawa siya when i tried to deny it.

 

 

"If only you could see how your eyes shine everytime we mention her name, i know you want to know kung kamusta na siya"

 

 

"How is she Jen?" She smiled proudly, she knew i've been fighting the urge to ask them about you simula noon.

 

 

"She changed a lot, but it's not a negative thing naman, we met a month ago and she looks blooming nga"

 

 

"Have you seen her child? Kamukha niya ba?"

 

 

"Ha? Child?"

 

 

"Yung invitation nareceive mo? Ininvite niya ako sa binyag"

 

 

"Binyag?" bigla siyang tumawa kaya nagulat ako "Gaga binyag ng pamangkin niya yon, didn't you promise Yeji na magiging ninang ka ng future baby niya more than a decade ago?"

 

 

Nagsink-in lahat sakin, Medyo nabuhayan ako ng loob.

 

 

"I'm a coward, i've been inlove with her for seventeen years yet i didn't tell her"

 

 

"It's never too late to try Ate" i forced a smile.

 

 

"Does she have someone?"

 

 

"Yes" Parang dinurog ulit yung puso ko.

 

 

"You know Seulgi, she won't leave her just because i tell her i love her, it won't change anything" i took a sip sa bote ng alak na hawak ko.

 

 

"Hindi ko naman sinabing umamin ka para agawin siya, hanggat hindi mo sinasabi patuloy ka lang mahihirapan at masasaktan" tumigil siya sandali at bumuntong hininga "She deserves to know Ate, don't you think you owe her an explanation from what happened between you two 11 years ago?"

 

 

"We're okay Jen, Hindi na kailangan pagusapan"

 

 

"Tanda mo na ang hilig mo padin takbuhan yung mga dapat pinaguusapan, Look at how your friendship was ruined, just because you don't want to talk about it" Hindi ako nakasagot.

 

 

"Get your together and stop being a coward"

 

 

—————————

 

 

Tahimik yung buong kwarto ko, Dapat sleepover natin ngayon pero wala ka dito dahil may overnight kayo ng mga kaklase mo for your project kaya hindi tayo natuloy.

 

 

Bad timing kasi ngayon pa umulan at kumidlat ng malakas.

 

 

And you know how much i hated thunders.

 

 

Binalot ko yung sarili ko sa makapal na kumot para lang hindi marinig yung ingay, Nagulat ako nung may narinig akong malakas na tunog sa hagdanan.

 

 

"Joohyun, andito na ako, nakauwi na ako" the moment i heard your voice ay agad akong napatayo sa kama at agad mo naman akong niyakap, basang-basa na agad ng luha ko yung suot mong t-shirt.

 

 

"Bakit andito ka? akala ko may project kayong gagawin" i asked you kaagad, you wiped my tears with your thumb.

 

 

"I told Lisa to send me nalang yung mga dapat kong gawin" you hugged me

 

 

"You need me, more than they need me"

 

 

"Seul..."

 

 

"Remember what i said when we were 10?"

 

 

"Alin dun?"

 

 

"Joohyun first before everything"

 

—————————

 

 

"Happy birthday Joohyun" pagkauwi ko galing sa school ay sinalubong mo ako sa labas ng apartment ko at may bitbit kang flowers. 

 

 

Agad akong lumapit sayo at niyakap ka, i was so tired dahil sa napakahabang meeting ng student council pero when i hugged you bumabalik lahat ng energy ko. 

 

 

"You didn't have to prepare all of this" pagkapasok natin sa loob ay bumungad saakin yung lamesa na maraming nakahanda na pagkain. 

 

 

"Ako nagluto niyan" 

 

 

"Wow di ka busy sa school?" 

 

 

"Nope chill lang muna kami, a few exams lang na sigurado akong i can ace it" No joke, Seulgi’s a very smart person, favorite subject niya ang math na hanggang ngayon ay tinatanong ko padin sa sakanya kung bakit sa lahat ng subject math ang favorite niya, lagi niyang sinasabi na she enjoys solving math problems daw

 

 

"I really missed your cooking" ngumiti ako sakanya, ngumiti din siya pabalik.

 

 

“I'm sorry kung medyo simple lang to" 

 

 

"Unlike last year andami kong naprepare-" hindi kita pinatapos sa sinasabi mo 

 

 

"No don't say that, eto palang sobrang special na" she smiled again, and gosh i would like to see that smile everyday.

 

——————

 

"Sasabay ako sayo ngayon nayeon" 

 

 

"Ha bakit? di ka sasabay sa bestfriend mo?" 

 

 

"Kahapon pa di nagpaparamdam yun, baka ayaw na sakin" tumawa lang siya at napairap naman ako, kahapon ka pa hindi nagpaparamdam at hindi ka din sumabay na maglunch saakin. napagod ka na siguro saakin, halos isang dekada na din tayong magkaibigan. 

 

 

"Tara na, uwing uwi na ako" 

 

 

"Mukhang ayan na yung sundo mo" napalingon ako doon sa tinuro ni nayeon, nakita kitang nakangiti saakin habang may bitbit na iced coffee, which you knew na weakness ko, prepared ka na kasi alam mong galit ako sayo, dahan-dahan ka namang naglakad papunta saamin, siniko ako ni nayeon at nagpaalam na siya. 

 

 

"Hey kamusta araw mo–" 

 

 

"Hindi ka nagparamdam simula kahapon" i crossed my arms at tinarayan ka. 

 

 

"I'll explain later, for now let's eat dinner halatang pagod ka na" umirap ako na sinuklian mo naman ng tawa at binuksan yung pinto sa shotgun seat. ngayon mo lang ata sinubukan na gamitin yung regalo ng daddy mo na sasakyan last week nung birthday mo. gumilid ako at akmang bubuksan na yung pinto sa backseat pero hinawakan mo ang bewang ko at inilayo dun. 

 

 

"Wag kang sumakay sa backseat, future jowa kita hindi boss" 

 

 

“Ulol wag mo akong inuuto gago ka”

 

 

Wala akong nagawa kundi umupo nalang sa shotgun seat, ngumisi ka naman bago umikot para sumakay sa drivers seat.

 

 

—————————

 

 

“Joohyun!”

 

 

“Seulgi bakit ka naliligo sa ulan, tanga ka ba magkakasakit ka!” hindi mo ako pinansin, tumakbo ka papunta sakin at hinila ako paalis sa sinisilungan ko.

 

 

“Hoy! Seulgi baliw ka na”

 

 

Hindi ka sumagot pero hindi mo binitiwan ang kamay ko, nakangiti ka lang saakin ngayon.

 

 

“Sayaw tayo?”

 

 

“Walang tugtog”

 

 

“Ako kakanta, basta sayaw ka kasama ako”

 

 

Wala naman ako nakagawa, nakakapit ka na sakin eh.

 

 

‘The other night dear, as I lay sleeping’

 

 

You started off slow, kahit na malakas yung tunog ng ulan, boses mo lang yung naririnig ko.

 

 

‘I dreamed I held you in my arms’

 

 

It’s not a dream but you held me in your arms, my head resting on your shoulder as you sing and we sway to the song.

 

 

‘When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken, So I hung my head and I cried’

 

 

Bumibilis tibok ng puso ko, I was fighting the urge to say those three words.

 

 

‘You are my sunshine, my only sunshine’

 

 

Hindi ko naman kasi kayang panindigan

 

 

‘You make me happy when skies are gray’

 

 

Parang mas gusto ko yung ganito, yung kaibigan lang muna. Even if this feeling is too hard to handle

 

 

‘You'll never know dear, how much I love you’

 

 

If you look at our bond, This is much better than those people na in a relationship. It's kinda selfish pero alam ko kasi sa sarili ko na di ko pa kaya mag commit sa isang person, and ayokong masasaktan ka dahil sa personal issues ko. 

 

 

‘Please don't take my sunshine away’

 

 

You stopped singing, and i felt your heartbeat getting faster

 

 

“Joohyun, Mahal kita”

 

 

Natatakot ako.

 

 

Natakot ako.

 

 

Takot ako.

 

 

“I’m sorry”

 

 

So i left.

 

 

I left you under the rain.

 

—————————

 

 

Hindi ko alam how we ended up sitting under a tree where we always stay nung mga bata palang tayo, I called you earlier, Your fiancé answered the call, And when she introduced herself para akong nabingi, but still i followed what Jennie wanted me to do and what i needed to do, Talk to you.

 

 

12 in the midnight, under the bright stars, i was sitting on the grass with you beside me. No one tried to talk as we embrace the silence and cold breeze. You're leaving tommorow afternoon for your trip in Austria, Might as well take this chance na to talk with you before you leave, I heard you're moving with her in Canada after, which means we wouldn't see each other anymore.

 

 

"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" I can see you smiling from my peripheral vision

 

 

"Yeah" You looked at me, napangiti ako as our eyes met

 

 

“11 years kong di nakita yang smile mo ha”

 

 

“Kasalanan mo yan, ikaw naman di unang pumansin saakin eh, ginaya lang kita”

 

 

"Oo na ako na" Hinampas mo ako sa balikat, and i suddenly remembered memories of us teasing each other years ago. Damn good old days. 

 

 

"You know Seul naisip ko lang" you continued looking at the stars

 

 

"Do Wendy tell you how much she loves you?" i saw you smile as i mention her name, brings back the days where you smile like that too when someone mentions my name.

 

 

"Everytime, every chance she could get, she would tell me how much she loves me" I could see your eyes filled with love, adoration and happiness. A complete opposite of mine.

 

 

"Then i'm glad,I'm glad you met someone who would treat you right after i rejected you 11 years ago" you looked down, while i stare at the stars above.

 

 

"Oh....why…..why did you break my heart that night" i took a deep breath and gathered all my courage.

 

 

"I'm sorry Seulgi" Muling nagtama ang mga mata natin, at muli ngumiti ka saakin, your smile was peaceful and the moment i saw that i know you're already happy and contented, that made my heart ache because i would be lying if i say na hindi na talaga ako umaasa kahit kaunti. But i’m happy, i'm happy for you.

 

 

"It's okay, I'm over that already, you don't have to be sorry–" i didn't let you finish

 

 

"No Seulgi, I'm sorry, sorry kasi nagsinungaling ako" nakita kong may nagbago sa mga mata mo, bigla silang naguluhan na tila ba naghahanap ng mga sagot

 

 

"What do you mean?"

 

 

"I love you" for the first time in seventeen years i finally get to tell you these three words i've been keeping in my heart foe a long time

 

 

"Simula nung pumasok tayo sa same college together I knew i loved you then, but i was scared, i was scared to risk our friendship. Nung sinabi mong mahal mo ako hindi ko manlang magawang sabihin na mahal din kita, It’s like i heard my mom’s voice in my head telling me that i should only like boys, i remember the day she asked me if i like you, i remember how disgusted she looked at me when i couldn't answer her" I saw how her eyes softened and i saw a hint of sadness in them "So i told her you were my closest friend that's why i have our photo at my nightstand, thankfully she let it slide" i stopped "I'm sorry for hurting you that day, for being a coward" 

 

 

"I love you, Seulgi" tumingin ako sandali sa mga mata mo bago muling tumitig sa mga bituin sa kalangitan 

 

 

"I know, I always knew Joohyun" huminga ka ng malalim and you looked at me while smiling bitterly.

 

 

“Thank you for giving me the explanation i needed kahit na delayed” I was taken aback

 

 

“How did you……”

 

 

“I know you too well, Joohyun, your eyes tell” you let out a deep sigh as you stare at the stars “But i didn’t force you, ayokong ipilit yung sarili ko sayo”

 

 

“Ayokong ipitin ka sa relationship na tago, and i was scared of my mom, i was scared to fight for you, and you don’t deserve that seulgi”

 

 

“I’m 11 years late, But I love you Seulgi” Hindi ka sumagot but you closed your eyes and leaned your head on my shoulder.

 

 

"I'm not saying this because i don't want you to marry Wendy, she's a good person and i know she will take care of you" i tried to speak straight when all i want to do right now is cry

 

 

 "I just want to let you know how i feel" You wrapped your arms around my body, hugging me. 

 

 

"I know Joohyun, Alam niya, She wanted us to talk actually, because she can hint the sadness in your voice nung sinagot niya yung tawag mo" 

 

 

"She wanted us to get the closure we both deserve" What a good woman, how can i even hate her for being the person Seulgi loves, she treats her so right and they both deserve each other. 

 

 

Binalot muli tayo ng katahimikan habang nanatili kang nakayakap saakin, i felt at peace but at the same time my heart is hurting because the moment that i finally need to let you go is coming near. 

 

 

"Seulgi, sa huling pagkakataon pwede mo ba akong isayaw?" You looked at me and smiled, Hinawakan mo ang mga kamay ko at sabay tayong tumayo. Pinatugtog ko ang kantang paborito nating pakinggan noon kapag tayong dalawa lang ang magkasama. 

 

 

'The other night dear, as I lay sleeping I dreamed I held you in my arms'

 

 

Magkayakap tayo sa ilalim ng mga bituin, dahan-dahang sinasabayan ang tugtog. Nakapikit tayo parehas at dinadama ang mga huling pagkakataon na magkasama tayo. 

 

 

'But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken So I hung my head and I cried' 

 

 

Nakaramdam ako ng mga hikbi, narinig ko ang mahihina mong iyak at ang paghigpit ng kapit ng mga kamay mo saakin. Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtulo ng luha ko, ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at hinayaan silang tumulo. 

 

 

'You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are gray' 

 

 

Sa pagpikit ng aking mga mata, nasilayan ko muli ang pagkanta mo tuwing nalulungkot ako, hawak mo ang gitara sa mga kamay mo. Tinuruan mo pa ako noon kung paano tumugtog para makantahan din kita kapag nalulungkot ka. 

 

 

'You'll never know dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away' 

 

 

Nakita ko ang malawak mong ngiti habang hila-hila ako papasok sa bagong bukas na coffee shop sa harap ng school natin nung first year college tayo. Napansin mo kaya? Napansin mo kaya ang mga palihim kong ngiti sa tuwing magkahawak ang ating mga kamay noon. 

 

 

'I'll always love you and make you happy, And nothing else could come between' 

 

 

You would always drag me inside amusement parks and make me ride scary rides, Kahit nakakatakot sumakay ng roller coaster as long as i can see your big smile nawawala yung takot ko. If we could just go back to the past, if only we could. 

 

 

'But if you leave me and love another You have shattered all my dreams' 

 

 

"Seulgi?" 

 

 

"Hmm?" 

 

 

"Masaya ako para sayo" 

 

 

"Masaya akong nahanap mo yung taong kayang sabihin sayo kung gaano ka niya kamahal araw-araw" 

 

 

'You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are gray' 

 

 

"Joohyun?" 

 

 

"Let's give it another try in our next lifetime?" 

 

 

"We will" 

 

 

'You'll never know dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away' 

 

 

"I love you Seulgi, so much" 

 

 

"I loved you too Joohyun, so much" 

 

 

Sa pagtigil ng kanta, ay ang pagbitaw ng kamay mo sa pagkakayakap saakin. 

 

 

Sana sa susunod na pagkakataon, ay pagbigyan na tayong maituloy kung ano man ang hindi natin natuloy noon. 

 

 

Sa susunod na pagkakataon, Seulgi. 

 

 

Pangako ay hindi ko hahayaang mapunta ka sa iba.

 

 

END.