[Autumn] First Love

-written by mangchi(@99_left)

 

 

 

“Excuse me, you have to get up now…”

 

Kyuhyun POV:
 The man, who was sleeping in the dark, yawned and stood up when he heard Kyuhyun's call. In comparison to what he did, his face was pretty good. No, it wasn't good enough. Kyuhyun took a look at the man's face. Where can I make a comparison? Yes, he wasn't my type, but he reminded me of the main character of a pure manga that I was looking through a few days ago because I didn't have any books to read. It was a face I'd believe if it came from a manga. Unfortunately, he does it well... with his hair up, a bright yellow T-shirt, wide pants, and yellow shoes. Kyuhyun, who was embarrassed when he looked the man in the eyes and made eye contact, stated bluntly:

 

"I guess you like yellow."
“"What? Yeah...”

 
 The man blinked, bowed, and then left the library. He's a really weird person.  Kyuhyun thought about it as he organized the scattered books.
 
 
*
 
 
 
The season of loneliness, the season of chaos. It’s reading season. Autumn. Kyuhyun was spending time helplessly in a small library. It was a part-time job. He was preoccupied with his grades, but he needed to work. Living expenses were a problem, regardless of how he solved the tuition problem with his brilliant brain. There is no part-time job that he haven't tried, from a meat restaurant till a convenience store. Working hard and studying all night, it wasn't like living. Then, after being recommended by Assistant Heo, this was the start. Take pictures of book loan returns, label new books, clean up books, and sweep the dust off the floor. It was better than cleaning the grill and scrubbing the dishes. Above all, it was peaceful. I could study after finishing my work. I was able to earn money by simply sitting and studying. A fantastic part-time job that I'd never heard of before. It has been three months since I started this good part-time job.
 
Although class has ended, we have yet to celebrate the start of the second semester with a party. Kyuhyun was persuaded to go out for a drink by Minhyuk, who was born with a golden spoon. I'm not sure if it's the end of the class, or if it's commemorating the beginning of the class. At Kyuhyun's question, Minhyuk shakes his head and says: “Hey, Kyuhyun. Shouldn't we drink a lot to get in the mood for the second semester? You enjoy drinking as well. You must enjoy it. When you come, the drinking party is a lot of fun.” Kyuhyun tapped the screen to show his watch, lightly spilling his whining voice. “I have to go to work. It takes 36 minutes by walk from the main gate of the school and 7 minutes by bus.” Kyuhyun always walked down a street that wasn't particularly close. When asked why, he responded, "Just... Take a deep breath of fresh air and gaze up at the sky.  I'll think about it. In fact, it was a waste of 1,250 won bus fare. Those who didn't know anything talked about how romantic and emotional he was. It was amusing. On September 5th, the day was much shorter than in midsummer, but it was still warm for autumn. He didn't want to expose his skin, so he wore the T-shirt over the shirt, which seemed to stick together. He came to a halt in the shade of the tree because he couldn't walk by himself. Even if it's hot during the day, it'll be so cold at night that you'll need to dress warmly. Kyuhyun recalls a cardigan that is quietly folded in his bag. When he thought about it, he realized it had always been this way. Autumn appears to be conflicted.

Kyuhyun POV:
 Even before I arrived, a man was hanging around in front of the library. It's him. He was dressed in a red hat, a black short-sleeved shirt, and grayish brown pants today. As expected, God was fair. Did he choose and wear it because it looks good on him? You shouldn't have had that face if you're going to be like that. Give me that face. His face is said to be the finishing touch to fashion, but it would be much more complete if he didn't wear a color that stands out. When I looked at him with such thoughts, I couldn't help but make eye contact. I was thinking to myself, but I hope you didn't hear me. “Hello,” I said, as if checking in. When I awkwardly greeted him, he blinked without responding. What? I'm embarrassed. I coughed as I opened the door, and the back of my head stings. I kept feeling the gaze, so that moment seemed to last an eternity. When I opened the door, he remained still. “Are you not going in?” “Just a little later.” The subject was well-represented by the voice.

“Hello.”
 “Kyuhyun, you’re here?”

 
This is Aunt Kim, who is in charge of the daytime. She has wavy hair and wears red horn-rimmed glasses, and she always has a nice smile on her face. Despite this, she was known as the ‘Devil Grandmother’. Most likely because there are so many elementary school students during the day. They were inspired by the way she threatened the noisy children. Aunt Kim briefly summarized what happened today and served it with her cup of lemon tea. “Is it hot? Look at the sweat. But what should I do? The air conditioner won't turn on starting from today. It's autumn now. A gentle breeze blew through the wide open cracks more than in July and August, when it was definitely hot to breathe out. It's okay, the heat will cool down in a short time. I like Kyuhyun because he is a very positive person. Drink this and do your best today.” “Thank you.” She said those words of encouragement before grabbing her baton. It had been a routine day up until this point.

Kyuhyun POV:
The man entered the library as soon as Aunt Kim left. Kyuhyun greets him when their gazes meet. He paused for a moment before nodding. I didn't even do anything wrong. Is he going to eat something? It was kind of embarrassing, but it was also a difficult question to ask. The man squatted in a corner seat without a book and stared blankly out the window. As I turned to follow him, I noticed a blue sky peeking through the fluttering curtains. It seemed that autumn was approaching. The sky was a brilliant indigo blue. It's not the time for this, Kyuhyun lightly clapped both of his cheeks, piled up the returned books one by one, and did what he had to do. My work is more urgent. After organizing the book, I have to do the homework that Professor Yoon gave me. The submission deadline was a week before the midterm exam, but Cho Kyuhyun was diligent. He have to study for exams when that time comes. If anyone asked, I would have gone crazy. The man suddenly focused his gaze on the phone and began tapping the screen vigorously.

It's quite annoying to ignore him. The man had his head on his bookshelf, his eyes closed, as if he had been looking outside and fiddling with his cell phone. Is he clearly dozing on that one? He seemed carefree for someone who had been standing in front of the library for a long time. If he can't sleep like that, just go home. The sound of people flipping through bookshelves today tickled Kyuhyun’s ears, and the man's bright yellow shoes continued to draw attention. Kyuhyun was unable to concentrate. It's all because of that color. Giving all kinds of excuses, Kyuhyun closed the textbook he had opened. He clenched his chin and looked at the man. As the sun was setting, the bright red sunlight came through the window. Without realizing it, Kyuhyun jumped up and went to him. He squats in front of him and raises his hand. The sunlight that flashed on his face broke down in the exact shape of Kyuhyun's hand. The frown on his forehead slowly loosened and he smiled softly. He must have been sleeping. Kyuhyun seemed to hear the sound of his heart beating somehow.

The starlight has gone out. The hours of operation are 9:00 a.m. to 22:00 p.m. Kyuhyun worked from 16:00 to 22:00, which was only half of the shift. There were not so many customers who used the library at night unless it was exam period. It means that no one had walked except for the man and Kyuhyun from about an hour ago. Kyuhyun hums like a habit, but stops just in case the man wakes up. Why do he care so much about him? Kyuhyun had such a question in his head, but his toss and turn flew away at once. There is still an hour left to close, but the man opened his eyes. Then, yawn once. The man, who was rubbing his sleepy eyes, looks around and asks a small question.

 

 “What time is it?”
“It’s 9 o’clock.”
“It’s an hour left…”
“Looks like you come often?”

“Yeah, kinda..”
“I see.”
 

  There was an awkward silence. Of course they'll go out. He can close the library a little early today. Kyuhyun slowly sweeps the floor with a broomstick. However, as expected, the man did not seem to have any intention of going out. He followed Kyuhyun's sheep with his eyes, sat down on the table, and shook his unreachable legs. “We close in an hour.” The man raised his eyebrows and replied. “I know. I come here often.” He don't even read books. Do you come to the library often? The man shaking his leg blinks and looks at Kyuhyun. The eyes that went back and forth met and circled in the air. The man rolled his eyes and wanted to choose what to say, and he opened his mouth quite bluntly, as if he had been thinking about it.

 

 “…I have no place to be but here.”
“Ah…”
 “Because my father kicked me out after picking up a bag with some clothes in it. I got caught while chewing my hyung next door.”
 

 The unexpected bombshell remark caused Kyuhyun to gasp and close his mouth. It was Kyuhyun who was watching. What is this person saying without even thinking about it? He feel uncomfortable ordering a coffee and staying at a cafe all day, and he don't know how to play games in an internet cafe, but he feel miserable going to the park as if he’s homeless. Unquestionable lamentation is dripping out one after the other. So, he left home. All he had was 100,000 won in cash and a check card he had saved up for pocket money that his mother gave him just before being kicked out. He told me his name is Lee Donghae. His age is 23 years old. He was born early, so he is a year older than Kyuhyun, who is 22. After the age and name are revealed, the atmosphere becomes more relaxed. A sincere story comes out. It was the hyung next door who helped Donghae, who was running away from his father who gets clubbed whenever he drinks. When he ran away without even putting on his shoes, that hyung always opened his door. That hyung told him to stay as long as he wanted, and Lee Donghae, who had nowhere to go, walked to hyung’s house every day. Since he has nothing in return, so he gave his heart. Then he give his lips and his body. Donghae thought it would be a thousand years of love, but the day he was seen while he was wallowing in his father who was chasing him with a stick is over. That hyung didn't do anything, but Donghae seduced him. He was a typical bastard. When he called Donghae because he thought it would comfort him, he said he was getting goosebumps and told him to stop. Indeed, the first time Kyuhyun heard Aunt Kim said Mr. Kyuhyun, he was a little unfamiliar with it. He opened his mouth once, and as if he had ever acted stiffly, his comments leaked out without saying anything. Lee Donghae was a more talkative style than it looked. It's not noisy though, Just following Kyuhyun around and chattering. It was a little annoying, but not to the point of being annoying. Donghae said he had seen Kyuhyun a lot. Every time he came to the library, Kyuhyun was either reading a book or studying. Donghae don't really borrow books or anything, so Kyuhyun may not have seen him. This can be happen. Since when did you start talking, you say it easily. Kyuhyun blurs the end of his speech with an ambiguous ending. Mostly Lee Donghae asks and Cho Kyuhyun answers. Still, the conversation did not stop. Donghae felt like it had been a long time since he had talked with someone for so long.

 
“Earlier..”

“Hmm?” 

“Earlier... Why didn't you go in right away?”

“Earlier?”
“During the daytime, before I came.”

“Daytime?”

 “You said you had nowhere to go.”

 Donghae thought for a moment with a face that he doesn't know his reason, thought for a moment, then smiled brightly and tapped my knee. “Oh, during the day. At that time, there was a devil grandmother.” Cho Kyuhyun stopped mopping and looked straight at donghae with weird expression. “By any chance, she is not your mother, right?” “No, it’s not like that.” The smiling and noticeably relieved face was quite cute. That's a relief. Why? Kids call her a devil grandmother. At first, I was just going to do that. But when I fell asleep while sitting down, well, the devil grandmother approached me and said “Here is not an accommodation.” How scary it was. Donghae copied Aunt Kim's firm tone and even described her drooping eyebrows. A confident face even though it doesn't seem that same, and a voice that resembles somehow and feels unfair. Unknowingly, a smirk leaked out, and Kyuhyun bit his lips and turned his head away.

"You just laughed, right? KyuHyun-ah, you think the same, right?!"

“No, I didn't laugh.”

“Look at your arrogance. Then what's with this smile around your mouth?”

“I'm normally made a smiley face.”

“Honestly, it's the same. I'm not a devil grandmother.”

 “Stop it, really…”
 

 When Kyuhyun bursts into laughter, Donghae smiles. Now he's talking casually. At his words, Kyuhyun feels awkward and coughs in vain. “You are friends with me now, right? So don't kick me out. There's really nowhere to go.” Kyuhyun blinks at Donghae's words. “So, where do you go when the library is closed?” Donghae shrugged his shoulders. “Well, I have to save money. I can't sit on the street.” Then he turns on the phone screen and shakes it towards Kyuhyun. On the screen, there was a chat window with a creepy bright pink theme. The purpose is clear, titled 『Conversation with Stranger Men』. Kyuhyun frowned and looked at Donghae. In short, it's a one-night stand. “I fake my age, name, or anything, and post it in the chat window. Who will be off today? If you spend one night with the people you meet like that and give them some service, they won't be able to take good care of you until the next morning. Sometimes there are guys who stick around until dawn without any manners, and when I meet them, I don't get enough sleep no matter how much I sleep.” Apparently, that was the reason why he nodded in an uncomfortable position. “If we have a good chemistry, the phone number is a service. Even that doesn't mean much.” With a pitiful voice, “I have nowhere else to go today, but with just one phone call, they tell you their home address, and they serve up ramen noodles and eggs. Is it too pathetic?” Donghae shrugged and said. Kyuhyun straightened his wrinkled eyebrows. “So the reason for that crazy thing is that there's no place to sleep at night?” Donghae nods his head innocently. “I'm running out of money.” Kyuhyun carried Donghae’s luggage on his side. “Follow me. Let's go.”

 

Donghae POV:
Lee Donghae walks in through the open door. “Is this your house?” Before I knew it, I wore Kyuhyun's cardigan over a black short sleeve. Walking behind him, it was chilly somehow, and even though there didn't seem to be much difference in our height, I was buried in his clothes.

Kyuhyun POV:
I couldn't even eat rice all day caused my stomach rumbled so I bought a tteokbokki set. I'm worried if I ordered that one serving of tteokbokki like usual will be too small for two people. 3 squid tempura, 3 sweet potato fries, 4 seaweed rolls, 3 skewers of Busan fish cake.

Cho Kyuhyun snatched Lee Donghae's bag of fries and nodded inwardly. “That's the bathroom. I'll give you my clothes when you come out, so wash up and come out. Since the cardigan is big, I think it's okay to give you roughly anything. Or would you like to eat first and then wash up?” Lee Donghae who is hesitant to enter Kyuhyun's house naturally accepts cardigans and tteokbokki. Looking at Donghae standing in the hallway without taking off his shoes, Kyuhyun draws a question mark on his face. Donghae hesitated. “My back hurts. I did it too much yesterday...” Upon hearing that, Kyuhyun blinked for a while and waved his hand. “What are you talking about? I didn't bring you here to do that.” Kyuhyun's face visibly turned red. No... What do you think of people? Seeing Kyuhyun waving his hands while coughing, Donghae tilted his face.

“Then why did you bring me?”

" Because I see someone is in trouble?”

"…Kyuhyun-ah, when did you see me? You're so nice to me. What if I just steal your house stuff?"

“Lee Donghae.”

"Hmm?"

" You know, people who really want to steal don't even ask."

“Ahh."
  

 At Donghae's low voice, Kyuhyun shook his head. “A person like hyung would be good at stealing. Even though there's nothing to steal from me in the first place...” and then shrug his shoulder. Put the books scattered on the table aside and placed the still warm tteokbokki. “If you're not going to wash up now, go wash your hands.” Donghae still looked puzzled but listened to Kyuhyun calmly. In the meantime, Lee Donghae has never done anything properly. “Kyuhyun-ah, the hot water isn't coming out. Kyuhyun-ah, where's the towel? Kyuhyun-ah. Kyuhyun-ah.”

Kyuhyun POV:
He doesn't leave anything untouchable. When I answered the question out loud, he always asks me two or three times. In the end, Kyuhyun had to take out the towel himself. Come to think of it, from the first time I saw Lee Donghae, there was a corner that somehow bothered people.

It's been over a month since Donghae have been to the library, and it is amazing that Kyuhyun has not noticed. Suddenly, Kyuhyun's eyes saw a yellow sneakers scattered randomly on the front door. Strangely enough, it's all because the color of those sneakers stands out too much. Kyuhyun thought as he ate a piece of fried food that had fallen from the paper bag containing the fried food.

*

Kyuhyun POV:
 It's already been a month since Donghae stayed at Kyuhyun's house. Exactly a week later, Lee Donghae left the chat room with strangers. The reason was that he no longer had to find someone to spend the night with. Lee Donghae was appeared shy and conscientious only on the first day. It was normal to be taken care of by someone. He wakes me up, prepares me food, and wipes the dirt off my lips. Kyuhyun blushed because he felt strange wiping the ketchup off his mouth while eating toast without properly opening his eyes, but Lee Donghae was just being natural. As if it's natural to be loved. Donghae used his special ability to communicate with Aunt Kim as well. With a handsome face and a bright smile, the hostility transforms into warmth and gentleness. Thanks to this, Donghae was able to stay in the library even during the daytime. That doesn't mean he was wasting time like before. Aunt Kim told Donghae the work of the library one by one. From simple chores to how to manage books. After taking a break from work due to her health problems, she seemed to consider Donghae as the next right person. Donghae was admirable to read a little while Kyuhyun was at school. It's a fairy tale recommended by Kyuhyun. Seeing that he likes ‘Devil Grandmother’ nickname so much, so he must be like a fairy tale. It was an accurate analysis. We enjoyed the books so much that we would scribble our thoughts with a pen on top of the well-dried leaves and often place them between the books. So far, 18 leaves have been collected. After finishing the book, the leaves are hung one after the other on our house's walls and on the memo board. The green leaves then gradually turned red, which was less noticeable.

Donghae has become a part of Kyuhyun's daily life. On days when Kyuhyun has class, they get up and have breakfast together. It is also Kyuhyun's responsibility to wake Donghae up, who is procrastinating for a little more sleep. After that, he took Donghae to the library and went to school. If Kyuhyun go to the library on time, Donghae, who has already finished his work, waves his hand warmly. Then he used to sit quietly next to Kyuhyun and wait for the work to be finished. Then, naturally, the face he see as soon as he wake up in the morning is Lee Donghae, the face he see the most all day is Lee Donghae, and the face he see at the end of the day is also Lee Donghae. It was a strange cohabitation. Previously, Cho Kyuhyun's daily life was quiet in a good way and boring in a bad way. It is said that even a single fallen leaf leaves a big wave on the calm water surface, but to Cho Kyuhyun, Lee Donghae was the fallen leaf and furthermore, the pebble. Just like his name, he was a tidal wave that caused waves in Kyuhyun's mind. As time passes, in the blink of an eye, like a leaf that was once green bloom a clear red light in an instant, Kyuhyun fell for Donghae. As if to prove it, when he stood next to Donghae, the sound of his heart beating was clear to his ears. It is said autumn makes people sentimental for no reason. It was exactly that match. After taking Lee Donghae home today, he keep thinking of his face that smiles brightly and thank him, Kyuhyun ruffled his hair and wiping his face. What should he do when he bring Lee Donghae home? A man smiled and dragged his chair in front of Cho Kyuhyun, who is suffering from thrilling worries for the rest of his life.

 

"Kyuhyun-ah, don't you want to go on a *gwathing?"

 
Kyuhyun POV: 
 Park Soochan, it was his motive to upload a photo of him drinking and dating on social media. A guy who wasn't always friendly wanted to be nice today, and it was all for a reason. He's been quiet for a while since he broke up with his lover. A leopard cannot change his spots. Suchan approached me with a nice smile and pushed me in. They say they're from the Aviation Department of University A, and they decided to do a 3:3 match. They are one year younger than us and one is the same age as us. Then Park Soochan said “Originally, I was going to take Donghyuk with me, but I'm not sure, he's dating his ex-girlfriend again. Anyway, I'm not loyal. The promise is today, because you're the best person in our department.” Before he could even say anything, Suchan was chattering about his TMI.

It was clear that Soochan was trying to distract Kyuhyun so he could not refuse him. He talked while holding out his phone screen to Kyuhyun, who is sitting with a troubled face. “It's no fun if you study like that every day. You should enjoy life in moderation. Take a look at the photos and decide.” But before Kyuhyun could even look at that photo, Minhyuk snatched his phone.

 "Oh... is this the person you're talking about in the *gwathing? "If he’s vacant, can't I leave?"

“Hey, Yoon Minhyuk. Are you asking Kyuhyun right now?”

“Kyuhyun? Cut it out!”

“Why?"

“He's in a relationship these days.”

"In a relationship? Cho Kyuhyun?"

"Me?"
 
*과팅 (Gwathing) means a group dating between departments at university
 

 When Kyuhyun widens his eyes and looks up at Minhyuk, he shrugs. “You’re not? You look at your phone every day and laugh out loud, say you have appointments every weekend, and strangely, you seem to care about your style. And I overheard you calling him last time. You smiled softly and spoke kindly to the phone. Something like ‘it's over now, have you eaten? I'll be there soon, so wait a little bit.’ Who else would it be if it's not a lover then?” Minhyuk speaks casually and returns the cell phone to Suchan. “Well, sorry if it was meant to be a secret.” With a curious face, he dragged and swung around Suchan, who was about to say something. “Dude, I thought you didn't do anything except study. You don't know that your face is very blooming these days, right?” I'll take care of him, so you can meet your lover and go on a date. It is autumn and the weather is very nice. Kyuhyun, who is still blinking, is confused. The other party on the call that Minhyuk heard must have been Lee Donghae. Even I can't be sure, when did the feelings I've been trying to hide start to get exposed? Please, it's okay for everyone in the world to know but I hope Lee Donghae didn't notice it. Lord, I pray like this. Soon after, the text that arrives breaks the pain of earnest prayer.

 
[Kyuhyun-ah, I'll wait for you at the library again today!] 
 
 
*
 
 Lee Donghae, who knew nothing, was bright. When Kyuhyun arrived at the library, he smiled and stuck to him. “Did you study well today? I envy you when I see you go to school. I wanted to go to college, too. Did everything go well today? Why you don’t do something like a *gwathing? The one that college students do.”

Kyuhyun POV:
Seeing Donghae whispering just in case if anyone hears it, my heart becomes more complicated. Hyung, what makes you so bright every day? I let out a sigh, barely putting the question that was about to come out of his mouth. The last question that Donghae spit out is really sharp. It was clear that Kyuhyun was not interested in the subject that Lee Donghae was kicked out  because of making out with the hyung next door. If you any feelings for me, I will ask you something like a *gwathing. Somehow I felt miserable. It feels like it's stabbing my heart. Kyuhyun's hand, which was scribbling around in a note for no reason, gave a rough answer. “Hyung, I will go to a *gwathing this evening. It's a 3:3 match with ‘A’ University's aviation students. One is the same age as me, and two are one year younger.” Lee Donghae, who has no sense had his eyes twinkle and glisten.

*과팅 (Gwathing) means a group dating between departments at university

 

“Really? Must be fun. But why are you not doing that but came here instead?”

“Hyung”

“Yeah?”

“Lee donghae”

“Why are you calling me?”

“I… have someone I like”

Donghae’s eyebrows wriggred at Kyuhyun’s bomb remark. The person who was chattering before just closed his mouth and just stared at Kyuhyun. When the other suddenly became quiet, Kyuhyun petted the back of his neck. Donghae didn’t even ask a single question but addition explanation continuously coming out. “It hasn’t been long. He has clear eyes, a little short, has soft heart and always makes me pay attention on him. At first I didn’t knew I would like him but my gaze keep goes to him, keep thinking of him so it can’t be helped. My heart just goes to him without I realize it. I think i like him more than i thought. Cause i keep thinking of him and worrying him. His age… a year older than me, and as of now it’s just me having one-sided love on him. And  just in case, I’m not going to confess.” Donghae that had been listening in silence asked, “Why? Why you like that person? Is that person worth it? I don’t think so though.” At the moment Kyuhyun was about to answer, there was a paper note placed between the two. ‘Please be quiet’. During the time Kyuhyun bowed to apologize, Donghae stomped out of the room. Kyuhyun tried to chase him right away but there were many people lining up to return book that time.

Thanks to the clear autumn light, the streets smelled of savory and sweet fallen leaves. After leaving his seat immediately and unable to follow along, Kyuhyun, who finished his job, ran down the scarlet night street full of the smell of fallen leaves. It was obvious where Lee Donghae was going. Cho Kyuhyun's house, no. Two people's house. When I opened the door, breathing heavily, I saw Donghae holding a paper bag in one hand and trying to go outside wearing a bright yellow T-shirt, wide pants, and yellow shoes, just like the day we first met. Where is he going like that? It's cold outside. Looking at the panting Kyuhyun, Donghae looked in trouble. “I'm  going home now. My runaway got too long. My father will forgive me now.” Kyuhyun looks around the house while listening to Donghae. The leaves that were attached to the wall are gone, and Kyuhyun's clothes, which he lent to Donghae, are gently folded and laid out on the table. It's been a month since they've been together here. Just as Kyuhyun lived alone from the beginning, there is no trace of Donghae anywhere. Donghae barely raises the corners of his mouth and smiles at Kyuhyun, who has an empty face. “And now, when you're in a relationship, your lover will often comes and plays. I'll pay you back for what I owe you for a month. Thank you for all these time.” Lee Donghae finally responded in this way to Kyuhyun's confession, which he conveyed in an awkward way. An obvious rejection. If that’s the case, you shouldn't have made those sad eyes. If that's the case, you shouldn't have said it in such a nervous voice. If that’s the case. “I'll go then.” Kyuhyun grabbed the end of Donghae's sleeve as he was about to leave the front door and said

 

“don’t go.”

“Lee donghae, don’t go”

“Kyuhyun-ah”

“I didn’t even confess. I surpressed it (my feeling for you) just fine till now. It’s just you, hyung, that unneccesarily quick-witted only at times like this. I won’t make you feel burdened. I won’t ask you to like me back. I will just cherish it myself. So please don’t go.”

“Kyuhyun-ah, I just don’t want you to be tied by someone like me.”

“What are you saying...”

“You are the warmest person I ever met in my life. And foolishly so kind too. That’s why you helped me who had nowhere to go for a month. In that span of a month i’ve been watching you, you are such an upright person, study hard and work well too. Being beside you who are like that makes me a little feel i become an ordinary person and i liked it.”

“Then you can just continue live like that”

“The book i read few days ago says this. It’s easy to scribble on white paper, but it’s not easy to erase it. No matter how hard you try to erase it, there will be traces. I don't want to be such a scribble for you.”

“Who the hell said that hyung is a scribble?”

“Me. I held (my feeling) in because I was afraid I’d fall for you. I also acted cheerful on purpose. I even expected if you have someone next to you, I would be able to give up my heart for you. But look. I eventually invaded your heart. It'll be quick to take it out because it hasn't touched a step. So Kyuhyun, meet someone other than me. Someone who can draw a pretty picture on your drawing paper”

“Hyung”

“Cho Kyuhyun, let go of me.”

 Kyuhyun POV: 
How should i hold onto him more? My hand that was holding onto donghae slowly lose strength and he smiled. “Thanks”. He said in a low voice then left. 

Author POV:
A cold wind blew through the gap of shortly opened door and fell under Kyuhyun. And then, thump. He left with the sound of front door closing. On the table Donghae left Kyuhyun's clothes. On top of it there was a small fairy tale book. [The Ugly Duckling] that was the second trace that Donghae left. Cho kyuhyun opened page with trembling hand, a maple leaf with the wafts of scent of Donghae fluttered down to the foor. The maple leaf that have already turned red have crooked words written with a pen name. [If I become a swan someday, I hope I can be a person who can fill your drawing paper with beautiful colors like autumn leaves] Cho kyuhyun's first love ended so blandly.
 

*

Kyuhyun, 35 years old. Fourth year Assistant Manager of the marketing department of the parent company. After loosening the necktie that had been strangling all day, he trudged under the street tree. It was autumn, the sky was high, and the wind was chilly. On day like this, he always get reminded of Donghae from 13 years ago who left a piece of maple leaf and dumped him without even get to confess. “Hyung, you said you leave before you left a trace on me, right? But you were wrong. Long before that, you came into my heart arbitrarily and left footprints here and there. And just how clear those footprints are that i’m still missing you.”
Kyuhyun, who was muttering in his heart, took a step toward the library. A place overflowing with their memories. When autumn that makes him miss Donghae twice extra, with the excuse that autumn is good season to read book, once a year he came to that place. Aunt Kim still welcomes Kyuhyun with a nice face. “Kyuhyun, it's been a while.” Aunt Kim serves a cup of lemon black tea as she did 13 years ago. “Are you still working well? Let's see. You must be 35 years old now. Do you have a girlfriend?” Questions pouring out like relatives that meet every Chuseok. Aunt Kim's hair is white and her wrinkles are increased, but through the questions, he can easily feel that Aunt Kim is still the same, so Kyuhyun just smiles and answers.

 

“Come to think of it time really flies. You even work at a company already...”

“You know you say the same thing every year right?”

“Well that’s because I’m that fascinated. I saw Donghae yesterday and said the same thing. I saw him after sooo long but his face remained the same. He said, eventhough a bit late, he managed to get job and is working well...”

“…Excuse me? Who?”

“Gosh, it seems like I haven’t tell you. Yesterday Donghae came here. He came after a long time then borrowed a literature book. Someone who barely read a fairytale book, has became a steady person.”

"..."

“I asked him doesn’t he only read fairytale books that you recommended but he just laughed. He asked if you are doing well.”

“… Do you have his contact by any chance?”

“Hmm since he borrowed a book it should be on the list. Originally, I can’t give a personal info recklessly but since you two are curious of each other so I guess it’ll be fine, right?”
 

 Kyuhyun bowed to the lady and hurriedly exit the library. His heart pounded like a child who received a gift on Christmas. The phone number written on the post-it in his hand is new. “Call him? Or not? Call? Don’t? What should I say if he picks up the phone? How have you been? It's been a while. I missed you? I think anything will look ugly.” Still, he desperately wanted to hear Donghae’s voice. Even if it ended in a mess, he was still his first love. “I can just be greedy. Let’s just call him and say whatever i can think of. It's better than just letting go like this, right? I should at least tell him that I still miss him.” Kyuhyun pressed his lips as if he had made up his mind and tapped the screen to press the number. For a second, (he heard) basic, a donghae-style ringtone. “Hello.” he heard a voice over there. And then it's quiet for a while. The voice he hasn't heard in a while is annoyingly still the same. Kyuhyun tried hard to hold back his tears.
 

“Hello?”

“…”

“If you are calling the wrong person i’ll hung up”

“Hyung… Lee Donghae”

“….?”

“It’s me, Kyuhyun…”

“… You”

“Should we meet?”
 
 
And the silence that followed. Just in time, a cool autumn wind blew. Just like the day Lee Donghae left.