Christmas day…

Can’t believe I am cooking for our super late lunch while they are all playing out on the beachside. They didn’t even hesitate to go even though I told them I need some help too. Tss... Well again, who else would cook other than me when I’m a daughter of a chef.

“Done.” I muttered covering the lid of the pan as I’m done from cooking. “Should I call them to eat already?” I removed my apron and made my way to the living area to go to the balcony and check them there.

While I was walking, I noticed this girl on the couch sleeping soundly. I looked at her first, then fixed the blanket on her that was already on the floor. She groaned in her sleep as I got done putting the blanket on her making me startled for a second.

Forgot she’s here too. She must be tired. She did a dance battle before she goes straight in here, I heard.

I stare at her one last time noticing something, before I left her. She’s pretty. Why haven’t I noticed it? Everyone would like to have a girlfriend with a pretty face like that. Plus, she cute. Her gestures are cute. Can’t help but scorn at those thoughts. A perfect girl for a broken girl can be destined to be together.

“They are having fun. Maybe later.” I talked to myself watching them from afar playing beach volleyball with a really big beach ball.

“Why don’t you go there too?” I flinched out of shock, tilted my head on my back to see the girl who was just sleeping just now.

“You startled me. Did I wake you up?” I asked in concern that I did but she smiled at me while shaking her head. I breathe out of relief, as I watch her come closer and stand beside me. I am looking at her, while she was looking at the girls on the beach.

“Can I share this to you? That I don’t have a plan to go here actually.” I furrowed in confused as she admitted that all of a sudden. I wonder why. “Not because I’m tired and this place is too far, but because I don’t want to ruin your fun.” My eyes widened, but still not well understand what she means to say.

She turned her head on me, smiling, but sadly. Her stares are making me scared…

“I know you hate me.”

“Ah--” I stopped. As those words process on my head.

“You hate me, right? Jeongyeon-ssi…”

My expressions drop as she repeated that. Eyes locking so sure with mine.

Before I know my heart is shaking strong already, as well as my right hand so I hold on to it so tight with my left hand to stop it from trembling. That what she only said but I am trembling already. What’s worse is I can’t even speak and denied it to her.

“That’s why I distanced myself on you.” She smiled and it feels like she’s reassuring me. That’s it’s okay even though I hate her. “I told the group that I am busy with my dance club so I can’t hangout more often and eat lunch together with you even though I am not actually busy. But it’s really hard to refused Nayeon Unnie’s request so I choose one day so she’ll not throw a fit on me. You know her, she hates it when she’s not getting what she wants.”

She laughs as if she’s saying nothing. When this is making me feel guilt. I didn’t know. I didn’t know she’s this aware. I can’t look directly at her eyes while she can.

“But even in just one lunch every week. I can always see you being uncomfortable with me. And it’s making me feel suffocated. I feel like I don’t really belong to the group.”

I want to escape right now. But she totally corners me. There’s no chance for me to run away. She then looks away from me. Seconds passed in silence before I heard her deep breathing…

“Why?” She asked out of nowhere.

“Why do you hate me so much? That you can’t even hide it from me, Jeongyeon-ssi?” Her words, and her tone are now different. It has weigh on it. I know this, coz I’ve been like this for a while. This is something she never talked to anyone before.

“You hate me. While I like you.” That made me look uo hesitanntly, seeing how genuine that is. “You’re the first-person Sana and Mina introduces to me. That time I like you already. Coz you look so cool in my eyes. I want to be close to you. I want you to treat me like Dahyun and Chaeyoung so I befriended them first. But I hoped for nothing. You may be welcomed me at first, but I suddenly turned into stranger to you. During those time, I keep asking myself. What did I do wrong? I only want to be close to you. I tried to be good for you to accept me in this friendship. So why?”

I didn’t know, that it is not just me who’s been suffering.

I must be the bad person ever. Maybe way back in my past life, I am that brother of a crown prince who is too jealous of his throne so I stabbed him behind his back. Coz even knowing this, I still can’t change a heart to like this girl in front of me. I hate her.

I don’t have something to say. So, I stayed on silent while staring at her, talking to myself on my head like this.

How do I even answer her? How can I say that I hate her because I’m jealous? How do I say that I hate her because she’s stealing the first person I treasured with my whole life? That will just make me more a loser. And I’m done from being a loser.

“You can’t even say it.” She suddenly speaks again. Making me confused on her meaningful tone as she says that. It sounded like she’s so disappointed to me. “If you can’t then do you want me to say it in your place?” I looked at her puzzled, really disturbed at her change. Her gazes, are burning inside me.

She’s not here and suddenly telling all of this just for nothing. Why didn’t I realize this sooner? She approaches me with a reason.

“Do I really have to answer my own question to you, Jeongyeon-ssi?”

She is… frightening me.

I’m positive now. She knows. She totally knows. She looked away from me, and I noticed where she is looking. She’s looking directly… at that person from afar. At my answer.

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