The nightmares. Those were the worst. During the day when she reminiscences about the past, those are mere memories. However, in her dreams, she can see him, hear him, feel him. She can see all the possibilities how their love could have blossomed. They’re ordinary dreams, every day scenarios. Simon taking their child to school. A family gathering at Chuseok. A holiday to Jeju. Them drinking wine after a long day. Hyemi arguing with Simon for not taking out the trash on a Wednesday. Oh, how she wished she could do that. She wanted to scream at him, she wanted to whine to him about the stupidest things. It wouldn’t matter, she just wanted to be with him.

Her eyes flattered open and she stared at the ceiling in her dark room.

Hyemi was nonchalantly watching at the doorframe how Johnny was pacing in his room. The girl let out a sigh and rolled her eyes while stepped in the room and closed the door.

“You’re making such a big fuss.”

“You don’t understand.” he stopped just to throw a glare at her. “She’s the hottest girl in school and she agreed to go on a date with me. I can’t this up, my life depends on this.” he whined.

Hyemi had to laugh. “You just turned sixteen. It’s definitely not a life or death situation.”

“My reputation depends on this.”

“Your repu… Oh my God Johnny!” she walked to his bed and plopped down. “Why are you so anxious? You’re always telling me how much you’re flirting and going on blind dates and making out.”

He averted his gaze and ran his fingers through his hair. “Maybe I exaggerated a bit?”

She snorted, arms folded over her chest. “How much?”

Johnny flushed red. “Maybe I’ve never kissed anyone yet?”

As the girl processed the information she threw her head back and started laughing. “You’ve never kissed yet you were teasing me? Geez what a hypocrite!”

The boy angrily sat down on the floor and turned his head towards his window. “Don’t act like you’re the love guru.”

She leaned closer to him teasingly. “At least I’ve kissed.”

“WHAT?” he blurted. “Who?”

He couldn’t believe it. Hyemi was a few weeks younger and she wasn’t as popular among the boys as Nari. She was a tomboy while Nari managed to pull off the cute, girly style. Hyemi was pretty too, but… she was different. Johnny sized her up. She was wearing an orange hoodie, a few sizes bigger than her since it once belonged to Simon. Her long, brown hair was in every direction, her cheeks which were rosy from the cold. He scoffed and shook his head. He couldn’t see what others might see in her in a romantic way.

“Who?” he repeated the question.

She was silent, refusing to answer his question, so Johnny asked her again in a demanding tone.

“Lee Jeno.” she mumbled.

“Lee Jeno?” Johnny shrieked. “Lee Jeno?” he repeated.

“What’s your problem with Lee Jeno?” she furrowed her brows.

Lee Jeno was their classmate. He was quiet and weird, in Johnny’s opinion. He always felt the chills when he was around him. Jeno seemed cold but he was a pretty smart kid. He scoffed. The perfect first kiss for Kang Hyemi for sure.

“Teach me.” he suggested and the girl almost fell down the bed in surprise. “Perks of having a girl best friend.

“Are you insane?”

“Why? Practice with me so I won’t tomorrow.”

“Ew, no.” she shook her head.

“What ew? I’m handsome.”

“You’re definitely not.” she contradicted.

“Well,” Johnny stood up. “You’re not pretty either so it’s perfect. We won’t fall in love, we just…kiss. Please Hyemi!”

It was embarrassing enough that even Haechan had his first kiss and he hasn’t yet but the fact that he was pleading to his best friend to kiss him was just ridiculous. However, it was still a better scenario than making a fool out of himself in front of Sora.

Hyemi quickly thought about his idea when the scene earlier popped up in her mind. Simon had let her in the house and after greeting her with the usual pat on her head, he walked back to the living room where his girlfriend was. Hyemi watched how he sat beside her, caressed her face and planted a soft kiss on her lips. Gross, she had thought.

So, she agreed. She would kiss Johnny if that’s what he wanted.

They were sitting on their heels, across each other. Johnny gulped and his palms were sweating. Hyemi was gazing at him with calm but piercing eyes. She didn’t seem fazed at all and Johnny was thinking if she ever felt intimidated in her life.

“Come closer, tilt your head and lean closer, slowly to set the mood. You can place your hands on her waist or something.” she told him the seemingly important information then grabbed his shoulder and pulled him closer, slowly, gently.

She shut her eyes close and placed her lips on his. It was short but sweet. Johnny didn’t feel butterflies, his head wasn’t spinning and his heart didn’t want to jump out of his chest, but he could finally see what other guys could see in Hyemi. What Lee Jeno might have seen in her. She radiated warmth and love.

They rested their forehead against each other’s after they broke their kiss. Despite not being in love, both of their faces were flushed red and their eyes sparkled with mischief.

“Not so bad I guess.” Hyemi whispered. “But I don’t think Sora will lose her mind.”

“Let me try it again.” he suggested and cupped her face with one palm, the other resting on her waist. He was braver than before. Hyemi couldn’t help but ran her fingers through his fluffy hair as they deepened the kiss.

They were gasping for air and were still sitting closely. Hyemi was the first who could speak. “I think you’re good to go.”

Just as Johnny was about to remark, his door flew open and Simon stepped in to find the two flustered teenager sitting on the floor.

“Can’t you knock?” Johnny snapped at his brother.

“Did we reach the age when I have to knock?” Simon teased and his eyes travelled to Hyemi. He noticed the hoodie which was his before, and a smile crept on his face. “Did I interrupt something? What were you doing?”

“Nothing!” they answered simultaneously.

“But you can’t just barge in my room.” Johnny added angrily.

“Then, John Jun Suh, you have to leave your door open when you’re alone with a girl.” Simon crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

“Oh come on Hyung, look at her. Hyemi’s not a real girl.” he shrugged and the girl scoffed, offended.

“Oh yeah? Then were you just now kis-”she started but Johnny was quick to cover with his palm.

“Shut up Kang Hyemi!” he gritted his teeth.

Simon eyed the two suspiciously then Hyemi jolted up, muttered a quick goodbye and left the room. She ran down the stairs, almost bumping into the girl in the kitchen.

“Oh, are you okay kiddo?” she asked and Hyemi couldn’t help but roll her eyes and snorted.

Without saying anything she quickly left the Suh’s house and slammed the door behind her. She ran across the street to her house, and buried herself in the depth of her room. She had never lied to Johnny. Up until then.

Simon and Second, as she called the girl, triggered emotions she didn’t know she could feel in that way. Burning rage. Disgust. Helplessness. Overwhelming feeling of insecurity. She wanted what they had. She wanted to feel what the girl might have felt when she was with Simon.

So she tried. She let Johnny kiss him, and be her first kiss. She just failed to mention to him that the Lee Jeno thing was plain bull.

Memories. She’s also dreaming about memories and those are not better than the fictional scenarios.

Johnny. She should go to Johnny. She should sleep in his room. She could always have a good sleep in his room.

No.

She let out a sigh and turned facing the wall. She can’t bother him all the time. She forcefully shut her eyes close and tried to sleep again.

“Look what I have.” Johnny opened his bag to show the bottle of soju inside, which he managed to steal from his father.

Hyemi shot him a glance and rolled her eyes, averting her gaze back at her book.

“We sneak out.” he stated.

She didn’t react just sighed.

“And drink this bad baby.”

Hyemi was staying for the night at the Suh’s since both their parents went to a wedding in Busan. The two boys were supposed to sleep together but Second surprised Simon so… Hyemi was camping in Johnny’s room with him.

“Simon will kill us.”

“Simon is busy Second’s tongue, he won’t notice.”

“Ew, you’re so gross.” she scrunched her nose and closed her book.

Johnny stood up, offering his hand for her with a mischievous grin.

“You’re insane.” the girl let out a chuckle but placed her hand in his. 

After successfully sneaking out, they were at the playground near their houses, sitting on the grass while talking about just anything in particular. Johnny telling her how bad his date was with Sora, Hyemi laughing along with him.

“Take a gulp.” he offered the soju bottle for her but she declined, saying she didn’t like the smell so probably the taste would be as bad. Johnny shrugged and drank instead, scrunching his nose as the bitterness exploded in his mouth.

“Is it worth it? You don’t look like you're enjoying it.” she chuckled and leaned back, propping herself on her hands.

“Tastes weird but the feeling is amazing.” he snickered. “I think I’m drunk already.”

“You’ve had like two sips or so.” she raised a suspicious eyebrow.

“It’s strong.” he shook the bottle and drank again. “Ah, it’s so nice.”

“You’re an idiot.” she shook her head but her smile remained. “And how was the kiss?”

“Not as good as with you.” he answered absentmindedly.

Hyemi tensed up. Did she hear it right? Was he kidding? No, this can’t be. Johnny is her best friend, he couldn’t have fallen in love with her. No way. Her eyes widened when the boy moved forward, leaning closer to her.

“Can I? I want to test something.” he said in a low, monotone voice.

“Test what?” she stared at him questioningly.

Without a fu