“Maybe in another life,” Doojoon whispered as he looked at their enormous pinboard, seeing all the photographs of places and things he and his girlfriend wanted to accomplish.

“What do you mean ‘another life’? Don’t you believe we can all finish this in the next 20 years, maybe?” He laughed, as the woman wrapped her arms around his waist from behind, resting her cheeks on his upper back.

“Well…”

“Well what, huh?”

“Heerin, stop,” were the only words Doojoon could muster as Heerin dug her fingers gently on the sides of his waist, tickling him. The woman was stronger than he thought, being able to let him fall down on his knees as his chuckle echoed in their tiny living room, probably seeping through the neighbors’ unit like always. “They would say we’re being too loud! Stop… baby, please.”

But she didn’t listen to him. Heerin continued tickling his sides until Doojoon came down lying on the floor with his hands landing on the small of her back. The woman dropped on top of him, her blonde hair falling on his cheeks. When their eyes met, he could feel the air on his lungs thinning, his vision whirling around as the distance between their faces shortened.

It was that time that Heerin stopped teasing him, her eyes fixed on his while a sweet smile slowly appeared on her face. Doojoon always saw how her teeth would tug against her bottom lip for a matter of millisecond before they curved into the captivating smile he loved the most. It would send his heart into a raging motion, his muscle thumping against his chest as if trying to escape his ribs. To him, it was the most beautiful view he could ever see on this planet, more fascinating than any other vacation spot posted on their dream board.

His eyes shut close as the woman on top of him leaned her face closer in a gradual motion, leaving a quick peck on the tip of his nose before standing up while giggling. “Ha!” Heerin extended her arm towards him, helping him get on his feet as they stood in front of the pinboard hanging on the wall. “Now, where should we go first?”

Doojoon’s eyes scanned the large board filled with photographs of different places they wanted to visit. On one corner, there were local places they hadn't been to that they wanted to explore, and on the other side were countries they had dreamed of. There was also a photo of a couple doing pottery, a scenic view of the Alps behind a couple's painting, and other couple activities they wanted to try. It took him time to state a specific place, until his eyes landed on his favourite football team’s jersey. “How about Barcelona?”

“That’s amazing! We could go see the churches, attend walking tours, even do cooking classes, maybe?”

“We shall never forget about football.”

Football had always been part of Doojoon’s life. Before he met Heerin, football was all that mattered to him. He would never miss a match, and spent all of his time playing on the field and watching international games all by himself. The game was his only love and passion, the only thing that made him excited to wake up each morning.

He had been playing since he was young, his dad inspiring him to become a football player after going with him to the local matches around their side of the country. It had been his lifelong dream and so he spent most of his time practicing and learning all the tricks and moves to join football leagues. There wasn’t a weekend that he spent outside of the field, rain or shine, even during winter times. He was committed to his passion which led him to becoming one of the prominent players for a few years in their town.

When he met Heerin, it was as if nothing changed and for that, he was grateful. They may not have the cutest meet-cute as they were only referred to and set up by a mutual friend to meet during a hang-out session organized by one of his college classmates. But as soon as he laid eyes on her, he knew she would change his life.

Heerin was the woman he never knew he needed. There had been several women that were just as beautiful, caring and understanding of him before her. But this woman was different. She had a different spark in her eyes that only Doojoon could see when he looked at her. It was her hundred percent commitment to everything she did that allowed him to deeply care for her.

It was evident with how encouraging she was of his dreams. She always watched games with him in his apartment and spent time practicing with him during their dates. She never missed a match he would play to, always supporting him for all of his games. Seeing her there by the side of the field, sitting by the benches with her little banner of support, was always his lucky charm. Whenever he scored a goal, her smile was the only thing that mattered to him. She was the source of his strength and his number one fan.

Even during tough times, she was there to comfort him. When the odds weren’t in his team’s favour, she was his console, the one person who could uplift his spirits even in the darkest moments. Her hug was like the energy transfer between a battery plugged onto a power socket. The longer she had her arms wrapped around him, the more he was energized. Heerin was always there for him and he was lucky to have her.

“How about this? Shall we go there next?” Doojoon pointed to a magazine cutout of a gorgeous tropical beach with clear blue water and fine sand.

“And we will lay on the beach and soak under the sun all day long.”

“How about swimming? Or are you still afraid of water, huh?” It was his turn to embrace her from behind, resting his chin on the small space on her shoulder.

“I’m not! I’m just… cautious.”

“Scared.”

“I’m just being careful. What if there are jellyfish on the surface? Or… or… or sharks!”

“Scared.”

Heerin used to love the ocean. They used to visit the nearby beach in their area and have picnic dates all day until the sun set. It was their getaway after consuming all their energy into work, almost not seeing each other during the weekdays. It was their moment to regain energy and to spend time with each other.

It wasn’t a special-looking beach or anything, just a normal one with light brown sand and washed-up shells on the seaside. It was like any other typical beach but it also held one of their most precious memories, it was where they had their first kiss and where he asked her to officially be his girlfriend. It was one of those special places that they shared with each other, one that witnessed their happiest moments.

Doojoon always drove them by the seaside and she was the one assigned to bring food. It had been a routine for them every month, whenever they can, to go on a beach date that they did enjoy. Every visit wasn’t the same as the other, the couple always finding something new to discover like the carnival fair, latest restaurants, undiscovered caves and spots, and other fun things they could think of. It always excites them, looking forward to the next vacation as soon as they separate ways.

The pair always had races to see who was the fastest swimmer between them. Sometimes, Doojoon won and there were times he would let Heerin win. She didn’t know that he would trick her in that way sometimes but seeing the brightest smile on her face was enough of a reward. Her wrapping her arms around his neck tight and excitedly flapping her legs under water was the adorable sight he saw every time she finished the race first.

However, their visits on the beach lessened as they both got busier at their occupation. One of the last vacations was a major regret for Doojoon. It was a windier day during the middle of spring and they were just lying down on their blanket by the sea side. Waves were louder than usual, crashing on the sand with a deeper sound as the skies above darkened in a grayish hue. It wasn’t raining, at least not yet, and Doojoon had an idea to race for a chance for a free dinner. Friendly competition always ran with them and so Heerin agreed. He set their ending point by the tall rock in the middle of the sea, farther than their usual. Heerin was already feeling skeptical about their end goal as the waves became a little bit harsher than the hour before. But, Doojoon insisted, saying he’d be the one to buy desserts this time.

He won the race this time but almost lost the love of his life. When he resurfaced in the water, he couldn’t see Heerin swimming towards him. The waves were getting higher and the wind getting colder but there was no sight of her. No matter how loud he called for her name, there was no reply. The rain also started to drizzle, the clouds covering most of the sunlight. This caused panic to rush on his veins as he jumped into the water once more to look for his girlfriend. It took him a while to find her, a few meters away from their end point. She was struggling to keep her head above water, her hands flailing up but to no avail. Doojoon immediately caught her and swam her towards their spot on the seaside, having to perform CPR to take out the water she inhaled.

When she gained consciousness, she was already fuming mad. If it wasn’t for Doojoon insisting on a race during a high tide, they would have been both safe. Seeing the red of her ears in anger gathered tears on the corners of his eyes. There was nothing he could do to calm her or even himself down so he took her into his arms. His hug tightened every second of that moment, bittersweet feelings pooling up in his brain as he was also thankful she was alive. But, he regretted every second of that day, almost losing the person that mattered to him the most.

“I promise, we’ll be careful this time. We won’t go to deeper parts of the ocean.” Doojoon left a kiss on his girlfriend’s cheek, the smile on his face not disappearing as he buried his face on the crook of her neck, her scent filling his airways. She smelled of fresh flowers, roses to be exact, and it caused Doojoon’s heart to skip a beat. It was his favourite scent in the world, even only smelling roses without her presence reminded him of her already, making his heart the happiest.

“Fine. We could also snorkel, you know.”

“Of course. Sorry for teasing you about it, by the way.”

“Forgiven.”

“Hey, babe, how about this? Do you think we could buy this in the next 20 years?” His finger landed on a huge modern house situated by the center of an exclusive village. It had always been their dream to buy a house of their own after living together for almost two years. They both have various opinions on the design of their dream home and that picture summarized it all, their different visions coming to one.

There was one time they dreamed together of how their house would look like, even on the inside. They went window shopping in various furniture stores, looking around for decorations and things they plan to buy once they have their dream house. Strolling around the thrift store and looking for trinkets and furniture they could use for their future home was one of the fun dates they had.

While Heerin looked around for carpets and drapes, Doojoon admired her from afar. She would show eclectic decors and whimsical paintings and it always made him smile. He promised himself that one day, he would be able to buy all those accessories his girlfriend admired as they looked through all these stores. The smile on her face was worth more than anything in the world and he would do anything he can just to take a glimpse at it. He wanted that specific dream to come true the most, knowing how much it meant for Heerin.

“Well, if you would stop spending all of your money on those shoes you don’t even use.”

“What shoes?”

“All those that are just taking up space in our guest room. When Mom comes over, we don’t even know where to put them.”

“We should look for an apartment with three rooms then, one for my storage.”

“Doojoon, please…”

Money was never an issue for the couple. Heerin was earning enough from her job in a fashion magazine and Doojoon from his frequent coaching gigs with the local children’s football club other than his weekday job as a finance manager. They had enough that could sustain them for a while plus a few savings to tick off at least one of the items in their dream board.

However, when he got laid off from where due to the company going bankrupt, he had nowhere else to go. He only depended on their mutual earnings in addition to his little salary from the children’s club. It barely helped him with all the expenses they had, deeply affecting the dream they envisioned for themselves.

When he was still working, he rewarded himself with expensive, luxury shoes that he could lay his eyes on. Ranging from football shoes to sneakers, he had so much of it that they even had to assign their guestroom as the storage for his shoes. He collected different brands and types and took pride in them. Now, other than having no space for them, he also had less money to spend in order to keep up with his collections.

This was something Heerin used to ignore. She would support her boyfriend’s love for shoes and would often aid him in his collection. But when things got rough and the more money being taken out of their savings, she had nothing left to do but advise him to stop with his expensive hobby, even just for a while. Just until they were sure they could sustain it.

“How will we get to earn more money then?”

“I don’t know, I’ll find ways. I’m already looking for a new job in this company. All I know is I want everything we have here to come true.” Doojoon turned his girlfriend around, his palms cupping her cheeks as he leaned closer to her. He closed the gap between their faces, pressing a soft and gentle kiss on the woman’s lips before whispering, “I’ll do anything to make our dreams come true, okay? Trust me.”

He had his mind on their dream board, the one they made together after cutting out images from old magazines and newspapers. It gave him a sense of hope, the anticipation of getting to spend the rest of his life with the woman he sincerely loved.

“We won’t be able to accomplish all of this if we don’t save up. Promise me that you’ll help me… Starting with the shoes.”

“Fine, fine. I promise.”

But Doojoon broke his promise. As months went by, he couldn’t stop himself from his hobby. He continued buying shoes and going to football matches he barely could even afford. Heerin knew that when he was passionate about something, he stays committed. She had always been encouraging of him, but this time, she didn’t know what else to do.

It was the beginning of their downfall. Almost every night, they would fight about money, about how they would never be able to fulfill the dreams they had listed down together. Heerin would shout about how they promised to each other to accomplish everything together, to finish all of the things they wanted to do. There were times that looking at the dream board would stop them from fighting, it would inspire them to work harder on themselves and for each other. Those moments calmed them from the other nights they spent quarreling over the fact that it would take longer for them to achieve everything in the dream board. But often, it would lead to more serious fights that would end with having to go to bed, feeling miserable without apologizing to each other. The dream board was the thing that brought them closer before but now only tearing them apart.

The terrible sleepless nights full of fighting turned into weeks of not speaking to each other. They would just come home and go to bed, in separate rooms sometimes, just not to deal with the stress of their arguments. The relationship was beginning to crumble on their hands but they chose to ignore the signs.

 

 

It was a winter afternoon, a slightly cloudy sky covering the atmosphere. Doojoon finally arrived at the tall building, parking his car on the side before taking his phone out of his pocket. His fingers were quivering, his chest tightening at the sight of her name on his phone, as a notification flashed on his screen.

Text from Heerin:

“Just message me if you’ve arrived.”

His heart skipped a beat, taking a deep sigh before typing in his reply.

To Heerin:

“I’m here. Are there a lot of things I need to bring home? Will you help me?”

He pondered upon the last sentence before erasing it. He didn’t want to sound desperate, not after the miserable months he spent pushing her away unknowingly.

Doojoon couldn’t bear to step out of his car, knowing everything would end as soon as he did. He once promised himself that he would only go back there once everything was fine between them, but it never got better, that’s why it took him months to visit their old apartment and take back most of his things.

Text from Heerin:

“Sorry, I forgot to say I won’t be there today. Had some errands to do for work. I’m sure you’ll be fine. My brother will be there to help you carry your stuff downstairs. Just take anything you see that is yours from the guest room.”

“I need to go now. Message me when you’re done, Doojoon.”

With enough courage, he stepped out of his car and walked upstairs. He was met by Heerin’s brother who was helping clean out the almost empty place. It wasn’t how it used to look, the couch they bought at the thrift store where they used to cuddle while watching football matches was already gone, making the living room appear wider than it was before. The abstract paintings Heerin bought that they hung on the walls were now tucked away, probably in her own new place. Almost everything about the place changed, not a sprinkle of familiarity he could recognize.

Doojoon visited their bedroom first, seeing only the bed frame in the middle of the space, the mattress holding a lot of their memories wiped away. Their cabinet was empty, only a few of Heerin’s coats hanging, probably the ones she planned to donate. It still smelled of roses but the scent was beginning to fade. The cupboard that held some of the gifts they bought for each other was now deserted, dust collecting on the wooden shelf above. It made him sigh as regret continued to consume his mind. He thought it might have been wrong to go there but there was no time left until the new boarders would arrive to use their old apartment.

As he stepped into the guest room, most of his things were already in labeled boxes, perhaps organized already by his ex. He was thankful for that at least, because he used to hate digging through stuff and fixing them into luggages. He only had a few boxes anyway, most of his shoe collection already in his new home.

After taking most of the boxes that were meant for him, there were still a lot left in the guest room. His curiosity didn’t stop him from snooping around only to be left in agony as he saw a familiar frame facing the wall. He lifted it up, brushing it off a bit with his hand due to the dirt that gathered on the flat surface, covering the pictures they pasted. It was their dream board.

Doojoon took his time to look at it, to reminisce about the days they used to dream together, aiming to fulfill all of the things they envisioned. That was the first time a smile crept on his lips during the few minutes he spent in their old place. Looking back at the photos, he was brought back to the inspired couple who once dreamed of achieving many things together. He was brought back to the happy, cheerful Heerin he once adored.

He knew he couldn’t take it back anymore, just as much as he couldn’t take the board with him. He was aware it would only cause him deeper torment while the other continued with her life in bliss. Even though he wanted to, he shouldn’t hold onto it any longer, knowing that the vision they had turned blurry and impossible. After a few months of trying to fix whatever was left of them, there was nothing else he could do anymore after, nothing for their strained relationship that had long gone.

Doojoon dugged his hand in his pocket, taking out his wallet that held onto another photograph he had kept for a long time. It brought him a bittersweet feeling, a longing he can no longer satisfy. Even though his heart clenched against his chest, a small smile reappeared on the corners of his mouth. He was staring at the bright smiles captured by the camera, his thumb brushing along the image of his past, of the woman he lost.

His eyes never glanced away from the photograph as he extended his arm and reached the surface of the board, pasting the picture of Heerin and him together, smiling happily in each other’s presence. It may not be her dream anymore but it still was his.

With the last box on his arms, he walked to the door frame. Before stepping out of the room, Doojoon took a glance at the board one last time. “Maybe in another life.”