Jungwoo sits up from his bed, struggling to breathe as snot that clogged his nostrils threaten to dribble down his lips. He wipes it with the back of his hand in an attempt to clean himself and muffle another oncoming sob.

God, it’s disgusting, but he guesses it was normal for someone who had been crying for an entire day. He holds his head between his palms, trying to relieve the pounding in his skull and sniffles.

I need to stop moping.

The sun had finally set, he notices, and darkness blankets the greying concrete of his dormitory. From the outside, Jungwoo hears students exit their rooms, perhaps to get dinner at the cafeteria.

Feeling hungry himself, he gets up to wash his face only to decide on taking a cold shower when he sees his pitiful reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Jungwoo gasps as soon as the water hits his back; he endures the chilly sensation through gritted teeth and numbing shoulders and with fingers crossed, he hopes for the coldness to erase any trace of sadness from his face.

He feels slightly better after the shower and he half-expects himself to look better, too, unsurprisingly the same puffy eyes stare back at him. The brunette sighs, feeling helpless as he dresses in pajamas. He feels unenthusiastic about the fact that he may have to look like a blobfish for a while.

A text notification breaks him from his reverie. He hurries to grab his phone, hoping for his name to appear on the screen. It unlocks as soon as it recognizes his face, revealing a text: ‘c’mon. it’ll be fun!’

Jungwoo’s lips form an ‘o,’ momentarily impressed at how his phone could still distinguish his messy appearance. This is quickly overpowered by disappointment.

It was only Sicheng, his best friend who had been texting him non-stop, coercing him into tagging along to Joohyun and Seulgi’s house warming party.

The couple thought it would be a great way to commemorate their first night of finally being able to live together.

Of course, the party-loving Dong Sicheng volunteered to organize the festivity. He loved the idea of celebrating with their closest friends; always down for one, never missing it for the world.

Jungwoo wishes he felt the same. But before he could type a response of refusal, a knock resounds from his door, followed by a voice. Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

“Open up, Jungwoo! I know you’re in there.”

Sicheng had a habit of appearing during the worst—“best!” as he’d like to argue—of times.

“You promised you’d come.”

Jungwoo groans as he goes to open the door for the unwelcomed guest. “I said I’d think about it.” He feels his headache returning.

Sicheng’s beaming face greets Jungwoo as he let himself in.

If he noticed the latter’s swollen face—which Jungwoo was pretty sure he did—he doesn’t comment on it.

“It’s the same thing!” he insists, crossing his arms as he looks around his friend’s room.

“I’m tired, Sicheng. I wanna sleep,” Jungwoo whines, ignoring the other’s snooping.

The visitor looks at him pointedly, as if he had expected the rejection. “It’s only seven in the evening, Woo. Plus, you’ve been cooped in your room for two days straight.”

“Sicheng, please,” Jungwoo begs, impatience laced in his tone.

The thing with childhood friends is, they don’t know what boundaries mean and even if they did, they won’t care about respecting it.

“They’ve started the party and I left just to fetch you.”

“Your manipulation doesn’t work on me.”

“It’s my best project yet!”

“You say that for every party you orchestrate.”

“I’m serious this time, really really serious.”

“I already told you, no.”

“It’s a pity you’re gonna miss the premium champagne I prepared for us.”

“Drink lots for me.”

“Drink it yourself because I’m not leaving until you come with me,” Sicheng plops himself comfortably on a spare chair in Jungwoo’s room.

Something about the expression on Sicheng’s face tells Jungwoo that his friend won’t be accepting whatever excuse he planned to hurl his way.

“Fine,” Jungwoo grunts, making sure Sicheng hears his unwillingness. Unfortunately for him, it doesn’t affect the other’s resolve at all.

Sicheng squeals. “Fantastic! I’ll help you get ready,” he exclaims, already heading towards Jungwoo’s closet. “Then, we’ll grab dinner and head straight to the girls’.”

 

+++

 

The taxi dropped the two at the entrance of a gated community and from where they were standing, they could already hear the faint thumping of the bass and see people going in and out of their friends’ house.

“Oh my god, there are too many people,” Jungwoo squirms as he pulled on his cropped tee to cover his navel.

“Stop it, you’re ruining your look,” Sicheng chastises, swatting the other’s hand away. “And it’s a party, what did you expect?”

“I thought it was going to be an intimate gathering.” Trust Sicheng to translate ‘closest friends’ to ‘the entire campus.’

“Look at us, we’re dressed for the gods,” Sicheng deadpans. “You honestly expected us to show up for an intimate gathering. We’re here to meet new people, angel.”

Almost automatically, Jungwoo pales at the declaration. This doesn’t go unnoticed by the other.

“Just relax, I’ll be with you,” Sicheng comforts, seeing Jungwoo getting more and more troubled by the second.

He knew how panicked the latter was, although at first, he felt slightly snubbed that Jungwoo, of all people, was worrying around him—as if he would let anything bad happen—now it seemed apparent that his jitters were mostly from the odd mix of novelty and nostalgia.

Strange, how different people become for love, Sicheng thinks to himself, fixing a few strands of Jungwoo’s hair before offering a hand for him to take.

Jungwoo breathes deeply before taking the extended hand in his grasp.

But how could he relax when he was dressed like the stereotypical gay friend in Hollywood movies?

He regrets letting Sicheng choose an outfit for him when he knew that he would always go for something obnoxious.

Jungwoo wasn’t up for that sort of attention, yet. It's been too long and returning to the spotlight looking like an emo-kid, was not how he imagined his comeback to be.

In fact, he didn’t expect to come back from all this.

“You’ll be okay,” his friend reassures, voice gentler this time. “We’re here to have fun, just like the old times.”

Jungwoo forces a smile. He’s not sure if that’s a good idea. “Just like the old times.”

 

+++

 

The girls welcome them warmly, once they notice their arrival.

The place was bustling with guests, students across different degrees and fields coming together for—according to Sicheng—the greatest party of the semester.

You’d think university students were smart enough to ditch high school cliques, but the same groups of people still chose to stick with each other. In reality, uni life was just a more depressing version of high school.

“I didn’t expect to see you,” Joohyun confesses once they’ve settled at their table. She signals Seulgi to bring in their drinks, before turning expectantly at Jungwoo.

The boy is at a loss for words.

How was he going to explain to his friends that he went MIA because he felt like his entire being, not just his heart, was ripped in half without sounding corny?

So, he settles for a shrug instead.

“You expected me to let him spend another night crying himself to sleep? On a Friday?” Sicheng retorts, donning an offended expression.

Joohyun laughs. “He ditched our dinner date the other night with a ‘Doyoung and I broke up’ text, nothing else. I honestly thought he’d be in a much worse condition.”

“Sorry, I really didn’t know any other way to tell you guys,” Jungwoo answers this time, biting his lip in embarrassment.

Joohyun tilts her head, music too loud to hear Jungwoo’s timid response. This prompts the boy to repeat his reply to which Joohyun waves her hand with.

“No, no. It’s okay. I’m glad your here.”

“Yeah,” Sicheng seconds. “Tonight’s the perfect opportunity to drink your pain away. I need you to stop thinking about him for a moment and simply enjoy. You don’t have to worry about anything, we’ll be taking care of you,” and with a grin reaching up to his ears, he concludes, “Now, drink up!”

Jungwoo hesitantly receives the drink Seulgi returns with. “Thanks, guys,” he says before downing the red cup of beer in one go. He hears his friends cheer as he finishes.

He gives a hoot of his own, feeling warm all over, and wastes no time getting a second, a third, then a fourth cup of beer.

On his fifth cup, Jungwoo starts to loosen up; shy smiles turning into loud laughs at the unfunny anecdotes Sicheng was narrating. On his eighth, he forces Seulgi to dance with him, to which the girl readily obliges. On his thirteenth, he begins seeing Doyoung’s face.

Jungwoo squeezes his eyes shut, trying to sober himself. He knows it isn’t real. There is no way whoever he is dancing with is Doyoung, because after all the liquor he downed he still vividly remembers how the love of his life walked away from him.

Is this fun enough for you guys? Jungwoo wonders as his head spins, the ground beneath him feeling unsteady. He tries to stand upright, wanting to dance some more.

“Jungwoo, get your together,” Sicheng appears out of nowhere, catching him from behind as he almost topples. “You’re ugly-dancing, we don’t ugly-dance,” the Chinese boy whisper-shouts, suppressing a giggle.

Jungwoo feels Sicheng’s grin on his ear, breath tickling him and his shoulder instinctively raises, parroting his friend’s giggle.

“No, you’re ugly-dancing,” he playfully nudges.

“You’re ugly dancing,” Sicheng retaliates with a push of his own.

They go back and forth until the light nudges turn into forceful shoves. And with Jungwoo’s head already reeling, floor rocking beneath his feet, one particularly strong push was all it took to send him knocking over onto somebody’s back.

He whips around ready to offer an apology to his victim when the action heightens his dizziness effectively rendering him unconscious and falling into the arms of a stranger.

 

+++

 

Jungwoo wakes up the next day with a painfully dry throat.

It’s been a while since he has felt this familiar thirst paired with a hammering pain on his head.

He notices an arm draped around his torso, Sicheng’s. They were still at the girls’ place.

Jungwoo rolls off his friend’s embrace and heads to the kitchen for a glass of water.

There, he walks in on Seulgi pressed flush between Joohyun’s thighs, mouths devouring each other’s.

“Jesus, it’s too early in the morning for this,” Jungwoo complains, throat feeling impossibly dryer.

The couple giggles in unison and break apart; Seulgi hopping off the counter to continue frying pancakes, while Jungwoo reaches for the fridge.

“It’s actually half-past ten, Woo,” Joohyun corrects, handing him aspirin to nurse his hangover.

Jungwoo mumbles a ‘thanks.’

“Babe, wake Sicheng up so we can all have breakfast together,” Seulgi bids, and Joohyun follows wordlessly.

Jungwoo sits on one of the chairs, watching Seulgi set the table. “What happened last night?” he asks once he sees Sicheng and Joohyun reemerge from the guest room.

Earlier, he gave up trying to remember any sort of episode from the party, because his brain would feel like it was being turned to mush whenever he concentrated too hard.

The half-awake Sicheng snorts. “I’ll take that memory loss as a positive sign,” he says through a yawn.

“Yeah, you were something else last night,” Seulgi joins the table. “But I hope you got out whatever it was that you were feeling.”

“Did I drink a lot?”

“That goes without saying,” Sicheng rolls his eyes. He was never a morning person. “Don’t ask stupid questions.”

Jungwoo ignores the snarky reply, choosing to focus on the hearty meal Seulgi prepared for them.

“I’m glad you had fun. If you’re ready to unpack the whole Doyoung thing, we’re always ready to listen,” Joohyun assures.

Jungwoo thanks her for the offer and their brunch continues smoothly with funny recounts of last night’s celebration. They end the morning with Jungwoo and Sicheng wishing the couple goodbye.

Sicheng walks Jungwoo to his dorm once they arrive back at the campus, then heads straight for his afterward. His place was only a block away from Jungwoo’s.

As soon as the door closes to Jungwoo’s room, he dives straight to his bed and decides to spend his entire weekend asleep.

 

+++

 

“You look like a vampire fed off of you dry,” Sicheng greets on a Monday morning.

He was perched on one of the benches outside the university library, their meet-up place to chat briefly before classes start.

Jungwoo noted the almost empty cup of iced coffee on his friend’s hand, and it’s all the explanation he needed for Sicheng’s chirpiness in this ungodly hour.

“Have you been binge-watching that vampire show again?” He asks, dropping beside his friend still feeling drowsy. Classes at eight in the morning should be illegal.

“You mean ‘Twilight?’” a voice supplies from behind.

“Yeah, that one!”

“No,” Sicheng refutes, “That’s not a show, Seul, that’s a film. I’m more of a TVD fan.”

“What does that even mean,” Seulgi mutters while typing a quick text on her phone.

Sicheng pretends not to hear her indifference and instead demands, “Where’s your girlfriend?” He was getting late for class.

Seulgi looks up, “She ran into trouble with security at the parking area. She says she might take longer to get here.”

“Well, I need get going. Our class is about to start,” Sicheng informs. His college was the farthest from the library.

“No worries, I’ll tell Joohyun you said hi.”

“Thanks!”

“Why did we decide on this weekly tradition again?” Jungwoo sleepily asks as he observes Sicheng’s retreating back. Thank god my face isn’t as swollen anymore.

He didn’t sleep last night when he realized that he had to catch up on some readings for their text analysis exercise today.

Initially, this was assigned by pair, but since his boyfriend—ex-boyfriend—dumped him, he wasn’t sure if he still had a partner to help him with the activity so he begrudgingly had to review everything himself.

“We wanted to be the first ones to see each other after a weekend of being apart.” Seulgi smiles at the memory.

When their gang first got together, one of the many things Seulgi loved about her friends was how tight they were; like family. They met up after almost every class, played silly games, and had trivial traditions like this one.

“We should’ve all studied theater arts with how dramatic we were,” Jungwoo yawns. “There was no need for this when we were even hanging out together on weekends.” 

Seulgi pouts at his comment, “Hey! This was done with pure intention,” she lightly slaps the boy on his arm.

“We were too clingy and we still are for keeping this up.” It was true, this library was a witness to their friendship and their growth.

“Don’t be mean,” Seulgi clicks her tongue. She waves her hand when she sees Joohyun approaching.

“Get up, your classmate’s here,” she taps on the Jungwoo who was in and out of consciousness.

When Jungwoo doesn’t budge, the nearing Joohyun just shakes her head, steering the half-asleep boy to their class.

 

+++

 

This is Jungwoo and Doyoung’s first time in a room together again since their break up.

“Hey, you two,” Doyoung greets Jungwoo and Joohyun as they take their usual seats beside him.

Joohyun returns a hello of her own while Jungwoo awkwardly smiles.

Doyoung turns to Jungwoo. “Did you review your part for today’s exercise? The professor’s gonna be grilling everyone.”

Relief washes over Jungwoo when he sees the other still willing to work with him on their class exercise. The regret comes a minute after when he realizes that he lost sleep for nothing.

He hums in response, unsure of how to act around the other.

He noticed how Doyoung was looking good, great even, compared to last week.

Truthfully, Jungwoo was in awe of how the latter does it, like the past two years of them being together was wiped clean from his mind in a matter of days; how he was propelling forward fast, while Jungwoo was left submerged in their memories.

Suddenly, he’s back in their favorite spot at the campus’ park, head lying on Doyoung’s lap while the other reads poetry to him.

Then he is in Doyoung’s room, a little tipsy from a friends’ night out and sloppily trying to kiss his way up to his boyfriend’s mouth. He remembers stumbling before Doyoung held him by the waist, chuckled, then went for a chaste kiss.

“Well, tell me if you need anything,” Doyoung says before shifting his attention back to his notes.

I need you back is at the tip of Jungwoo’s tongue, but he swallows down the words, knowing he’ll only ruin their new arrangement.

Joohyun clears noticing how he was starting to space out again and he gives a small nod to acknowledge her.

“Sure, I’ll go over the text I studied last night and take the questions about them and you can answer anything that asks about your part of the texts, too,” Jungwoo informs Doyoung.

“Alright,” Doyoung smiles at him and his heart clenches at the distant look in the man’s eyes.

He was always warm even around people he didn’t like and Jungwoo always wondered if there was a difference between how he treated people he liked and people he tolerated.

Now I know because I’m being treated that way.

“Jungwoo?”

“Sorry, you were saying?”

He seemed to always get lost in thought when he was in front of his ex-lover.

Doyoung chuckles. “I said you don't need to go over the text. The summarization part isn’t as important as answering Professor Han’s questions.”

“Don’t worry, I got it,” Jungwoo attempts a chuckle of his own.

He didn’t want to look like a sore loser in front of his ex. He needed to act like none of this affected him, too.

He goes back to his notes, pretending to study while he silently replays the night of their break up.

Jungwoo remembers the pouring rain on a Wednesday night.

He had been hurrying to cross the wet pavement, late for their coffee date. Doyoung had texted him to be at their favorite café, a short 5-minute walk from their campus.

When he had arrived, he saw Doyoung sitting at their usual table with his back turned. Jungwoo hadn’t noticed then how rigid his shoulders were.

“Hey,” he had greeted in his usual cheerful manner, taking the seat across Doyoung.

He was only met with a timid smile.

“Look,” Doyoung had cleared his throat, then he was spilling so many things all at once.

I’m not gonna beat around the bush, I’m breaking up with you… I’m sorry… I should’ve told you sooner… We’re not working out… It’s not you, I think we just don't match… I’m tired…

Doyoung’s words haunted him. He wondered how Doyoung could ever insinuate that they weren’t the best match when Jungwoo very clearly sees that they were.

They were both communication majors, perfectly understood each other’s metaphors and paradoxes, and they both always knew the right words to say to each other at the right time.

Jungwoo never saw where they went wrong.

He goes over it in his head a few more times, but he believes that there was no disagreement significant enough to lead to a breakup.

They were truly perfect.