sooyoung can't sleep. after a long work day, she's been trying to think of ways she could further her relationship with joohyun but came up short every time so she started to list all the things joohyun likes instead. the list got way too long but sooyoung can't just stop, every thing joohyun likes is important, even if it's just the way she sits when the sun is shining from her right.

her members always say she thinks too much but that's not her own opinion. there's so many things to stop and think about, as well as things that wouldn't have changed if sooyoung didn't spend some time mulling them over. she wouldn't know she like women, she wouldn't know she liked joohyun and even her relationship with the members would be different because she wouldn't have put herself in their shoes when difficult moments arose and turned more compassionate towards them.

they are not right, she thinks. she would rather spend a lot of time thinking than in reality because at least in her head she can be happy with joohyun for a little while. she can hold her hand without chickening out and she can talk with her like an equal without stuttering with every word. she could confess her love and have joohyun not laugh at her but reply the same.

a clang brings her out of her thoughts just as she stops at the 'joohyun likes to drink tea when she can't sleep' and she sits up in excitement.

this is a good opportunity for some alone time.

sooyoung gets up in a hurry - but quiet enough not to wake yerim - and makes her way outside the room, to the kitchen where sure enough joohyun is standing in the middle of the kitchen dressed in a particularly familiar white t-shirt that makes sooyoung think if she wasn't sure about liking woman before, she would be now.

"is that my shirt?" she asks in a meek voice that cracks in the end.

joohyun, famous for being a scaredy-cat jumps in her spot and turns around with her hands on her chest, wide-eyed and heavily breathing.

lord have mercy, sooyoung just saw the cutest thing happen and she's not sure her heart can take it.

sooyoung forces a laugh and walks over closer to see what she's doing.

"i didn't find anything else to wear." joohyun says when she calms down. "i saw this laying around and took it. it's cozy."

"i know, that's why i brought it." sooyoung swallows through her dry throat.

"tea?" joohyun offers, somehow already knowing what sooyoung needs without her having to say it.

"sure." sooyoung sits in front of her and watches her make tea in silence.

she knows where everything is already, probably because seungwan and her spend the most time in their little kitchen making foot and drinks for the rest of them. maybe she should learn how to cook, it's not fair they're always cooking and she just eats. maybe she should be the one making tea for joohyun in the middle of the night instead of the other way around.

"unnie, why don't i make it?" sooyoung straightens in her seat.

joohyun looks up from the mug she's already pouring water in with deadpanned expression.

"i think it's alright."

sooyoung sits back with a pout.

"are you tired? we have a lot to do these days with the concert and all." joohyun asks, misinterpreting sooyoung's expression.

"it's harder than the first one for sure, but i'm alright."

"why aren't you sleeping then?"

i just can't stop thinking of you.

what is she was to say this. what would joohyun do? would she just laugh it off, like oh sooyoung, you're so cheesy, stop joking around. or would she be disgusted - don't say things like that to me, park sooyoung. would there ever be a reality where joohyun would feel the same and answer with i'd thought you'd never say it, finally.

"i put some honey in, good for your voice."

"thank you, unnie." sooyoung grins and takes the mug, taking a sniff of the delicious smelling tea.

"so? why aren't you sleeping?"

"i've just been thinking how many people we depend on for the concert to go well. i'm worried and thankful. what if i don't do well?"

"you'll do well. the rehearsals are going according to plan, there's no reason for you to doubt yourself."

"right, but things happen. what if mess up on the d-day?"

"then you'll do better the next day." joohyun shrugs, "that's the only thing you can do."

"i know that you're right but it's hard to let it be like that without worrying."

"worrying means you care. it'd be weirder if you didn't worry about a thing."

"are you worried?" sooyoung takes a sip of the tea.

"of course. i'm worried about all of you."

"and about yourself too, right?"

"right."

"then isn't it hard? taking care of everyone while you're worried about how you'll do on your part?"

"i like taking care of people, it's not hard." joohyun leans against the counter. "it's my own worry, it's just something i have to deal with without bothering others."

"that's not the way to live. i told you to lean on me too."

"i'm worried... that i'm not good enough to be on stage."

"that's bull, unnie." sooyoung shakes her head. "you work hard as everyone else, sometimes even harder, why wouldn't you stand on the same stage too."

"i don't know, it's just the way people see me, i guess."

"and you care about how people see you?

"of course. it's part of our job, image is important."

"you know that people who comment have nothing better to do."

"our fans comment too."

sooyoung pauses, just looking at joohyun who worried at her bottom lip.

if joohyun is doubting herself then what of sooyoung? joohyun is perfectly fine in sooyoung eyes, does she have these kinds of standards toward people she dates? she's never fit the bill that way. what of all of her flaws? she can't cook, she's too greedy, she's too competitive, she's too h