Her mother comes out of the room as well and gives her a brief hug. ”Whatever conversation you’re going to have now, be prepared to repeat it many times, because he’s unable to form new memories at the moment.”

Well that’s just terrific.

Serin enters the room slowly, with unsure steps as she gazes atently towards her brother. His complexion is pale, and he almost jumps out of his skin at the sound of the door closing.

Sehun’s gaze then lands on her, and amid the confusion and exhaustion she can still recognise the piercing, scrutinizing survey that is the one of her brother. He’s still there.

It takes a while for him to let his guard down, but once he seems to recognise her he immediately relaxes back in his bed. ”Serin,” he acknowledges her.

”You called me,” she sits down on the chair beside his bed, trying to calm down her raging nerves. ”You said there was something you wanted to talk about?”

The male frowns. ”I called you? When did I call you?”

Emitting a small sigh, Serin shuts her eyes closed. He’s unable to form new memories, of course.

”You may not remember, but you did. You asked me to see you and that it was urgent.”

He mumbles something inaudible – as if he’s running through her words trying to find the memory he lost. It doesn’t seem to help, and he leans forward resting his head in his hands. ”I can’t- I can’t remember why—” Sehun suddenly halts, and that’s when Serin notices that there’s something pale resting by his lap, right above the cover. His eyes fasten on it—a letter. Her letter, and he immediately grows much more collected and stoic than he was just a second ago.

Her hands fist tightly the fabric of her sweatpants and she can practically hear her own heart beat in her ears.

He throws the letter in her direction, nicking his head in its direction. ”You want to go ahead and explain this to me?”

Oh God.

Why did she even send the letter in the first place? Especially considering the fact that she’s very much alive right now, and that looked upon it in a human context it looks like a ing suicide note.

What is she supposed to tell him? The truth?

Naturally, nothing comes out of because she has geniuenly no idea what to say.

But then, he says something quite unexpected; ”do you blame yourself for what happened to me?”

She blinks.

He’s not exactly wrong about that.

Serin looks away, swallowing thickly. Maybe there will be some truth to this after all.

”How could I not?” she admits. ”I mean, you went out there in the rain to search for me—”

”It was my choice,” he cuts her off sternly. His eyes are burning, demanding at her own to return his gaze, but Serin fears she might collapse if she complies.

”Look at you! You’re strapped on a bed and God knows for how long you’ll be. You’ve sustained brain damage and it was a miracle that it wasn’t as severe as we expected! You could’ve stayed paralyzed for all I know. All because of a stupid fight,” her gaze drops down to her knees and she covers her face with her hands.

”Yeah?” Sehun taunts, his voice sharper than she has ever heard it before. ”It was a stupid ing fight, like the other millions of fights we had. But do you think taking your own damn life would make me feel better?!” before she can do anything, the male takes the letter back. ”I probably won’t be alive by the time you read this, what kind of sick joke is this?!”

There’s a strange effect that follows those words; they bring with them the alluring flow of memories from that time. When she was writing it, when she left it there and when she stood in this same room with Baekhyun, who had comforted her when she needed it the most. Baekhyun.

”It’s not a joke!” Serin shouts defensively, trying to get the letter back as he stretches his arms out of her reach. ”And do you want to know how it felt when you almost died?! When you were in the hospital and none of us knew whether you’d live or not? You dare to tell me to not feel bad or responsible, when I had to sit hours in the hospital praying to God that you could be saved? When you purposely went out in the rain to find me even after I’d said all those hurtful things to you? Do you even know how it felt thinking that those could be my last words to you?! Had I told you where I’d been going, you wouldn’t have gone out and look for me, a-and you wouldn’t have—”

Sitting back on the chair, she doesn’t find the strength to finish her sentence. Actually, she doesn’t find any strength at all. There’s so much pent up inside her after the recent events that all Serin can do is explode. Over and over again until the overload of emotions that have bubbled up inside her all pour out. She wants them out. Every single feeling.

Sehun emits a soft sigh, and his erratic breathing calms down as well. A few minutes pass before he speaks up. ”Is this what it’s all about?” a soft laugh escapes his lips. ”I would have gone to look for you even if you had told me the location, . I would have gone to pick you up. I mean Come on, you can’t seriously think I took your words at heart? You told me to go to hell at least once a day.”

She can’t help but laugh at his last sentence in the midst of her tears, shaking her head agressively as she does so. ”It doesn’t matter! Look at your current state- it’s my fault. It’s my fault—”

”Shut up,” he warns her. ”I don’t want to hear it. It was my ing choice. I was the one who drove that night, no? This,” Sehun points to his body. ”Was caused by none other than me, so quit with the self guilt bull. God, you’re tiring me out. It’s too early to be this angry,” he leans back in his bed, closing his eyes, and Serin takes the opportunity to look at him.

It’s almost as if he senses it, because it doesn’t take more than a second before he opens his eyes and stares back at her. Her gaze is trapped within his, but somehow she doesn’t feel anything negative bubble up like she thought she would.

Because besides the side effects of his brain injury, his eyes are b with peace and grief. There’s not even a trace of hate. Not even a splinter.

So he’s not mad at her? He doesn’t hate her?

Serin has walked around this whole time plaguing herself with hatred and internalized anger only for it all to be…just her? Everything was in her head all along?

”I’m sorry,” she says softly, looking down.

”Just shut up and come here,” he makes a small gesture with his hand, motioning for her to come near him.

Albeit hesitantly, she drags her chair closer until the arm rests are touching the edges of his bed. Without warning, he bends over and ruffles her hair affectionately.

It’s not much, but Sehun and Serin aren’t really phisically affectionate as siblings, so something like this, especially in this situation, feels like a lot. But it’s not enough, at least not comparable to the surge of relief that’s overwhelming her at the moment, and so she rests her arms on the hospital bed right by his side, and gently lays her head on them. Serin closes her eyes, letting his warm presence finally bring peace to the drenching, drowning stormcloud that has been raging inside her for too long.

No words are exchanged when he silently pats her back. And perhaps, no words are really needed. The forgiveness is there; it’s in his gentle yet comforting touch. It’s in her inner peace, it’s in the dull white walls of the hospital and it’s in the fact that she’ll probably have to take this conversation again with him soon. Everything feels a bit less heavy now.

”You know what our old man told me once?” Sehun mutters in the air. Serin hums in response, and he continues. ”He told me that a good family is not one that never fights, but one that forgives. Siblings have fights all the ing time Serin, it’s time we forgive ourselves a little.”

He’s right. Call it the big brother’s wisdom, or Sehun being Sehun in general, but he’s right nonetheless.

And Serin needs to start forgiving herself too.

Her train of thoughts gets interrupted when she notices something else swimming in his gaze before he breaks eye contact. Eyes on the letter again, Sehun’s voice is a lot softer and unsure when he speaks this time.

”Were you actually planning to…you know? I didn’t tell mom and dad about the letter because I reckoned there was a reason you wanted only me to read it, but…is this something that has been going on for long?”

This is the first time she’s ever seen him so vulnerable, and the obvious guilt in his voice breaks her heart.

”Maybe I should be the one saying sorry,” he breathes. ”I didn’t notice a thing, I—”

”Sehun,” Serin interrupts. ”I’m not suicidal.”

His eyebrows knit together in confusion, and he spares a few glances back and forth between her and the letter before he says, ”what?”

She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. ”That letter was never a suicide note. It’s, uh,” her thoughts fall inevitably on Baekhyun again. ”A bit complicated to explain,” she says silently.

”Yeah, I’m not following.”

”I don’t think you’ll believe me even if I tell you.”

”Oh yeah?” Sehun releases a sarcastic laugh. ”Try me.”

Well, here goes nothing.

****

All of her questions are answered at once. But it’s not the answer that Serin even in a million years would have expected.

”What the hell? You’re not old and wrinkly.”

It’s unmistakably his voice.

 It’s him.

Serin doesn’t dare to turn around at first, in fear that this is all somehow a fruit of her imagination and that he’s not actually standing behind her. It can’t be real, he can’t be real.

But then the voice speaks again, and it’s much softer now. It’s a silent birdsong that welcomes the upcoming sunrise those mornings where a thin layer of dew covers every small surface outside. It’s peaceful, soothing murmur. ”Serin.”

Her breath hitches in , and her body acts before her mind does as she whips around at the speed of light. Suddenly, it’s like all the breath has been stolen from her lungs.

It’s Baekhyun.

He’s standing there, with a soft smile adorning his beautiful lips. He’s glowing, but he’s there, she’s sure it’s not her mind playing tricks anymore.

But somehow her limbs don’t want to cooperate, and so Serin merely stands there, staring at him in complete and utter awe.

”You know,” he starts, smiling even more now. ”You really didn’t have to do all of that just to get me out of the void, but I—” Baekhyun blinks away something she doesn’t catch and looks away, laughing sheepishly. ”I told myself I wouldn’t cry, come on now,” it’s as if he’s whispering to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose as he squeezes his eyes shut.

”After you guys built the motorcycle, I was- I was back at my house. It may be because these are my last moments here, but they were both able to see me. I was able to talk to them, a-and…Well, point is you went out of your way to find out my regret and fulfill it, and for that I don’t know how to thank you enough. I don’t even know what I did to deserve this, I—”

”Just shut up, will you?” Serin laughs from the pure delight of her heart, and it’s the immense wave of relief that finally prompts her to sprint in his direction and crash him in a tight embrace.

It’s Baekhyun. He’s here. He’s here, and he’s hugging her back, burying his face in her neck and holding onto her back like she’s his lifeline.

There’s so much she wants to tell him – about the way he lied about his death, scold him for disappearing without her consent, thank him for making her live, the list goes on. But all that comes out of her lips are desperate whimpers because the millions of emotions that have gathered inside her are finally spilling out. There’s no reason to hold back anymore, because he’s here.

Then she takes notice of it. The touch of his han