It’s still dawn, the sky color was still dark and the sun was not yet shining. But Dongwan just—couldn’t sleep anymore. His body felt tired, and he knew he just had another one hour before he need to do his first job for the day. 

His eyes were looking around—and damnit, here too, the traces of them were everywhere. Every little things in this room, remind him to the one that sleep across this room, the one that sleep with Hyesung, the one that—would voluntarily sleep with him when he just too exhausted but couldn’t sleep like now.

“Hyung..”

Startled by the hushed voice from the top-bunk, Dongwan closed his eyes, pretend to sleep.

“Hyung,” Junjin called again, “You think so loud, I can hear you.”

“I’m not.” Dongwan replied, timidly. “I’m sorry I disturbed you, let’s sleep.”

It’s quiet for five seconds, till Junjin decided to step down from his bed, and without permission, backhugged his hyung body whose position was facing the wall.

“You need to sleep hyung,” Junjin whispered, “and I’m not Minwoo hyung, I know. It’s cold, and you can’t sleep, but you need it.”

Junjin was right, it was cold—been days, and he was not Minwoo. He was warm, and big, and he drowned Dongwan’s body inside his hug. But it’s still different. It’s a lot different. Minwoo was smaller, but warmer. Minwoo would hug him tight and Dongwan would feel safe and sound—Minwoo was his comfort-zone, his favourite shelter to rest. 

“Sleep hyung.”

Dongwan was sighing softly. He pat Junjin’s hand whose circled around his body. “Do you remember the first time we met, Jin?”

“You’re the noisiest mentor on that camp, of course I remember.”

“But you’re the one who cling on to me, tho.”

“I am.” Junjin chuckled a little. “You’re so talkative and annoying, but care a lot. You took me under your wing, and when that camp end and I asked to be your friend, you just laughed. But the next thing I know, you just brought me over to met with Hyesung hyung.”

“And you left me to be closer with Syungie.”

“He was cooler.”

“No, he just kinder, I’m the cool one.” All the memories flashed in Dongwan’s mind. “And Hyesung introduced us to Minwoo and Eric.”

“Hm, and we met Andy on that year Christmas eve when Eric hyung invited all of us, and finally I’m not the maknae in the group.”

“Both of you still the baby tho,” Dongwan intertwined his finger with Junjin’s. “It’s been so long.”

“I was 8th grader when we met, and I’m on my 3rd year now. Time flies indeed.”

Time flies. And maybe, Dongwan took it for granted. Junjin’s breathe was tickling his nape, but Dongwan accepted it as a comfort, that he was not lonely. Not so lonely like a few nights back. He was not alone, he spent his nights with a bunch of friends, were wandering around like what Sikyung said—but when the slept and cold creeped in, and he left wide awake the loneliness that he fought so hard to avoid were always there.

“You need to deliver the milk at six hyung.”

Jin’s voice startled him, again. Dongwan just nodded, and stiffled his yawn.

“Sleep then, you still have 30 minutes. I’ll wake you up later.”

“But you need to sle—“

“Hushh, just sleep hyung. I’m here. I got your back.”

Junjin was here. Someone close to him was here with him. He was not Minwoo. But Minwoo wouldn’t be here, not anymore. At least, for the first time since that night—his sleep was dreamless, much better than nightmare that always came to him.

.

.

They knew each other since adolescent year—Minwoo was the first person who greeted him when he was being a new student, befriended him when he was being angsty caused his parents just moved him all the way from LA to his birth country but strange place for him.

For Eric, he’d do everything for Minwoo, as cheesy as it sound. So even with a grumbled and cursed, here he was. Sat on the swing, on their neighborhood playground, with cig between his fingers—glanced to Minwoo, who starred into nothing.

“They think I mad at Wannie.” Eric said casually. “I mean, I was. Dissapointed, not mad. Untill I knew what’re you trying to do, and I don’t know. Like I said before, that’s not a good plan, Minbongie.”

Minwoo was sighing, smoked his own cig, and exhaled. 

“Both of you just, hurting each other.” Eric opened his mouth again. “And no one of you deserved that.”

“He resigned from the cafe.”

“I know.”

Minwoo turned his head, and Eric just shrugged his shoulder.

“Well, I went there yesterday.”

“Oh.”

“And how did you know?”

“His boss called me, he got so drunk a few nights ago and just sat in front of the cafe,” Minwoo remembered the beating sound of his heart and the worries that clouded his mind that night. “I called Sikyung, asked him to picked up Dongwan.”

Eric said nothing. He thought he knew his best friend perfectly, but since the broke up—Minwoo’s mind just scattered around like some puzzles that he needed to connect, but didn’t know where to start.

“I went there too,” Minwoo smoked again, “I saw Sikyung trying so hard to hauled him, that bastard knew he got so bad when drunk, yet still did it.”

“That bastard blamed himself badly, you know it, we know it.”

“I love him, Ric. I do.” Minwoo smiled bitterly. “and he love me too, still. But we’ve different dreams, I can’t give up my dream and I won’t forgive myself if he give up his dream for me. We just simply failed in the face of reality.”

Reality—that one word Minwoo despised so much nowadays. It’s graduating months for them, and the burden of future mess his mind. Minwoo pray hard everyday, to still had that simply life, being university sweetheart with Dongwan—eventhough they’re student on different universities. 

But reality was not that easy, they have a new path ahead and sadly it’s a path that rather hard for them to walk side by side.

“Don’t you think Dongwan deserve to know the truth?”

Eric’s question was left unanswered. They’re back being quiet—being surrounded with the haze from the cigs. And somehow, Minwoo could hear Dongwan’s nag, asked him to stop, that sometimes would end up with Dongwan kissed him.

But now—his mouth would just felt the bitterness, over and over. He already walked away from the love of his life, wishing to God’s above, it was the best decision for them.

.

.

“Don’t you think, it’s weird?”

“What?”

Hyesung bit his lips, “Minwoo’s behavior.”

“What do you mean?”

“No offense, but you just being you. But the way he handled the situation just not so himself. His outburst of anger really—weird.”

Dongwan looked straight to Hyesung’s eyes, tried to decipher his best friend words.

“He’s finally tired of me, Syung.” Dongwan stirred his noddle. “I’m exhausting him. I mean, he already dealt with my difficult attitude for so many years, and I just take him for granted. That’s why he walked away, it’s normal.”

Hyesung saw the sudden teary eyes—and as someone who knew both of them for a long time, it broke his heart too.

“It’s not normal, Wan. To be honest, it’s kinda unfair of him to just mad at you then didn’t give you chance to make it better, to explain or I don’t know—just time to talk with each other, perhaps.”

Dongwan put his fork away, and sighed. “For four years, he did his best to accept me, Syung. He was there for me. But me? I’m just being busy with myself, with my works, my club activities, and everything in between. I was his number one prioritize, but my prioritize was all over the place.”

“Give yourself credit, Dongwan-ah. You made him happy too.”

“I could always do more, Syung. But I didn’t.” 

Dongwan’s sad eyes, the one resemble him with a kicked puppy, just pulled a string on Hyesung’s heart. So he grabbed his friend hand and clutched them.

“But I still think, both of you need to talk, don’t just avoiding each other.”

“Talk about what?” Dongwan chuckled bitterly. “He deserves more than my sorry.”

.

.