The nurse takes one look at Donghae before she immediately calls for a doctor and a stretcher.

The room bursts into action, a group of people coming up to him, a stretcher in tow. Hyukjae is almost reluctant to let Donghae go, but he knows he has to, so he lets the nurse take Donghae from him.

They place him on the stretcher, a flurry of motion all around his boyfriend. 

"Heart rate is tachycardic," says one of the doctors. 

"Limited breath sounds, completely absent on the right side," one of the doctors says, grabbing a mask attached to a large bulb. The man puts the mask over Donghae's face, tilts Donghae's head back, and squeezes, causing Donghae's chest to rise.

"Tell the ER to prepare a chest tube, we need to reinflate his lung before he goes into full respiratory arrest," another doctor says. 

They rush off behind a pair of swinging doors, leaving Hyukjae standing in the middle of the room, staring blankly at the closed doors. He's tempted to follow, regardless of whether or not he’s allowed to. 

“Sir?” a soft voice comes from beside him. Hyukjae snaps out of his thoughts, peeling his eyes away from the doors to the source of the voice. It’s the nurse who had first called the doctors. She gives him a gentle smile. “I can take you to the waiting room.”

“Uh, yes, that’d be good, thank you,” Hyukjae says, running a hand through his hair. She leads him down a hall to an empty room lined with chairs. She hands him some forms to fill out and Hyukjae takes them and completes them automatically.

“Would you like a tea or a coffee as well?” she asks as Hyukjae finishes filling in the form. 

“I—A coffee would be nice,” Hyukjae says. “But I can get it myself, it’s okay.”

“I’ll get you something a little stronger from the breakroom,” the nurse says, gently guiding him into one of the chairs. “You look like you need it.”

⸺

Hyukjae only manages to drink a few sips before he stops, the coffee turning cold in his hands as he stares blankly at the wall, waiting. He has no idea how long he waits, but it seems like an eternity before a doctor comes into the room.

Hyukjae stands, his heart racing as the man approaches him.

“Family of Lee Donghae?” 

“Yes,” Hyukjae says. 

“He’s okay,” the doctor says and Hyukjae sags. “He had broken ribs, and one of them punctured his lung, which isn’t uncommon. We put in a chest tube to inflate his lung and he should be just fine in a few days.”

“Can I see him?” Hyukjae asks.

“Yes, he’s awake and asking for you,” the doctor says, leading him to Donghae’s room before leaving him alone.

Hyukjae walks into the room, making an immediate beeline for Donghae.

"Hyuk—" Donghae starts, but Hyukjae ignores him, cupping his boyfriend's cheek, savouring the sight of him, conscious and alive. Savouring the light in eyes, the way they're curved and shining from his slight grin. 

Hyukjae lets out a long breath and buries his head in Donghae's hair, inhaling deeply, basking in the warmth and scent.

He had almost lost this, lost the most precious thing in his life. Again.

"You need to stop giving me heart attacks," Hyukjae says softly, face still buried in Donghae’s hair. Donghae chuckles. 

"I try not to do it that often," he says.

"This is the second ing time, Donghae, I swear," Hyukjae says, his hand shaking a little as he sits down and takes his boyfriend’s hand. "That's two times too many. You're the computer expert, you should be the one who's sitting behind a desk. Safe."

"I am," Donghae protests. "Most of the time."

"It should be all the time," Hyukjae says, playing idly with Donghae's fingers.

"Last time I was safe behind a desk," Donghae muses and Hyukjae grimaces.

"Don't joke about that," he says. Donghae sighs. 

"Come here, Hyuk," he says, opening his arms. He winces slightly at the movement, but beacons Hyukjae to come closer with a flick of his wrist. Hyukjae gets up and steps forward, gently wrapping his arms around Donghae's shoulders, careful not to jostle the chest tube and IV lines.

Hyukjae lets out a long breath, trying to dispel his tumultuous emotions with it as he hugs him. He's careful to keep his weight off Donghae but presses his forehead against Donghae's.

"You scared me so badly, my love," he says. Donghae's breath hitches.

"I'm okay," he says. Hyukjae inhales shakily and presses a gentle kiss to the tip of Donghae's nose. He sits back a bit and rubs at his eyes, wiping away the tears that had started welling up. He takes a few seconds to compose himself before he takes Donghae's hand again. 

"Did the doctors say when they're going to take the chest tube out?" Hyukjae asks.

"Sometime later tomorrow," Donghae says. He shifts and then winces. 

It hurts to see Donghae in pain. 

Donghae has had more than enough of his share of pain to last him his entire lifetime. A bubble of guilt starts to form in his navel: he's responsible for this. 

"Does it hurt a lot?" Hyukjae asks softly, mentally slapping himself for the stupid question. Of course, it hurts.

"Not really," Donghae says. "Only if I move. And I have painkillers. I've had far worse."

"You shouldn't," Hyukjae says, carding his hand through his boyfriend's hair. "You shouldn't ever be in pain." His voice cracks a little at the end of that statement. Donghae leans into the touch.

"But that's not something you nor I can control," he says. Hyukjae shakes his head, but rather than contest the statement, he sits down. 

"Why didn't you tell me the bullet broke your ribs?" Hyukjae asks instead. Donghae sighs, looking down at their joint hands. He pulls their hands up and kisses Hyukjae's knuckles.

"You already felt guilty," he says. "I didn't want you to feel worse. And it wasn't that big of a deal."

"Not a big deal?" 

"Well, it wasn't at the time," Donghae amends. Hyukjae looks up at the ceiling, praying to whatever deity is listening to give him strength.

"For a genius, love, your stupidity baffles me sometimes," he says. He chuckles at Donghae's squeak of protest.

"I felt fine! It would have been fine—" Donghae cuts himself off and something heavy settles in Hyukjae's gut.

"If I hadn't kicked you. If I hadn't hurt you," Hyukjae finishes.

"Hyukjae, stop," Donghae says firmly. “It is not your fault. It’s not. It’s not your fault.” 

Hyukjae’s hands tremble a little.

“Then…” he starts and then shakes his head. “Nevermind. Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

“Yes Hyukjae, I’m fine. Really,” Donghae says. He squeezes Hyukjae’s hand as he yawns. 

Hyukjae sighs, gently brushing Donghae's hair from his forehead. 

"Try and get some rest, okay love?" he says. Donghae nods as he leans into his touch, his eyes starting to drift shut. Hyukjae smiles fondly, not removing his hand until his boyfriend falls asleep. When he does, Hyukjae leans down, planting a featherlight kiss on Donghae's forehead.

"I love you so much," he murmurs. "I don't think you have any idea just how much my heart beats just for you."

He's about to sit down again when his phone buzzes. Hyukjae startles; he doesn't even remember picking it up, but he must have before he left the house.

Hyukjae considers stepping out of the room, but he can't bring himself to leave Donghae alone right now, so he just sits down and pulls out his phone.

It’s Kyuhyun calling. 

“Hey,” Hyukjae answers. He hears some shuffling on the other end before Kyuhyun speaks. 

"Why isn't Donghae answering his phone? Where are you guys?" Kyuhyun says and Hyukjae glances at the clock, shocked to realize it's already nine in the morning. 

"The hospital," Hyukjae says quietly. "There were some… complications last night."

There's a long silence on the other end of the phone.

"Which hospital? Is he okay?"

“Yeah,” Hyukjae says, still carding his hand through Donghae’s hair. “Yeah, he should be fine.”

Donghae nuzzles into his hand even in his sleep, and Hyukjae smiles fondly. 

“Can I talk to him?”

“He’s sleeping right now,” Hyukjae says. "But you can come to see him." 

When Kyuhyun agrees, Hyukjae tells him the hospital and room number.

"Okay, I'll be there soon," Kyuhyun says.

"Wait," Hyukjae says before Kyuhyun can hang up. "Could you drop by our place and get Donghae's phone?"

"Yeah of course," Kyuhyun agrees. 

"Thanks," Hyukjae says. "It should be on the side table in the bedroom."

Kyuhyun agrees, hanging up. Hyukjae sighs, putting his phone away and sits back in his seat. He resumes running his hand through Donghae’s hair, gently scratching at his scalp. He eventually dozes off, waking up when the door opens and Kyuhyun steps inside.

“Hey,” Hyukjae says softly. Kyuhyun glances over at Donghae before he walks in, putting Donghae’s phone onto the side table.

“What happened?” Kyuhyun asks and Hyukjae swallows, looking down at Donghae’s hand in his.

“Punctured lung,” he says. Kyuhyun makes a quiet noise of understanding. He squeezes Hyukjae’s shoulder before he takes a seat across from him.

"You said… he'll be okay, right?" Kyuhyun asks. 

"Yeah," Hyukjae mutters. "As much as it didn't seem that way at first."

Kyuhyun nods. 

Hyukjae bites his lip, looking back down at his boyfriend. He hates to leave him, but he needs to go to work to give his debriefs, paperwork, and also start looking for Jieun.

"I… I need to get to work," Hyukjae says.

"Yeah I'll stay, don't worry," Kyuhyun says, answering his unspoken question. Hyukjae nods, but even still, he takes a few more minutes before he actually stands. When he does, he runs his hand through his boyfriend's hair and gently kisses him on the forehead. 

"I'll see you later, my love," he murmurs before thanking Kyuhyun and leaving for work. 

⸺

He somehow manages to get through a slew of meetings and debriefs without making any serious mistakes or having a breakdown. He accredits his success to his ability to compartmentalize, sealing away his worries and stress away in a vault.

Lock it up tight, because he might shatter otherwise.

When he's finally done, he sinks into his seat, running a hand through his hair. He sighs.

"Hey, you okay?" Yesung asks and Hyukjae tips his head back, staring at the ceiling.

"Yeah," he mutters. "I'm fine."

Yesung frowns and opens his mouth, likely to press him on the issue, only to stop when Leeteuk walks in. Hyukjae immediately straightens, sitting upright.

"Captain," Hyukjae says, unable to keep the tightness out of his voice. 

"Hyukjae," Leeteuk greets. He hands Hyukjae a file. "The NIS were very happy with your report and debrief. Good job."

Hyukjae nods, picking up the file and flipping idly through it.

"Yes, thank you, sir," he says. He tosses the file back on his desk, his fingers twitching a little with pent-up energy.

“And tell Donghae I hope he gets well soon,” Leeteuk says and it’s the last straw for Hyukjae. He can feel himself cracking, bursting at the seams.

"Oh you," he explodes, standing up so abruptly it causes his chair to screech across the floor. " you, Leeteuk! Don't ing act like you care, like you didn't send Donghae out there knowing he was going to get hurt! Just like you waited weeks before we could rescue Donghae from the hands of some mad man, who tortured him until he d-died. It's always the job. It's always the ing job with you, isn't it? The job until everyone is ing dead!"

Hyukjae's panting by the time he's finished, his hands clenched so tightly he can feel his nails digging into his palm. He blinks a few times, mortified when he feels tears wetting his cheeks. He wipes them away quickly.

He can see Siwon and Yesung openly staring at him out of the corner of his eye, which adds to the embarrassment of his sudden outburst. And Leeteuk looks as though he's been struck. and it’s

"Sorry. Sorry," Hyukjae says. "I don't know what came over me. I know you care. I just..." 

He bites his lip, staring up at the ceiling to quell the tears.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean it,” he says. 

“No,” Leeteuk says, his voice a little shaky. Hyukjae feels horrible. “No, I know you meant it.”

“I—” Hyukjae starts but Leeteuk shakes his head. 

“It’s okay,” he says. Hyukjae drops back into his chair, covering his face. A sob escapes his lips before he can stop it and he squeezes his eyes shut, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

It takes a long while before he takes a shaky breath, finally feeling the tears subside. 

When he looks up, Leeteuk is gone, but Yesung is hovering awkwardly at his desk.

"You should go home," Yesung says. "You've finished everything anyway."

Hyukjae wipes at his eyes with the edge of his sleeve, giving himself a second to collect himself before he nods.

"Okay," he says, his voice a little hoarse. "I'll be late tomorrow, I need to take Donghae home from the hospital."

Yesung waves him off.

"Be as late as you want, we aren't doing anything urgent," he says. "Better yet, take the day off."

Hyukjae shakes his head. He has work to do and he can't take the time off.

"I'll be here," he says. Yesung sighs and shakes his head.

"But you're going home now, right?" he asks. Hyukjae nods. 

Hyukjae watches Yesung go before he turns back to his computer, turning everything off before he leaves.

He stops by Donghae's favourite tteokbokki place to pick up dinner for them both and heads to the hospital.

His boyfriend is asleep when he gets there, so he puts the food down, approaching him. Seeing Donghae again is like a balm on his soul—all of his stress and anxiety fading as he sits down. He gently Donghae's cheek and when he does, Donghae stirs, squinting up at him.

The smile that spreads across Donghae's face when he sees Hyukjae threatens to split his face in two.

"Hyukjae," he says, his voice a little husky with sleep. He reaches out. Hyukjae takes his hand, kissing his knuckles.

"How are you?" he asks.

"Good," Donghae says, sitting up. He sniffs, rubbing his eyes. "Is that food?" 

"Yes it is," Hyukjae says, grabbing the takeout container. 

They eat, and afterwards, Hyukjae cleans up before climbing into the bed with his boyfriend. Donghae snuggles up against him immediately. They spend a few hours watching random sitcoms that are running on the television. 

When Donghae’s eyes start drooping, he stands, tucking Donghae in. 

“Go home, Hyuk,” Donghae says. He reaches out, tracing under Hyukjae’s eye with the pad of his thumb.  “You need sleep.”

“But you—” 

“I’ll be fine,” Donghae assures. “It’s one night. You should sleep in a bed, not here. And then I’ll be discharged tomorrow.”

Hyukjae sighs, straightening and leaning his hip against the bed.

“Okay love, you win. I’ll go home,” he says. Donghae smiles at him and beckons him closer. He tilts his head, clearly requesting a kiss, so Hyukjae obliges, pressing their lips together. 

“Promise me you’ll actually try to sleep?” Donghae murmurs against his lips. 

“I promise I’ll do my best,” Hyukjae says, his hand brushing against Donghae’s waist. 

"Sleep," Donghae repeats. "And tomorrow will be here before you know it."

Hyukjae nods, reluctant to let Donghae go. It takes him a few seconds before he actually manages it and turns to leave.

"I love you," Donghae says when Hyukjae reaches the door, his voice soft and so full of fondness it makes Hyukjae's chest ache. Hyukjae stops, trying not to turn back.

He fails.

He turns around, and Donghae is smiling at him, looking sleepy yet content.

"You're making it very hard for me to leave you here right now," Hyukjae says. Donghae’s smile widens.

"Go home," he says. 

"Going, going." 

⸺

He sleeps fitfully that night, the house feeling eerily empty without Donghae.

He ends up waking far too early to be acceptable and passes the time cooking breakfast. He packs some of it away to bring to the hospital and grabs a change of clothes for Donghae before heading out.

“You didn’t sleep at all did you,” Donghae accuses the moment he sees Hyukjae walk into his room. Hyukjae stops, blinking at his boyfriend, who is giving him a very serious frown. 

“I tried,” Hyukjae says. “Which I promised to do.” Donghae’s frown morphs into a pout.

“Come,” he says, opening his arms. Hyukjae practically melts into his boyfriend’s embrace.

“I brought breakfast,” Hyukjae murmurs into Donghae’s shoulder. Donghae chuckles, the action sending vibrations through Hyukjae’s chest. He shivers.

“My hero,” Donghae says. “Thank you.” Hyukjae pulls back, kissing Donghae on the cheek as he does so.

“Here,” he says, handing Donghae the omelet he had made. Donghae beams at him, accepting it. Hyukjae sits and watches as Donghae eats. He takes Donghae’s free hand, idly lacing their fingers together and the back of his hand.

They remain in companionable silence—Hyukjae can tell that Donghae is still sleepy and not in the mood for a conversation. 

Eventually, a doctor steps into the room. 

“Hello Donghae,” he greets. “I’ll be taking the chest tube out and then you’ll be free to go.”

Donghae nods. “Can… Can Hyukjae stay with me?”

“Of course, that should be fine,” the doctor says. “Are you ready?”

Donghae nods again and Hyukjae holds out his hand as an offer of comfort. Donghae silently takes his hand, and the only thing that betrays his pain as the doctor removes the chest tube is the tightening of his grip on Hyukjae's hand. It's a long few seconds, where Hyukjae swears he looks more in pain than Donghae does through the whole procedure.

“Okay, finished,” the doctor says. “You handled that remarkably well.”

That’s not surprising, considering that Donghae hadn’t reacted at all. Then again, when you’ve gone through the kind of pain and torture Donghae has in the past, this likely doesn’t register. Hyukjae squeezes Donghae’s hand, pushing the thought out of his mind.

In front of him, Donghae simply nods.

“Thank you,” he says as the doctor bandages the wound.

“Okay, the nurse will give you the discharge papers to sign and I’ll see you in three days,” he says. Donghae nods, allowing Hyukjae to help him into a shirt before they head to the nurses' station. Hyukjae hovers awkwardly beside Donghae as his boyfriend signs the paperwork.

When Donghae is finished, Hyukjae takes his hand and they head to the parking lot together.

“Are you going to work today?” Donghae asks as Hyukjae drives. 

“Yes,” Hyukjae says. He’s quite sure he knows what Donghae is going to ask next.

“Can I come too?”

“No,” Hyukjae says immediately. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Donghae pout.

“Why not?" his boyfriend says, sounding not unlike a petulant child.

"I thought you're thirty-five, not five," Hyukjae says and Donghae pouts even harder. "That’s not going to work on me, love." Donghae huffs petulantly.

"I miss the times when it did," Donghae says.

"Mm," Hyukjae hums, turning onto their home street. "Well, that's too bad. You need rest."

"I slept plenty yesterday," Donghae protests. 

"And you will sleep plenty today as well," Hyukjae says.

“That’s too much sleep,” Donghae says. Hyukjae parks into their driveway and stops the car before he turns to his boyfriend, grabbing his hand.

“Donghae,” he says. Donghae must sense the gravity on his tone because he stops pouting, frowning at him. “Please just rest for a few days, okay? For me?”

Donghae blinks a few times before he sighs, slumping in his seat. 

"Fine," he says. "I'll try."

"That's all I ask," Hyukjae says. 

"Fine," Donghae pouts as he exits the car. Hyukjae sighs, following him to the door and giving him a kiss goodbye before he gets back into the car to go to work.

It's a rather unproductive day, with Hyukjae struggling to focus on much of anything at all. He tries following some leads on Jieun's disappearance but ultimately comes up with nothing.

He leaves at the end of the day feeling dejected.

The feeling somewhat fades when he gets home to the smell of rice and pork bone soup. He inhales deeply as he takes off his shoes, tension seeping out of his body as he walks into the kitchen. 

Donghae is standing in the kitchen, stirring the soup. He turns around as Hyukjae walks in, beaming when he catches sight of you.

"Hyuk!" he says. "You're home."

He opens his arms and Hyukjae melts into his embrace.

"It smells lovely in here, love," he murmurs. Donghae laughs, kissing him lightly on the cheek.

"Come on, let's eat," he says. Hyukjae nods.

"How are you feeling?" he asks as they head to the couch together. Donghae settles against him, leg and shoulder both pressed against him. "Why didn't you wait for me to cook?"

"It's okay," Donghae says. And then he chuckles. "I do make a good househusband, don't I?"

Hyukjae nods, his brain stuck on the word "husband."

"Yes, yes I suppose so," he says. "I would too, wouldn't I."

"Mhm," Donghae says. Hyukjae captures his lips in a kiss.

"Let's eat, shall we?"

The food is delicious, as is everything Donghae cooks. When they finish, Hyukjae quickly swoops in and takes the dishes before Donghae can even think to clean up.

"I'll wash up, okay?" Hyukjae says. "You rest."

Donghae gives him the stink eye but ultimately relents. Hyukjae chuckles, kissing the top of his boyfriend's head before going back to the kitchen.

There's something Hyukjae finds therapeutic about washing dishes: the repetitive movements and ending up with a sparkling product. He takes his time to finish up the pots and pans, wipe down all the surfaces and put everything away. When he finishes, he returns to the kitchen to find Donghae lounging on the couch with his laptop.

Hyukjae drops a kiss onto the top of his boyfriend's head, and at the same time takes the opportunity to catch a glimpse of what's displayed on the laptop. It's a black screen with sprawling text, an interface that Hyukjae is very familiar with.

"Who let you work?" Hyukjae murmurs in disapproval. Donghae hums, grabbing Hyukjae's hand and squeezes.

"No one let me do anything," he says and Hyukjae chuckles, burying his face deeper into Donghae's hair.

"I know, my love, I know," he says. "But you said you would rest."

"I did!" Donghae protests, pouting up at him. "I slept for—four… no five hours today."

Hyukjae raises an eyebrow. The fact that Donghae managed to sleep that much at all is awfully telling—his boyfriend isn’t an insomniac, but he certainly is close. Sleep is not something that usually comes easily to him at all.

"I feel fine," Donghae continues. "And besides, I'm onto something."

"Somehow, your 'fine' is not reassuring, love," Hyukjae says.  "Indulge me? Please?"

Donghae sighs, looking put out, but he closes his laptop, putting it on the coffee table. 

"Fine," he says. "But only if you join me."

"Love, you drive such a hard bargain. Going to bed early with you? How difficult," Hyukjae teases. Donghae pouts and th