Lights.

Camera.

Action.

 

She remembered the first time she heard that line.

 

During her school’s play when she was assigned by her teacher to dress up as a tree for a short musical that their class was performing. She didn’t mind it that much, she was willing to help her class in any way possible, even if it meant standing for one hour and swinging every time the main characters passed by the swinging forest as her teacher said to them.

It was only when she saw how graceful the main character danced and smiled in front of everybody and how the audience reacted ignited something unexplainable to her. Somehow, it felt as if she found her purpose and that she has to have it.

And so when she came home, she immediately told her mom that she would like to enroll in dance classes this coming summer.

 

Lights.

Camera.

Action.

 

For years she has heard it over and over again when she was accepted to train under one of the known entertainment agencies in their country. Usually it happens at the end of the month, where she, along with multiple girls would be requested to perform where it would be a basis whether she gets to stay another month or not. She remembered all those extra hours she had put up because she was scared of being kicked out, after seeing what one kid could do.

 

Kim Hyoyeon.

That was the name of the kid who moved like she knew she was the best.

Not knowing years later, she would’ve found the latter being one of the most important people in her life.

 

Whenever she would finish pouring extra hours, she would make sure that the practice room was all cleaned, the fake clouds would still be as fake as they are before turning off the lights and heading back to the dorms.

However, she would always wonder who was always using the practice room at the very end of the hallway. She finds the voice angelic, comforting even- especially when the instructor decided to bully her entire day. The sixteen-year-old her would always sneak way past the other practice rooms, careful not to garner any attention. When she has successfully done that, she would sit on the vacant chairs outside, lean onto the wall and just allow everything to slow down as she closes her eyes and let the voice sink in.

 

She would always sneak out after one song as for her, it was enough to give her strength. She would always be satisfied after one song but this time, looks like all the sneaking was worth it because she had finally heard a name.

 

Sooyeon.

 

Lights.

Camera.

Action.

 

She was performing in front of her favorite crowd, waving her hand up in the air as she tried her best not to cry. As they were pushed in front of the sea of people, she looked at the girls who stood beside her nearly half of her life with each trying to hold back the tears that were desperately escaping. Some were successful, like their leader who kept smiling to their people along with another woman who loved pink more than anyone else. Some wept and didn’t mind the fact that they weren’t able to miss some lines like one of the shortest members and the two younger ones.

She couldn’t blame them though; this was their dream. All of them. To perform in this very stage with the people who have been with them through and through, it was a promise that they wanted to fulfill. But then again, some promises were meant to be broken after all.

 

Their journey began with nine- They ended with eight.

There were a lot of lights, camera, action that followed, but to her, this was it. This was her final cut.

 

“Lights! Camera..!” The sound of the clapper echoed throughout the studio. “Action!”

 

 

Nothing mattered to her much ever since.

---

 

 

Yuri bowed to everyone who has worked with her today.

 

“Thank you for your hard work today

“Great job today Miss, I’m pretty sure with your endorsement, our product will sky rocket through the roof!”

“You flatter me too much.”

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re Kwon Yuri! One of the members of the girl group who opened a lot of opportunities for our country.” The man laughs. “Everyone would want to have what you’re having!”

 

She laughs at the compliment but she doesn’t say anything more. Thankfully, her manager comes in at a convenient time dragging her away from the possible awkward situation. As she passed by more staff she repeatedly bowed her head to them before leaving the set and heading home.

 

 

“You’re welcome.” Her manager says all of a sudden catching the idol’s attention, making her look at him through the rearview mirror.

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re welcome.” He repeats.

Sooner, she just chuckles and places her view back to the passing scenery in front of her. “Sure.”

“Do you want to go through your schedule tomorrow or should I just email them?”

“Either way you’d still remind me tomorrow morning so whichever works.”

This time he lets out a laugh. “I see you haven’t changed even one bit.”

Yuri gives him a tight-lip response. “ doesn’t it.”

He noticed that there was a slight difference of tone and so he looked at her through the mirror. “Yuri-ah...”

“Turn the volume up, I want to sleep.”

 

She arrived not an hour into her high-end apartment. The moment she enters the house she is immediately greeted with a furry creature with its tail wagging excitedly accompanied with adorable bark. Yuri immediately kneels down, grabs the dog and pulls it closer to her, calming down its nerves.

 

 

“Had fun with all the free space I gave you?” She asks her companion. “You didn’t make a mess didn’t you?” The dog barks making her smile. “Good Dooe.”

 

However, as she stepped foot at the living room, she saw how much fun her dog had without her.

 

Finally after cleaning the mess Dooe made, Yuri pours herself a glass of wine before settling herself at the couch, admiring the view of downtown Seoul with the Han River surrounding it. From a normal person’s perspective, you would’ve thought that she was living the life.

12 years of successful career as a Korean Pop idol, a model with multiple endorsements and with the number of gigs that she’s had over the years, she would most likely be okay for the rest of her life. There were times where she almost believed that she was already satisfied with what’s going on with her. (Cue word: Almost)

 

---

 

Yuri quenched down the savory taste of wine that she has indulged herself into.

 

“Cheers!”

 

She was finally on a weekend getaway, where Tiffany randomly showed up at her apartment 3 o’clock in the morning telling her that she just landed and wanted to have a small beach getaway. An hour later, Yuri finds herself in a small yacht stranded in the middle of nowhere seeing nothing but the deep blue waves of the ocean and Tiffany, wearing her designer sunglasses and ‘it-girl’ attitude as she chugs down another glass of wine.

 

 

“Ahhh! This is refreshing isn’t it?” Tiffany beams, like Tiffany always do. “You, me, the beach, our favorite wine and our feminist playlist.”

“You’re so random you know that right?”

The latter shrugs, as if it was just another day of her hearing that. “There’s no fun in planning. Actually, sometimes plans don’t work, you know? What’s the point of planning, researching and even reserving places when you know it won’t be happening anyway!”

Yuri sees through those designer sunglasses and it wasn’t even long when she finally catches up. “You two fought again didn’t you?”

“Wha-what are you even talking about?” It was the stuttering that confirmed Yuri’s intuition. “What fight? There’s no fight.”

“Really?”

“Yeah really!” The other woman raised her voice too much to be called defensively.

“So you can just randomly book a yacht and just speed off into the middle of nowhere?” Tiffany doesn’t answer. “Come one Tiff, this is so your brand.”

Now this time her friend removes her sunglasses for Yuri to have a clear look just how offended she was. “You make it sound like I used you and the girls whenever we fight.”

“Last time you dragged Sooyoung’s in California.”

“It was a friendly trip. We already planned it weeks before and this was actually the plan that worked.”

“That’s not what shikshin told me.” She answers, pertaining to Sooyoung’s nickname.

“Ugh, that woman just couldn’t shut up.” She huffs annoyingly.

“Hey, I’m not mad.” Yuri comforts her. “If anything else I’m actually kind of thankful that you invited me.”

“Really?” Yuri nods and takes another sip of the wine. “Wow... you’re actually the first one who said it.”

“I don’t blame the others, they got their lives figured out.” She speaks. “You included.”

“Which because I actually made time for this Yul... Me, out of everyone in the group.” She points to herself. “Me Yuri.”

She couldn’t help but chuckle. “Hey, don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember when I had bad days and you flew from LA to just be here for a couple of days, just to check up on me?” Tiffany nods her head. “And when either of the girls are in LA you go out of your busy schedule just so we can hang-out.”

“I like making time for you guys… You are like my family-no, scratch that. You’re family. All of you.”

“I know.” She smiles at the obvious fact. “But just because we can’t make time for the people we care about doesn’t mean we love them any less… people change, priorities differ. We all have different paths to walk now.”

“And what about you?” Yuri looks at her former bandmate. “Have you decided what path you want to take?” Hearing that made her sigh, earning a worrying look from the eye-smiling legend. “Yul…”

“I know, I know…” She repeats. It’s not that I am trying. Remember I vlog now?”

“I’ve seen your videos… They’re quite entertaining.” Tiffany says as she takes another bite of her Fish and Chips. “Have you ever thought about doing your vlogs for a long time?”

“Maybe? I don’t know.” Yuri shrugs. “I like it, it makes me feel connected to everyone and I do get to show my hobbies and the things I do on a daily basis...”

“Why do I feel like there’s a ‘but’?”

“Because there is.” The taller woman sighs again, before playing with the wine remnants found in her glass. “It’s just that-” Yuri bites her lower lip. “Forget it, let’s not talk about it.”

“Hey.”

“Just- can we not talk about it?” Yuri looks through her eyes. Begging her to not push any further because Tiffany can be quite pushy when she wants to. “I will talk about it… Just not right now.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself…”

“It’s not that easy.” She answers softly, as if she didn’t want anyone else to hear that she was feeling.

“Well… what about cooking?” Yuri looks at her confusedly. “You love cooking remember?”

“I… I do?” Yuri says hesitantly, as if she was trying to remember just how much she liked cooking.

“And you do cooking in your vlogs.”

“Y-yeah.”

“Sooyoung says whenever you drop by and give her meals, she would devour them the second you leave.”

“I thought she hated my cooking.”

“Yuri, this is Choi Sooyoung we’re talking about.” As if it wasn’t already given. it was Sooyoung after all. “What do you do when you’re just at home?”

“Cook.”

“See?” Tiffany emphasizes on the word, hoping that it’ll help Yuri to see the realization. “Remember when you’d spend hours and hours in the bookstore just to find different cook books?” Tiffany reminds her. “I used to spend time in your room and I couldn’t see anything else but cook books. I ask you what would you do with them and you told me-”

“I want to cook a fancy meal for the girls one day.”

Tiffany smiles. “You would spend hours and hours on our break days just to perfect every dish and make them your own.” She chuckles as she remembers a specific memory. “You know, there was a time that I clearly remember. You said that after being an idol, you will build a restaurant together with Jessi-” The latter widens her eyes and instantly looks at Yuri. “, sorry I-”

“It’s alright.” Yuri dismisses Tiffany’s worry with a smile. “I do remember those days.”

“There you go! That’s your start!” The latter even elevates her tone of voice just so she could send her point across or just try to get away from the guilt of mentioning someone who isn’t worth mentioning. “Why don’t you try and take a look at those books again?”

Yuri kept the sigh to herself. What’s the point anyway? She thinks. “And then what?”

“And then see where it’ll lead you.”

 

The yacht escapade ended an hour later when Tiffany gets a call from a certain someone and judging by the way she literally went from a screaming beast to a tamed giggling girl, Yuri figured that the two finally reconciled and she confirmed it when her friend drags her onto the nearest store, asking for help on what to wear for dinner. They separated ways with a hug, and Tiffany annoyingly yet in some weird and unexplainable comforting way, insisted that she should go back to cooking before ending their meet with a chaste kiss on the cheek and an energetic farewell wave.

So that’s how Yuri finds herself in her kitchen with tons of books laid out on the kitchen island. It comprised of different kinds cooking techniques, Baking 101, The Dumb’s Guide to Cooking, and How NOT to Burn Your Kitchen. Some were in pure English and some were even in Languages that she couldn’t understand.

 

 

“You need this and this one too… Ooh! How about you get this one as well?”

Yuri looked at the stack of books she was holding. “Do I really need this much? Or am I just way too ugly for you to stare at for the rest of the day?”

Her question earned her a playful glare before having another book put on top of the stack. “Very funny.”

“I just don’t know if I can read all of these…”

“Why not? We’ll have vacation after the concert, sure you can find some time.” The brunette says. “Plus, if we want our dream to be a reality someday, we need to start early! Remember, the early bird catches the worm.”

“Are you sure that this isn’t you getting overly excited?”

“Okay, maybe I am getting excited but you know how much I love cooking too right?”

“When you’re not trying to burn the apartment yeah.” Again, the playful remark earned a glare making Yuri smile. “Sorry.”

“I’m just happy we found a new hobby together.” Yuri looks at the latter as they pass another aisle of books, watched as how the latter’s voice starts to sound dreamy whilst she trails her fingers along the stacked readings. “I sometimes get this imagination inside my head where we’d invite the girls over and you show off your cooking skills while I do my baking since we all know you’re going to be a better cook... The girls would probably tease us about it but then again it’s not really the girls without their constant teasing right?”

“Or days where I finally decide to get out of bed, which is probably going to happen during late afternoon and I’d be welcome with the scent of a new dish you’re trying, and maybe when I get home from work, I’ll get the re-heated version of it and I’ll still love it nonetheless…” She tucks her own hair behind her ear, avoiding Yuri’s gaze as much as possible, fearing that her cheeks were probably starting to make a color of their own. “Maybe it’s just me…” She chuckles. “I know it doesn’t make any sense and maybe I’m speaking way too far in the future but it’s just nice.”

Yuri holds her hand as she makes the latter stop. She looks onto those confused orbs, wondering why she stopped all of a sudden. “Hyoyeon would probably find ways to embarrass the out of me.”

It takes a couple of seconds before she could see the smile on the brunette’s face. “God, imagine the things she would randomly blurt out.”

“Yoona and Sunny would probably join in, Sooyoung would just roast us and complain ninety nine percent of the time yet still she’s going to eat the food we’re going to prepare.”

“Tiffany would most likely record everything and keep everyone in check while Taeyeon would laugh her off.”

“Seohyun would just be Seohyun and cheer us on.”

“She would be the one responsible for giving honest comments.”

“You think she’ll give us an A plus?” The latter nods.

“In the end, we would probably empty the wine shelf and just talk about the good times. It’ll end with them encouraging us opening a restaurant of our own since we’d kill the dinner.”

“And when we do, they’re going to show up every weekend demanding for free food.” Yuri smiles. “And you know who’s going to be the first in line…”

“Sooyoung.” They both say in unison, making them laugh at their member’s ability to consume food as tall as herself.

“I don’t think it’s nice…”

“It is, isn’t it?”

“Just promise me you’d help me understand these things.” She shows off some piles of books that were written in English.

“With the years we’re going to be together, English will probably be your second language.” Yuri chuckles and continues to walk down the aisle with her. “Do you really think that we’ll be able to do it?” The tanned woman spares the other woman a look. “Build a restaurant I mean.”

“I do.” Yuri answers honestly. “I think that as long as you and I are together, we can do whatever we want. That whatever we dream of, can eventually turn into reality because we’re each other’s support system. We balance off well and I do think that we will have tons of memories to share. May it be in having a restaurant of our own, or living the life that we want.”

Gone were the knitted eyebrows and now Yuri was greeted with pink cheeks and smiling face. “You really think so?”

“Who else would I spend the rest of my post-idol life with other than a woman named Jung Sooyeon?”

“Someday?”

“Someday.”

 

---

 

Yuri wasn’t sure where this was going.

 

First, she tried reading the English cook books as she had acquired better knowledge of the language after years of training (also known as: being patient with Tiffany’s loud ) and with Seohyun and Yoona’s countless attempts of asking for her help back in their college days. She probably absorbed 75% of it all. However with the endless schedule back then-it was completely erased from her memory. Google wasn’t much of a help and she just ended up being confused as ever.

 

Eventually Yuri resorts to her final solution. Invite Seohyun.

 

The doorbell chimed and Yuri finally left the lounge area to welcome Seohyun who greeted her with a tight hug. Yuri always liked the way the younger smells. The latter always smelled a breath of fresh air. It wasn’t really a specific scent and Yuri just couldn’t bring herself to find one. She just knows that whenever she’s seated with the latter, she felt relieved.

And honestly, she really is right now.

 

“When you said you needed help I didn’t mean you needed this kind of help.” She looks at the stacked books. “What’s going on here?”

“I’m trying to find myself a new hobby.”

“You have one hundred hobbies.”

“A new hobby Seo.”

“Reading English cook books?”

“Cooking.” She corrects. “Just cooking.”

The actress shows off her confusion. “But that’s not a new hobby.”

“I know.”

“…So you’re not exactly looking for a new hobby?”

“Oh my God, can we stop with the questions?” Yuri sighs out of frustration.

The brunette couldn’t help but smile at her frustration. “You’re no fun.”

Yuri slumps besides her and covers her face with a pillow. “I used to have that kind of energy.”

The younger woman laughed and checked the books. “So, cooking.” Yuri nods her head. “All of a sudden?” She nods her head again. “Why?”

“Tiffany.” Seohyun furrowed her eyebrows. “Tiffany happened.”

“Oh, so you were held captive this time?”

“Yes, fortunately and unfortunately.”

“Don’t worry, I was the hostage just recently, I know how you feel.” She taps her on the shoulder and starts scanning the books laid in front of them. “But is it really Tiffany?”

“…You know how annoying she can be when she wants to.”

“Okay.”

“Wait.” Yuri removed the pillow off of her and faced the latter with wide eyes. “What did you just say?”

“Uh, I said… okay?”

“I mean- do you actually believe me?”

“Sure I am.” The latter said casually. “Is there a reason for me not to?”

“Well-”

“Do you want me to believe you?”

“Of course but-”

“Do you not believe in your own words?”

“I-I-” Yuri swallows the lump on . “I do.”

“Then I will do the same.” She says casually as she returns her attention to the books but she knew better.

 

She knew that out of all the girls, it was Seohyun who catches up first. It was her who knew whether to read between the lines or not. Who always notices these little things and changes before anyone and it was one of the qualities Yuri liked about her. She liked that she was still patient despite knowing all these things, loved that rather than confronting other people, she would give advice or share her opinion when asked. Loved the fact that she will just keep it to herself first and wait until you come around.

Yuri wanted to thank the latter for having this trait but she knew if she blurted out the words of gratitude, the latter would just feign innocence. So, Yuri does what she always does ever since.

 

“Our Seohyunnie…” Yuri says in a sibling admiration kind of tone as she brushes Seohyun’s hair.

Hearing the nickname once made the young woman smile as she looks through the pages of a book. “I haven’t heard that in ages.”

“That’s because you’re a grown woman now and not our baby.”

“You better not let Hyoyeon hear about that.” She smiles and continues to look through the pile. “But it’s nice.”

“Huh?”

“That you’re actually to find a hobby of yours.”

“Oh.” Yuri blinks for a moment and just nods. “Right.”

“Why just now?”

“I don’t know really…” She trails off. “I just thought that I want to do something that makes me happy.”

“And cooking does it for you?”

“It does…” Yuri replies. “It takes me back to the good old days if I am being honest.”

“Those were good days.” Seohyun agrees. “I remember you would wake up early and cook breakfast for me and Yoona while we get ready for school.”

“You still remember that?”

“Of course, those were like- one of the best memories for me. It’s you who does the cooking and Jessica was responsible for preparing our uniforms by ironing them.” She smiles at the distant memory. She then takes a look at the older woman who was suddenly silent. “Are you alright?”

“Uh yeah.” She dryly chuckles. “Sorry I was just tired.”

But then again, Yuri knew that Seohyun would just see right through her. “So, what do I need me for?” Yuri was kind of thankful that she changed the subject.

“I was thinking maybe you can help me with some instructions in the English books?” She asks. “I have bookmarked some and I want to learn the recipe but you know… English.” Yuri chuckles shyly.

“These are a lot of bookmarks. Just so you know.”

“It’s still eight o’clock.” Seohyun looks at Yuri who just smiles at her. “Come on, I rarely ask something from you.”

“Just so you know, you still haven’t paid me back for the jellies.”

“Seo! That happened like a decade ago.”

“Lucky for you it was zero interest.” Yuri groans and goes back to stuffing her face in the pillow. “Fine, I’ll help you only if you prepare a lot of snacks.”

“A lot of snacks?” Yuri furrowed her eyebrows. “I thought you were on diet because of your upcoming drama?”

“Yeah, but Yoona will be joining us after an hour so you better be ready.”

 

By the time they finished, Yuri received three things. The first one was Yoona’s endless pouting and lowkey tantrums for not being Yuri’s go-to person, a pile of now Korean converted recipes which she can’t wait to try and probably a lot of dishes and trash to be taken care of.

 

---

 

Yuri wasn’t available for the following weeks.

 

The following morning and days that followed, none of the girls nor her friends were able to be in touch of her. It was as if she just disappeared from the sphere of the entertainment world without even leaving clues what she was going to do. Well, not really- she did tell her manager about her plans, her family included but that was it. Other than brand sponsorship shoots, she was just nowhere to be found.

It was quite strange, yet somehow, she finds it enjoyable. It has been years since Yuri devoted herself to something or just the fact that she had found something that she really liked to do. She questioned herself multiple times how come she didn’t think of this sooner and how stupid she was for not even considering this from the very beginning.

 

 

Before she met her, Yuri was already quite fond of cooking.

She started at a young age, helped her mother in the kitchen. She even remembered the very first dish she made. It was chicken soup for her brother who got sick from playing in the rain. From there, she would take down notes or watch cooking videos and try to recreate them fitting to her own taste.

 

Yuri likes it.

Yuri likes cooking.

 

When she was with her, all she could ever think about was to cook for her.

Whether it was fried rice in the morning or a fabulous steak to celebrate their anniversary together, she wanted to cook for her. Just thinking about her made Yuri like cooking more- because cooking for Jessica meant that there were more moments with the brunette woman. Cooking for Jessica meant a life with her.

 

And so Yuri likes it.

Yuri likes cooking.

 

After she left, Yuri couldn’t even be in the kitchen.

Just the thought of holding any kitchen instrument brought pain to her. She even opted to stay inside hotels just so she could avoid that specific part of the house. And nobody talked her out if it. Nobody could even talk to her. For how could you tell someone to let go of a person you’ve actually imagined to spend the rest of your life with?

 

Then, Yuri didn’t feel like it.

Yuri didn’t like cooking at all.

 

But Yuri found the courage to face the thing that scared her. One day, she finally found herself being able to stand in the kitchen. One day, she was hungry and she had enough ingredients in the fridge. One day, Yuri decided to cook again, not for Jessica or for anyone else’s. And then Yuri thought- What made her even decide to stop in the first place?

 

Then, Yuri realizes it.

Yuri likes cooking. Again.

 

 

After being MIA towards the girls, everyone was surprised to see Yuri’s name pop in their group chat once again. It didn’t say much, just a simple apology and she would like to make it up with a simple dinner treat, an address and nothing which irritated everyone else and it gained various annoyed reactions except from Sooyoung who just squealed with joy at the mention of the word dinner.

Despite the short-notice, luckily the majority was able to confirm their attendance with Yoona and Sunny promised to be there next time and promises Yuri that they will no longer be upset with the sudden disappearance act.

Eventually everyone arrived at the basement of the only building located at the uphill and hidden skirts of the Gangnam neighborhood. First it was Taeyeon and Hyoyeon, followed by Sooyoung and Tiffany. They were greeted by Yuri’s manager who unfortunately had to deal with the girls’ endless questions and all he could do was to bow repeatedly in behalf of her talent’s sudden actions.

 

The lift finally stops at the highest point of the building which was the fifth floor. Everyone was then confused when they were greeted with silence, light grey walls, plants hanging by the pond with no fish to be found and a big, wide, wooden door. Everyone looked at one another, asking if they have been to this place before to which everyone replied negatively.

Finally, Yuri’s manager appeared together with their managers and opened the door for them. It leads them to a narrow hall with another door waiting to be opened and when the doors opened once more, everyone was just too speechless to talk.

In front of their very eyes was a perfect view of the neighborhood which looked like a sparkling sky at this time of the night. It felt like it was part of the hustling city but also not at the same time for they were enjoying a serene and peaceful vibe surrounding the space. Everything was industrial and rustic which meant monotone-colored walls, wooden tables and bar counters with barn lights to light up the L-shape balcony.

 

 

“Hey.” Everyone turned around and saw Yuri- and surprisingly in a Chef’s uniform. “Long time no see.”

“No Kwon.” Hyoyeon was the first to find her voice. “Come here you!”

“I thought you were turning into a magician! That disappearing act was so believable!”

Yuri endured all the playful punches thrown by her best friend and the constant nagging of the other girls. “Alright, alright… I know, I was an for being MIA like that but like I said, I will make it up to you remember?”

“You better!” Her best friend says, still quite upset with the sudden disappearance of her best friend.

“Okay, you girls come with me.” She leads them to another door which looks like a private area with two stoves and a small preparing table right in front of them. “Find your seats.” She says to them while she stands beside a chef and two staff.

“Are you going to cook for us?” Taeyeon asks curiously. “Are you really going to cook for us?”

“Yeah.” She grins. “If you look at the menu, that will be the food I will be preparing for you guys tonight and it’s not just any kind of food, but your kind of food.” Yuri says as she changes into her Chef attire making the two women spit out ooh’s. “Shut up you two.”

“Are you really not going to tell anything and just cook for us?” The blonde bob quips, trying to get something out of the latter. “Or are you going to cook for everyone and then explain yourself?”

Instead answering her evidently impatient friend, Yuri places two bowls of appetizer right in front of them. “This meal is for you.”

 

It only took a couple of minutes before Sooyoung and Tiffany decided to join the dinner with Tiffany’s endless appreciation for Yuri’s effort in taking into consideration about each of their preferences in the menu, to have the tallest member practically criticizing everything she does with Hyoyeon’s help, and Taeyeon who just sits back clearly enjoying the show with her favorite dog in her arms while Tiffany is trying her best to take good photos.

She then starts her story of how Tiffany managed to influence her to go back into cooking and thanked the two youngest members for helping her with the recipes she wanted to try. Then she proceeded with sharing her six months of experience in a Culinary School and how she was in love with the French cuisine and started tweaking classic dishes here and there to fit to her liking. She told them that this would be her first time letting other people taste it, and that she wouldn’t want anyone else but the girls to be her first critics.

 

After the heart-warming conversations which included the endless banter and chaos in between, Hyoyeon leaves early due to a busy schedule with a threat to Yuri that she will be back later to get the news out of her. Yuri chuckles and bids her goodbye before continuing to entertain the girls. Seohyun arrived just as soon as everyone was done, and it really wouldn’t be her arrival if her older sisters didn’t pull a prank on her.

 

 

“You sure you don’t need help around here?” Sooyoung asks as soon as the meal time was put to an end.

“You sure you want to help?” Taeyeon quips making Yuri chuckle.

“Tch, I was just being grateful okay? She really went all out about this dinner and even prepared hours for this.”

“It’s kind of hard to see that when all you did was complain earlier.” Tiffany adds while snuggling Zero in her arms. “But seriously though, you don’t want any help?”

“I can stay behind and help.” Seohyun, who was the last one to arrive volunteered.

In the end Yuri just waved them off. “Don’t worry too much about this mess. Besides, all of you have early schedules tomorrow.”

“Thank you for the meal though, we really enjoyed it.”

“Yeah Yul, you’re forgiven for the trick you displayed on us.”

She laughs, quite relieved that they didn’t make much of a big deal about it. “Glad I’m back to your good graces.”

“Hold up.” Taeyeon says all of a sudden before the elevator door closes. “I think I forgot something.” She then looked at her companions who weren’t even amused by her forgetful attitude. “You guys go ahead.”

“I’ll wait for you in the car.”

 

Taeyeon just nods before going back to the room and sees Yuri assisting the staff members.

 

 

“You’re back?”

“Yeah, I think I forgot something.”

“Same old Taeyeon…” Yuri teasingly says and starts to look around. “Do you even know what it is?”

“Actually I do. I think now I do.”

“What is it?” She says as she looks past the benches. “Did you leave it in the comfort room?”

Taeyeon shakes her head, even though Yuri wasn’t paying attention. “I left it stuck on my throat.” The star Chef stopped looking and looked at her. “I know I don’t say much but I think that I should say something. It won’t take long.”

“Go ahead.” She says and takes up the vacant seat. “I’m listening.”

Taeyeon takes three steps forward and hugs Yuri. “I’m proud of you.”

 

It only takes a couple of seconds for the latter to catch up with the reason why her former leader said that with just the two of them. Upon realizing, Yuri wanted to cry in Taeyeon’s arms.

 

 

“Thanks Tae.” Yuri’s lips were trembling when she responded. “This means a lot for me.”

Again, the latter doesn’t say anything else and just soothed her back. “It must’ve been hard but I know that it was a journey that you had to take for yourself.” Yuri nodded and closed her eyes. “I’m happy with the end results. This is just the beginning though, better days are coming Yul.”

“I sure hope so.”

Taeyeon lets go and lets out a sigh of relief. “I better take my leave now. You and I both know Tiffany can be a nagger when she wants to.”

“Yeah, yeah you should.” Yuri chuckles, thankful that she diverted the topic. “Go.”

“Okay, I’ll see you soon. And please, reply to Sunny’s text messages. I need to sleep.”

 

---

 

Yuri decided to drink for a while.

 

After doing the post-dinner activities, she thanked everyone who helped and gave them gifts for doing a job well done before separating ways. Her manager comes in three minutes later, asking her what time she’ll be heading home only to answer that she would like to have some alone time. Yuri was thankful that he didn’t pester further unlike other times and just nodded his head before leaving.

 

Finally, just me, myself and-

 

 

“Knock, knock.” Yuri was surprised to see Hyoyeon again.

“I thought you were filming for your music video?”

“I did but it was just meetings, tomorrow would be the big deal.”

“You should’ve come sooner, Seohyun was waiting for you.”

At the sound of Seohyun's name, Hyoyeon perks up. “How is that kid? I haven’t seen her for days.”

“She’s growing more and more beautiful each day.”

“As expected.” She comments with a tone in a parental way. “But I think I came back at the right time.” Yuri frowns, thinking what her best friend meant. “I was actually hoping that I could talk to you alone.Do you still have a bottle of wine for us to enjoy?”

“Uh yeah, yeah I do.” She stands up, grabs the bottle with two glasses and is considerate enough to bring out some cold cuts and cheese. “Here.”

“Thanks.” Hyoyeon pops the bottle open and pours them each a generous amount. “Cheers?”

“Cheers.”

 

It didn’t take long before their laughter echoed through the entire space. One bottle became two until they’ve resulted in eating ramen and kimchi together with its best partner-Soju. Yuri couldn’t remember much, but they were just talking about the old times.

It started off with how they roamed around Gangnam and shopped around with their first paycheck, how Hyoyeon helped her in securing a unit and all their get togethers, probably the main reason why they are laughing their hearts out.

 

 

“I swear to God, I didn’t know Sooyoung would book Taeyeon a room of her own.” Yuri was still laughing loudly at the specific memory. “I thought she was just playing around!”

“Good thing Taeyeon was too drunk to get offended.”

“Girlie even bowed formally and sang her ballads in the other room.”

“Oh my God!” Yuri wipes the tears falling off from the corner of her eyes. “That was like what- two? Three years ago?” She nods in response. “Wow, times sure does fly by.”

“Those were the days…” Yuri nods in agreement as they share another shot. “This is a new place.” She swirled her finger around the area. “I’ve never heard of it before.”

“It is a new place.”

“A friend of yours owned this place?” Yuri shakes her head. “A recommendation?” She shakes her head again. “Are you drunk?”

They share an ample amount of chuckle before Yuri shakes her head to answer the latter’s question. “I’m a restaurant owner.”

Hyoyeon furrowed her eyebrows. “You’re a what?”

“A restaurant owner.” She smiled as she stood up, the bottle of soju in her hand and swirled around the empty space. “Welcome to my restaurant.”

And while Yuri was still in her own world while she just stood still, watching her get carried away by the alcohol. “Y-you’re opening a restaurant?”

“Sure I am!”

“Like this restaurant?”

“This restaurant.” Yuri says dreamily as she slumps back in her seat.

“Is that why you invited us for dinner tonight?”

“That- and because I really want to make it up to you girls.” She chuckles. “Hitting two birds with one stone.”

“Speaking of restaurants, why did you decide to open one?”

“Because I like cooking.”

“Cooking can be done without having this huge responsibility Yuri.” Hyoyeon says in a serious tone. “Now, tell me. Why do you want to open a restaurant?”

She watched as Yuri stayed silent for a while. “When we decided to focus on our individual paths, a part of me was relieved.” She starts. “A part of me internally screamed- finally!I can do now whatever I want. And I wanted to act, enjoy freedom and just to even see the world…” She trails off. “And I did all those things, I did them with my utmost passion and I love every second of it.”

“When I realized that each of the girls were finally doing things they liked for a long time got me feeling sad. It because I should be happy for all of you. You deserve it because you worked hard for it. It’s just that-” Yuri hesitates for a moment, trying to find the right words to say to her friend. Words that would make Hyoyeon completely understand how she feels deep down. “Why can’t I feel the same?”

 

“At first I was just trying to brush it off, gave myself a reason for being not so active for a few months. Then I had the schedules and I did this weird habit again of talking to myself, reminding that this could be my sole shot of being happy after being an idol. So I did, every shoot I gave it all that I could, worked my off and provided entertainment.”

“I even opened my own vlog, hoping that if I read comments of our fans it would give me comfort and assurance that I still have a place here. I did everything that I could possibly give- but why is it that I finish a bottle of wine all to myself? Why do I feel so alone even though I am surrounded by tons of people?”

“And that’s where it clicked…” Yuri says defeatedly, like she finally had the courage to admit to herself what she was feeling all along. “I’m lost Hyo.” She sniffs out.

 

“I’m lost without her..”

 

 

Having been there for the past seventeen years, anyone could simply say that Hyoyeon and Yuri’s friendship is what every person dreams of having. It’s the bond between two strangers that consider themselves as family, someone who was there through your lowest of lows and highest of highs. Having this kind of friendship with Yuri made her feel assured and comforted. For she knows, come what may, Yuri will always be there for her.

In fact, Yuri was always there for everybody. She remembered the time where no one was available to drink with Sunny and Yuri immediately drove three hours from her to be the latter’s drink buddy. She needed rest but she went to Taeyeon’s concert instead and screamed her heart out. She was there for Yoona and Seohyun’s premiere, she cooked meals for Sooyoung when the latter was too exhausted to cook and practically became Hyoyeon's staff during her first ever solo tour. She was always there for everyone.

 

But who was there for her?

 

Who was there when Yuri needed someone to talk to? Who was there to congratulate her on her first vlog? Who was there for her when everything just and slowly falls apart? Who was there when Yuri was crying at two o’clock in the morning begging for everything to just stop? Who was there for Yuri when the only person who promised to stay by her side left?

 

Hyoyeon felt guilty. She was in pain and the fact that she couldn’t do anything about just makes it ten times worse. But she also wasn’t much of a fan for words. She really couldn’t see the value of them because everyone can lie to your face even when they’re saying good things about you. That’s why she liked Yuri the most out of everyone, because Yuri just doesn't say words- she actually shows them.

That’s why Hyoyeon didn’t say anything else and just hugged Yuri who endlessly cried in her arms that night.

 

 

“This was supposed to be our thing.” Yuri continued to cry. “She was supposed to help me with the baking…”

“Shh, Yuri it’s okay.”

“When will it be okay?” Yuri says she actually made Hyoyeon hear how tired she was. “I’m so tired…”

“I know. But you don’t have to worry anymore, I’m here. I’ll be here for you. Everyone who loves you will be here for you from now on Yuri.”

“But I want her here.”

 

---

 

Yuri wakes up to the sound of the loud noise from the kitchen.

 

She opened her eyes only to see the family smell of her bed room with the curtains finally split and the gorgeous view of the neighborhood greets her. She looked around, and and wondered how in the world she got here. For all she remembered was drinking to her heart’s content with none other than Kim Hyoyeon.

 

Oh my God. Hyoyeon was there.

 

“I’m lost without her.”

 

 

“!” Yuri takes off from her bed like a spaceship, which she immediately regretted because of the sudden wave of headache. “!”

 

After two consecutive curses, she checks her hand phone from the nightstand, wondering why she didn’t receive any notifications or even left a note. She wondered why- until she heard ruckus from the outside. Maybe Hyoyeon is outside? Cooking breakfast perhaps and letting me eat before throwing a sermon at me? Yuri thinks to herself.

 

When she opened her bedroom door, she did find Hyoyeon outside.

And so is the rest of the girls.

 

 

“Oh you’re up!” Hyoyeon smiles.

“How did you-”

“Good morning drunkard!” Sunny immediately takes the opportunity of Yuri’s stunned stance and engaged Yuri’s head into a headlock. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were going to get wasted? I would’ve ditched my schedule!”

“Great way of saying that the only way for us to see you is if we’d invite you for a drink.” Sooyoung, the ever-classic savage spats out.

“Don’t be jealous, I’m still up for that Pancake and rice wine date you want even though you’d be drunk after two shots.” Sunny releases Yuri before clinging onto Sooyoung. “You’re still my first love Soo.”

“You piece of come here you!”

Yuri passed by Sooyoung who ran after Sunny and goes inside the kitchen and sees- “You’re finally up!” Yoona beams. “Here! Have some coffee.”

“Make sure that isn’t shot up with two shots Yoona I’m going to kill you if she can’t keep shut for the rest of the day.” Seohyun appears and glared at the latter before turning to Yuri with a bright smile. “Before you decide to go frenzy with coffee, you can take these.”

“Seo, have you given Yuri the meds- oh there you are!” Another sharp greeting coming from none other than Tiffany. “Good morning boo.”

“Hey, hey, hey. Stop with the boo, no more flirting.” Taeyeon’s voice catches everyone’s attention, especially Yuri’s. “Girls! Breakfast is served!”

The rest of the girls arrived at the dining table, settling into their seats when Yuri’s brain finally (thankfully) starts to function. “Hold on a minute.” Just as she said, everyone did stop and looked at her. “What are you all doing here?”

“It’s my free time.” -Sunny

“I wanted to show up today because I wasn’t able to last night.” -Yoona.

“And what about you four? Don’t you all have schedules today?”

“Well they were just all meetings so we had them rescheduled.” Tiffany speaks in behalf of the four of them.

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“It’s…” Yuri trails off pleading her half-functioning brain to help her. “It’s weird to see you guys here. All of you.” The rest of the girls looked weirdly at her to show their disagreement to the statement.

“Just sit down and have a meal with us.” Taeyeon says. “Come on, Tiffany didn’t burn anything this time around.”

“Ugh for the nth time! I’ve improved!”

“Wow, these actually taste like pancakes.” Yoona comments and Tiffany raised her eyebrow at her. “What?” She asks defensively. “Last time you cooked for us, you put flour instead of powdered sugar as a topping.”

“I second that.”

“Me too.”

“Add me on the list.”

“Yoona nailed it this time sorry.”

“Last time wasn’t so bad…” Taeyeon says hesitantly, making sure that she didn’t added more fuel to the fire inside of her long-time partner. “But what do you say Yuri? You’re the expert in cooking in this room.”

Yuri, who got peer pressured by the rest of the girls’ stares, decided to grab a slice of the pancake in front of her. She chewed it for a few seconds and allowed all the flavors to set in before giving her feedback. “Uhm, I prefer this better than the last.”

The rest of the girls cheered while Tiffany rolled her eyes. “Fine, at least I’m improving.”

While the rest of the girls talked or more like continued to tease Tiffany, Yuri looks at Hyoyeon who just laughed and gave few comments. “Hey.” She calls out to her best friend.

“Yeah?”

 

Yuri wanted to ask if the reason behind why everyone was present was because of Hyoyeon. She wanted to ask if her best friend felt any kind of pity towards her especially she laid out what she had been harboring in her heart for a really long time. She wanted to ask if they all felt guilty. She wanted to know if they actually pity her.

But if she really thinks that Hyoyeon pities her, after everything they’ve been through together, then maybe Yuri doesn’t really know best friend for more than a decade or even one of the girls at all.

 

 

“Nothing.” Yuri says with a smile on her face. “Nothing at all.”

Hyoyeon tried to punch her playfully. “Idiot, if you don’t have something to say then just eat.”

The latter chuckles. “Alright, will do.”

“So… I heard from one little bird that you cooked for us for a reason.” Tiffany, the ever ice-breaker woman starts.

“Hyoyeon’s a duck by the way.”

“Want to lessen your number of days Choi?”

“Actually, I could show you guys better than I can tell you.” Yuri goes to her bedroom for a couple of seconds before coming back and placing a Gold plaque in front for everyone to see.

“Retrouvailles.” Seohyun says it out loud. “It’s French isn’t it?”

“What does it say?”

“It’s more of a feeling.” Yuri explains. “Retrouvailles means the happiness of seeing someone after a long time.” She shares. “I wanted to create an atmosphere where people can actually enjoy food and each other’s company. Like- going on a vacation without having to leave the city.”

“A paradise within Seoul?” Yoona asks which Yuri nods her head. “From the snaps you’ve sent in the group chat, I think it looks nice over there.”

“It is.” Sooyoung says. “It even looks beautiful at night. Peaceful and you can laugh and eat to your heart’s content.”

“So like- what are you going to open your restaurant?” Tiffany says in her Californian accent. When Yuri just shyly nods. She lets her jaw drop to the ground. “Oh my God! Are you serious?!”

“I actually spent most of my savings so I guess there’s no backing out now.”

“Are you kidding me? You shouldn’t back out! That’s going to be my escape and go-to get drunk place!” Sunny whines. “Knowing your collection, I know that there’s no way in hell that you’re going to disappoint me.”

“I’m with you on that.” Hyoyeon adds before toasting with Sunny. “You’re no quitter Kwon!”

“And judging from your cooking skills, I know you can make this happen.” Seohyun smiles at her older member.

Yuri looks at them with encouraging smiles. She spares Taeyeon a look, in which the latte returned with a bright smile. “We know you can do it Yul, we believe in you.”

 

---

 

Yuri couldn’t believe it.

 

It was finally the day she had been waiting for.

The grand opening of Retrouvailles.

 

Right after the reunion with the girls, Yuri spent all of her time making sure everything would be perfect to this day. With a lot of help from her members, to her manager and even to her close friends and to her family added to the surprise factor that her company also extended their help to Yuri made everything a lot less stressful for her. She couldn’t be happier about that.

 

Ever since the beginning of the day, Yuri was already anxious. She was always jumpy and you barely can get any kind of proper answer from her. It got worse when it was afternoon and so Hyoyeon took the liberty in instructing the staff on what to do alongside the rest of the girls while Yuri was there, locked inside her office to just focus on the main event.

 

It was only then when she heard small knocks on the door that stopped her overthinking. “Come in.” She replies. It was her mother. “Mom, what are you doing here? It’s still early.”

“We didn’t want to be stuck in traffic.” She reasons. “Did I come at a bad time?”

“Of course not, sit down.”

Mrs. Kwon sat by the chair in front of her daughter. “They asked me to come in and calm you down. Sooyoung said that you weren’t replying to her puns.”

“No one replies to her lame puns mother.” She chuckles.

“The event is about to start.”

“Yeah…” Yuri trails off. “How do I look? Professional?”

The older woman didn't say anything and walked towards Yuri and helped her neaten her uniform. “You know, this reminds me of something.” She shares as she moves to fixing Yuri’s hair. “This makes me go back to the time when you were just about to debut.”

“That was way back, like more than a decade back of a memory.” Yuri answers. “I was practically a baby.”

“To me you have always been my little girl.” Mrs. Kwon smiles. “I know I don’t say this much, but I really admire you as a person.”

“Why the sudden compliment?”

“I just feel like being grateful to you.” She says as she finishes with her daughter’s hair. “Thank you for being strong, for standing up and finding happiness again.” Yuri just kept silent and waited for her mother to continue. “It hasn’t been an easy journey right? It must’ve been brutally hard and there were times that you wanted to give up…” Mrs. Kwon trails off. “After all- opening a restaurant was your dream together.”

Yuri smiles and holds her mother’s hands. “I never would’ve done it without everyone. You included so thank you.” She hugs her mother tightly. “Will you still love me if I will later and make an embarrassment out of myself?”

“Whether you’re a winner or a loser, at the end of the day, you’re still my daughter.”

“Isn’t it too early to have a melodrama going on?” Tiffany interrupts their moment with a smile.

“You’re annoying, you know that right?” Yuri rolls her eyes at Tiffany who didn’t seem to mind even one bit.

“Thank you for coming Tiff, this rascal would’ve cried if it weren’t for you!”

“That’s not true.”

“Well we can argue about that later. Guests are already coming in Yuri, the boss is needed in the kitchen.”

“Alright, I’ll be right out.”

“Okay.” Tiffany excuses herself from the picture.

“Mom? Do you really think I can make this work?” Yuri asks. “You said so yourself, it’s not an easy journey.”

“I think that when you do the things you love and you’re happy while doing so, good things will follow.” She smiles at her. “You’ve already spent your entire life believing that wishing stars and birthday candles can answer your wishes. Why not take some time off and spend it believing in yourself?”

 

As soon as Yuri arrived in the kitchen, she could already hear the light noise coming from the dining hall. The list of guests wasn't that much, just a few friends, media and a bit of her target market people to try and see if she could make some revisions afterwards. Once they were all set, she gave the go-signal and her staff provided their best dishes for them to taste. She did peek from time to time, just to see if they did meet their expectations.

 

Yuri was still nervous if she could pull this off.

She also remembered what her mother said to her.

So she did. She closed her eyes and chose to believe in herself.

 

And just like what her mother predicted, good things did follow.

 

When they launched their menu, orders started to pile-up bit by bit. Yuri was there and watched how their machine printed the orders like there was no tomorrow. She shouted the orders clearly, and checked every food before it went out to the customer’s table. When she had the vacant time to peek at her bar area, Yuri saw that they were just as busy as they are.

It was a chaotic kitchen, she could perfectly hear the sizzle in every iron pan, the mixture of butter and other herbs on the other, the broth steaming and the sweet aroma of dessert. Everyone was working like it was Holiday season.

But still nothing could compare to when she saw the smiles on the customers’ faces as the food and drinks arrived. She sensed the satisfaction with every meal that they provide and good feedback every time they bob their heads while enjoying a conversation or two.

 

Everyone was surprised to see her appear in front of the mass when they announced that it was the owner’s time to give her gratitude to everyone. She gave out a simple speech, about how a hobby eventually turned into passion and how she promised that this passion will never fade as long as there are people like them who will continue to cheer her on. When the speech ended, everyone clapped for her but what made Yuri grin was the fact that from the very end of the restaurant were her sisters cheering her on.

 

When Yuri arrived home that night, Yuri already made a decision.

No matter how difficult or tiring the future might be-

She will continue to believe in herself.

 

 

Since the successful launch, the people couldn’t wait to get a reservation at her restaurant. By the time she woke up the following day, she was surprised to hear that her weekend for the following 2 weeks have been fully booked, which later on turned out to be pretty successful on both weekends. By the end of the month, Yuri decided that Retrouvailles will be operating six days a week.

 

---

Yuri has come to like this.

 

She liked going home around 2 in the morning and not feeling any kind of exhaustion at all. She likes waking up nine to be at the restaurant to check the deliveries from her supplies. She likes talking to her staff for hours as they come up with a menu for tonight. She likes seeing the transformation from raw goods to delicious meals but most importantly, Yuri likes to see her customers’ satisfied faces before leaving her restaurant.

The former idol couldn’t believe that it has been three months since she opened her restaurant’s doors to the public. Three months since she chose to be in front of the stove, learning new dishes and continuously studying than be in front of a camera. Three months since she posted more food than her face on her social media accounts.

 

Three months of believing in herself.

 

Yuri looked through from the kitchen and watched as her staff prepared foods in full speed which everyone was totally familiar with. She double checked everything on the pantry, making sure that she had enough supplies to cater to all guests tonight and helped whenever it was needed. She does this everyday with a smile on her face because even though everyday is a busy day, she was happy.

 

Because this is how she exactly imagined her restaurant to be.

This is how they exactly imagined it to be.

 

 

“What are we doing here?” Yuri asks when they stopped by an old building.

“Come with me.”

“This isn’t the part where you’d murder me right?”

“I will literally murder you right now myself.” She huffs in annoyance. “Come here, hold my hand.”

Yuri obliges and together they head upstairs until they reach the top floor. “You wanted to sneak out of the dorm just to see… this?”

The brunette couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Isn’t it wonderful?”

“But we have a rooftop at our apartment.”

“Yuri our rooftop apartment and it’s noisy no one can stand it except for us.”

“Fair point.”

“I was strolling nearby when I found this place…” She trails off. “When I reached the top I was immediately in love with the view. We can’t see it right now, but years later that place will be filled with more buildings and nuisance. When that happens, it will be very bright and quiet up here.”

“Hmm, that is true.” She nods in agreement. “Years from now, this property’s value would probably end up in millions.”

“Come here.” Yuri lets herself get dragged in the middle of the place. “So, imagine this.”

“Shoot.”

“This is the entrance, from the elevator. There will be no designs, just a koi pond and a few plants with a big wooden door.” She starts. “Once you open this door, it will lead you to a narrow hallway being faced with another door. Still no major designs to heighten their curiosity. When the second door opens- boom! Aesthetic surprise!” She beams and goes to move to the area where Yuri was standing.

“This area will be filled with a few chairs, and this area can be our L-shaped balcony. Over here, will be the bar area and this area right here will be the bathroom then the kitchen. This space right here can be our private room to host special occasions. This area is all glass so they can have the city view too.” She says. “Bathroom’s here and over here-” She walks to the far-left corner. “Will be our office. It’s enough space for two desks and a loveseat!”

As soon as she was done explaining, she looked at Yuri who was just grinning at her. “You weren’t listening weren’t you.” It was more of an annoyed statement rather than a question. But instead of flinching, Yuri just grinned wider. “Kwon Yuri!”

“I heard you perfectly.”

“You look like you were spacing out.”

“You did tell me to imagine right.”

“Fair enough.” She then walks back into her lover’s arms. “So? What do you think?”

“Is it why you were so busy with your phone these days and always heading out late?”

“In my opinion, I just wanted to busy myself too since you’re busy with your drama and I can’t sleep without you.” She pouts, making Yuri’s heart melt instantly. “Besides, if we are indeed opening a restaurant soon, we need a lot to prepare a lot of things.”

“I like it.” Yuri smiles and starts swaying their bodies together. “You know what I love the most?”

“What?”

Yuri leans to whisper her answer. “The love seat.”

“You !” Jessica lightly punches her chest, but doesn’t make any efforts on removing herself.

“So I guess we’re really going to open a restaurant in the future huh?”

“Isn’t it already obvious.”

“You seem pretty excited about this idea… Why?”

“Because I like it.” She answers simply. “When a couple decides to be together for a long time, they would either write in locks or buy promise rings. Others settle for buying that one specific ring with a bent knee in front of their friends and family. Some would prepare a grand surprise for it.”

“That’s how usually things are right?”

“I know, but you see, ever since I’ve been with you- I realized a lot of things.” The brunette speaks her mind and Yuri waits for her to continue. “I’ve come to realize that love can’t be found in cheesy promises or diamond rings, not everything will sweep me off of my feet.” She says in a soft tone. “With you, I’ve come to realize that love can also be found in calm moments. Moments where we’d walk hand in hand after eating ice cream together or just cooking each other’s favorite dish.”

“You still burn my favorite dish.”

“Yuri I am trying to make a point here?”

“Oops, sorry. Go ahead.”

“I’ve realized that it doesn’t take too much to finally realize that you want to be with someone for a really long time. That realization doesn’t need to come in a red velvet box or in front of our friends and family. Sometimes, it just comes to you. Like when you’re slow dancing to absolutely no music while you imagine what your future restaurant would look like.”

“That’s why I want to open this restaurant with you… because I want people to see the warmth we found in our little moments to make them smile and encourage them to make their own. I want our place to be more than a restaurant. I want it to be an experience, a wonderful one, because that’s how I feel whenever I think of us.”

 

Hearing those words come from the brunette made Yuri’s heart swell with joy. Truth to be told, they have been together for a long time, and not everything about their relationship was perfect. They were humans too, and humans make mistakes. They’ve hurt and multiple times broke up. But if you were to ask Yuri if she could choose to correct something she had done in the past, she would answer that she wouldn’t change anything except love Jessica Jung better.

For Yuri it was always Jessica. Always have been, and always will be.

 

Jessica hides her face behind her hair, moving away so as to not show Yuri her flustered face. “Sorry, was it cheesy?”

Yuri smiles softly before kissing her girlfriend’s forehead. “Just enough.”

“Enough to what?”

“Enough for me to be sure now more than ever than there’s no one else I’d rather spend the rest of my life with except you Sica.”

“Someday?”

“Someday.”

 

 

“Boss, the guests who booked the private room are here.”

“Thank you, I’ll head out now.”

 

Yuri made sure that the people who booked the private room will get their money’s worth. So, she decided to stick with the idea she had when she first thought about this restaurant. It was to personally cook for them with the menu containing the same menu she had when she cooked for the girls. Eat like SNSD. Cringy, she knows. But it was Hyo’s idea, and Hyoyeon is her best friend.

 

Yuri looks at herself in the mirror. “Alright, last customers for the night, let’s make it count.”

 

As she walks towards the room, Yuri has this smile she had prepared whenever she greets her customers. She also prepared different jokes and puns she’d throw from time to time to keep her guests entertained while waiting for their food to come and she also took the liberty in preparing answers to the most frequently asked questions.

 

Yes, the foods here are the preferred foods of the girls.

Yes, Sooyoung and Yoona are still the eaters in the group.

No, they don’t get to eat here for free. Especially Sooyoung and Yoona.

 

But even after all these preparations, it will never be enough to prepare Yuri on what’s about to come, because in the middle of preparing for the eight-food course, the doorknob opens. In the middle of entertaining her guests, a familiar scent catches Yuri’s nose and eventually everyone’s attention.

 

“You came!”

“I thought you had prior commitments!”

“We’re glad you’re finally here!”

 

And in the middle of it all- Yuri once again looked at a pair of brown orbs from the person whom she once considered home.

 

“Yuri?” The latter said in a whisper.

 

Yuri tried to play it cool.

 

The staring between the two of them happened too quick for anyone in the room to notice. As soon as she got her senses back, she calmly excused herself to get more ingredients before rushing towards the bathroom. She places both of her hands in the sink and looks at her reflection. She was sweating- like, triathlon kind of sweat. She looked down on her hands and they were shaking badly.

 

Suddenly, everything came back all at once, hitting Yuri hard in the gut.

 

“I’m sorry Yuri.”

“But I have to go.”

“You have to let me go.”

 

“Ssshhh.” Yuri spoke to herself as she splashed her face with bits of water. “Shh.”

 

After quickly recollecting herself she fixes herself up, grabbed the ingredient she said that she would be getting and greeted her guests like she didn’t experience a near breakdown earlier.

 

Turns out, everyone here wasn’t aware of their past lives as idols. One friend spoke in English that they were just visiting the country for a short vacation and saw that a lot of people were buzzing about it so they had to give it a try. Hearing that made Yuri inwardly sigh a relief all to herself. She actually couldn’t answer questions that even she was left in the dark for a really long time.

 

But it seems like fate had other plans because as she prepared for the main course, she overheard a friend saying this towards the brunette.

 

“Oh Jes, you used to work here as a professional singer right?”

“Right! I forgot that you mentioned it to us a while back.”

“What was the name of your group again?”

“I remember you told us it had the Girls word…”

“Girls’ Generation.” Jessica says in the most natural way. “My girl group’s name was Girls’ Generation.”

 

As much as Yuri likes to deny the fact, she couldn’t help but give Jessica a glance after answering her friends. Yuri tried her best to ignore the brunette. She really did. However, she wondered how she could say those words without even feeling guilt. She wondered how Jessica could say it at all.

 

Because it has been years since.

Everyone already moved on.

Excluding you.

 

Eventually those series of glances turned into stares.

 

Yuri knew how rude she was right now. Deep down, her inner conscience was telling her to get her head out of her and just focus on cooking already. She was being unprofessional and she was making one of her customers uncomfortable. But could someone really blame her?

Yuri hates that she was staring. Hates at the fact that the latter’s presence still bothered her. Hates the way that even after all these years of being apart, she still notices the little eating habits the brunette does. How she would take a photo, smell the food, take a small bite to see if it fits her taste before continuing to eat it.

 

Hates the fact that she still remembers Jessica’s all-time favorite wine and so she asked her employee to get it from her office and offered it to them. Hates the way she still remembers the latter’s healthy skin tone and sees the current one and notices how it wasn’t near to it right now. Hates the way she just knows what to do about it and does something about it by putting her favorite scented candles and playing it off like an added factor to the dinner experience.

 

But why? Why does she feel sick all of a sudden?

Could it be that she was feeling suffocated as Yuri is experiencing right now?

Or is she just plain sick even earlier and Yuri was just allowing herself to assume things?

 

 

“Here’s the next course boss.”

“Wait.” She says as she stops the waiter coming towards Jessica. “No cucumbers for her.” Yuri says in a low tone. “She hates it.”

 

 

And above it all- Yuri hates how she catches Jessica looking at her too.

 

After what felt like forever, (mostly just in Yuri’s case) The dinner finally came to a close. They were just sitting around for a few minutes to get one of her friend’s cards back. Slowly Yuri was starting to let loose because she knew that she had successfully delivered a wonderful experience to her guests who had these beautiful smiles plastered in their faces.

Or it just may be the fact that Jessica was slowly regaining her strength.

 

“I didn’t understand the hype surrounding this restaurant but after this, I definitely do now.” One of the friends says. “This whole thing is more than just dining. It felt like an experience.”

“I feel like I am a KPOP legend now to be honest.” The other comments made everyone laugh.

Yuri just laughed along with them. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. Please do drop by again when you visit Korea.” She says in her improved English skills.

 

Finally the payment has been received and after a few post-dinner photos, the guests start to stand one by one and bid Yuri good bye. The owner of the place turned it with a wave and a smile on her face. When it was Jessica’s turn to say her farewell, all Yuri received was a slight bow and a smile on her face.

 

Is this it?

Is this all I get from you after not seeing one another for years?”

Is this all my worth is to you?

 

Yuri didn’t even bother to find out the answers. Just like how she had been left behind in the dark, she returned Jessica’s gesture before turning around and preparing for the clean-up. She starts to pile up the dishes according to their sizes, then the utensils but all Yuri’s ears were focused on where the sound of footsteps fading slowly.

And when she was greeted with silence, it took all of Yuri’s willpower not to turn around. She knows it. She knows everything about her so well. So she didn’t turn around, until the scent of vanilla slowly faded away along with the footsteps.

 

She lets out a sigh that she had been keeping inside her all along. As her hands slowly head down to the counter edges, she hangs her head low and for some unknown reason, Yuri starts to have trouble breathing. It started with a heavy exhale, followed by a short series of short and struggling intake of air.

 

“Breathe Yuri.” She says to herself as she grips on the countertop hard. “Come on, breathe.”

“Yes, yes that’s it.” She softly says as she slowly regains herself. “A little bit more.”

“That’s it.” Finally she lets out a heavy release of comfort as soon as she gets her breathing back to normal. “Whew, that was close.”

“You did good today.” She pats herself and even gives imaginary kisses. “You’re an amazing person Yuri-ah.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I see that you’re still talking to yourself.” Yuri immediately froze at the sound of that voice. “I guess old habits die hard.”

The restaurant owner slowly turned around and faced the familiar figure. “S-s-orry you had to see that.” She says shyly, quite unknown as to why she felt flustered all of a sudden.

“You don’t have to apologize for something I’m already used to.” Yuri didn’t understand why hearing that come from the latter placed an ache in her chest. “If there’s anyone who should apologize, it should be me.”

Why apologize? Did you regret coming here? Do you regret seeing me? “A-apologize for what?”

“For coming.” Another ache. “I didn’t know you owned this place beforehand. If I did I would’ve-”

So you haven’t been updated about me huh. “It’s okay, it’s not like you keep an update about my life.” Another stab on the chest. “W-what are you doing here by the way?” Quit stuttering! She scolds herself. “Did you forget something?”

“You know, that’s actually funny. I thought for a second that I left my scarf here only to find it already in my purse.” She chuckles. “I’m sorry, I’m quite forgetful these days.”

Then why are you still here? Did you want to talk to me? “You don’t have to apologize for something I’m already used to.” Jessica laughed at the smart remark, causing Yuri to further hate the fact that her heart was fluttering to the tone of her voice.

“That’s true…”

“How are you?” Yuri absent-mindedly asks.

“I’m good.” Jessica answers with a smile. Another pain. “Still doing the usual.”

That’s good to know. “You got your book released right?”

“Yeah, how did you know?”

“Ah, I overheard it from the girls.” Lies. I’ve always kept tabs on you ever since you left. “Speaking of, do you still speak to them?”

Jessica nods her head affirmatively. “I just got off with a drink from Sunny.”

At least you’re still friends with them despite what happened to us. “That’s good that you make time for them.”

“I actually can’t leave them hanging. You know them, especially Sooyoung and Yoona.”

You can’t ignore them but you can ignore me all this time? “Yeah…” She dryly chuckles and rubs the back of her neck. “Are you back in Seoul for good?”

“Can’t actually say but I do know I might stay here for a while. I’m opening up a flagship store here.” She smiles.

I know, I received the newsletter about it and saw your vlog a while ago. “Really? I didn’t know that.” She smiles. “Glad to know everything that happened before was worth it.” She says all of a sudden. “Right?”

“Of course, we’re all happy now.”

I’m not, but I’m glad you are. “Yeah, we are.”

“Well I should go, Krystal’s waiting for me downstairs.” Jessica turns around and starts to make way towards the door.

Have you really moved on? “Sica wait.” The brunette turns around with a surprised face after not hearing that certain nickname for so long. Jessica waited for Yuri to continue what she was going to say, Yuri was stuck there in her place, trying to sort out her thoughts.

 

 

Was it really worth it?

Do you ever think about me?

I still love you.

 

 

I deserve to know right now. “C-can I ask you something?”

“Uh, sure… go ahead.”

“Do you…” Yuri swallows the lump on . “Do you still remember?” Jessica remained silent for a bit, and every second passed was just adding to Yuri’s anxiousness. She doesn’t feel like waiting any longer. it, I shouldn’t have asked. “S-sorry I-”

“Of course I do.” The brunette answers with a smile. “It was one of the unforgettable memories that I shared with you.”

“You… you still remember?”

“How could I?” Jessica looks around. “I can’t believe you did everything like I imagined it to be.” She looks back at Yuri.

“Do… do you still think about us?” Yuri just throws out into the open, stunning Jessica for a moment.

“Sometimes.” Jessica answers truthfully. “Sometimes it brings me to tears, sometimes it makes me smile.” She adds. “Whenever I think about the time I spend with you, I remember how timing is an important factor when loving someone. Back then, we thought we had everything and believe me, I was totally confident that we were going to be each other’s end game. We were so in love with one another to the point that we existed for one another.”

So what went wrong? Why did you still leave when you knew how much we loved one another. “There’s a but isn’t it?”

This time Jessica smiles bitterly. “I thought that living for someone would be the greatest love I could offer. I keep telling my younger self that when I find the one that I want to share my life with, I will give everything that I have. Love with all I’ve got…” She trails off. “And that’s what I did when I was with you.”

“It made me happy for the majority of our time together, but I’ve come to realize that loving someone too much could also cause you exhaustion. And when someone’s tired of giving all they have, they give up.” She says in a soft tone. “And that’s what happened to us. Specifically, that’s what happened to me. I got tired when you weren’t, I wanted to fly away when you wanted to settle down. I gave up when all you did was love me.”

“But it only took me just recently to make me realize that we broke up because we just weren’t ready for each other.” Yuri just stood there and listened to everything Jessica said. “Our immaturity wasn’t just ready for the amount of love that we had for each other back then…” She trails off. “That’s why I feel kind of regretful, because you didn’t deserve any of those words. You never did. So I’m sorry.”

“For breaking my heart?”

“For not being able to love you the way you deserved to be loved.”

 

Both Yuri and Jessica looked at each other in a different light after the years that they haven’t seen one another. Both eyes were on the verge of tearing up as they continued to hear the echoes of their respective heartbeats. They looked at one another, and Yuri swore that she still saw love in Jessica’s eyes. She saw how she was pained after the break-up and just how much she feels bad about it. She saw the regrets, the what if’s, making everything else a bit more painful than usual.

 

There’s nothing even more painful to see the person you know you were destined to be standing in front of you and still find yourself loving one another at the wrong time.

 

“Boss!” A staff member interrupts Jessica. “Miss Juran arrived. She’s waiting by your office.”

“O-oh she’s back already?” Yuri blinks slowly and turns to Jessica who just looks indifferent. “Juran’s back.”

Jessica just nods her head. “Yeah, I guess she is.”

“Thank you for telling me, I’ll head over there.” The staff leaves them all alone once more.

“So it’s true then.”

“Did you say something?”

“No, I didn’t.” She smiles.

 

“Here we are.” Jessica looked past Yuri's shoulder and saw the office located at the left corner of the space. Yuri notices where the latter was looking but decided to pay no mind about it further. “I hope you had a great experience dining.”

“I ate like a SNSD member. Of course I enjoyed it.”

Yuri laughs, knowing Jessica was trying to say. “It was Hyo’s idea.”

“Figures.” Yuri watches as Jessica plays with her fingers.

“This is it, isn’t it?”

“I guess it is.”

“See you around?”

Jessica nods as she adds a smile to her. “I’ll see you around.”

 “Someday?”

 

Hearing that almost made the brunette want to tear up. However, as she looked at Yuri’s calm orbs, she couldn’t help but muster up all the courage to smile back and smile.

 

“Someday.”

 

 

They say that everything happens for a reason. For every person who leaves your life, for every person’s lie or for every someone’s decision of holding on. Some reasons might be beyond our understanding, our pain or even our own feelings. They don’t make sense right away and it felt the same with Yuri for a long time.

But now, after hearing her long-deserved explanation, Yuri felt relieved. Somehow hearing those words, as regretful as they may sound, eased the heaviness she has been harboring for years. It felt so freeing that as soon as she sees Juran in her office, she couldn’t help but hug the latter tightly.

 

 

“W-whoa calm down. It’s just me.” Juran chuckles.

“Did something happen?” Her words were coated with concern. “Are you hurt?”

“No.” She answers honestly for the very first time. “Not as much as it used to be.”

“Really?” Juran was also relieved to hear those words. “Well I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you.” She pulls the latter closely. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Yuri…” The latter calls out for her name softly. “Have you finally let go of her?”

 

 

Yuri had probably asked that question to herself ever since. She wondered what it would feel like to look into Jessica’s eyes and not feel anything. She thought it must’ve been wonderful, it must feel freeing to be able to feel like that. But who was she kidding?

At the end of the day, she knows that she will never forget about her. Whenever she looks at something brown, it would always remind her of the latter’s hair and how it smelled like lavender. She will always remember the way her eyes would look at her, and Jessica’s laugh will always echo whenever she remembers a fond memory. She will never forget Jessica and their memories that they’ve spent together. It was too precious for Yuri to forget. Too much valuable to let go.

 

But it doesn’t take away Yuri’s hope from dreaming one day- she would finally look at someone’s eyes and not see brown orbs any longer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Someday.”