Yes, you read it right. Stay away from the Bertie Bott’s as in the candy. Do not and I repeat do not trust anyone who genuinely likes the every flavored beans, especially if they have the great idea of playing the very fun game Russian Roulette with them.

 

Now that seems a little exaggerated, right? Wrong! Doing that is the safest thing you can do. Why? Simple, it allows you to identify the crackheads, the total weirdoes, the eccentric out of the eccentrics for you see…only those who willingly subject themselves to that kind of torture can mean nothing but trouble. Don’t believe me? Well let me tell you my story and how that single, wrong decision confined me to a life full of extraness and ridiculous situations.

 

[Side note: For the deluxe experience please press your thumb in the fingerprint at the bottom of the page on your left and you will trigger this book’s chapter in first person with the events described in the book turned into a (what muggles would call) video with the nice voiceover of yours truly. Enjoy]

 

It all started on September 1st of 2013. I was a naïve little fool who just happened to transfer to the new branch of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in Korea because I missed my home country and figured that being there would make me less homesick. I was ready to take the world by storm, I was Wendy Son, member of the top 5 students in Ilvemorny, part of the proud Horned-Serpent house, winner of The Charms Chalice and Excellence in Potions cup for two years in a row, I. Was. It. I had nothing to fear in this new school.

 

So with all the confidence a 13 year old could possess I bid my parents goodbye and strode forward to the huge red underground train that awaited every returning and new student. It was majestic and unlike any other train I’ve ever seen, it was sleek and massive giving you the impression that it came right out of a futuristic anime, beautiful golden carvings with lots of different runes adorned its walls in the most sophisticated way, the walls impossibly smooth as I ran my hand through them before going in making you feel like you were a Yeti’s fur. The inside was just as breathtaking as the exterior, furnished with the most luxurious items you could find while somehow making the old fancy English style mend so well together with the new modern style of this new age in Korea.

 

In no time I found myself occupying one of the few empty compartments making myself feel right at home in it as I watched the rest of the students bidding goodbye to their parents and getting on board. Just as the squeaky voice of an elf announced the train was about to depart, the door to my compartment was abruptly opened with eight panting girls stumbling in.

 

“Ooof that one was close” The long black-haired one heaved as she grabbed her knees trying to regain her normal breathing.

 

“Goddamit Sana, Seulgi you two had one job” A tall short-haired girl panted while brushing off some lingering slime on her sleeve with disgust.

 

“We were so so close. I really wanted to see the look on the guy who was badmouthing my toad as he leaped from his bag” This time it was the long-limbed girl next to the latter who lamented as she her toad’s back in disappointment.

 

“If only Sana could keep it in her pants we would have made it” A cute Japanese accented girl complained, angrily chewing off a chocolate frog she suddenly pulled out of nowhere.

 

“I’m sorry okay? But you guys have to admit Eunha is looking cuter and cuter every year. Do you guys think she’ll finally let me take her on a date now that we get to go to Jeju?” The chiba-inu looking girl next to the munching girl dreamily sighed, earning a swat behind her head from another really pale-looking girl who was fervently shaking her head off in disapproval.

 

As I watched the bizarre encounter in front of me I happened to lock eyes with a cute mono-lid eyed girl at the very back who immediately perked up and started to push the others aside to get to me and nearly ending up face-first on the floor when she tripped on her own feet if it wasn’t for the shortest girl in the group who grabbed her just in time before her face touched the ground much to my amusement.

 

“Oops hehe” The girl giggled “Hi there! What’s your name? Mine’s Seulgi, nice to meet you!”

 

I was a little taken aback by the effusiveness in which she started to shake my hand but was elated nonetheless even more so when the other girls (who finally noticed me there sitting all by myself) gave me equally broad and friendly smiles.

 

“Oh fudge, sorry to interrupt you here” The pale girl giggled, swiftly pushing Seulgi’s hand aside so she could shake mine with just as much fervor “I’m Dahyun and I know it’s kind of late but I hope you don’t mind us accompanying you the rest of the way”

 

“We can be friends!” Seulgi added and I had to blink a couple of times by the brightness of her smile. Is it possible for a smile to sparkle? Because I was sure Seulgi’s did.

 

“Ah sure I was feeling kind of lonely actually” I giggled before introducing myself and letting the rest of them do so as well.

 

“So are you a first year as well?” Chaeyoung giddily asked me “What house do you want to get in? Personally I would love to get into Ravenclaw”

 

“Nope. I’m a 3rd year this year I just transferred from Ilvemorny”

 

“WHAT?!” They all exclaimed in unison.

 

“How is it?”

 

“Is it true you have to leave your wand there?”

 

“Can you do wandless magic?”

 

“Have you been attacked by a Pukwudgie?”

 

“Is it-”

 

“Girls, girls one at a time please” I giggled “Okay where to start? Yes, we have to leave our wand there, my first wand chose me right after the sorting ceremony, horned-serpent by the way and I had to come by SM’s Wand Emporium before coming here to buy my new one actually. Yes, I can do wandless magic but only with simple spells”

 

Before they could start bombarding me with more questions I quickly followed “Look wandless magic is exhausting and requires lots of mental strength which is why it requires you to be a 6th year to fully learn how to cast more complicated spells. Mmm what was next? Ah right! No, I haven’t been attacked by a Pukwudgie that’s a…weird question, they’re pacific and favor healers so being harmful would be contradictory”

 

“But they’re related to the goblins!” Momo exclaimed and I noticed how she seemed to shiver at the thought.

 

“Excuse her, she’s not really fond of goblins” Sana smiled apologetically while rubbing soothing circles on the still distraught Momo “Let’s say she had an awful experience with some rogue ones”

 

“Oh no it’s okay I understand…but yeah just so you know you’re safe with them” I smiled kindly at her, trying my best to convey that I completely understood and she had nothing to worry about.

 

“Why did you transfer anyways?” Jeongyeon inquired, accepting the chocolate frog half that Seulgi offered her.

 

“I missed home” I let the smile grow on my face as I remembered how happy my parents where when they came to pick me up at the portkey point “My sister was offered a teaching position back at Ilvemorny just when I was about to start my 1st year and was offered a scholarship there. I was supposed to go to Mahoukotoro since both my parents went there but I decided to join my sister instead. I wanted an adventure, something new, something not even my parents knew about so…yeah”

 

“Whoa you’re so lucky” Lisa said, eyes gleaming with wonder “I was only invited here but here you are with three different offers from magical schools”

 

“Meh I think being part of a new revolutionary school project is waaay cooler so don’t be discouraged kid” Jeongyeon said, leaning forwards to ruffle the blonde’s head and smiling at the wide smile she got in return before turning to me “Uh no offense”

 

“None taken. As a matter of fact I agree. it’s why I chose to keep my studies here instead of Mahoukotoro. I mean who doesn’t want to be part of the school that changed the wizarding world’s history, where Harry Potter himself went?!”

 

“Well sorta” Sana cut in “It’s not Hogwarts Hogwarts but…close enough”

 

“Excuse you?! It was built with the same amount of powerful magic. THE Hermione Granger herself came here and helped build it from scratch and everyone knows how much of a perfectionist she is! It’s been acknowledged by Hogwarts alumni to be the perfect copy of it with the same secret passageways and it even has the Room of Requirements!” Jisoo exclaimed with her chest puffed out in pride.

 

“Jisoo is very passionate about it. Going to Hogwarts was her dream ever since she learned that her idol, Cho Chang, went there” Seulgi whispered, not wanting to interrupt the passionate rant the other girl was currently lost in about how great and better this new branch of the school was.

 

“And with reason, this school is very selective with its students, it took both my parents to come here personally for them to accept my transfer” I whispered back completely in awe at the facts Jisoo was throwing.

 

“Oh wow I did not know that. Hehe suddenly I feel better about myself” She giggled and I couldn’t help but coo at how childishly adorable she looked.

 

“…The Quidditch field here is even bigger than the one in England and-” Before Jisoo could continue, the light in the ceiling started to flicker a bright blue successfully interrupting her.

 

“Uh what does that mean?”

 

My curiosity could only grow bigger when I saw the rest of the girls hastily reach inside the cushions and take out seatbelts that they proceeded to put on.

 

“Oh you better put on your seatbelt unless you want to kiss the wall behind me” Momo grinned just after helping Sana with hers.

 

“Umm okay but why are there any?”

 

“We are about to go through the barrier and go into the sea” Seulgi enthusiastically said “We can only reach the school underwater if we want the muggles not to notice us so once we go through the train becomes a submarine and when we are about to arrive to the island that light there” She pointed at the still flickering bulb “Changes to purple which means that we must once again put on the seatbelts because we are going to break through the surface and go into the road again”

 

Wow that’s…wow

 

I knew this new school was filled with surprises but this is something completely unexpected and I was livin!

 

Just as I was about to say just that I felt myself being pulled forwards and suddenly I felt very grateful for Momo’s advice because I’m sure if I didn’t I would have made a nice Pollock on the wall in front as we went through the massive water wall.

 

As soon as it came it went away and one glance to the window on my left confirmed that we were now very much under the sea, the train’s exterior now glowing a bright white, powerful enough to light up kilometers upon kilometers of sea life.

 

“IS THAT AN ACTUAL MERMAID?!” Dahyun excitedly screamed in fascination at the waving creature at the right.

 

“Holy…they are real” Chaeyoung let out, letting herself fall back on the seat with a disbelieving smile plastered all in her face.

 

“I LOVE MAGIC!” Lisa yelled as she frantically waved at the different, sometimes glowing, creatures underwater.

 

“Watching 1st years see this for the first time never gets old” Jeongyeon grinned widely earning several nods from the rest.

 

“Hey so you never told me what year and house you girls are in” I asked once the high of seeing the beautiful scenery for the first time diminished.

 

“Oh right! Well Jeongyeon, Momo, Jisoo, Sana and I are all 3rd years like you. Momo and I are also Hufflepuffs” Seulgi answered fist-bumping her fellow puff.

 

“I’m a Gryffindor” Jeongyeon lazily smiled.

 

“Ravenclaw”

 

“Slytherin”

 

Both Jisoo and Sana answered respectively, surprising me by how well they all seem to get along despite being in different houses.

 

“There’s no house rivalry here?”

 

“Pffft that’s a thing of the past. Sure there’s still a few bigoted fools but those exist everywhere” Sana said right before sending me a flirty wink that made me blush deeply “Although if you like your Slytherins bad I can gladly become one”

 

“Yah Sanake there are children and Seulgi on board for Merlin’s sake” Jisoo scolded her and gestured to Momo to give her a karate chop on the head which she gladly did.

 

“Since you used to be a Horned-Serpent you’ll most likely end up in Ravenclaw” Dahyun mused, completely ignoring Sana’s moan of complain and call for help as the two other girls continued to mercilessly pinch her and tickle her in punishment for her inappropriate comment “I bet I’ll end up in Hufflepuff like the rest of my family”

 

“Wasn’t this branch of Hogwarts founded only 8 years ago?” Lisa thankfully voiced our question with a slight tilt of her head. So cute!

 

“Well yeah but my family has always been a fan of the school and even before this branch was created they used to send all their children there”

 

“Oh I see…well I just learned about the house system thanks to Jisoo-unnie so I really don’t know which house I’ll end up in”

 

“She was so adorable! She looked like a lost puppy when I found her in Jeongnam district while trying to buy her school supplies” Jisoo cooed while she scratched the younger girl under the chin like you would do with a pup.

 

“Arf!” Lisa barked back.

 

Okay I guess we are doing barking now

 

Totally cool with that

 

Totally normal, I thought.

 

And that, dear reader, was the first red flag I oh so foolishly ignored.

 

“You’re a muggleborn then?” I decided to focus on that instead “That’s great! I’ve always thought that muggleborns have a bigger advantage than us since they live in two different worlds and can implement both knowledge to make life so much easier and extraordinary”

 

“You’re so going to be on my house” Jisoo smirked giving me a slight punch on my shoulder causing me to awkwardly smile back at her not really knowing what else to do “If you really like reading you’re going to love our common room”

 

“Chae here is also a muggleborn but I don’t think she fits what you just said” Jeongyeon playfully pushed the shorter girl with her shoulder making the other girl yelp in protest.

 

“Yah I would fit very well there thank you very much. I am CREATIVE. You heard that? Cre-a-ti-ve. That’s one of Ravenclaw’s traits”

 

“So is intelligence, curiosity and wittiness and from what little I’ve seen you lack in those departments”

 

“Unnie!” Chaeyoung exclaimed, throwing herself at the taller girl and immediately starting another round of wrestling.

 

“How long have you two known each other?” I couldn’t help but ask, feeling beyond amused at their playful banter.

 

“Since this morning” Both replied at the same time not even blinking before going back to their wrestling.

 

“Aaah enough of the boring school chat let’s go for snacks!” Seulgi suddenly cut in as she stretched on her seat before unclasping her belt and being immediately followed by Momo who leaped from her seat in record time “What do you say Wen, wanna see the rest of the train?”

 

Nodding I quickly stood up and followed the two anxious girls out of the compartment, turning my head one last time when I heard Jisoo’s loud voice call from the booth just as we reached the end of the wing.

 

“DON’T FORGET THE BERTIE BOTTS!”

 

~~XX~~

 

“Wait Lady Gaga is a singer in the muggle world?! I thought she was just the winner of Witch Weekly’s sewing contest” I couldn’t help but yell at what Seulgi and Momo just revealed.

 

“Mhhmm her music is really good too!” Momo repeatedly shook her head, grabbing an armful of different candies and putting them in her bag before calling the amused lady on the trolley one last time “Can I have three pepper imps bags as well please? Sana loves those”

 

“Personally I didn’t like ‘Applause’ as much as her earlier stuff but is still very good and catchy” Seulgi continued the conversation filling her own bag till the brink with sweets.

 

“I still can’t believe the same Lady Gaga who used live Dugbog’s for a dress is a pop artist in the muggle world” I shook my head in astonishment.

 

This is exactly why I keep telling my parents to get one of those muggle TVs

 

“Are you done too sweetie?” The kind lady asked, a smile still wide on her face as she saw the two kids beside me happily munching on their obscene amount of candy.

 

“Ah yes I’ll just take this sugar quill and chocolate skeleton, thank you” I bowed quickly handing her the two galleons “Keep the change please”

 

“Thank you for the snacks Wendy” Seulgi chokes out through the mouthful of candies. Momo besides her gave me two big thumbs up with her cheeks full of chocolate.

 

“Is okay although remind me to never invite you two at the same time for something to eat ever again”

 

“Never!” Momo laughed pulling me in a side hug.

 

“Oh! We almost forgot to get the Bertie Botts. I’ll be here in a sec” Seulgi said quickly dashing back to the retreating lady.

 

“Ugh I don’t know how you guys can tolerate that stuff” I said doing little to hide how much it disgusted me.

 

Look I consider myself a very liberal person.

 

I don’t really like to judge

 

But Bertie Bott’s every flavor beans are for sure the most disgusting thing wizard kind have ever come up with.

 

I mean sure there were some cases where you did get nice, normal flavors but most of the time you got stuff like: Durian, Cauliflower, Ear wax, Rose Petal, Smashed fly and so on.

 

“I think they’re pretty good” Momo mused, munching on her liquorice wand “Once I got French fries and Carbonara Pasta on a row! I did get Flobberworm right after but it was worthy, I mean that must be some kind of record right?!”

 

“You just proved my point Mo” I laughed, ruffling her hair.

 

“Okay I got them. This is going to be awesome” Seulgi happily said, quickly linking arms with both of us and dragging us to our compartment.

 

Once we got back I think I saw my life flash before my eyes as the six girls there pounced on us to get at the sweets in our arms.

 

I’ve never seen such a bloody battle quite like that one. Sweet, bubbly Momo suddenly became a fierce, snarling lioness (badger?) ready to cut a if it meant getting their hands off her treasure. I wouldn’t have been surprised if I saw her crawl the walls to get them away.

 

Chaeyoung and Jisoo, whom I saw as the calmest of the bunch, didn’t waste any time to tackle Seulgi who, on the verge of tears, told me to protect her babies.

 

I had to jump and hide among the luggage to fend off the two inferi, known by the name of Sana and Dahyun while Jeongyeon and Lisa engaged in the fiercest 2 on 1 battle against “Nega-Momo”

 

“OKAY, OKAY ENOUGH!!” I yelled, throwing a hat to one of the inferi and drawing my wand to lift Momo’s own bag high in the air and to the safety of my arms “I’LL GIVE YOU CANDY JUST SIT DOWN OR NO ONE GET’S THE SNACKS”

 

R.I. P the Chocolate Frogs making a mess on the floor and the poor Sugared Butterfly Wings box victim of the game of tug of war between the two short-haired girls and MoMonster.

 

“Wendy please…tell my mom that I…love her” Seulgi dramatically said from her spot on the floor.

 

“Can you please go back to normal so I can sort the snacks?” I pleaded, feeling myself shake.

 

For what seemed like eternity, the girls finally calmed down and settled off in each of their seats almost resembling normal humans.

 

That was the second flag right there, dear reader, and unlike the last one I pretty much noticed. Why didn’t I just run you wonder? Well I was the new girl here and unlike the first years I was totally not expected to come there so you must know how awkward and hard it is to make friends in your first day under such circumstances so I thought: “Hey I’m actually very lucky that these kind (albeit crazy) girls took me in right away, let’s give them a second chance”

 

I thought that was the right decision, I really did until I later found out the horrifying truth about their unanimous love for the dreaded Bertie Bott’s…

 

Now back to the story:

 

“Do you need help getting down?” Jeongyeon asked from her spot, doing nothing to hide her amused smirk.

 

“And have you bit my arm off? No thank you” I politely declined, doing my best to not get intimate with the floor on my way down.

 

Dusting myself off, I took a glance at the savage culprits patiently waiting for me to hand off the goods.

 

Huh at least they had the decency to clean up.

 

“Okay Sana? Momo mentioned you liked the pepper imps so these are yours” I said, throwing the bags at her and quickly handing off the rest of the snacks.

 

“Hey, why do they have more snacks than us?” Dahyun pouted, hair turning a dark shade of blue.

 

“Wait a minute, Dahyun!” I gasped.

 

“Wendy-unnie!” She gasped back in mock surprise

 

“You’re a metamorphmagus!”

 

“You don’t say?” She giggled, hair turning a bright yellow now.

 

“That’s awesome! You…Merlin’s beard this is such an honor!”

 

“Yeah, yeah, Dahyunnie is awesome, whatever” Jisoo waved off “Let’s get to the important matter at hand. Why do the two gluttons have more snacks than all of us combined?”

 

“Because Wendy is nice and said we could have anything we wanted” Seulgi happily chirped from besides me, giving me a tight hug before stuffing her face once again with a cauldron cake.

 

“But we’re also your friends now” Lisa pouted

 

“Next time I’ll buy you extra snacks as well Lisa”

 

Thankfully that was enough to end the argument (not before agreeing to treat the other girls as well thus resulting in my bank account suffering a serious hit that year) and move on onto the next.

 

“Alright everyone is time!” Sana announced, standing up and motioning the rest to let their snacks down and pulling out the box of Bertie Botts high in the air “For you newbies who don’t know about this, every year Momoring, Jeongyeonnie, ‘Soo-ya, Ddeulgi and me play this awesome game right before arriving at Hogwarts it’s our little tradition so you must play okay? Now ‘Soo-ya please do the honors!”

 

With that Jisoo took out a bunch of coins from her pocket and transfigurated them into a very neat glass vase for Sana to pour up the whole box of Bertie Botts in.

 

“This is: Bertie Bott’s Annual Russian Roulette!” Jeongyeon joined in, earning wild clapping from the rest of the 3rd years.

 

“…The what now?”

 

“Russian Roulette! Muggles play this all the time” Seulgi beamed “The rules are simple: You just go ahead and pick a bean, write what flavor it is on the parchment in Momo’s hand and if it’s something bad you must control your facial expressions if you don’t swallow it then you’re out. Each round the amount of beans increases until there’s only one of us left”

 

“Uhh what if I don’t want to play?”

 

“You must!” Momo quickly interjected “Is part of the rules! Every occupant must play! Wendy-ah pleeeease~”

 

As soon as the aegyo was out I knew I was doomed

 

Do I still qualify to enter the Ravenclaw house if I agree on doing this VERY bad idea?

 

Probably not but then again…I’ve always been weak to cute girls and Jisoo was a Ravenclaw so I guess there might be a loop hole somewhere or missed some kind of memo…

 

“O-okay”

 

“Yeeey!” Everyone exclaimed ing their hands forwards to pick one already.

 

The first round went fairly well given how everyone got normal, acceptable flavors and no one got eliminated. I could definitely breathe in relief when I got corn instead of the grass Chaeyoung got. We were about to engage in the second round with two beans each when we were interrupted by the door suddenly sliding open.

 

“UNNIES!!” A very tall, black-haired girl already in her Hogwarts uniform whined before throwing herself at Jisoo’s side and completely ignored the scolding words the smaller girl that used to be besides her gave her.

 

“Joy!” I heard Seulgi happily clap besides me “You’re here! Hi Jihyo, how are you?”

 

“Boo I can’t believe you all started playing without me” The Joy girl pouted, dramatically draping herself even further into Jisoo’s hold and putting a hand to her forehead “And here I was doing everything in my power to arrive on time, opening door after door trying to find you only to find what? You heartlessly betraying me, starting the game without me!”

 

I was taken aback by the loud wailing as well as the tears streaming down her face. I was even more so when the other girl still at the door only rolled her eyes, completely unbothered by the scene.

 

“I’m sorry for her dramatics I wish I could say she’s not usually like that but…” She [Jihyo] said to us (Chaeyoung, Dahyun, Lisa and I) who were the only one confused by the bizarre display.

 

“Aaaaw is that true Joy?” Sana cooed, hugging the taller girl tightly.

 

“Mmmhmm I even broke a sweat and you know how much I hate sweating. Ask Jihyo”

 

“She really did” Jihyo shook her head in disapproval “She caused quite the ruckus as well, yelling how she wouldn’t make it on time and pushing aside everyone who stood in the way”

 

“And I was right!”

 

“Well you’re here now so the real game start’s now” Momo grinned “We’ll just start from 2 beans. Jihyo are you playing?”

 

“Sure, I’m already here anyways” She shrugged, taking a seat right on the floor in front of us. Before continuing though, she gave us a beautiful smile and properly addressed us “To the new faces. Hi, I’m Park Jihyo, second year Gryffindor and that dramatic idiot over there is Park Sooyoung, second year and fellow Gryffindor as well. I hope we can get along”

 

With introductions out of the way we once again continued the dreadful game and just as expected it kept getting worse and worse with each round.

 

Some foods are really not meant to be together okay?

 

Why didn’t I just lose on purpose you ask? Well I hate to admit this but I can be quite…competitive sometimes and maaaaybe, just maybe I wanted to impress them

 

I know, completely stupid of me now that I look back on it but alas I did say I used to be a naïve, little fool back in the day, right?

 

And it was that foolery that landed me on the finals, facing off against the smug and mighty Joy.

 

My first impression of her couldn’t have been more wrong even if I tried to. I thought she was this cry-baby that would be easily defeated in such a ruthless game but to my utter surprise the girl was a complete master at hiding her expressions.

 

Last round she got vomit, cinnamon, celery, beef, raisins and ginger for crying out loud!

 

“I must say…I’m impressed newbie” She smirked, calmly chewing off the beans “After that combo of mayo, dragon fruit, mint, parchment, earth and sesame I was sure you would crack”

 

“I was too” I mumbled desperately chugging the water Jihyo was kind enough to bring “Why do you guys enjoy doing this again?”

 

“It’s fun” She shrugged, gracefully accepting the water I passed her “It separates the weak from the strong. Don’t you love the thrill?”

 

“No” I immediately answered, earning loud laughs from the rest of the girls.

 

“Why are you still going then?” She chuckled, picking her next two beans.

 

I was beyond glad when there was only four left and we had to split them up so we could end this nightmare “Mama didn’t raise a quitter” I said before throwing the two last beans on my mouth at once.

 

“GO WENDY!” I heard Seulgi, Momo, Chaeyoung and Jihyo cheer as the others clapped for Joy.

 

Oh thank Merlin!

 

I was blessed

 

I truly was

 

It was pine nuts and coconut water vs garlic and rubber and guess who got what?

 

I swear I could hear a chorus of angels welcoming me at heaven’s doors

 

Or that’s how the girl’s wolf whistles and excited screams felt like.

 

“Congratulation you just lost” I widened my eyes at Joy’s smug statement.

 

“What?!”

 

“You’re face spelled pure bliss just now” Joy said, face remaining stone cold despite the amusement in her voice “The rules are that once you reach the last round you can’t make any facial expression”

 

“What? No that’s not how it goes!”

 

“Ummm it actually does” Lisa apologetically smiled “Jisoo-unnie said so just before last round”

 

“But I-I…all of that for nothing?!” I felt dejected, I really did.

 

“Cheer up unnie” Joy finally grinned, happily reaching out to squeeze my shoulder “You’re officially second best at this game right after me and that’s a huge feat if I do say so myself”

 

“I hate this game” I pouted, slumping back on my seat in utter defeat.

 

Oh the bittersweet taste of being bested at something for the first time was definitely scarring

 

And an omen

 

It was just the beginning, for years later, I would continue to taste it in many different ways.

 

“Guys, guys you must go back to your compartment now” Jeongyeon pointed out to her fellow Gryffindors as soon as the light started to flicker purple.

 

“Aaaw can’t we stay here with you?” Joy whined.

 

“No. Let’s go now” Jihyo pulled her off, doing a majestic work of avoiding the girl's flailing limbs as she tried to get back.

 

“But I want to stay longer, it wasn’t my fault you chose the wrong side of the train Jihyo-ah!”

 

“Excuse me? You were the one who insisted on not looking for them and letting them find us instead”

 

“But-”

 

“No, buts” I know, dear reader, a stern Jihyo is a very attractive Jihyo “See you at the great hall girls. Dahyun, Chaeyoung, Lisa, Wendy good luck!”

 

“Waaait for meeee Wendyyyy” Joy blew me a kiss just before being dragged out by Jihyo and successfully throwing me out of guard.

 

“What was that?”

 

Everyone just shrugged at my question with Momo mumbling an “That’s how she normally is” for good measure.

 

“Hey, hey unnie at least you demonstrated how badass you are. You didn’t win the game but you got the girl” Lisa winked, high-fiving Chaeyoung when the short-haired girl gave her an appreciative nod.

 

“Yeah, besides you have an iron stomach right there hehe” Dahyun added, patting my stomach for emphasis.

 

“I’m not sure about that” I groaned as soon as I felt the knot tightening in my stomach.

 

I really, really hate Bertie Bott’s

 

~~XX~~

 

If I didn’t think that having engaged in that awful game was a mistake before I definitely thought so when I was up in the great hall along with the first years waiting to be sorted and felt my stomach doing all sorts of painful summersaults.

 

“Are you okay unnie?” Dahyun whispered beside me, concern lacing her words.

 

“I…I don’t think so” I groaned in reply, eyesight getting blurry by the seconds.

 

She opened to say something in return but before she could she was called by the deputy headmistress and Ravenclaw’s head of house, Seo Juhyun or Seohyun for short.

 

“Kim Dahyun” She called before the slightly nervous girl rushed to the front and sat on the stool. Her hair going from light orange to purple in a matter of seconds before going back to a honey-blonde when the hat yelled “HUFFLEPUFF”

 

Everyone at the black and yellow table erupted in applause and cheerful whistles. From where I was I could see Seulgi and Momo jumping up and down in excitement as they watched the beaming metamorphmagus make her way there and being greeted by a tomboyish girl who hugged her tightly in welcome and lead her to where the other puffs were.

 

“Aww Dahyunnie is so lucky. Out of all the houses they have been the ones most excited to get new housemates” Lisa commented wishfully looking at them.

 

“I’m…sure you’ll be greeted…just as warmly” I managed to croak out, feeling another wave of contraptions hit me.

 

“Unnie? What’s wrong?” She asked as soon as she looked at me, eyes widening in worry “Dang is that a rash?! Chaeyoung, Chaeyoung”

 

“Mmmm?” She mindlessly hummed, gaze still stuck on that tall, beautiful kid that was sorted into Ravenclaw a few minutes ago, Chou Tzuyu.

 

“Look at Wendy-unnie!” She whisper-yelled, slapping her arm repeatedly to get her attention.

 

“Jesus Christ Lisa what?!” She snapped finally looking away “Holy…unnie you’re all red!”

 

“Am I now?”

 

“Yeah! I think we should-” Lisa started just to be cut off once again by Seohyun.

 

“Manoban Lisa!”

 

“Uhhmm” She started unsurely, only going after I nodded, signaling her that it was okay, that I was fine even though I totally wasn’t.

 

After only 2 minutes the hat yelled “GRYFFINDOR!” and earned another round of loud clapping by the lions at the Gryffindor table; Jeongyeon, Jihyo and Joy being the loudest.

 

“Wendy, do you want me to call a teacher? I think you should get some help” Chaeyoung asked besides me.

 

“No, I’m sure is just an upset stomach it will go away” I waved off mustering the biggest smile I could to reassure her (spoiler alert: it was not very effective) “Really, I’ll be fine. I don’t want you to miss your sorting”

 

“But what about the rash?” She insisted, placing a hand on my forehead and shaking her head “You have a fever as well”

 

“I’m fine. Look we are going next”

 

And right as if on cue Chaeyoung’s name was called, thankfully stopping whatever reply she had in mind.

 

Why was I so insistent on not getting treated despite my obvious discomfort? Good question and no, this time it wasn’t because I was stupid but because I was noble. You see how could I spoil the very precious moment that is your first sorting for them huh? I knew that as soon as I accepted their help they would ask to accompany me and that was a big no-no.

 

To my amusement Chaeyoung’s astonished face almost made me forget all about my pain when the hat roared a “GRYFFINDOR” above her head. Making even professor Seohyun snort when she let out a:

 

“What, I’m stuck with Jeongyeon now?!”

 

“Son Seungwan” Finally it was my turn to be sorted and I couldn’t wait to get this over with.

 

As you can see, dear reader, I am a surprisingly good actor as I strode my way confidently to the stool where professor Seohyun stood waiting to put the hat on my head giving little to no sign of my discomfort.

 

“Not your first sorting I see” The shockingly human voice echoed inside my head slightly throwing me off “I see you chose being a Horned-Serpent at that. Quite the thirst for knowledge you’ve got right there as well as an insatiable curiosity…yeah I can see why that house would claim you but you’re very kind as well, you can’t handle seeing someone else suffering and would readily put yourself in the face of danger for the sake of helping them. No wonder the Pukwudgie house claimed you as well…Very interesting indeed…You would fit very well in Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Gryffindor child, very well…but at the end you do choose knowledge above all else…before sorting you my child I advise you to get that allergy treated immediately is not safe for you to roam the castle in that state”

Before I could asked it what allergy it was talking about it roared:

 

“RAVENCLAW!!”

 

Professor Seohyun’s hand on my shoulders finally snapped me out of it and quickly made me get on my feet. An awful decision for as soon as I did the room started to spin, my breathing getting shallower and shallower by the seconds and as if fate was mocking me I started to feel it…the single most dreaded thing you could feel when standing in front of a crowd of people. The insane want to take a dump.

 

“Seungwan-ssi?” I heard professor Seohyun call in worry.

 

“Professor…please…help” I whispered before feeling my world crashing down by the crushing feeling of embarrassment.

 

Aaaand that’s the story of how in my first day at a new school I managed to myself in front of a thousand people as well as the day I found out I had a pine nut allergy.

 

And to what do I owe the embarrassment?

 

Yes, The Bertie Bott’s of course.

 

Not only did they make me go through the single most embarrassing moment in my entire life but also locked me in with the group of adorable weirdoes I arrived with for life since they were the only ones to actually understand my situation back then.

 

Now I know you could argue that I just got incredibly unlucky with the allergy thing and that I should’ve seen it coming from the moment they burst into my otherwise quiet and pacific train compartment looking like they just barely got out of trouble (which they did. Turns out they were escaping from a group of angry students who found them putting dung bombs in their luggage). But you see that’s normal, kids do that all the time, pranks on the first day of term are almost always a given, so really I wasn’t bothered by that.

 

What’s not normal is for them to all have one, very important thing, in common.

 

Yes, you guessed it. They all liked, enjoyed even, the damned Bertie Bott’s.

 

As the year went by and I became a prefect I spent those years asking several troublemakers (aside from my own group) if they liked them to test my theory and guess what? They did!

 

I asked more occasional, laid back troublemakers if they liked them and do you know what they answered? NO! OF COURSE THEY DIDN’T LIKE THE AWFUL THING! THEY’RE NORMAL PEOPLE!

 

Straight O student didn’t even hesitate to express how much they hated the disgusting snack.

 

Conclusion: Bertie Bott’s every flavored beans are for those odd, not-right-in-the-head people only.

 

Now if you’ve managed to over look that one important piece of advice or were too late to avoid it then I welcome you to step 2 of this guide and hopefully it will help you later on in your life to avoid any more danger so please turn to the next page.