On nights I can't sleep, I dream of you...

...with eyes wide open. I keep replaying the moment you entered the room of our Geography 1 class because that was the exact moment you came into my life. Your hair was disheveled and you had this scowl on your face. I guessed you woke up late and had to rush to class that day because you arrived just five minutes before it started. Still, despite your furrowed brow and annoyed expression, I could not help but admire the way you look. I remember thinking I could look at you forever. I did not believe in love at first sight (I still don't) but, at that moment, there was something deep inside me wanting to reach out to you. A pull. Like a moth to a flame.

I might have stared at you longer had my seatmate not cleared his throat and brought me back to reality. It was a general education elective and none of my coursemates had taken the same subject, but it did not really bother me. I had always prided myself for being independent, anyway. Plus, based on the syllabus there seemed to be no group activity for the whole semester — an information I was happy about until you walked through that door. A group project would give me at least a chance to get to know you but there was no way I would introduce myself to someone for no reason at all. Not even if that someone was a tall, grumpy guy with great eyes, lips, and hair.

You took the only vacant seat in the first row which made me seated two rows behind and three seats to your left. I could perfectly see your side profile and if I had been an irresponsible student, I would just stare at you the whole time. But I was not, so I resorted to stealing glances every time the professor would walk over to your side. He was discussing some basic geographic concepts and calling out random people from the class list.

"Mr. Cho? Who's Mr. Cho Kyuhyun?" the professor looked around and you raised your hand. I cannot remember what he asked you but I remember how fast my heartbeats were when I heard your voice for the first time. It was low and rich and reminded me of a hot chocolate drink.

"Kyuhyun," I repeated your name under my breath. I liked the way it sounded. I liked the way it felt right coming out of my lips. And I might have been out of my mind for having these thoughts when the only thing I knew about you was your name but I did not care. I figured it was the hopeless romantic in me and, anyway, a happy crush would not hurt anyone. Or so I thought.

The professor continued on with discussing some basic concepts until the class ended. When he left, I took one last look at you and my heart almost jumped out of my chest when I saw you looking right at me. You raised your hand to wave and I looked away. In my head I was panicking.

Should I wave back? Why is he even waving at me? My thoughts were racing and I was stuck in place.

"Kyuhyun! What happened to you?" the person beside me laughed and walked over to your direction. I let out the breath I did not realize I was holding as I watched you talk to my seatmate. I bet you were recalling the events of that morning before you got to class because you were wearing that scowl again. And I had to force myself to leave the room because I swear I could have stared at your puffed cheeks and pouty lips for hours.

The class was only for an hour and a half but you were on my mind the whole day.

On nights I can't sleep, I think of you...

...and how you smiled at me the first time. It was the second meeting for our class and I got to the room a little later than the first day. That morning I convinced myself that you were not the reason I spent an hour choosing an outfit and fixing my hair, but we now know that it was a lie. This is the only time I'm admitting this but you were also the reason I was wearing my favorite maroon sweatshirt that day. I just thought it looked really good on me and I wanted to look my best.

To my luck, or lack thereof, traffic was heavy on my way to the university and I made it just ten minutes before class. I consoled myself with the promise of seeing you again for a whole hour and a half, but was surprised that a brown leather backpack was already on my seat when I got there. The seat that had the perfect view of you! I was sure I was at the right place because there was the familiar royal blue duffel bag of the guy I was sitting next to last time. Thinking that there was no use fighting someone for a mere chair, I was about to turn around to look for another one when I heard a familiar voice from behind.

"Hi! Is it okay if I sit here?" I turned and found you smiling at me. You were even more beautiful when you smile. Your eyes looked so soft and shining. Normally, I'd retort with some sarcastic remark about why you were still asking me when you already put your bag on my chair, but I was too stunned to say anything.

"Oh, uhm..that's fine. I'm just gonna transfer to another seat," I said, probably a little too fast because I wanted to get away from you at that moment. I thought my heart was going to combust if I stayed close to you for another second. I've only taken three steps away from you when I heard your voice again.

"Hey!"

"Me?," I asked, confused as to why you were still talking to me.

"Yes, you," and then your smile got wider and I almost fell off my feet. "Why don't you take the seat beside me? There's no fixed seating anyway."

"Oh. I...I guess I can," I sounded unsure and you gave a little laugh. I bet you didn't know my heart was doing somersaults inside my chest with every little thing you did and it was so annoying how I could not make it stop.

"I'm Cho Kyuhyun, by the way" You offered your hand and I took it.

"Kim Ryeowook” I might have looked calm on the outside but everything inside me was screaming. Normally, I was good at stirring up conversations and making friends but in front of you I was so tongue tied.

"Nice meeting you, Ryeowook," you said with the most beautiful smile. I sheepishly smiled back and took out my laptop to get ready for the class. I took the seat to your right and you settled down in yours.

What is happening to me?

"So, Ryeowook, wha-" you started saying but got interrupted by the arrival of my previous seatmate.

"Kyu," he sounded exhausted as he sat down to the seat on your left. "The line at the canteen is so long. I thought I would not make it on time!" He noticed me seated beside you and smiled at me as handed you a can of coke and a sandwich. He must have remembered me from last meeting.

"Hey! Why did you steal my cute seatmate?," he said and I felt my face heat up a little.

"Sorry, Hyuk, he's my cute seatmate now," you replied and turned to wink at me. I turned my head to my screen so fast I thought my neck was going to break. Good thing the professor already entered the room and saved me from any further embarrassment.

That day. The day when you first smiled at me. The day when you first talked to me. I consider that one of the best days of my life.

After the professor dismissed us, we found out that the three of us - you, me, and Hyukjae – had  free period right after. You invited me to hang out at your favorite coffee shop and I agreed because I had nothing else to do and I honestly wanted to get to know you more.

From then on, Tuesdays and Thursdays became my favorite days of the week. We would hang out at the cafe every after class to talk about everything and nothing. Hyukjae came up with the rule of no talking about academic requirements so we could fully enjoy that short one-hour break. And in those short moments, I got to know both of you better.

It turned out you and Hyukjae were friends since high school and were both majoring in business. He was a man with an easy smile and an outgoing personality. He made me laugh a lot with the way he told stories - stories about himself, your classmates, your professors, the latest gossip, you name it. But the most interesting to me were his stories involving you, and about you.

In his anecdotes and with every moment we spent together at the cafe, I learned more about you. I learned that you were a math genius in high school and quite the "popular nerd," as Hyukjae would put it. I bet I would have been one of your admirers, if I went to the same school.

I also noticed that you could be mischievous, but in a charming way. You engaged me in playful banters and I think that was the reason I became comfortable with you very easily. So comfortable in your presence that I caught myself yearning for it more as the semester went on.

This set-up continued on week after week until one Tuesday, on the second to the last week of the semester, Hyukjae missed a class. It was almost final week and requirements were already piling up. All the late-night studying, and balancing it with practices with the dance club he had joined, must have caught up with him and put a strain on his body. So, for the first time since the start of the semester, it was just the two of us hanging out at the cafe.

I considered making up an excuse to get out of it but, as you know, I am not very good at lying. You would have caught me before I even opened my mouth. So we went. Together. Just the two of us.

The logical part of my mind was trying to reason with me that there should be nothing weird with two friends just hanging out, but I could not hear it over the beating of my heart. Still, I had to pretend that everything was normal. We went to the cafe, you lined up to order, and I searched for a vacant table like we always do. Normal. Everything was normal. Except it was not...at least not for me.

I was still trying to calm myself when you came back with our orders - iced americano for you and this time, instead of my usual latte, I opted for a hot chocolate drink. You placed the glasses on the round table and took the seat directly opposite from me.

"You know, my ex used to hate drinking hot chocolate in the middle of the day. He said it makes him want to sleep right after," you said as you sat down. For some reason, my mood dropped and I was suddenly irritated. What's wrong with hot chocolate? I was going to ask but then I realized...

"He?" I asked, surprised. I've talked about my ex-boyfriend in high school so you knew I was not straight but you have only ever talked about your ex-girlfriends.

"Last time I checked, he's a he," you said with a smirk and winked. I must have looked so flustered because next thing I knew you were laughing uncontrollably in front of me.

"Your face is almost the same color as your shirt now," you managed to get out in between laughter. I looked down at the shirt I was wearing - my favorite maroon sweatshirt; the same one I wore when we first went to this coffee shop.

"Shut up," I said and looked around the place, desperate to find something to divert the topic.

"But you know, Wook," you said seriously. The sudden change in tone made me look back at you. "I should stop talking about my exes because I'm looking forward to the future now," you continued and I did not know what to say.

You were staring right into me and your eyes were filled with something I've never seen before. Like they were not just looking at me. Like they were talking to something deep within me, and I could not find the right words to describe it but, somehow, I understood.

Seconds passed but it seemed we were frozen in time.

One..two...three...I had to say something.

"R-right," I said, breaking eye contact. I took a deep breath to collect myself before speaking again; more casually this time. "But I miss going out on dates to be honest. Just enjoying another person's company." I flashed my best attempt at a non-nervous smile.

"Like what we're doing right now?," you asked. There was a hint of playfulness in your voice but your eyes…They wore the same expression as they did just moments ago and I was flustered yet again.

"I–…No–… I mean–"

You did not even wait for me to finish as you lean over and whispered, "You know this already seems like a date, why don't we make it an official one?"

And I was sure my face that moment was already redder than my shirt.