A shiver rattled Doyoung‘s body as strong arms wrapped around his body and pulled him close to the warmth he was craving more than anything. It was that time of the year again. Summer break, time for Mark and him to visit Mark‘s best friend Johnny in Chicago while his parents were on vacation like the past 4 years. It was supposed to be the most exciting time of the year filled with only laughter and good experiences, but this year was rather torture for Doyoung after what happened last time.
Luckily Johnny and Doyoung managed to act normal around each other but it was hard for the latter, he could barely control himself in Johnny‘s presence. His height, the way he looked so ridiculously handsome and smelled like summer, his warm voice and tender touches, his smile, his laugh and ever so tired looking eyes. Doyoung wanted to punch himself right in the face for the way Johnny had him basically swooning over him by just doing the bare minimum.
It was complicated since Johnny acted so cold towards him, well, not cold necessarily but so not like in those two nights, like they never happened.
Doyoung was sure he couldn’t have imagined it though.
He could still feel Johnny‘s hands and lips burn on his skin, could still hear his soft moans ring in his ears, feel his hot breath on his lips as Johnny was taking him to the moon, could still remember all the things he whispered to him.
Doyoung‘s knees got all weak at the memories which wouldn’t stop haunting him. On one hand he was happy that they wouldn‘t stay for two entire weeks at Johnny‘s place like they usually did, but on the other it pained him to have less of him this year. 

He wanted to know, wanted to know about his feelings about last time, didn’t want to let go of the one he felt so much for, but at the same time he wasn’t ready to spend that much time with Johnny.

One year passed since the incident, one year of no contact, no conversation about it, just silence and overwhelming waves of worries and sadness washing over Doyoung late at night when he couldn‘t fight it. He knew he shouldn’t blame Johnny entirely for the lack of communication but he still couldn’t help doing so every now and then. 
It was obvious how Doyoung felt, wasn’t it? Why wouldn’t Johnny initiate a conversation? Why would he leave him hanging like that? He probably didn’t care, Doyoung told himself over and over again. It was just , wasn’t it?
Johnny probably wasn’t the type to lose himself in fantasies and what-if scenarios like Doyoung did, but the latter couldn’t stop no matter how often he told himself it wasn’t healthy.

Mark had no idea about it and Doyoung couldn’t talk to him about it either though that would have been the best possible thing to do.
He tried many times to open up and confess to Mark that he actually had with his best friend downstairs in the living room after a night of just cuddling and kissing while he was fast asleep, but he felt embarrassed and weird for hitting on Mark’s best friend. He wasn’t sure if that was an okay thing to do and neither did he want to possibly make Johnny feel uncomfortable by revealing what happened. It was a matter between him and Doyoung after all. Still, he craved the comfort of a friend, Mark’s helpful words in the times of a crisis. Sure he could have told someone else, Taeyong, his best friend, but he didn’t know Johnny like Mark did. All that Doyoung wanted was some insight on him and his emotional world, his way of handling love, and relationships in general.
He couldn’t get it from anyone except Mark or Johnny himself and the latter possibility made him feel dizzy and breathless.

...

It was their last night at Johnny’s place and Doyoung couldn’t sleep. He was excited for the coming week, for new experiences he could gain with Mark in different places but at the same time flashbacks of last summer kept creeping in his mind, little snippets of moments he and Johnny shared. How Johnny made him laugh, moments when their eyes met and they were unable to break eye contact, when they were standing or walking unnecessarily close to each other and moments in which Doyoung felt like leaning in and grabbing Johnny by the hand to kiss him on spot. He smiled. The memories made him feel almost as excited as he felt back then. He could still remember the moment he noticed that he was hopelessly falling for the other. 

It was a night when they were sat by the fire outside in Johnny’s garden. Doyoung was freezing so Johnny insisted on bringing him a blanket although Doyoung told him it was fine and that he would probably warm up soon. When he came back he lovingly wrapped the blanket around Doyoung by hugging him from behind with two edges of the blanket in his hands, his chin soon resting on Doyoung’s shoulder.
While Mark was busy giggling at the scene and Johnny laughing into Doyoung’s left ear, the latter felt like his heart just stopped beating. He caught himself slowly leaning back against Johnny’s chest not expecting that it would cause the other to lose balance and fall back onto his , pulling a yelping Doyoung down with him. With Marks now loud laughter echoing in the background, Doyoung found himself seated between Johnny’s legs, his back still against the other’s chest and as he turned his head to check if Johnny was okay the latter’s face was a little too close to his own for Doyoung’s heart to handle.
“You okay?” Johnny chuckled and Doyoung gulped. Okay. Yeah, he was okay he guessed.
“Yeah.” He huffed and before he knew Johnny was already back up on his legs, offering him a hand. 

Johnny was always so considerate, sweet, nice, gentle, a little loud and extra at times but so funny and easy going. If summer was a person, to Doyoung, it would have been Johnny.
He felt so drawn to him. He was so different, not like any other guy he met before, the exact opposite of Doyoung and the latter couldn’t get enough of it, of him. He was his source of serotonin, like a drug to him. 

It hurt so much that things were like this now. 

Just minutes after Doyoung’s little excursion in his memories he could hear Johnnys bed creak before he got out of it, walking past Doyoung and Mark on soft feet to leave the room. What was weird though was the fact that he closed the door behind him. Usually if one of them had to use the bathroom at night they would leave the door open to avoid making unnecessary much noise that could interrupt someone’s sleep.
Frowning, Doyoung checked the time on his phone before he rolled on his back, his head turned towards the figure next to him. Mark was still peacefully sleeping, his breath steady and soft. He didn’t seem to have noticed, so Doyoung let his eyes wander to focus on the ceiling of the room. He didn’t know how much time passed but it took Johnny really long to return and as he turned back on his right to check the time once more his lock screen told him that it was a little over 30 minutes. Doyoung’s front teeth sank in his bottom lip, his legs feeling restless.
Should he look for him?
What a dumb question. Of course he wanted to check on him, he was just scared of facing Johnny on his own. 

He waited a couple more minutes in hopes to gain more courage. Once he did, he pulled all of it together and sneaked out of the room, hoping Mark wouldn’t notice the two being gone. He was exhausted earlier and a heavy sleeper anyway. Doyoung yet took extra caution in being as quiet as possible as he closed the door behind him.
With slow steps Doyoung sneaked around the upper floor , carefully checking every room for light. As he was sure that Johnny wasn’t in any of the rooms upstairs he decided to make his way downstairs. 

On his way down and with his heartbeat roaring in his ears he noticed the lights of the pool were . He gulped, memories of Johnny’s body glowing in the soft blue light immediately flooding his mind.
‘Not now.’ He told himself and shook his head, trying to block those memories out of his mind even when it felt impossible. He would give everything to be so close to Johnny one more time. 

Hesitantly, he walked through the dark living room which was only illuminated by the lights outside, approaching the terrace door which was slid open, his eyes on a figure sitting in a beach chair by the pool and of course it was no other than Johnny.
Doyoung wondered what he was doing there so late at night, guessing that he most likely wasn’t able to fall asleep and just wanted to kill some time, but Doyoung couldn't get the thought out of his head that this was the perfect opportunity to talk to Johnny about last year.
Could he though? He was already standing there for about a minute trying to figure out what to say to him and he hated how awful he was at expressing his feelings. He was more the type to show someone by actions, this whole talking thing drove him insane. Maybe it wasn’t supposed to happen after all and he should just turn around and pretend he never looked for Johnny in the first place.

“How much longer did you plan to just stand there and stare at me?” Johnny’s voice suddenly rang in Doyoung’s ears and caught him off guard. Oh no.
How did he know he was there? Was his heart really pounding as loud as it sounded to himself?
Doyoung’s voice got trapped in his throat as he tried to say something, anything to not embarrass himself any further but all that slipped past his dry lips was a strangled noise.
Johnny chuckled and turned his head towards Doyoung and away from his phone which he had been staring at this whole time. “You okay?” He asked, reaching for an energy drink on the  table next to him.
“You shouldn’t drink that stuff this late at night.” Doyoung more or less blurted out, wanting to punch himself in the face right away. What kind of reply was that.
It was Johnny’s smirk that he swore hurt even more than a punch in the face and was a better punishment for his stupidity. He should have already learned that Johnny loved Doyoung’s clumsiness when it came to quick responses and that the other would always about it, loved to make him feel nervous. He didn’t need that kind of interaction now, he felt so very weak in Johnny’s presence anyway.

“I’m not the one who’s supposed to get out of bed in 5 hours and have a 7 hours drive.” Johnny raised an eyebrow at Doyoung before leaning over to pat the cushion on the chair next to his, a little too close to his to be specific. “Have a seat.” Doyoung could already smell Johnny’s intoxicating scent from two meters away, so he shook his head.
“No thanks.” He kindly declined, fumbling the seam of his oversized sweatshirt which he bought a couple of days ago. Johnny told him it looked good on him, so of course he had to get it.
“I just wanted to check if you're okay.”
“Is that so..”
Doyoung felt his heart stop the second Johnny looked at him with a questioning smile on his lips. Was this lie too obvious or?
Johnny sighed before drinking another sip from his drink and picking up his phone again, already unlocking it. “Well then... Good night. You’ve got a big day ahead of you. Get as much rest as possible.”
“Yeah.. you’re right. Thanks, good night to you, too. Hope you’ll be able to sleep soon.” Doyoung said quietly, his hands still playing with his sweatshirt. He wanted to leave and go back inside, but his legs wouldn’t move. All he could do was just stand there and stare at Johnny and silently hate him for lounging there in nothing but boxers.
‘It’s useless.’ Doyoung told himself in mind once again. ‘Let go.’

“Is there something bothering you?”

Doyoung could hear Johnny put down his drink and phone again before he turned his body towards him with a concerned expression on his face. Doyoung shook his head, laughing nervously and throwing another half assed lie towards Johnny.
“I don’t know. I guess I'm just nervous. You know.. traveling somewhere else. I-I.. Yeah, I’m gonna go to bed.” He flashed Johnny a forced, toothy smile before finally being able to move his legs and walk back inside. A heavy sigh fell from his lips in relief, though he felt like throwing up at the same time. How much he wished they weren’t as awkward with each other.
Before he could think any further about their ed up relationship his ears suddenly caught the sound of steps behind him just before a hand grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around.
The moment Doyoung tilted his head up and his eyes met Johnny’s in the dark of the room his heart skipped a beat.
He felt so weak, so helpless in front of Johnny who was gazing down at him with slightly furrowed brows and half lidded eyes.
“Is it because of last time?” Johnny asked, his voice deep and soft and for a moment Doyoung wondered why until he remembered that Mark was sleeping upstairs.
It was a question which sent Doyoung into full panic mode. Yes, of course it was because of last time, but how could he admit that when Johnny didn’t care anyway?

He scoffed, trying his best to create distance between them and to avoid an in depth conversation which would possibly lead to him voicing his true feelings.
“No? It was just so what should be the matter?”
“Just ?” Johnny dug deeper, the crinkles on his forehead more prominent and his hold on Doyoung’s shoulder tightening as he pulled him closer once Doyoung tried to back away. With his eyes still staring into Doyoung’s soul, the latter felt trapped, his eyes betraying him just seconds later as tears grazed his waterline. He knew that it was very visible to the other since he was facing the pool and the light was shining right in his face and he absolutely hated it, hated that he was so sensitive, how weak he was, that a simple question could break him and make him give in to the situation.
He bit back a whimper, feeling how Johnny’s hold loosened before his hand slowly traveled down to Doyoung’s.
“It doesn’t look like that to me.” Johnny whispered, interlacing their fingers. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.” Doyoung’s voice cracked and he let his eyes flutter shut, releasing the tears he held back before, his quivering bottom lip trapped between his teeth. He couldn’t do it, he didn’t want to talk to Johnny about it. He couldn’t handle the possibility of hearing Johnny actually say it out loud, say that he didn’t have feelings for him.
For once the unknown didn’t scare Doyoung but was his safe space.

His panicking mind screamed at him to run away, to hide in Johnny’s bedroom so they weren't able to talk because of Mark. So, he did the only reasonable thing that moment and pulled his hand out of Johnny’s, ready to turn around and storm off, but before he could do so, Johnny’s voice reached his ears once more, a shiver rolling through his entire body.
“Why not? I feel like we should.”
It was the moment Doyoung’s mood switched. The frustration, the sadness, the bottled up anger towards Johnny, it all overwhelmed him at once.
“And what are you gonna tell me then?” Doyoung hissed at him, his eyes still burning, body trembling. He couldn’t believe he actually stayed to continue this conversation, but he couldn’t stand how blind Johnny acted towards him and his very obvious reasons.
“What do you mean?”
“You never messaged me. We never talked about it. It just happened and I guess you're okay with that. Wasn’t it just to you?” Doyoung asked, his voice louder than before and he could have sworn that he saw a hint of fear in Johnny’s eyes. It took the other a moment to reply and Doyoung felt like he was about to explode.
“Why would you think that?” Johnny asked back, his voice sounding different this time, nothing like ever before. More dull, it sounded like it was lined with disappointment and Doyoung realised that there was no valid reason for him to think so, that fear and anger blinded him completely, made him forget about all the things he remembered of those nights one year ago.
With his heart still pounding hard and fast but mind clearing up, Doyoung’s eyes fell to the floor, his fists clenched and nails digging in the palm of his hands. He felt ridiculous for acting up without any proof.
Yet, he couldn’t help but feel like complete , tossed aside after being used, not worthy enough, unlovable. He just liked Johnny so much and it hurt, hurt so bad.

“You’re right I never texted you, never called you, we never talked about it and I regret that.” Johnny admitted, his voice shaking a little or maybe Doyoung just imagined it because his body was trembling so much.
“But Dongyoung.. I didn’t spend hours kissing you one night just to have ‘just ’ with you the next.”
A shaky breath emerged Doyoung’s lips as he recalled all the things which happened between them, what lead to those two nights. How they slowly became more and more flirty and touchy with each other to the point where their gazes were enough to tell what the other thought or wanted.


It was a night like every other, but Doyoung noticed Johnny staring at him a bit more frequently, his eyes lingering on him an awful long time, awful because Doyoung wanted to look back but didn’t dare to. Johnny was so confident and Doyoung couldn’t quite let loose around him, at least not when Mark was right there with them. So he tried to stay strong and act like he didn’t notice though it was probably very obvious how jumpy he suddenly was around Johnny whenever he touched him, whenever he , whenever he said something sweet to him.

He remembered how much he cringed and playfully rejected Johnny whenever he tried to come closer to him. Well, that all lead to Johnny pulling Doyoung down on his bed as the latter wanted to walk past it and to his mattress later that night.
From one second to the other, he was suddenly sitting close to Johnny who had a tight hold on his wrist, eyes on him filled with so much, so many things, so much expectation and Doyoung felt weak, couldn’t resist, wanted to give in. No words were exchanged before their lips found each other in their first, gentle and loaded kiss. A kiss that shook Doyoung wide awake, a kiss which made Johnny reach out for Doyoung’s face, a kiss which lead Doyoung to lie down next to the guy he knew for so many years yet only really talked to whenever he was there. Once every year the two would suddenly flourish, their friendship would bloom, grow with every summer and this was long overdue. It was what both of them wanted ever since they first laid eyes on each other.
Doyoung couldn't deny that the first time his gaze fell on Johnny he felt speechless. Sure, Mark showed him pictures of him before, but seeing him in person was a whole different story. Johnny told Doyoung the same. In between kisses Johnny was showering him with affection, compliments, sweet words of adoration and Doyoung could barely hold his eyes open, not because he was sleepy, but because he was so overwhelmed, because of all the kissing and compliments which made him feel so shy, so small, so tiny in Johnny’s strong arms, against his toned chest, his tall body. It was what Doyoung craved for and Johnny had it all. He was perfect.

This carried on for hours and Doyoung completely forgot about Mark and almost fell asleep in the arms of his newly found lover. He could still remember how much it hurt in his heart to draw back and roll off Johnny’s bed down onto his own. It was cute though. They held hands until they fell asleep. Johnny was the one to do so first and Doyoung slowly let go of his hand before falling asleep himself, a smile constantly playing on his lips, his heart racing. He never felt this before. Love? A completely unexplored territory. He almost doubted he could ever fall in love, but there he was, with his summer boy.
The next morning Doyoung felt like he was reborn, like he lived in a brand new world, but he quickly remembered that he would have to act casual towards Johnny again all day. He wasn’t annoyed by Mark, but he wished it was easier to be true to himself and just tell him about his feelings so the two could be close whenever they wanted to. He wasn’t even afraid of Mark’s reaction, he doubted it would be bad, that he would be mad, but he still didn’t feel quite comfortable about it, especially because this whole thing with Johnny was new and didn’t have a label yet.

The day passed as usual, they played games, watched videos, went shopping, ate some nice dishes and went swimming in the pool while listening to some music unfamiliar to Doyoung. It was nice, all of it, but the following night was to be even better.
It was just like the night before but instead of pulling Doyoung in bed with him, Johnny got out of bed, stood in front of Doyoung’s and waited for him to notice. Of course Doyoung did, he was already waiting for Johnny. It was almost like the night prior was an unspoken promise to continue where they had stopped and he waited for this moment all day.
He his back and sat up, grabbing the hand Johnny offered and leaving the room with him, following him as he dragged him down the stairs into the living room.
It all happened so fast. Suddenly Doyoung was pulled against Johnny, his lips dominated by the latter’s, cheeks glowing, knees shaking, hands desperately holding onto Johnny’s shoulders. They were kissing each other, roaming their bodies with their hands like long lost lovers who finally found back to each other.
It all lead to the couch, Doyoung on his back, Johnny over him, Doyoung’s fingers tangled in Johnny’s long brown locks while Johnny’s hands where underneath Doyoung’s shirt, holding his waist before they would continue their journey all over Doyoung’s soft skin. Their bodies were on fire, their minds screaming for each other and it all happened so naturally. They spend the night loving each other, holding each other, sinking into each other in every way possible.

Doyoung felt like drowning. The way Johnny’s fingers danced along his curves, the way his lips grazed his skin and claimed him as Johnny’s and the sensation of being completed were things he could never put in words, would always be unable to describe, were almost too much for him to comprehend.
It was another night of sweet whispers, unspoken promises, holding hands and bonding. It was a night Doyoung could never possibly forget. It was the night he lost his ity to someone who he thought would never be interested in him, was everything he ever wished for, always put a smile on his face.
It almost felt unhealthy to him, how obsessed he was with Johnny, with the idea of repeating this, with the idea of wanting to stay and spend every single day with him. Was this truly love? Or was he going insane? It didn’t matter to him that time as he was snuggled up against Johnny on the couch, once again enveloped by his protecting arms and warmth as well as this sweet and musky scent he found so comforting.
He didn’t remember falling asleep, but as he woke up, he found himself back in his bed, still , and covered in marks nobody was allowed to see. It felt amazing, he felt crazy, so free and so loved.
Like high on drugs.

Johnny was right... but he was scared.

“You mean...” He whispered, his voice so soft that he could almost not recognise it as his own.
“I can't help but feel drawn to you whenever you are here. It’s the highlight of my year and after last year it was even harder to wait for you. I can’t believe you’re leaving tomorrow...” Johnny breathed, his voice filled with what sounded like regret. Doyoung’s chest clenched.
“I wanted to see you, but I couldn’t handle the thought of spending two weeks with you. I didn’t know what else to do without telling Mark about us.” Doyoung confessed, softly shaking his head. He felt so desperate. He wanted to stay. He wanted to be with Johnny, hell, yes, he just wanted to be with Johnny.
“I see..” Johnny sighed, taking one step closer to Doyoung whose eyes were wide and filled with anticipation.
“It’s hard.” Johnny starts, his left hand moving up to Doyoung’s cheek to cup it, the latter’s heart melting at the touch. Johnny would always do this when he was telling him something important, something heartfelt. He never wanted Doyoung to look away from him. “I wanted to talk to you in person but didn’t know how to do so with Mark around. I’ve been waiting for you to notice I'm gone all these past nights. I must admit, it wasn’t the best strategy, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything else. I was scared to talk to you about all this since even I don’t have words to express how I feel.”

Doyoung swallowed hard. So Johnny didn’t avoid him on purpose but was just as unable to put in words what he felt and find courage to tell him. He could feel a soft smile tug on the corner of his lips as Johnny told him about him waiting for Doyoung each night, but he was angry at himself for being too tired to notice. They could have had this conversation much more early on, but there they were again, a night away from departure, pouring their hearts out for each other and finally having the courage to speak about their feelings.
“Oh...”
“But you’re here now.” Johnny smiled back at him, the smile was crooked though, almost like he didn’t dare to feel truly happy about it.
“What are we?” Doyoung asked bluntly with a trembling voice, his eyes wandering all over Johnny’s face, trying to read his features. Johnny shrugged softly. “I don’t know... What do you want us to be?” He asked back and Doyoung didn’t quite know how to interpret this question. Why was he supposed to put a label on all of this? It was a moment of weakness and for his bitterness to reawaken. He knew that Johnny was probably just as confused and wanted Doyoung to feel comfortable and to decide after he had put him through so much suffering already, but it took him a moment to clear his mind again and to calm himself down.
It was a tough question.

“The question is can this.. can we be more than just a one time thing?” Doyoung asked with a tiny voice, his shoulders slightly pulled up while he was leaning into Johnny’s touch until Johnny reached for Doyoung’s hand instead of his cheek, squeezing it lightly.
“Why shouldn’t it?” He asked back again, leaving Doyoung frowning. “We live on different continents.”
“I know.. but would it be okay for you?” Another question and Doyoung felt so lost. “What?”
“A long distance relationship? If you’re okay with that label.” Johnny finally explained and Doyoung felt like falling to his knees. Was Johnny serious about this?
“What..”
“I think we both want the same thing, Dongyoung.”
“How on earth could this work out?” Doyoung asked back without thinking much about it, only noticing afterwards that this sounded much harsher than it was supposed to and he could see in the way Johnny looked at him and his hold tightened on his hand that his question wasn’t well received by the other.
“I don’t know.. but we won’t ever know if we don’t try?” It was a statement which sounded like yet another question and Doyoung understood that Johnny felt unsure about this just like him. It was the first time for him to see him in such a vulnerable state.

He never realistically thought about this, never wondered how it would be to actually be in a relationship with Johnny, only about being with him and it was always more of a fantasy than reality to him so this suggestion sounded almost ridiculous.

Could that actually work? All he knew about Johnny was that he liked being flirty, he had no idea whether he was truly able to endure a long distance relationship.
“I don’t know..” Doyoung breathed, his eyes avoiding Johnny’s and all Doyoung could hear was that Johnny struggled swallowing before he let out a deep sigh. A pause followed and it felt like an eternity for Johnny to speak up.
“I can’t let you go one more time without knowing what you think and how you feel.”
Doyoung his lips, eyes moving up to the other’s again.
“Is it okay for you? The long distance relationship I mean.” He asked and Johnny replied instantly.
“It is.” He stated with certainty in his voice, but Doyoung still felt like he had to remind Johnny of the obvious.
“We won’t see each other often though...” Saying that out loud hurt him. Oh how much he wished to see him every day.
“I know.. but... as long as we can see each other I'm okay with it. Even when its just once a year.”
“John...”
“I like you, Dongyoung. A lot...”
Doyoung felt like fainting, an airy laugh emerging from his throat in disbelief before he hesitantly moved his free hand to hold Johnny’s other one as well. He squeezed both of them and moved closer to him, feeling dizzy but knowing that Johnny would catch him in case he actually fell. His lips and tongue moved without him thinking about it, making him voice what had been on his mind for so long already, what he thought he could never tell the other.
“I like you, too. So much.”
“Is that a yes then?”
Doyoung could hear Johnny’s voice waver with hope and the way his eyes were shimmering told him more than a thousand words. He didn’t expect this at all and he still had his doubts and fears, but how could he say no to Johnny? How could he say no when this is all he ever wanted. He would be lying to himself and Johnny and he had nothing to lose.

“Yes.. yes it is.” Doyoung whispers and only then noticed how close Johnny’s face was to his, that their lips were just mere centimetres apart. With his eyes fluttering shut, hot breath already ghosting over his lips, they quickly melted into a gentle and loving kiss, his hands slowly letting go of Johnny’s , wandering up to his neck so he could wrap his arms around it.
Soon, Doyoung was on his tippy toes with Johnny’s hands on his waist, holding and supporting him until Johnny tilted his head further to the side to deepen the kiss. His arms were now wrapped around Doyoung, pressing him fully against him and Doyoung felt like he was flying. He would never be able to get over how Johnny’s arms felt around him, how It felt to rest against his broad chest and drown in his scent. It felt like time stopped, like this was how they were supposed to be, like they were bound to be together.
With every movement of their lips Doyoung thought back to last summer, how good Johnny treated him, not only in those nights but generally. He trusted him and never wanted to miss this ever again.
Doyoung didn’t necessarily need the physical touch of his lover if they would communicate openly and be there for each other in other ways. Sure, it was going to be hard, but Doyoung was sure they could make it work. He had to believe, was ready to give his everything for Johnny, knowing that the latter would give his everything for him, too. He could feel it...


...


“Yo, see you next year Johnny boy.” Mark hugged his best friend who could only laugh at his nickname, returning the embrace and patting his back. “Let’s see. Maybe I’ll visit you guys in Korea soon.” It was the moment Johnny’s eyes landed on Doyoung who stood behind Mark at that time, an adorable smile grazing Johnny’s lips, a blush Doyoung’s cheeks.
“That would be sweet!” Mark exclaimed. “Dude, there’s so much stuff I wanna do with you.”
“I can imagine.” Johnny chuckled and let go of his friend, his eyes remaining on Doyoung who was awkwardly staring back at him.
“I’d love that, too.” Doyoung said softly in Korean after his friends were excitedly chatting in English, approaching Johnny with open arms and being pulled into a tight hug. “I’m glad.” Johnny whispered in his ear, bending down a little to let his head rest on his shoulder for a moment. Doyoung could feel his eyes burn and stomach cramp at the thought of letting go of Johnny to get into the car and drive off. He really hated his past self for planning this trip like this, but he tried to stay positive. Maybe this would have never happened if they stayed longer and Johnny seemed determined to build a relationship with him. It was okay, this was okay.
“I’m gonna miss you.” Johnny spoke softly into Doyoung’s ear, sending a strong shiver right down his spine before he faced him again, his eyes filled with sadness, but the ever so soft smile still on his lips. “Same..” Doyoung mouthed back before Johnny suddenly leaned in to press a short and tender kiss on his lips, surprising the other with the sudden act of affection when Mark was around.
Panicking, Doyoung gently pushed Johnny away from him, quickly turning his head just to see that Mark was busy loading the trunk of their car and wasn’t able to see his friends sneakily kiss. Johnny snickered, gently Doyoung’s arm to calm him down.

“You coming?” Mark then called out for Doyoung who was still busy looking at Johnny, trying to take in his looks one last time, feeling unable to just leave him standing there on his front porch. “Yup!” He yelled back to Mark who was already opening the door of the car to get in. “Go..” Johnny urged Doyoung who pressed his lips together before finally turning away from the other to get in the car next to Mark.

“I never thought you two would get along so well that it would be hard for you to leave.” Mark giggled, waving Johnny goodbye as Doyoung started the engine, his heart racing, maybe because of Mark’s remark, maybe because he was leaving his newly found boyfriend behind. He couldn’t tell, maybe it was both. “Yeah, me neither, but he’s fun.” Doyoung answered, a foolish grin on his face which he quickly tried to erase before Mark would notice it, his eyes now on Johnny while the other was turning on some music.
As Johnny waved at him while Doyoung was pulling out the drive way, he could feel his heart crack. This was harder than he expected. Luckily Mark was there to indirectly force him to leave.

The moment Doyoung stepped on the gas pedal and lost sight of Johnny was the moment he could feel the oh so familiar lump form in his throat. Not being able to cry was torture, but luckily the one beside him was a little ray of sunshine who immediately started joking and singing along to a weird song he recently discovered, distracting Doyoung and preventing him from thinking too much about Johnny. He had to keep in mind that this time was different, that things were going to be okay, that they knew about each others feelings.
He was happy and smiling, listening to Mark ramble about places they were going to visit, food they were about to eat and other random things.
Life was good and it would only get better. He was sure. The butterflies told him so, too.

A/N: thanks for reading <3
do i love johndo too much? maybe...
comments are appreciated :3 have a nice day!