I see myself running in Han River with someone in my front trying his best to run faster. I can remember that person smells like lavender. A smell that calms me down. I continued chasing that person, I want to try calling that person, but no words seem to come out of my lips. I tried to be on the same pace at that person and I succeeded on reaching him. I was able to grab that person’s shoulder and that person’s face turned to me. All I can see is his smile, I cannot seem to recognise that person’s face. I just felt like that smile completes me.

And then I woke up in the hospital bed without recollection of my past. All I can remember is my name and my family, but I cannot seem to remember anything else than that.

“Hansol, you are awake finally.” My mom said as she embraces me with tears in her eyes and my dad looking at us with a smile in his face while my sister joins in the hug.

I want to speak but I can feel my throat is dry. I want to ask where is that person? That person in my dream but I cannot seem to word out everything. I do not know where to start. I do not know how to ask when all I can remember from that person is the lavender scent and that person’s smile.

I spend my days recovering, trying not to ask my family of what happened and about that person so that they will not worry much more. I tried to hide that I have forgotten my past.

Each day I have dreamt of that person, but nothing seems to give me clue of who that is. I just know that person is important to me. I wonder if that person will look for me.

The doctor told my parents that I can go home finally. As I was back at home, heading to my room. I saw my collection of anime. I picked up Naruto. As I was watching, I see flashes of my memory. I feel pain in my head. I see this person crying beside me and I was wiping this person’s tears away. And I can see this person mouthed the words “thank you”. That person is still not clear in my vision.

I felt tears in my eyes as I was able to wake up from my dream.

Who is that person?

Why do I keep seeing that person?

What is wrong with me?

How important that person is?

Each day I am trying to squeeze my brain to remember everything. So far, I can remember all my past except for that person.

I see that person in my visions, but I cannot seem to remember that person. All I can see is that person’s smile and nothing more. I tried everything to remember him even smelling lavenders each day thinking it will trigger the hidden memory in mind.

Who are you?

I was about to give up when I saw my sister watching a music show and hear:

“みつけたよ こころ が やすらぐ

My home my own”

“hansol hyung” the new japanese trainee that came said

He is a bit tan, with a light brown permed long hair. Everyone told me that this guy resembles me but a smaller and a Japanese version of me. That is why I got curious about him and approached him. Without me knowing, he started to cling to me. I did not hate it.

Each day he comes to my room and share how he improved in his Korean. He also shares to me the new animes that he has been watching and Korean dramas. That is why it was easy to get close to him. He was a fun person too. He always smiles at me as if this world has no problems. I got used to him. I got used to him being on my side each day. He also makes an effort to have conversations with me like how he saves animal videos and pictures to send to me since he knows I love collecting those. He has been my source of happiness without me realising it. I just know Yuta has become my happy pill.

I thought he is always happy as he always shows but one time I saw him in the practice room crying in the dark. I approached him. And he was taken aback. “This is nothing, hyung. Let us go back to the dorms now”

“It’s okay, Yuta. You can let it all out here first” I said and stopped him from standing up and hugged him while patting his back

“Hyung, I just missed home” He said with his tears in his eyes while looking at me straight. I can’t help but find him cute and I let out a small smile.

“Why are you smiling?” he asked

“Nothing” and continue to pat his back and let him bury his face on my chest. The smell of lavenders has made its way through my nose. I tried a tiny sniff before I let go of him and told him that we need to go back to our dorm.

YUTA

The guy that…

“Hyung, what are you saying? Why are you leaving us?”

I left and did not looked back

I regretted not telling him how much I want to stay and I how much I love him.

But I do not want to ruin his dreams.

I suddenly felt a hand shaking me…

“Hansol, what’s wrong? Are you crying?” my sister asked

I felt tears falling down my face.

Why do I need to remember everything?

Would it be better for me to forget him?

It would be better for us…

I heard the doorbell ringing…

I opened the door…

I was looking down…

I smelled the familiar lavender scent…

As I was trying to look at the person who just came…

I saw his smile…

The smile that I was longing for…

“Hyung, I am happy that you are fine now. I heard from Daewon hyung that you were on an accident. And I want to rush but I have a lot of schedules line up and I can’t go off it and when I finished work the visitation hours are finished alread-“

I cut him off from speaking and hugged him. He buried his face in my chest. The lavender scent…

My home

I just knew seeing him was enough. I do not need anything else.

But…

He lifts his face up and looked at me, “ I was worried that I won’t be able to say this.” He said

“what is it?” I asked

“hansol hyung, I love you” he said and buried his face in my chest and I can see his ears turning red

I left a chuckle. And he punched me a little in my shoulders. “why are you laughing? I am serious” he said

“I love you too” and I lifted up his face to look at him closely and kissed his forehead