Reviewer: minminXP

Story title: Love or Revenge?

Author: baesueji

Title: 4/10

The title is pretty clichéd. I can’t remember exactly where I have seen this variety of titles before, but I know that it’s very common. It’s not the kind of title that I would remember.

So far, Yoona seems to be pretty mad at someone with the surname ‘Kim’, who, I suppose, will be the person that she will try to exact revenge on in the future. So I’m giving you points for making that connection between the conflict and the title.

Storyline: 15/20

The story is only 2 chapters in and the conflict has already been clearly presented. One element that made the plot interesting was when Yoona slapped Myungsoo and accused him of arson just because of his extremely common surname. Although this was extremely unreasonably on her part, it piques the reader’s interest as to why she would do something like that.

Appearance: 5/5

Your paragraphing is completely fine, and you have a beautifully simplistic poster and background. Full marks for that.  

Writing Style: 5/10

I didn’t like the excessive usage of dialogue between the characters. Almost every single line was a spoken sentence. Sometimes, your sentences were really very choppy.

For example, “I sat down next to Jiyeon in the middle row while Suzy sat down with a strange guy. He was stealing glances at her. She looked uncomfortable. I nudged Jiyeon, who was staring out the window.”

The sentences were rather stiff and unnatural. For a more natural flow, try: “I sat down next to Jiyeon in the middle row while Suzy sat down next to a strange guy. He stole glances at her, which were clearly making her feel uncomfortable. Seeing this exchange, I nudged Jiyeon, who was staring out the window.”

The usage of longer sentences creates the illusion of the story flowing smoothly. Of course, short sentences are useful for dramatic situations. However, for this particular sentence, I feel that longer sentences are better.

Characterization: 6/10

You have shown quite clearly the relationships between each character. Unfortunately, I cannot judge on character development as the story has only just started.

Story Flow: 7/10

The story is not dragging, neither is it too fast. I have not many comments for this portion.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling: 4/10

Your grammar is incorrect at certain places, and I could spot errors here and there. Although it may not be extremely serious, I find that you are making one too many mistakes.

“I stared at the sky, wondering where he goes?” should be “I stared at the sky, wondering where he went/where he was.” In this context, the question mark does not make much sense to be placed there.

As a reviewer and a writer, I feel that accurate grammar is one of the most important aspects of the story. Without it, how can a reader understand what you are talking about?

Creativity and Originality: 10/15

I’m glad to say that your story wasn’t very clichéd. Yes, there was the oh-so-common orphanage. However, most stories make the orphanages turn out to be some horrible place. You made it seem like a wonderful home that the characters loved. Kudos to you for that!

Overall Enjoyment: 6/10

Overall, the story was pretty average. Being a very picky reader, I am only able to give you something slightly above a passing mark. Needless to say, I read only a very carefully selected number of stories.

Sub-Total: 62/100

Bonus: 2/5 

Since your story was pretty short, I couldn’t judge fairly, so here’s two bonus points for you.

Total: 64/100