Final
How much it hurts to be in love with Kim KiBum
In this story, I picture Key as liking boys. Don't hate me. It's just the way I see him. I'm not saying he is gay for sure in real life! No one knows :P
Every day you get to hear his voice when he calls on your phone. He tells you about his day, about how he feels. He tells you funny things and you hear his laugh through the speaker. His genuine laugh that goes straight to your heart.
You're in love with your best friend, and it hurts but you can't seem to stop seeing him. Because when you're with him you feel complete. You feel happy. You feel like the world is perfect.
When you go shopping together he helps you to choose the best outfits. You look at him when he tries on new clothes. His body looks amazing, but you prefer to look at his face sparkling with happiness. You love how much he loves shopping.
You watch him prepare dinner. He starts speaking about something, words continuously escaping his beautiful mouth. You listen to what he says but can't avoid how beautifuly he gestures.
When he serves you a plate and sits before you, still speaking and laughing about whatever it is, you feel like someone else should take your place. Because Kim Kibum is perfect and he deserves to love someone back. You know you would never be that person. It hurts, but you want him to be happy.
Watching a movie together, he snuggles closer to you and places one of his long legs over yours. You feel his warmth and smell his sweet scent. You know he is comfortable around you. You've been friends for many years, growing up together. You also know that he is not flirting with you because you know he prefers boys. He never told you, but everyone knows and it's okay. It makes him even more beautiful, like an angel that you would never be able to reach.
You admire him, the shining star he is, from down there where you're standing low. You feel like the luckiest person alive to be able to proclaime him your best friend. He calls you when he feels down. He calls you when he feels happy. He never forgets your birthday and sends you flowers for White Day.
Your girl friends keep telling you how much they're jealous of your friendship with Key. That you're so close to one of the most beautiful idols of South Korea. They just don't know how much it hurts to be around him when you're in love with him.
You don't get enough of his jokes. He makes you laugh so much. But when you're in your room at night, he doesn't know that he makes you cry so much too.
Just once, you'd like to reach and take his hand into yours.
Cross your fingers together.
Taste his lips with a chaste kiss.
That night when you visit him, the rainstorm makes you unable to go back home. So you stay for a while until it would calm down. Electricity is out, Kibum's roomates are already sleeping in their own bedrooms. You are alone with the love of your life in the living room. You had just played card games with a few candles lightening you up. They are now almost out. Key is resting on the couch, his back against the arm and both of his feet on the cushion. You sit the same way opposite to him. He buries his feet between yours and he closes his eyes.
You pass many minutes just looking at him. His features are perfect. When you are looking at him, you're thinking of all the moments you spent together. The times when he'd look at you waiting for your approuval, reaction or answer. When he would hug you because he was so excited about something. How you met in elementary school and how stupid you both could be when you were kids.
You can't help tears from your eyes with that pain inside your heart. You are wondering if it would be better to let him go. You are pretty sure you wouldn't be able to live like this any longer. But you can't picture yourself leaving him. He wouldn't understand. You know you are important to him, you know that leaving would hurt him. But...
''Are you crying?'' You hear his voice. His eyes are open with a worried look. You can't seem to say anything. You just quickly wipe away your tears with the back of your hand and smile at him.
''Why are you crying? Is something wrong?'' He sits back up and is now closer to you. He looks at your face, still humid from your tears.
''It's nothing. You should go back to sleep. The storm is almost gone now.''
''____-ah, I don't like when you cry.'' He says and pulls you in for a hug. You rest your head on his shoulder and take a deep breath. Out of your control, tears started to fall from your sad eyes again. Key hugs you thighter as you sob in his arms. He shushes you and leaves a kiss in your hair.
''Kibum-ah...'' You are not sure if you should tell him but you feel like it is the right thing to do. He is your best friend and has to know. He would still love you, right?
''What is it?''
''You don't know how much it hurts to be in love with you.''
He stops lulling you and you think he would stand up and be shocked and run away because of the awkwardness. But he pushes you away delicately to look directly into your eyes. You are avoiding his glance, still sobbing a little. He says your name with the sweetest voice and you look up at him.
''I don't, but now I know how much it hurts not to be able to love you back.''
''Kibum...''
''I'm sorry. I wish I could take away your pain. You know how much I care about you.''
''Key, just once, can I....hold your hand?''
He nods and offers you his hand. You look at it for a while and placed your small hand into his larger one. You sniff a little and let out a long breath. Your hand start shaking slightly onto his, that's when he twirls his slim fingers between yours. You feel butterflies in all your body. You feel like crying again but you also feel so warm inside.
He starts pulling you back and he rested against the arm of the couch again, with you in his arms. Your head resting on his chest and your entwined fingers still glued together. The sound of the raindrops and the wind lulling you both to sleep.
You dream of a world where you would hold Key's hand like that everynight. Where it didn't hurt to love him, because he would love you back...
~
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