Ten years have passed and I’m back at this school again working as the school nurse. Son Seungwan is an English teacher here. She’s an alumna of this school too. We were classmates and… I love her.

We hit it off from our first meeting. Before I knew it, we became best friends. We shared secrets and all. No matter what we do or where we go, we are always together. I thought that as long as we had each other, neither of us would need anything else.

And then one late afternoon we were left alone in the classroom.

“Hyun-ah?”

“Yes?”

“Have you ever kissed someone?”

“No, I haven’t and you know that.”

I was busy gathering my notes that I didn’t notice that she was already standing in front of me.

“Hey, wanna kiss me?”

That caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting her to ask me something like that.

“Wha-what?”

“I said, wanna kiss me?”

“Why are you asking me that?”

“Well... you see, we’re together like this, but we don’t know what will happen after we graduate, right? We might even fall in love with someone else. So, I want something to prove that we were together once. No matter how much time passes or how long we’re separated, we’ll always remember our first kiss, right? I want that with you, Hyun-ah.”

Wow. It was too good to be true. Who am I not to do it?

“Sure, let’s kiss,” I said.

Even though I sounded calm at that time, my insides were trembling with anticipation. My hands were shaking but I knew Seungwan didn’t notice it as it was hidden underneath the table.

She closed her eyes and leaned down to kiss me. I closed my eyes the moment our lips touched and then a minute later, she pulled away. In that brief moment that our lips touched, I felt butterflies in my belly and felt a spark running through my veins.

It was the best feeling. And until now, even after all these years, it was still the best feeling ever.

After that fateful afternoon, before we parted, I told Seungwan that she shouldn’t worry about us being separated because no matter what happens, I’ll always be by her side.

“I hope you will, Bae Joohyun,” she replied.

At that time I was too young to understand the lonely smile she had on her face when she said that. But now, I understood.

I honestly believed, without any hint of doubt in my mind, that our private little world would exist forever. But the moment we graduated and left the haven of high school, reality tore us apart.

We wanted different courses and went to separate universities, ended up making new friends as well and then I suddenly realized that we were living in separate worlds.

My brain tells me that what Seungwan and I had in high school wasn’t real, that it had been a mistake that we made because of our youth and it’s more fun and exciting to date guys because it is more acceptable to the society.

But my heart keeps on reminding me that what Seungwan and I had was real, that it was then that I felt alive and happy. That every second spent with her is more fun and exciting because I love her. Being not acceptable to society doesn’t mean wrong. It was never wrong to love.

“Hey, Hyun-ah!” The voice I know so well brought me out of my musings. I turned around and saw Seungwan sitting on the chair near my table.

“I brought a drink for you~,” She said in her typical sing-song voice and pulled out the soda can for me to see.

“I told you not to call me by my nickname, especially when we’re at school. And how many times do I have to tell you that soda is not good for the body?”

“Yeah, right. I can call you by your nickname whenever and wherever I want because you’re my best friend and I didn’t come here to be lectured about health, Ms. School Nurse. Besides, drinking it once in a while won’t hurt.”

“Then why are you here, Ms. English teacher?” I asked as I opened the can.

“Sigh… I’m glad that this is an all-girls school. It’s so tiring to keep up with teenage girls, what more if I have to teach teenage boys?”

“So, you’re here to vent out your frustration of being a teacher?”

“Yes. You got it easy being a school nurse, just waiting for sick or injured students to take care of.”

“You have to take it easy. Don’t stress yourself too much. You have to understand your students. You’ve been a teenage girl once so use that experience. And hey, you forgot that I’m also the Guidance Counselor so, I’m dealing with those teenage problems too.”

She was about to speak when her phone beeped. “Oh, it’s from him again.”

I know who “him” is. He’s her latest boyfriend. I drink my soda as I wait for Seungwan to finish dealing with him.

“Ugh. Darn it!”

“What’s wrong?”

“He won’t stop asking me about settling down. He wants me to meet his parents and he’ll meet mine. You know the drill. I told you, I’m not ready yet. We’ll talk about this tonight. There, sent.”

“Settling down? You’ll be a married woman soon.” My heart broke into pieces just thinking about it.

“Well, I’ve thought about it but as I said, I’m not ready yet. What about you? You’ve been with this guy the longest and that never happens to you. Any marriage plans?”

“I don’t want to hear it from someone whose longest relationship was only four months. I don’t plan to get married soon either. But my parents are bugging me to settle down already.”

“I figured as much. We’re at a certain age now so it’s normal to deal with this issue in marriage.” She then checked her wristwatch, “Oh well, my break is over. Thanks for the time and advice, Hyun-ah.”

I smiled. “Anytime, Seungwan. Thanks for the soda.”

“You’re welcome, Hyun-ah.” She winked at me before going out of the clinic.

--

I was restless after that conversation about marriage. For the rest of the week, my mind was occupied by the fact that Seungwan is thinking of getting married.

I remember this feeling.

It’s the same thing I felt when Seungwan introduced her first boyfriend to me. At first, there was a vague sense of unease, but when she told me that she went all the way with him and told me how she lost her ity to that guy, in its wake followed a colossal tide of despair. I thought I was the one who knew Seungwan the best. We’ve been together for so many years, and then all of a sudden came a random guy and stole her from me.

I drowned myself in tears and liquor knowing that he now knew Seungwan in ways I don’t. Just because he’s a man, he’s able to touch her in places I’d never be able to. No matter how close I am to her, I’ll never be able to compete with the man of her life. A chasm had opened in my heart and so I decided to start dating guys too. I want to fill the emptiness it caused so I went all the way with them too.

And then one day Seungwan told me that she and her boyfriend broke up and after that all her relationships were short-lived. So, it didn’t bother me whenever she brought a new guy to meet me since I know that they wouldn’t last long anyway.

It never occurred to me that Seungwan might decide to get married. It’s a lot harder to end a marriage than to break things off on a regular relationship. I always believed that she’d keep on with her pattern of dumping every guy she dated and coming back to me.

But she’ll never be mine. I have to accept the fact that she’ll never come back to me again.

--

“I’m going home,” I said to my boyfriend as I buttoned up my shirt.

“You’re not going to spend the night here?”

“No. I have an early staff meeting tomorrow.”

“Oh, too bad. I missed eating your home-cooked breakfast, haven’t had those in a while.”

“Sorry, some other time then.” I tiptoed to kiss him.

I was about to go to the door when he held my hand and pulled me in an embrace.

“I missed you. I don’t want you to go home.”

Ugh. Why is he so clingy tonight? I want to go h