The previous chapter: You had apologised for storming away and they apologised too but then Hoongjoong told you that they knew about your parents.

 

“Your… parents, they passed away.”

 

You clench your muscles and swallow.

 

Hoongjoong sits silent not knowing how to comfort you. San was searching your face for any reaction. Jongho didn’t lift his head from his gaze at the floor.

 

“How do you know?” You question quietly.

 

“We heard staff talking about it.” Hoongjoong answers.

 

“When?”

 

“What?”

 

“When did they talk about it?”

 

“Earlier this morning.”

 

You take a deep breath in and breathe out. You don’t know what to do with them. To tell them to get out of the house or to tell them the truth. For now, you want to be alone.

 

“Can…Can you leave? “

 

“Are you okay? Do you want- “San cuts in.

 

“No. I’m fine. Just. Go please.”

 

Hoongjoong quietly pulls San out the door with Jongho behind him. You sink down on the couch and focus on your breathing determined not to let the tears that were forming to fall but you fail and as the first tear falls you sob out loud and break down.

 

[ 5 Years ago]

 

Your family and you are in the car on the highway after school and suddenly you hear a loud screeching noise. You twist around in your seat to see what happened and you see a truck swerving towards the open roads towards you. Before you know what’s happening you feel airbags cushioning your body as the car is rammed and rolled out into the opposite lanes. Cars honk and blare as more cars are crashing into yours and piling on top. Your car below all of them all you hear is the loud screeching of the wheels and blaring of the horns. Finally, the car stops moving but you can barely move. Trying to twist your head around you see your family bloodied and unable to move.

 

Smoke fills the air as the honking seems to get more and more distant. You want to move away from the smoke, but it seems to completely fill the air around you. You cough try to call out for help, but your breath fails you. Reserving your breath, you glance back at your family. They still haven’t moved. You glance outside and see small flames on the tarmac. You try to breath as much as you can from the increasing smoke and keep calm. Looking back at your family you realise that they probably took the brunt of the truck.

 

Your eyelids flutter unable to keep up with the lack of oxygen and you drift in and out of consciousness. At one point it started to feel increasingly hot, but you weren’t sure. You could hear loud thumping accompanied by movement which sent excruciating pain up your leg and body. It woke you up and brought you to your senses.

 

The flame had made its way back to the vehicle and had started to heat it up. Your leg was completely numb after being crushed under the weight of the chair. You could only move your head and neck but nothing else. You looked out and saw someone’s feet trying to stamp out some flames. Suddenly the car seems to be levered up slightly and you can see some more people outside trying to cut through the vehicle to get to you and your family. Coughing you try to call out for help, but you struggle to breathe. You cast one last look at your family that died instead of you and a tear escaped your eyes as you look away to your rescuers. As your vision fades you see people’s hands reach out to you and try to pull you out. But even as they shake you awake, your body refuses and gives into the infinite darkness.

 

It was five years ago but you would never forget those moments underneath the car to see your family die before you. To survive instead of your family. Shaking, you try to pull yourself together before standing up and walking to the kitchen o finish the dishes. But no matter how hard you try the tears won’t stop falling.

 

After calming down you head to your room for some rest when Hoongjoong texts you.

 

“I was going over the demo you sent me, I want to change some

things. Can you come over?”

 -Hoongjoong

 

“Sure, I’ll come over. What studio?”

-Jess

 

 

“Studio 3. Also… are you okay? San’s worried and he’s not the only one.”

-Hoongjoong

 

“We will talk about that later, I’ll be right over.”

-Jess

 

“Ok then.”

-Hoongjoong

 

You close your phone and quickly go change before grabbing your bag and setting out for the company.

 

[At the company]

 

You enter the studio and Hoongjoong faces you.

 

“So? What changes did you want to make?”

 

You knew he was going to talk about your parents, but you hoped he would drop it. Heading for a seat at the table you hear him sigh and turn back around to the computer. You start working and a few hours later you finish work. The moment was here. You still wanted to avoid the conversation, but he needed to know.

 

Settling down on the seat you face him and take a deep breath.

 

 

“Hoongjoong, first off I know you are worried about me but I’m fine I can assure you that. And the fact that my parents died is something I’ve known for 5 years already. They died in a car crash that we were in. I have learnt to live with that.”

 

You pause, gauging his reaction.

 

“Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

 

“I understand. No-one does. At least until now. I guess the company went looking for my parents for some reason and found that the guardian of me is me.”

 

“Which would then explain what we heard from the staff…”

 

“Right.”

 

“Don’t you…”

 

He broke off looking unsure to ask questions.

 

“You can ask me questions if you want. I don’t mind.”

 

“I don’t mean to pry but don’t you miss them? Don’t you want to go visit them?”

 

“I miss them just as much as you would miss your own parents. I do, but my career doesn’t always allow for that. Maybe one day I can, after I reveal this to my fans first though. I still have a lot to improve on.”

 

“You don’t mind if you see other people with their parents or if they talk about them?”

 

“Well, it makes me miss my parents more but I’m not going to force my friends from talking about it am I. I can’t do that. Besides, I’m the leader of my group, I can’t break down in front of them just because I miss my parents.”

 

Hoongjoong sat silently digesting the information.

 

“You don’t mind people knowing?”

 

“Well, I wouldn’t hide it from my friends, but I won’t exactly explicitly say it either. But as for sharing it to fans or the world… I don’t think I’m ready yet. And If you are asking because of San and Jongho, no, I don’t mind. It’s a fact after all. A hard thing to swallow but it’s true.”

 

Hoongjoong nodded understandably.

 

“Thank you for telling me Jess.”

 

You smile and nod. Standing up you head to the door before Hoongjoong grabs your arm and you turn back to face him.

 

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

 

“Yes. I’m fine. Ok?”

 

Sighing he nods and retreats back to his seat.

 

“See you around.”