HONESTLY

Rooftop Monsters [MONSTA X x IU]

Jieun took exactly six mouthful of rice and chugged all the soup given to her without a word.  As soon as she's done, she took a little bow, not looking at the seven boys in front of her and walked out of the rooftop.

Why the heck did you cry in front of them? She thought to herself as she walked downstairs, embarrassed. She has this habit of not crying in front of anyone, not even her mom, and now she just bawled her eyes out in front of seven strangers. She didn't even see how they looked like because her eyes were all blurry and filled with tears. She was also sure she had snot all over her face. 

She put her blanket over her head as soon as she entered her unit. 

Jieun thought she was done crying. She almost stopped breaking down out of nowhere for three whole months already -- until now.

"Aish~" she threw her blanket off her, staring at her ceiling. After a couple of moments of dozing off, she put her hand on her stomach, suddenly letting out a burp. "Woh... that's... nice."

She has been eating instant noodles and convenience store food since her mother passed. From time to time Ms. Baek brings her homecooked food, but so far, tonight's dinner was one of the best ones she had in a while.

Jieun decided to take out her stuff from the boxes she packed to distract herself. She placed everything neatly at the corner of the room. She still got a hold of a couple of things from her old house; like photo albums, her mom's music box, her knitting kit, and her succulent plant named Kai, that is named after the boy she's got a crush on in the café she worked part time last fall. Kai’s a year older than her, they went to the same high school and she's been having a big crush on him since seventh grade. Like almost everyone in this city, he became an idol trainee after senior year. Jieun thinks he's really cool, but she never had a proper conversation with him and stuff through the years she has known him. He's just... too cool for her. For Jieun, everyone is too cool for her.

She continued cleaning up, and when she's finally done, she sat slump at the corner of her room, taking the framed photo of her mom that is placed just beside her. She smiled and said, "Eomma, I'm sorry if I didn't get a chance to look after our rooftop for you." 

Jieun knows everything that is happening right now has a purpose. Her mom always tell her that. Nothing happens by chance. You meet people for a reason, miss a bus for a reason, even moments before Jieun's mom passed she told her that if ever she leaves the world that day, it's because there's a reason behind it.

If only Jieun knew what it is, at least she'd get a chance to prepare for it.

"I miss you eomma," she continued staring at her mom's photo, again fighting back her tears. 

~

Jieun woke up the next day, her whole body literally aching. She forgot to set up her mattress and ended up sleeping on the bare floor, no pillows, just her blanket wrapped around her like a burrito. She was too tired yesterday-- she still even feel tired today.

Her growling stomach made her got up from where she's laying down. She looked at the empty corner that is her kitchen. The cupboards are obviously empty, and the only thing placed on her small kitchen counter is her treasured pink rice cooker.

So just like what she's been doing for months now, she decided to eat breakfast at the nearby convenience store.

For the past few weeks, she has been using her mom's debit card to provide her basic needs and school stuff. She's aware also that her mom's card isn't producing more cash on its own anymore. The last time she checked, she only has about 5,000 won to spend. 

"That would be 5,033 won," the guy at the counter told her, looking at her like he already knows that she is short in cash.

Jieun gulped, her pupils shaking. She handed him her card with both hands, not making an eye contact.

"You can only spend 5,000 in your card Miss," the cashier told her. 

"Uh... wait a minute," she smiled at him charmingly, even if deep inside she's already in full on panic mode. She started searching her backpack, her jacket's pockets, her jeans' pockets, even her shoe. She already know she really doesn't have any more money with her, but she continued searching anyway.

"Miss..." the cashier is already glaring at her.

Jieun continued smiling, looking at the stuff she bought. She just had two cup noodles and a triangular gimbop. She was planning to eat the gimbop and one of the noodles for brunch, and the remaining one for dinner. She looked back at the cashier, "What if I take back the gimbop?"

The cashier shook his head.

"How about the noodles?" 

"I've already punched your purchase in the machine, you can't take anything back," the cashier explained. "So it's either you pay for it, or you have to talk to the manager." He mentioned his head at the door at the corner of the store.

Jieun can feel her palms sweating. 

Before she could offer another stupid idea, someone placed two boxes of banana milk, a pack of jellies, and seven cup noodles in front of her, followed by a hand on top of her shoulder.

"I'm paying for these," a familiar voice told the cashier. "Also her ramen and the triangular gimbop."

"Kihyun?" Jieun looked at the pink haired boy beside her.

Without saying another word, the cashier gave back Jieun's card and took Kihyun's.

While Kihyun smiled at Jieun, "Annyeong."

~

Kihyun and Jieun ate their instant noodles inside the store.

"Thanks," Jieun told him before slurping her first meal of the day.

"You're welcome," he smiled at her.

Jieun put down her cup, sighing, and realizing her new neighbors have been saving her from starvation since last night. "I'm sorry..."

He looked surprised, "For what?"

"I just stormed out last night right after eating dinner with you and your friends," Jieun started, looking down at her noodles. "That was just really rude of me."

"No, it's okay."

Jieun shook her head, "It's not."

Kihyun looked at Jieun, checking if she's about to cry again just like she did over dinner. But she didn't. She puffed her cheeks, looking outside the window.

"It's just that... I've been really bitter about you guys getting my rooftop," she told him. 

"I understand," Kihyun nodded. "We just appeared out of nowhere like a reverse fairy godmother, taking everything away from you."

Jieun chuckled at Kihyun's perfect explanation of their arrival.

"Yeah, you can put it like that," she agreed.

"It's nice," Kihyun said, after slurping his ramen.

"I know. That's the best instant ramen out there—"

"No, I mean seeing you smile... it's nice," he cut her off. 

The milk Jieun's drinking almost spurted out of her nose. This was the first time someone told her something like that.

Kihyun offered her a tissue which she quickly took.

Jieun cleared , looking away, and forgetting that she heard what Kihyun just said. "Uhm... so..." she stammered, thinking about another topic. "Trainees huh...?"

This time, Kihyun was the one who chuckled. But he nodded, taking another sip off his cup. 

Jieun kept silent, waiting for his answer to her obviously vague question. 

"Yeah," Kihyun finally said. "Almost all seven of us have been training since junior high," he started. "I always wanted to be a singer-- and I'm really good to be honest."

Jieun laughed, remembering what Minhyuk told her about Kihyun when he introduced him to her yesterday. 

"Why are you laughing? I'm not kidding. I'm really good!" Kihyun said, defending himself. 

 

Jieun nodded, laughing harder at Kihyun's expression. "I know, I know."

"We should all go to the karaoke room sometimes," he offered. "That way you can see us perform predebut," he continued.

"It's nice that you have a goal," she told Kihyun. "I mean you have something to look forward to in the future. Like debuting and stuff."

"How about you?" he asked Jieun, looking at her. "Do you have any goals in mind right now?"

Jieun pursed her lips, shrugging, "I wanted to work in the media industry. Directing, producing, writing... all those stuff." "But..." she paused and sighed, reality hitting her again. "...now all I want to do is survive. I used to tell my mom all my goals, and we plan the future together. Unfortunately she's not here anymore."

"I heard," Kihyun nodded, looking away. 

There's something about Kihyun that made Jieun suddenly feel comfortable around his company. She went on thinking out loud with him beside her, "She prepared everything for me before she left... like my education, some money... but she forgot to prepare one more thing..."

"What is it?"

"Me," Jieun felt a lump filling again. But she knows she has to vent these thoughts out. She might end up losing her mind is she continue keeping al these to herself. 

Kihyun didn't reply; which Jieun thought was a pretty good thing. All she wanted right now is someone who would listen.

"It has always been the two of us," she went on. "My dad  has almost never been with us my whole life. He's a con man, and the biggest jerk out there," Jieun almost laughed, hearing herself introduce her father.  "He contacts us once in a while, brings us money sometimes, but we never spend it for obvious reasons."

"I never met a conartist in real life," Kihyun blurted out.

Jieun chuckled, "Well you're talking to a daughter of one now."

Kihyun's mouth dropped slightly. He shook his head, looking a bit amused and awestruck at the same time.

"He scams people and ran away and hide with their money," she told him. "The last time we saw him we bailed him out of jail." She almost forgot how much she hated her father. She sighed, avoiding Kihyun's stare, "Anyway, now that Mom's gone, it's like I'm back to square one. I'm only a few steps away from being completely penniless and I live in an almost empty room," even talking about her dad makes her feel more uncomfortable than talking about her miserable life right now. "Probably one of the best things that had happened to me these past few days was your kimchi beef stew."

She means that. Kihyun really seems like a great cook.

Kihyun chuckled, scratching the back of his head and looking a bit embarrassed, "I just watch a lot of cooking videos online."

"Seeing the seven of you together yesterday reminds me a lot of one big family," she told him.

He nodded, making a small smile, "You could call it that. We spend more time together than with our family. We either go around auditioning for companies, or jump from one company to another. We sleep at each other's house or some cheap hotels. Like you we had to survive to reach our goals, we kinda' had to grow up quickly."

This time Jieun's the one who remained silent, listening to Kihyun.

"The guys trust me with the cooking and stuff," he started, finishing his noodles. "I'm also usually the first one to get up in the morning; I make breakfast, and wake everyone up after. I even do the laundry. Shownu helps me sometimes. Since he's the oldest, he's in charge in controlling the chaos. He's almost like a father to the other kids," Kihyun laughed. Saying these things out loud is even funnier than when he's just thinking about it. "On the other hand, all the remaining boys got their own different personalities. Hyungwon looks like a reserved and quiet person but he's really annoying, really-- maybe he's like that because he's really straightforward and usually he's right.  Minhyuk's a literal ball of energy, he's loud and talks a lot. He always stays up really late browsing the internet and playing games. But when we have problems, most of the time, we go to him since he's always got good and encouraging things to say given that he's a really optimistic person. Changkyun is the youngest among all of us; but he doesn't act that way. He's mature and really smart. Jooheon looks a bit intimidating at first but he acts like he's even younger than Changkyun; everyone just wants to take care of him and he obviously enjoys it a lot."

Jieun smiled as she watch Kihyun talk about his friends, then she remembered someone he didn't mention. "How about Wonho?"

"Oh yeah, Wonho!" Kihyun clasped his hands together. "He's the newest in the group. He joined us six months ago. We still don't know much about him to be honest. He doesn't talk much about his private life to us. But so far he's been really nice to everyone. He's quiet and likes to exercise a lot, and is always bugging us to join him. He might not show it to us every time but he's really a caring person especially to his friends."  

Jieun nodded, "So you don't know where his hometown or something?"

"Nope," Kihyun shook his head. "Why are you interested about his hometown?"

"He just seemed familiar," she shrugged off the thought that has been running in her mind since yesterday. "He's probably someone I know from before."

"You can ask him next time, if you like."

Jieun snorted, "He never told you anything about it and you're expecting him to talk about it to me?"

Kihyun laughed, "You have a point, you have a point." He put his elbow on the table and put his chin over his hand, looking at her, "Yah, Lee Jieun. As you can see we're like a really big family. So whenever you feel alone, or when you ran out of rice or something, you can always hang with us. You have us now."

You have us now

Jieun repeated Kihyun's words inside her head. On normal days, she would find this weird and creepy, especially when it's from a new neighbor. But somehow, in the way Kihyun tells her this, and the way he smiles at her, Jieun, after a pretty long time, felt more at ease. 

---------

 

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