"Do you want to get married Donghae?"

I've waited for five years to ask you this question. I've waited because you told me to. I've waited for five years because you asked me to, two weeks after we dated again.

We used to date for almost three years when we were teenagers. We were happy, aren't we? We used to talk about growing old together in Paris with our cats and dogs. We used to talk about getting married during winter when snow is falling down. We used to dream of living the best parts of our lives with just the two of us. We were happy, until you weren't.

"I don't want this anymore."

That's what you told me over a text message four months before our supposed-to-be third anniversary. That's what you told me fourteen days after we last met. That day, I was holding on to the letters I wrote for the past three years and on my other hand was the box of ring I was supposed to give you.

Yes, on our third anniversary, I wanted to ask you to marry me. We could finally live the plans we thought of, the plans we made together. But you decided that it was time to end things between us. And I decided that it's fine. That I will still be your best friend, even if it slowly kills me inside.

You were happy again. On your own, you were living your dreams - graduated with honors and started working for a popular company with a very good pay. I was there to celebrate with you. I always had the thought at the back of my mind - will you still be this happy if we were still together?

I tried. Days. Weeks. Months. Years! I tried to stop myself from loving you. But the more I try to stop, the more my love gets deeper. It was getting hard to pretend like I'm fine with how things are, even five years had already passed. I was so ready to end the friendship we had because I can't take it anymore. I don't want to pretend anymore. But then you sent me a long message one late night.

"I was dumb when I told you I wanted to break up five years ago. I don't know how you feel now, but I want to get back together."

I rolled in bed like a high school student in love. Finally! Five years later and you wanted to get back together! Of course I replied that yes, I also want to get back together. There's no use in hiding what I feel anymore when now I know that you feel the same.

I was ecstatic! It felt like our plans rebooted. Two weeks after we got back together I asked you jokingly to marry me. Because I am so ready to take you to the altar and marry you. I was so ready to live my life with you. And I knew you'll turn it down because it was too soon for you. You told me to ask you again in 5 years.

So now I'm asking you.

"Do you want to get married Donghae?"

Your eyes twinkled in delight. I saw how happy you are. It was the happiest of you that I saw. There was zero hint of confusion, zero hint of any mixed emotions - just pure ing happiness.

The band started playing your favorite song. I stood beside you in front of the altar. Now, there were tears in your eyes. And it's all because you are so happy with how things are. I offered you my white handkerchief to wipe away your tears. You held my hand as you used it.

"Thank you Hyukjae."

You whispered. The band continued playing your favorite song.

"Thank you for standing here as my best man, Hyukjae."

The church doors opened. The snow is falling down. Your soon-to-be wife walked down the aisle with the prettiest bouquet I can never hold. But I was not jealous of her dress nor her flowers. She's just very lucky that you are the one she will be marrying.

In almost an hour, you will be planning the rest of your lives together. You will be living with your cats and dogs and kids running around. You will be settling down here in the country with her and all of your future children. I cried silently as my heart gets torn apart now that I know there will be zero chances of us getting back together ever again. Zero chances that we will be together in the end. 

But no tears fell from eyes because I saw happiness in yours. I know I've seen it when we were together. And for me, that's enough. That in this lifetime, you loved me, I loved you, and we loved each other. For me, that's enough. Your happiness is all I ever want.