It's white as far as he can see.

His favorite season of the year, and yet it doesn't comfort him at all.

Myungsoo feels the need to clutch his chest as he walks down the Fifth Avenue. It's not because of the cold air, not at all, but rather because of the pain in his heart. He's never been much of a feeler, but he kinds of hates the fact that all the emotions are taunting him right now. Anger, pain, sadness, and disappointment. It's suffocating him.

He's thinking of moving back home to Korea as he enters a coffee shop, with big, neon letters of Fifth Avenue Coffee displayed at the top. Obvious, Myungsoo thinks to himself.

"Hello, welcome to Fifth Avenue Coffee, would you like to order something?" a girl at the counter greets him, smiling brightly. He himself, however, is in too much of a bad mood for courtesies.

"Um, one long black americano, please, for take away," he answers, pulling out his wallet from his pocket. He pays twelve dollars for the coffee, and the counter girl tells her that she'll deliver it to his table in a few minutes.

Myungsoo takes a seat at the table by the window. He touches the screen of his phone, and it lights up. Myungsoo sighs – he hasn't changed his home screen picture yet, and maybe he's not planning to anytime soon. He goes back to his pondering minutes ago.

A tinging sound of the cup being put on the table snaps him out of his thoughts. Myungsoo looks up to see the girl from the counter, smiling down at him, her head tilting to the side, her chestnut hair draping over her shoulder. "Your coffee, sir."

"Oh, thank you," he says, but the girl doesn't leave. Instead, she places a box of blueberry cheesecake on the table, puzzling him. "I'm sorry, but I didn't order this.."

"Don't worry, it's from the house," she says. "You look a little bit down, so I thought that maybe this cheesecake can cheer you up."

"Um, thanks.."

"You're welcome! By the way, my name is Krystal Jung," the girl points to her name tag on her right chest. "And you are?"

"Myungsoo Kim."

"Oh, you're korean? No wonder your face looks so asian! I'm korean too," Krystal says excitedly, switching to their national language easily.

Myungsoo looks at her blankly. "Oh, okay, that's nice."

"I know, right. I never thought I'd met another korean here. I'd stay and chat, but my shift isn't up yet, so.." she smiles and slightly lifts her hand up, waving a small goodbye. "I'll see you some times later, Myungsoo."

He trails her steps back to the counter.

She eyes him from behind the cash register and gives out a smile.

Myungsoo chuckles as he grabs his cup of americano and the box of cheesecake, and takes his leave.

The next day, Myungsoo finds himself back at the Fifth Avenue Coffee Shop. Maybe it's because of how good yesterday's coffee tasted like. Or maybe it's because something else, but now he's already standing in front of the counter, looking through the list of coffees.

"Oh, Myungsoo, you're here again," a familiar voice greets him. Krystal shows up from the kitchen door and quickly takes over the counter. "Do you want to order something?"

"Long black americano, and blueberry cheesecake. I'm paying this time," he smiles.

"Ah, yeah. Feeling better now?"

"Not really, no. But I've come to like the blueberry cheesecake."

"Oh.. do you want to talk, or something? My shift is up in half an hour."

Myungsoo glances at his watch. It's 5pm, and yesterday, he came at two. Krystal's shift is during the afternoon, he guesses. "If you want to, I guess we can talk."

"Okay, then. Wait for me, okay?"

Half an hour later, Krystal appears at the same time with Myungsoo's order, but she's not in her waitress uniform anymore. Her blinding red-colored oversized knit sweater covers her upper thighs and is a bit loose in the arms parts. She seems warm, and Myungsoo is glad to have her company.

"Did you wait long?" she asks as she takes a seat across the table. "I'm sorry I only delivered your coffee now, I just thought that maybe you'd like to have coffee while talking, so you don't have to buy another one."

"No, that's okay, that's nice too," he says and takes his own coffee from the tray, and realizes she orders one for herself as well. "What's your drink?" he asks out of curiosity.

"Triple C's. It's sweet and warm, I kind of need it," she giggles. "So, let's talk. How long have you been in NYC, Myungsoo?"

"A year. You?"

"I've been in America since born. I was born in California, but I moved here on my first year of high school, because I want to prove to my parents that I'm all grown up and I can take care of myself."

"Isn't NY far from Cali?"

"I know, that's why they rejected it first. But my sister gets a job offer in D.C., so since it's closer, I can always go to my sister. Besides, next year, I'm going straight to NY Academy of the Arts," Krystal smiles. "What about you? Why are you here?"

Myungsoo falls silent. "I followed my girlfriend here – well, my ex girlfriend.." he says. "Actually, we just broke up yesterday. She dumped me, I don't know.."

"Oh.. is that why you look so down?" Concern is apparent in her voice, but he scoffs.

"I've never been able to express my feelings very well. I always look like I'm brooding, when I'm actually not. She just thinks that I don't love her anymore and even though I keep telling her that I do, she just can't believe it anymore," he sighs. "Tell me, do I really look like that?"

Krystal shakes her head. "I think you seem nice," she says, to his surprise. "I mean, you do seem cold and all, but your coldness is somehow.. nice. Get it?"

He quirks his eyebrows, nodding unsurely.  "I don't know.. maybe I do.."

She laughs. "Forget it, I'm weird with words, I don't know," says Krystal. "But, how is she? Your girlfriend?"

Myungsoo pulls his phone out of his pocket and touches it screen, where a picture of him and girl shows up. "Her name is Bae Suzy, we dated since high school, so it's been three years," he says.

"Oh, she's pretty.."

"That's what everybody says," he smiles sadly as his phone goes on power-save mode, the screen fading into black. "But I think I should just move on."

"Yeah, I think you should. I may don't know her, but I think she doesn't understand you that well, breaking up with you because of that matter," Krystal says reassuringly, putting her hand over his. "Don't worry, Myungsoo."

Warmth spreads through his body when they touch. "I'm considering moving back to Seoul, though," sighs Myungsoo. "I have a job here and all, but I don't know what am I even doing anymore. It's not for Suzy anymore, I guess."

"Do it for yourself, then," says Krystal. "I mean, I'm working my way to my dream here. Unless, your dream is back home in Korea, then I guess I shouldn't stop you."

He shakes his head. "My dream isn't home, nor is it here. I'm still on the search for it, but I think I want to have my own exhibit. I'm a photographer, you know."

Krystal looks up to see a smile spread across Myungsoo's face. He looks so calm and collected, despite his doubtful heart. "Well, you can always have one here can't you?"

"I guess I can, though it'll be tougher.."

"But if you make it big, that's better than in Korea, right?"

"I guess you're right."

She chuckles. "You guess, you think too much, Myungsoo. Just believe in it and you'll make it," says Krystal, now gripping his fingers tightly, squeezing it reassuringly.

Myungsoo looks down at his hand in hers. Warm, he thinks. "I'll try."

"Great," she smiles, and takes a sip of her own coffee. "Although, it amazes me that you're able to tell me all of these, you know. I was kind of surprised when you said yes to my offer, I thought you weren't the type of person to, you know, talk."

Myungsoo rests his head on his supporting hand. "Maybe it's because talking to a stranger is easier than talking to someone you know," he says. "I talk, you listen, and we just move on with our lives."

Krystal follows him, resting her chin on her folded hand on the table. She smirks. "But I'm not a stranger anymore, am I?"

Myungsoo scoffs. "No, you're Krystal Jung," he smirks as well. "Pleasure to meet you."

"You really are a photographer," Krystal says as she delivers Myungsoo's regular order to his table; long black americano and blueberry cheesecake. Pictures are scattered on his table, along with two jet black DSLR cameras and a leather bag he uses to carry all those.

It's been two weeks since they met and talked, and every single day of those weeks, Myungsoo would come to the coffee shop to just talk with Krystal over coffees. He even thinks he's wasting his money on their conversation – like caffeine, he thinks it's addicting. After her shift finishes at five, they'd stay and talk until night, sometimes even until the shop is nearly closed, and Myungsoo would take Krystal home.

It's becoming something he needs everyday now; long black americano, blueberry cheesecake, and Krystal.

He looks up from his laptop screen. "What, you didn't believe me when I told you?" Myungsoo returns the previous question.

"I did, it's only a remark, sheesh.. but, what are you doing anyway? Preparing pictures for your exhibition?"

Myungsoo shakes his head. "No, this is just work for the magazine. I'm just editing it."

"Let me take a look at it once I get off work, okay?" she smiles and pats his shoulder, before going back to the counter again.

Before going back to his work, he checks his phone. He's changed his wallpaper now, to a simple black and white picture of a cup of coffee. He's erased all the reminders of the past – messages, the heart from her contact name, her pictures – and now Myungsoo's days are just filled the Fifth Avenue Coffee Shop.

He chuckles when he takes a glimpse of the sunny Krystal behind the counter, smiling her usual line – welcome to Fifth Avenue Coffee, would you like to order something? – and he can see the customer smiling back at her.

It's one of the many talents she has, or effects, he calls it. Her beams, her smiles, her laughs, her sunshines and rainbows.

It's the effect of Krystal Jung, and Kim Myungsoo may probably be altered by it.

"Myung, I think we should break up."

He literally feels his heart stop. "Suzy, what are you talking about?"

"I can't. I can't be with you anymore," she says, turning away from him. "I think .. I think you've changed."

Myungsoo has no idea of what she's talking about. "I.. What?"

"I feel.. that you don't love me anymore. And you don't doubt a girl's instinct, Myungsoo."

"How can you say that? How can you just speculate something as absurd as that idea, Suzy?" he hears his own voice raises, and it doesn't sound like him at all. "I love you, I never stopped doing it, nor did I stop showing it. Can't you see?"

"I can't, Myung. That's the problem," she sighs, before turning back with a sharp look in her tired eyes. "I've known you since high school, through college years, and up till now. You're just not the same as you were anymore. Why?"

"I haven't changed. I know I haven't. Okay, maybe I'm tired and all, but we're living far away from home, Suzy, and I'm doing my best to make you happy, because we only have each other–"

"Stop! Okay? Stop it, I don't want to argue with you."

"I'm not letting you go, Suzy. Just tell me the truth, instead of making up all these things.. are you bored with me?"

Suzy lets out an exasperated sigh. "Myungsoo!" she yells, something skeptic in her tone of voice. "Fine! If you think it's not you, and I'm sure as that I'm doing my best in keeping this relationship, I just can't anymore. You know what? Maybe it's on us. Maybe we're both at fault."

"Suzy.."

"Maybe.. we're just not compatible anymore," her voice goes down but grows colder as she turns away once again to grab her coat. "I'm tired too, Myung. We should just end it here. Go home if you want, just don't come chasing after me anymore."

And with that, Suzy puts on her coat and her scarf, takes her keys and walks out of her flat door. Myungsoo stands in the middle of the room, frozen, his eyes staring unbelievingly at her.

"Why?"

"Leave, Myungsoo. I'm leaving too."

Her words pierce through his heart like a jagged piece of glass, and Myungsoo, without another word, drags his feet with firm steps out the door. It slams behind him, and Suzy brushes past him, leaving him with a broken heart.

"But, I still–" 

Myungsoo wakes up in the middle of the night, covered in cold sweat. He's panting, and he feels like there was a boulder on his chest while he was slumbering. It hurts and it feels heavy and it's suffocating him. He blindly brings his hand to his bedside table, and when he feels his phone in his grip, he quickly dialed a number.

"Krystal, are you busy right now?"

It's not proper for young girls to be out at such a late time, but it's Myungsoo and Krystal can't just turn him down, especially not after his call half an hour ago in which he sounded so urgent, so scared.

She's just about to call him again when he shows up in front of her building.

"Myungsoo!" she exclaims, and pulls in him for a quick hug. "Are you okay?"

He doesn't answer. He doesn't even hug her back. He just stands there in her arms, frozen despite how warm she is.

"Hey, you're freezing.. why did you only wear a jacket here, it's -13 degrees right now, you know?" she says, and lets go of his figure to touch his cheeks. He just stares forward, blankly. "Myungsoo.. what's wrong?"

Krystal doesn't get any answer whatsoever, so she drags Myungsoo up to her flat room on the twelfth floor. She sits him down on one of the comfortable couches, and turns on the heater and the radio as she makes them both two cups of hot Triple C's, her favorite.

Plopping down next to him, she hands him one of the cups, the Mickey Mouse one. "Hey, you called me at midnight, saying you're coming over because you need to talk. And now you're here and you're not talking," Krystal frowns. "Dude, I was watching Gossip Girl, shees–"

"I had a dream."

"Huh?"

"I had a dream," Myungsoo finally speaks up. "It's nothing absurd, just a flashback to the time Suzy and I broke up. But.. why? Why did I have to dream about it again?"

Krystal scoots over closer to him. "Dreams are a projection of something we worry and ponder about when we're awake," she theorizes. "Were you thinking about her?"

"No, I actually do try to forget her, I'm really trying. But maybe, deep down in my heart.." he sighs, "..there's still this feeling that doesn't want to let go."

"Oh.. well, I can't tell you that it's just going to disappear, because you can't really forget someone even if they've disappeared from your life. But, until you can really move on, you always have me to talk to."

Myungsoo smiles at that. "Thanks, Krystal. You know, I never expected myself to befriend a strange girl that's younger than me by two years whom I met in a strange city in America," he chuckles. "But, now that I've thought about it, you rarely tell your stories."

"That's because I mostly listen to you," she nudges him playfully. "What do you want to know anyway? I thought I'm pretty obvious; high school graduate, barista, working her off for NY Academy of Arts. What else?"

"Have you ever been in love?"

Krystal falls silent. "...I don't know. Maybe I have, maybe I haven't," she says. "I mean, I don't know if it's supposed to be called love, because it's just me falling in and out of a relationship tied with affections."

"Oh, wow. Your love's story probably like the ones in the Hollywood movies, with a super cool jock and jealous girls and childhood friends, and stuff."

"Quite the contrary actually, although it does involve friendship, yes. But to tell you something, I don't like american guys, they're not my type for boyfriends."

Krystal begins her story of how her childhood friend from Korea was visiting over during the summer on their sophomore year. His name was Taemin, and they've been together forever. A whole summer they spent together in this flat, and she developed a new feeling for him – something more than friends. But she knew that he had to return home, and once he did, a few weeks later, Taemin told her that he was now dating a girl named Sulli. Krystal lets go – she isn't the type for long distance relationships anyway.

"He's still dating that Sulli girl up till now?" asks Myungsoo, growing interest on her love life.

Krystal nods. "I heard they're getting engaged once Ssul and Taem graduates from their universities. How scary, I've only been in a relationship once and they're getting married soon.."

"You've only been in a relationship once? With who?"

And she tells another story about this transfer student on her senior year. His name was Choi Minho, and he's one of the three children of the owner of a big company called Choi Foundation and Co – in short, a rich heir. He's handsome and athletic and smart, with y English that made him to die for. And like any other girls in her school, Krystal admired him, and that admiration turned into a small crush. He hit on her once or twice, and then boom, they dated. However, it didn't last very long. They were getting close to graduation and Minho's parents had decided for him to study business overseas. And once again, Krystal just lets go.

"I don't know why, but I didn't have dreams like you. I didn't even cry. Call me heartless, but maybe, it wasn't love," she sighs, but then smiles at the dazed Myungsoo, "and maybe yours wasn't too. Maybe she's just giving you another chance to find your true love."

Myungsoo feels dumbstruck. Krystal may be younger than him, but she certainly feels deeper than him, way deeper. She's only been in a relationship once, and she even dares to label it not love, and even his relationship too. Myungsoo's a thinker, not a feeler, and he thinks it's what he's been missing for a long time.

"And maybe you're right," he smiles, taking a sip of his Triple C's. It's warm and heartening, he feels. "Maybe."

Krystal grumbles when she pulls on the strap of the heels. An important guess came to the coffee shop today, so her boss had told the waitresses to wear proper shoes. Krystal personally thinks it's the stupidest thing in the world – how can these comfortable flats not considered appropriate? she ranted to Myungsoo once. Plus, because of that, Myungsoo can't stop by the shop like usual. He says he has some work to do anyway, so he'll be coming at night.

It's seven pm and Krystal already changed out of her uniform to a comfortable blue cable-knit pullover and skinny jeans and white crochet scarf around her neck, although her feet are still in heels. Once she steps out of the shop, however, she slips on wet ice and into Myungsoo's arms, who has been waiting for her outside.

He laughs at her. "Careful, Krys, you don't want to have a sore bum," he says as he helps her back up. "And you know, you should probably get a change of shoes.."

"I didn't bring another pair," she frowns. "Or maybe I should just walk home barefooted.."

"Jesus, you're crazy. Just hold on to me in case you fall again," he gives his arm, and she happily hugged it, holding onto it as if her dear life depends on it. Myungsoo chuckles. "But the night's still young, what do you say we go skating and have some cheap hot dogs in Central Park?"

Krystal quickly nods. "Oh my god, yes! I've always wanted to go there on winter," she says. "But since I live alone and I have to work, so.. yeah. Shall we go now?"

New York has always been a beautiful city, with all its city lights and red brick buildings and all. The Big Apple lives up to its name, Myungsoo thinks. He and Krystal walk hand in hand through the crowds and soon they reach the pretty sight of Central Park Wollman ice rink.

"Hey, let's get some coffee first, I'm freezing," she tugs on his arm, and they both walk towards the small vendor cart just beside the ice rink.

It only costs two dollars for a coffee, and five for the hot dog, and Myungsoo literally winces when he drinks it.

"Completely different from the coffees you made."

"Duh, I'm a barista, I'm supposed to know how to made good coffees," Krystal says, taking another sip. "But this cheap coffee tastes quite nice, it is bitter, and kind of tasteless.. but it's warm, and the view is just beautiful."

"It is," he nods, and picks up the camera that has been hanging around his neck for a while. He aims the lens at the panorama – the bright ice rink like glowing, the people gliding across and everywhere on it, and the skyscrapers with city lights at the background. "It's wonderful."

After they finished their hot dogs and coffees, Krystal asks Myungsoo to go skating. He's not really good at it, and he's sort of forgotten the steps since it's been a long time since he last skated. But it seems fun, so he agrees anyway.

They rent skates and as soon as he steps on the ice, he almost slips that he has to hold on to the railings. Krystal bursts in laughter.

"Laughing at me?" he raises an eyebrow.

"Duh. It's just somehow funny to see you being so awkward for the first time, because you're usually cool and all," she giggles. "Come on, Myungsoo. Don't tell me you can't skate."

"I could once. But it's been a long ti–whoa!" he almost slips again, and her laughs boom in his ears. He pouts. "I didn't fall."

"Of course you didn't, Myung. Get a grip on yourself, and let's go!"

He manages to stand up, and Krystal quickly glides away from him in a challenging manner. Myungsoo snickers and follows her, marks engraved in the ice from where he goes. They end up chasing each other, laughing and yelling as they skate across the ice, through the crowd.

Myungsoo picks up the pace and Krysal is almost within his reach, when she suddenly slips on rough ice and falls, and he tries to stop, but ends up falling as well. It's supposedly awkward – him on top of her, their faces only a few inches from each other and their breaths turning into smoke brushing against each other's cold skins – but they just stare at each other and laughs brightly, shrugging it off.

He helps her up, and when she is back on her feet, Myungsoo doesn't let her hand go. "In case you fall again, because then I'd end up falling too."

"It's not my fault, stupid," she chortles and they both skate towards the edge of the rink.

Krystal calls for another two cups of bitter street-side coffees and they hang their hands over the railings, sighing as they take in the view of the city.

"I don't know how it happens, really," she suddenly says, and Myungsoo quirks a brow, confused. 

"Don't know what?"

"I don't know how it happens, how snow falls from the sky. I don't see anything but then whites suddenly appear out of nowhere, it's weird and mind-boggling and amazing at the same time."

He sighs. "Me too," says Myungsoo. "It's weird how it works, how something and someone can just show up out of nowhere and makes its way into our lives. Kind of like how I met you."

Krystal turns to him, who is looking up at the city-light illuminated sky.

"I just fell out of a relationship, or rather kicked out of it. I found myself walking down Fifth Avenue when I was in desperate need of warmth, and I entered your coffee shop, I ordered coffee, and then you suddenly appear with your smile and your blueberry cheesecake, and that's when I feel it," he turns back to see her. "Not from the coffee, not from the heater inside of the shop, but from you, I feel warmth."

Krystal freezes for a second, staring at Myungsoo like he's just said a mouthful of nonsense. "I'm warm?"

He laughs. "You are. You're sweet and warm and bright and you make me happy and comfort me," says Myungsoo. "Like coffee. Preferably Triple C's, I've always thought that that favorite coffee of yours are somehow compatible with you."

Krystal smiles. "Not a lot of people can just deduce that, you know. A great barista knows what coffee fits their customers taste and personalities, but you're not a barista and yet you just paired me up with my favorite coffee. I'm deeply touched."

"I have my moments," he shrugs and she giggles.

Krystal finishes the last drop of her coffee and the hint of bitterness off her lips. "I've told you before, I've only been in a relationship once, and some feeling of more than friends once, but both didn't work out and I can't seem to call it love," she says. "But then I look at you and then I feel doubtful and sure at the same time. Do you think you're the one?"

"I don't think I can answer that, you have to feel it for yourself, Krys," says Myungsoo. "What do you feel?"

"I just need to confirm it, that's all."

He smirks. "I think I know how to do that."

Myungsoo leans into her, hands still gripping tightly at the railings. And when their lips touch, warmth spreads through both of their bodies like electricity. Hearts beating faster, breaths growing shallower, and Krystal is sure, she gets a hint on how love feels like.

He breaks off the contact, his hot breaths like smoke against her pale, cold skin. "How did it feel?"

Krystal bit her lips, trying to suppress a smile, though glee is written all over her face. It's warm and sweet and scary and heavenly, but she has one word to sum it up for him.

"Like I'm in love."

© hellopsr stories, 2012