Jihyo held Jeongyeon’s hand only by the pinkie finger, swinging their hands back and forth ever so slightly while Nayeon walked ahead by a few metres. She watched as Nayeon jumped from puddle to puddle on the path like a child, chasing her shadow in the moonlight, turning around occasionally to smile back at the pair, checking that they were still following.

The air was cold, but it wasn’t just the bite to the skin causing her to rug up in her puffy jacket. It was the deep set cold that she felt inside herself more than anything. She shivered. The atmosphere was different tonight, but she knew she was the only one of the three that could feel it. The heaviness over her head. The tug of gravity on her limbs. The knowledge that it was only ten at night and that it only left her a few more hours to explain things.

“Hey.” Jeongyeon nudged Jihyo with her shoulder, almost causing the smaller girl to stumble onto the road.

“YAH!” She cried, temporarily forgetting about the ball and chain she had been carrying the whole night. Jeongyeon just laughed, her smile filling her whole face as she took Jihyo’s whole hand in her own, lacing their fingers together.

“What’s got you so down tonight?” She asked as they settled down again, looking ahead toward Nayeon who had resumed a more leisurely walk in front of them. “You’ve been so quiet.”

Jihyo sighed. Had she really been quiet? That hadn’t been her intention. Things were supposed to go as normal tonight. Like nothing had changed. But she guessed Jeongyeon knew her better than she thought.

“I’m allowed to be quiet.” She mumbled in response, a petty excuse to hold off from the truth for a bit longer – if only for a few more minutes.

Jeongyeon rolled her eyes.

“Of course, you’re allowed to be quiet, Ji. It’s just that you’re not. Not ever.”

Jihyo didn’t answer. She looked straight ahead, focusing her eyes as far away as she could to the very edge of the street where the road disappeared over a hill. How was she supposed to say this?

“Jihyo? What’s wrong?” Jeongyeon asked. Her voice was filled with concern and worry, and love and it made everything worse.

“Are you guys okay?” Nayeon called from in front of them.

I suppose this is it.

Nayeon back tracked a few paces to where Jeongyeon and Jihyo now stood still. The older girls looked to Jihyo, their eyes big and scared.

This is where everything goes to hell.

“I just…” Jihyo let go of Jeongyeon’s hand, the skin instantly feeling cold, craving for the touch once again. “I’ve been meaning to tell you guys something.”

Nayeon cocked her head to the side a fraction, her hand finding Jeongyeon’s hand. The same one that had grasped Jihyo’s only moments before. Jihyo’s insides were warm for a moment, seeing them like that. Standing together, holding each other’s hand, being each other’s rock in a time of uncertainty.

“It’s just that the timing has never been right… but I guess I’ve run out of time.” She breathed deeply, the cold inside her only intensifying with the action. She could see Nayeon refraining from yelling at her to spit it out, and Jeongyeon clenching her jaw, bracing against tears, preparing for the worst.

“Things have been going well with my training. Really well.”

‘The silence was deafening’. That phrase summed up how Jihyo felt in that moment perfectly. A numbness in her ears as the expressions of the girls spoke more words than they would ever decide to say. Jihyo would never forget the way they looked at her when she said those words. She would never forget. Not for a million years. She could never forget the day she chose her dreams over love.

Maybe you would expect such a phrase to be followed up with something along the lines of: “That’s so great!” or “I’m so happy for you, Jihyo.” But Jihyo’s words had an underlying meaning.

There’s no time.

This is what I want.

There is no other way.

I can’t be friends after this.

I’m so sorry.

These were things that Jihyo spoke through a look, and through her final words.

“I hope you’ll remember just how much I love you both.”                          

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I couldn’t tell you.

Silence continued.

Silence speaks volumes and it is deafening.

Only silence remains.