Li Yang had come to be my nurse in my last days. She would sit and talk to me, she would wipe the sweat off my brow and make me drink the yellow flower tea. She was upset with me, I could tell. I wasn't fighting and I wasn't staying alive. She said once to me, very honestly, I was being selfish. I told her that at least once in my life, I should be. 

"Li Yang, what was last night's moon?" 

"Not yet half a moon, fading to the left. The new moon will be in only a few days." I nodded and she handed me the cup of tea she had brewed. I sat at the eating table, her next to me, wiping away any sweat. 

"When are you and Soldier Liu to be married?" She blushed and put down her own teacup. 

"They had... They had said that after you passed on, I was free of my servanthood. I am to go back to his village and we are to be married within the next 2 new moons." I smiled a tiny bit, happy to hear they would be married the proper way. 

"Is his village near yours? Will you have to learn his mother tongue?" She shook her head. 

"We are both from the south, very close to each other. Both our villages are to celebrate together."

"I am very happy for you, Li Yang. I was to be married in such the same way." She sat up a bit, and I forgot she had no idea of who Jia Er was to me. Only that he was once a soldier who had come to visit my aunt's compound. 

"How do marriage ceremonies work in the north? Are they similar?" I nodded. 

"I believe so. It would take two days. The first day, the male would come to the female's house, taking any challenge her friends and the women of the village had for him. The only way to see the bride was for him and his men to pass every task. Then he would take the wedding gifts to the bride's room; seeing her for the first time in her family wedding dress. All of the married women helped her get ready in the traditional ways. He was to ask the bride to come with him, and she would always accept. The parents would take the gifts and the dowry would be given. The couple would then be taken to the center of the village where the rest of the families would be waiting. The bride and groom would serve tea starting with his father's father and moving down the line. You would bow and ask for blessings and any advice on marriage. After that, the ceremony would take place in front of the village. They would pledge such love in front of everyone who had come into the mortal world. After this, it would be night, and the bride and groom would be separated. The groom was to go prepare the house he had built for the bride. Using the dowry and any gifts that his mother had given. The next day, they would rise early, before the sun, putting on traditional white clothing. It is white in the north to mark fresh new snow. The unmarried girls would get to put flowers in the bride's hair and the unmarried men would help tie the groom's various threads that would go around his hair and neck. They would then meet where the respective family shrines were, going first to her ancestors, asking to take the bride into her new family. The bride would ask to be held safely by the groom's ancestors and to be welcomed into the home. After they came out, the whole village would be waiting for them, having taken the morning to set up a lavish mid-day meal... well as lavish as a village could. Everyone would eat and dance and drink into the night. When the sun had finally gone down, the party would continue, but the bridge and groom would sneak away to their new house. They were not to be seen doing this, it would have to be planned by only them. Lastly, under the moonlight, they were able to make their bond whole." Her eyes were filled with romance and love, every young girl was this way. She dreamed of the man she would marry and how the marriage would happen. 

"It sounds so much more intimate in the north than the south. It begins the same, but everyone is to witness our ancestors' blessings and everyone is to see the bride and groom off. It seems so much more filled with love in the north." 

"There is a saying, the people from the north are lovers because when the snow burns cold, they need love to keep warm." She nodded and finished her cup of tea. 

"Were you pledged to Nobleman Wu at a young age, Fei Yu?" It stung, her words, but she had not known and today I felt open. I had never gotten to tell someone the story of Jia Er and me and I would never get another chance to do so.

"No, I was given a choice in a way. My father had agreed with his best friend that one day, their children would be married. I and my best friend were those children. Do you remember the man who came to my Aunt's?" Her eyes widened, just like the young girls in the village who liked to gossip. It felt comforting being around Li Yang. We were one and the same. 

"The handsome soldier? He was whom you were to marry?!" I nodded. 

"Wang Jia Er." Saying his name out loud hurt, and I had to grab my chest. The coughing begins as well and Li Yang urged me to swallow more tea. 

"Fei Yu Jie, are you okay?" I nodded and took more sips of tea. 

"He was. He had proposed to me before he left to become a great soldier here in the capital. I had told him that I would wait, and he would have to come back to hear my answer." She seemed hesitant to press more, but she did really want to know.

"Did he...?" I shook my head. 

"My village was attacked by Mongols. Yi Fan had heard that they were coming from his father and saved me. Jia Er had found us on our last few roads to the capital, hearing what happened. He spent the night with us, trying to convince me not to go with Yi Fan, and to come with him. I was so upset that he had never returned, I denied him. It was my biggest mistake, Li Yang. I was caught up in my anger and mourning and needed someone other than myself to blame. I was the one who walked away from my village... from those screams. I saved myself and I was ashamed." She put her hand on my back, seeing how sad I had become. She had known I was dying from heartbreak, but now she knew who it was for. They all thought I had lost a child; that is what Yi Fan was telling everyone. I had lost a child and was overcome with grief. Only a few knew the truth.

"Li Yang, you cannot tell anyone. You know what they are saying about me, and we must keep it that way." 

"Yes, Fei Yu Jie." 

"I want... I want you to live out the marriage I never had. In the village. The south will be safe from war, unlike the north. I want you to have many children, and let them be happy. Be happy with Soldier Liu. Hold him every day and every night." She put her arms around me this time, like a little sister. She felt like a little sister to me, that's what it was. I would miss Li Yang in this next life, but maybe she would join me in a later one.

"I will name one of my daughters after you, Li Fei Yu. I promise you that." I smiled and held her arm. 

"I would like that very much. Make sure she is happy. She marries who she is in love with no matter who it is. I give my blessing upon your marriage and the children you are to have, Li Yang." 

______

Yi Fan was sitting with me in bed, I had started coughing in the morning and it would not end. My heart felt that it was twisting inside of me. I was laying on him, his arms wrapped tight around me, rocking as he sang the lullaby he had a few nights ago. Tonight was the new moon. 

"Fei Yu, are you sure you don't want everyone to come here tonight? Li Yang said she had a new soup to give you. It tasted like that from the north." I shook my head and continued coughing. Yi Fan had called for the doctor again, hoping to get something to end the coughing. It had kept me awake and it was hurting me physically. 

"The doctor should almost be here. You are the patient he is most worried about. He also knows my urgency." The doctor had come in and laid me down. He tapped my back, hoping that he would get rid of what was making me cough. Once he did that, he had told Yi Fan that my cough was not from where I breathe, but from deeper within. There was nothing he could do there as well. They started talking in deep, hushed tones. I could not hear over my cough. He was most likely telling Yi Fan that he thought it was going to come tonight. Death was closing in fast, and I was not doing anything to stop it. He, as a doctor, could not help a patient wanting not to be helped. When he left, there was a somber atmosphere and Yi Fan went back to holding me, this time harder than ever before. I knew then the doctor had told him. 

"Li Fei Yu, I love you. I know you have heard it time and time again, and I know you cannot put me in your heart, but you are the other half of me. In the next life, you said you would give me a chance. You would try to love me first. If Jia Er is there, I know it will not be possible, but it has given me hope."

"You are"-cough, cough-"a good" -cough-"man. The gods"-cough, cough, cough,-"will bless you." He wrapped his arms around me even more and then laid me down between his legs, running a hand through my hair. 

"I hope in the next life, the gods will bless you with the life you want. No hardships like they have done to you here." 

"Fei Yu, do you know what you want to try to eat for dinner? Soup? I can make anything." 

"I" -cough-"not h-hungry." He nodded and still looked down at me. 

"I will make soup and if you feel you need to eat it, you must." He got up, laying my head down and putting a fur over me. I must have felt like ice to him.

"Yi Fan." He stopped in the doorway.

"Yes?" I pointed to my side bag laying on our table. He went and got it, handing it to me. I had told him once items from my hometown were in it. I was wanting something else. 

Yi Fan went into the main room, going to make dinner for himself. I reached in the bag and pulled out the stone. Even with no light outside, it still shined green. I put my bag down next to me, holding the stone in my right hand as if he was here with me. Hopefully, I could use this stone to find him in the next life. I would need something of Yi Fan's as well. To guide me. I told him I would give him a chance and I will stay by my word. 

"Yi" -cough, "Yi Fan." It was loud and took much strength, but he rushed in right away. 

"Are you okay, Fei Yu?" I nodded put pointed to the box that held his items. The coughing had still ripped through my body, but I needed it. 

"Give me something, for the next life." His eyes grew wide and he went to his box. Something that would be noticeable, easy to find. It is said that if I died with these in my hands, they will come with me. 

He pulled out one of his stone stamps. Black and white in color, I was there when he paid for two of them. One to keep at home and one to keep with him. It would have his name on it, the easiest way to find him. 

"Here, take this. You will find me most easily with my name." I grabbed it, holding it in the same hand as Jia Er's stone. Yi Fan had not seen it. 

"You said in the next life you would find me. Seek me out first. We will find Jia Er together." I nodded and looked out at the sky, the stars were still out and my eyes were searching. Searching for Jia Er. If I looked towards him, maybe then I would find him easier. Yi Fan kneeled down next to me again, this time with a rag with cold water. 

"The doctor told me something today, something that made me not believe fate has given me this treatment." I looked at him and he frowned. He could see it in my eyes, I was fading. 

"Wh-what?" He shook his head. 

"He told me you would die tonight, that is all. I did not believe him, but somehow when you woke up today, coughing, looking pale as the moon itself, I knew it to be true. You are leaving me today." I looked back out to the stars again. Still looking for one with bright strength, one that made my heart swell. I think in my few days left, I had studied every star in the sky. 

"Yi Fan? Can you sing me the song again? The night on which we danced." He put down the rag and held my cheek in his hand. I was still looking out in the sky. He began singing, soft and melodic. I had never realized how well he had sounded until we danced. I would have asked him to sing more if I would have known. I held tight the two pieces of stone in my hand. It was funny to me that both of their items were from the same element. As if they were both from the same cloth. Perhaps that was true. 

My breathing started to be labored, but coughing stopped. I could hear Yi Fan's voice breaking as he sang. My body felt light, my heart not in pain as much as it had been in these past days. This was a good way to go. Next to a man who loves me, singing me a song from his childhood. I smiled and closed my eyes. I would find them in the next life, it would be easy. They are both too important to me to let them go.

I had realized I had not said goodbye to Yi Fan, but it did not matter. It was not a goodbye to either of them. I would see them so soon.