She was walking down memory lane as soon as she entered her home after visiting her mother’s grave, feelings raw as she walked into a now empty home. The house that was once filled with her mother’s scent, filled with her mother’s laughter is now quiet, scent slowly fading away. 

 

A warm hand slid around her into a hug. It’s been awhile since she stepped into the house. She made sure the house was well kept and hired people to clean the house once in awhile. She left the house as soon as she got the offer from a university to further her studies. 

 

“It’s been awhile,” her breath shuddered, leaning into her love’s warmth. She never had the heart to rent out the house and she’d be crazy to sell the house because her mother was able to buy the house with her hard work and endless shifts. 

 

The house was as how she left it about four years ago and her heart grew melancholic. Everywhere she looked she could see glimpses of her mother. Before she knew it, a lone tear had escaped, running down her cheeks. 

 

He hugged her close knowing how much it meant to her to be coming back to this house, her beloved home. Sungyoon wiped the tears from her face tenderly, warm palms resting on her soft cheeks. 

 

“Let’s clean this place a little,” she said as she pulled herself together, breathing deeply. 

 

She walked to the living room and opened the windows slightly to allow the cool winter air to replace the stagnant air inside the house. They both removed the white cloths covering the furnitures and started sweeping the floor. The house wasn’t big but it was enough for her and her mother back then. 

 

They were done by lunch time, both of them sitting close on the couch, limbs tangled with each other. The windows are now closed and the warm air from the heater providing a comfortable and cozy vibe for the both of them.

 

“What do you want for lunch?” he asked her, hands going through her soft raven hair. She hummed, content with the way they are now. As much as she likes staying like this with her beloved, she can feel her hunger slowly rising. 

 

She kept thinking on what to eat and as she was about to ask Sungyoon what he felt like eating, she heard his stomach growl. They both laughed, Sungyoon’s face turning slightly red from embarrassment as he wasn’t expecting his stomach to growl that loudly 

 

“Let’s just eat ramyeon. We need to go for a quick grocery run though. Can you wait that long?” she , fingers poking his stomach playfully. 

 

They put on their thick jackets and scarves to protect themselves from the winter wind.

 

“Let’s go feed your tummy!” she exclaimed happily, feeling light on her feet. 

 

She wrote a short list so that they have enough for the weekend because she wants to spend the most time she can in her home with her beloved. There’s no telling when she’ll be back there again. 

 

They walked through every isle at the grocery store making sure they had everything they needed. When she wasn’t looking, Sungyoon had grabbed a bar of chocolate and a tub of ice cream because he knows she would want something sweet to help her cope with the overwhelming feelings of being back in her home. That’s one of the similarities they both had. They’ll crave for sweets after being emotionally drained. 

 

After ensuring they had all that they needed, they proceeded to the checkout counter and headed straight back home. Once inside the warmth of the house, they went straight to the kitchen to start with lunch. 

 

Lunch was a simple affair, just them with a pot of ramyeon on the dining table. 

 

“I’m saying this not to flatter you or because you’re my girlfriend but damn you make the best ramyeon,” he said, mouth full with ramyeon. 

 

“Okay, one; as adorable as you are, please don’t talk with your mouth full. Two, it’s just ramyeon, love.” hands reaching out to wipe the ramyeon broth from her love’s chin. He just smiled sheepishly, appreciating the fond gesture from his love. 

 

They decided to take a break after lunch and just lounge in the living room. Sungyoon was lying down on the couch, his love resting next to him, head resting on his strong shoulders. They settled on watching a random movie after flicking through the channels and not finding anything they want to watch. 

 

As his love traced random shapes on his chest, breathing getting even, he slowly fell asleep. He blamed it on fatigue because he could barely sleep the night before, too nervous to finally meet her mother, the woman who had brought his love to the world.

 

Seeing that Sungyoon’s deep in slumber, she got up and took out a thick blanket from the closet and draped it on her sleeping love to keep him warm. She stared tenderly at the love of her life’s sleeping face. He looks so peaceful, she could stare at his beautiful face all day long and not get tired of that face. 

 

She straightened her back and walked towards her room. She slid open the door and memories came flooding in. She can see her mom joke about her plushie collection and fondly tucking them back to their position, sometimes making funny voices while playing with her plushies. Her mom would drape a blanket around her as she fell asleep on her study table and putting her stuff so it won’t disturb her. 

 

She smiled fondly as she held a photo frame. In it is a picture of her mom with her on their last christmas together. The thought of not having her mom with her every christmas never came across her mind back then and to think that it was their last, she would’ve made her mom her favourite food like she requested. 

 

‘If you live with regrets in your heart, will you ever be able to live happily?’ her mother once said to her when she was in middle school. She had asked her mother about her father who left them both for another woman. 

 

She put the frame back to its place and walked to her mother’s bedroom. Her hands trembled as she slid the door open. It was like how she had left the room years back. It was as if her mother would come running back home to her in the cold winter air. 

 

She walked to her mother’s vanity table, hands immediately opening the first drawer. Her mother would always put their pictures together in there. ‘It’s so that I’ll always have you close when you continue your studies,’ her mother had said. 

 

She looked through their pictures together, smiling fondly as every memory runs through her. She puts the pictures on her mother’s vanity so that she doesn’t forget to bring it back with her. She made her way to her mom’s bed and recalling how she would run to her mom’s room whenever there’s a thunderstorm to hide under her blanket. 

 

“Mommy’s here to save you from the mean storm,” her mom would always come and find her there, all curled up, eyes teary. She sat there for awhile, looking around the room. She can see her mother everywhere. 

 

She was about to leave the room when the back of her foot accidentally kicked something underneath her mother’s bed. ‘That’s weird. She never puts anything under her bed,’ she thought to herself and crouched next to the bed.

 

It’s a little dusty which tells her it’s been there for a while and the people who cleaned the house didn’t put it there. She took the box out carefully, not knowing what’s the content of the box. 

 

She sat on the floor, back facing the door. She took a long breath and opened the box. Inside it were sealed letters. She took one out and recognised her mother’s handwriting immediately. 

 

Every envelope has different things written on it. She took out a few and read what’s written on the envelope. 

 

‘When you need assurance’

‘When you’re unsure’

‘Your 20th birthday’

‘When I’m no longer with you’

 

Her eyes began tearing up again. her mother had written up all these letters for her, for every possible occasion she will face in the future. She took the envelope that contained her mother’s letter for when she’s no longer with her and opened it to read its contents. 

 

“To my dearest Jieun,

 

I’m sorry I had to leave you so soon. I don’t know when you will read this but when you read this, know that no matter where you are, I will always be with you and cheering you on. 

 

By the time you read this, it must mean I have died and I hope that I died in the warmth of our home with you holding me. 

 

Death is inevitable, my dear. I hope you learnt to accept my passing too. 

 

Jieun-ah, mommy loves you so much. It hurts me that I have to write this letter for you. I wish when you read this, we’ve both lived a happy content life and I died peacefully. 

 

Whatever you’re doing now, I hope you are happy and content with your life. I hope you’re living a happy life and not dwell on my death for too long because I know you so well, my child. Please, for my sake, don’t dwell on my death for too long. I won’t be able to rest peacefully if you continue to dwell on my passing. 

 

My last wish is for you to live on, even after I’m no longer with you. I’ll always be looking after you from heaven, maybe try to sneak out from time to time just to see smile. Perhaps, then you’ll already have a family of your own and have little kids running around your house. I hope I was able to witness all that before I die.

 

When you’re feeling sad or confused, know that I’ll always be there with you to comfort you. I may not be there physically but know that my soul will always guide you, protect you from harm’s way. In a way, I’ll be your guardian angel. 

 

I don’t know how death will greet me but I hope when he greets you, he will be nice to you. If he isn’t I shall go to him himself and smack him for hurting my baby. 

 

My dearest daughter, I love you so much. To the moon and back, in this life to the next. You’ll always be my baby girl. I’ll still choose to be your mother in the next life and I don’t wish for any other daughter than you. 

 

My precious angel, I’ve lived a happy life and I wish you will live a happy life too. Till we reunite again, I love you my precious daughter.  

 

Love, mom.

 

P/s: I hope you’re smiling reading this instead of crying. I tried my best to not make this letter sad because your tears are too precious.”

 

By the time she finished reading the letter, she was crying hard, silent sobs escaping her. Why hasn’t she noticed this box earlier? She folded the letter back neatly and put it back in the envelope. She went through the box again and read the letter meant for her 20th birthday even though it was four years late. 

 

As she was going through the box, Sungyoon entered her mom’s room and found his love sitting on the floor with silent sobs. 

 

“I knew I’d find you here,” he said as he gently hugged her, trying to ease her sobs. 

 

“I found this box under mom’s bed. It’s filled her handwritten letters,” she said between sobs. 

 

She took one out knowing it wasn’t meant for her but for her other half. She handed it to Sungyoon, pulling herself in between the space of his stretched out legs. 

 

He opened the letter carefully as she laid her head against his sturdy chest and asks her love to read the letter aloud. On the envelope, it wrote ‘To her forever’.

 

“To my Jieun’s forever,

 

I can’t believe I’m writing this letter. I can’t imagine my baby girl being married to the love of her life. I wrote this letter the first time Jieun talked to me about a boy she liked then it hit me, ah I have to let my daughter go one day. Such a mom thing to say huh?

 

If you’re reading this, I guess you are the one for my daughter. I’m unsure whether by the time you read this letter I’ll be around or not. If I am, then you shall  know that I welcome you to this small family of ours and I’m grateful that you and Jieun found each other. 

 

If I’m no longer around when you read this, I give you my blessing to your marriage although I know Jieun would’ve gone to my grave with you to ask for my blessing. She’s so precious, please cherish her for all your life. She’s my only daughter. Also, knock some sense into her. She’s been watching too much dramas. 

 

She may lack in certain areas but I hope you will be patient with her and accept her as she is like how she accepted me with all of my flaws. I’m an awesome mom, don’t get me wrong but moms make little mistakes too sometimes. 

 

I shall now address you as my child too and I shall love you like your mother loves you and spoil you as much as I spoil my Jieun. 

 

Do not worry much. Jieun is as she comes, very straightforward if not blunt. She has a few adorable quirks that I wished she would show to other people. I hope you’ve found all of those quirks. If you did, please tell me so that we can both talk about how adorable she is together (I’ve wanted to do that all my life).

 

I didn’t even want to think about this initially but I’ve always told Jieun that death is inevitable. Therefore, if I was not given the gift to witness my daughter’s big day, I need you to promise me she wouldn’t walk down the wedding hall alone. Break the traditions by all means. Jieun has this traditional wedding in her head and I’ve never agreed with that. It’s way to cheesy. Walk together with her, begin your new chapter as equals (might as well put Jieun a little bit- just a little- higher). 

 

My child, I wish you all the happiness in the world to the both of you and to you, her forever, cherish her and love her. Don’t worry, I’ll be around to look after the both of you. Live happily till the end of your lives. 

 

Love, mom.

 

P/s: You might already know this, but try to be with her when there’s a thunderstorm and hold her close. If you can’t be there for her, call her or text her and she’ll be fine then. And if you are to plan a surprise for her, I advice you against it. I did it once and she cried so hard because she got so scared. Also, if you cheat on her or hurt her, I shall send all the ghouls to haunt you for the rest of your life.”

 

And to that they both sat in silence on the floor, her back against his chest. He rests his head on her shoulder, tears flowing freely, finally able to breathe. 

 

“I wish I could’ve met your mom,” voice soft and raw. They held each other close, fingers intertwined with each other. 

 

“Do you want me to take the chocolate and ice cream now?” she joked, a smile gracing her face, eyes puffy from the tears she shed, head turned towards her boyfriend who’s trying to calm himself down. The letter from her mom was something Sungyoon never knew he needed. To really get her blessing, to finally be able to call the girl in his arms really his, to be able to live their lives together. 

 

He let out a small laugh at her joke. How the table’s turned and it’s not that his love would be the one who needed the chocolate but him.

 

“I love you,” she said turning in his arms to face the love of her life. She brought her palms to his face and wiped the tears away. He leaned into the warm palms and brought his hands up to her cheeks softly, thumbs brushing on her swollen eyes and red cheeks.

 

“And I love you too, you precious little bean,” he said kissing her lips softly, tears falling again, hearts bursting with happiness, both of them feeling a little tug on their ring fingers as the red string glowed ever so brightly.