First, she wished her arm wasn't bent in such an unnatural way against the sheets entangled between her two limbs. Her head throbbed as soon as she moved her arm away from her eyes, and the first ray of artificial light pierced its way to magnify her already growing hangover.

Yeji never sleeps with the lights off.

She woke up to the sound of clothes rustling and footsteps treading on the hardwood floors, then to muffled thuds on the carpeted rooms. She fought the morning sting on her eyes as she attempted to lift one eyelid open and s her hand underneath her pillow, finding traces of the cold metal brick—yes, it's her phone—to check the time.

7:00 am, it read.

She groaned, and then she stretched her aching body. Yeji laughed internally as soon as she realizes something, do you necessarily have to vibrate your body every time you stretch? 

She pulled her comforter closer her chin, and then proceeded to roll herself around the fabric. Warm.

She likes warmth. 

Yeji isn't usually the morning person. She prefers if her eyes stung from being dried out when she forgets to blink ten more times than the usual due to late night movie marathons, or when she suddenly decides she'd finish a book trilogy in two days.

She preferred sleeping in until afternoon or at least until it's still socially acceptable to lay in bed, basking in the warmth of her body heat and the soft embrace of the thick fabric. 

She inhales, and she feels her migraine grow two heights stronger. 

She heard the twisting of the door knob, then the creaking of the wooden slab, "Yeji, Chae and I are getting breakfast first. Is there anything you want?" A damp haired Yuna peeked from outside the room.

Yeji groaned the second time, this time a pitch higher. She quickly craned her neck in an attempt to push the strands of hair covering her face, "Guess what I am," She muttered in her morning voice, her pitch significantly lower.

"Unnie, what?" The younger girl gave her a puzzled look. "We're hungry, do you want the usual toast?"

The cat-eyed girl with significantly smaller eyes in the morning let out a tiny voice, "Nooooo.." She wiggled her whole body in waves whilst being wrapped in a cocoon; she asked a second time, "Guess what I am," She says with her eyes closed. She was basically half-asleep while attempting to do charades in the morning.

Yuna's brows furrowed further in confusion, "There's no way you're still drunk," 

Chaeryeong's voice then interrupted her thoughts, "She's a burrito, Yuna. She wants breakfast burrito." 

Yeji broke free from her entrapment, and fist bumped the air, "Nice one, Chaer." She let out tiny giggles, "Please, add lots of cheese."

The youngest girl let out a disappointed sigh, "You could've just told me, instead of acting like a caterpillar sprayed with insecticide."

The oldest girl shoot her a look of menace, lightheartedly of course, which the duplet reciprocated with boisterous laughter.

As soon as she heard the door clink close, she closed her eyes and buried half of her face under the pillow. She gave herself five minutes to calm the raging headache she woke up with—being physical so early in the morning wasn't the best course of action if she wanted to appease the throbbing pain against the back of her head, and her left eye.

After her self-induced therapy was over, she turned her body sideways and saw a letter tucked underneath a glass of water on the left bedside table; For the big monster headache when you wake up, who told you to drink last night? -from little chaer & littler yuna

She smiled at her best friends' efforts. They knew she can't handle her alcohol, and she just set herself up for a major migraine. She wasted no time and quickly downed the medicine and water in three gulps. Warm.

She hated lukewarm water. 

---

They sat around the common space in between Yuna and Chaeryeong's rooms. Their apartment wasn't too big. It had enough space for a bunch of clique sitting around gobbling french toasts, and a cheese block disguised as morning burrito.

The flat had a meter and a half wide hallway separating two rooms opposite each other, a living space in between, the bathroom and kitchen just adjacent that and of each other. 

Yeji liked coming over. She loved small spaces because it feels occupied, filled, and alive even with just a handful of friends.

The constant crippling and rustling of plastic bags echoed against the tan walls of the room. Their incessant breathing and munching served as words, and the steady clinking of the metal spoon against the ceramic mug struck a familiar tone in her ears as she stirred and watched bubbles form, then disappear on the thin foam atop a spiraling black liquid. 

She loved the aroma of freshly brewed coffee, but she hated the way it tastes. I like milk.

Yeji likes silence.

She scrolled through her phone's apps, and instantly hovered over the familiar blue bird icon. Morning routine—always check the blue bird.

Her fingers quickly darted over the search bar, and she mindlessly started typing familiar letters in familiar sequence before her morning brain could even even process her actions. 

It felt inherent, as if she programmed herself to always find, look and search for the girl she has been glued onto for the past months. 

A familiar circular icon quickly appeared below her searches, and only then did she become aware of how her fingers betrayed her. 

She hesitated, and it took three milliseconds for her index finger to move intuitively, and she's again faced with the fact that maybe she needs to cut the fixation down. 

Her attention was caught by the photo set as the younger's header—Ryujin with her grumpy look, and her two best friends; Chaeryeong and Yuna. 

She didn't realize they were actually this close. She pressed a smile. 

Her eyes instinctively read the first passage, "Headache. I feel it all over again. Deactivating." 

She was quickly washed with a wave of worry, not striking enough to feel her fingertips get cold but just enough to know it won't go away on its own. She contemplated if it was worth messaging the younger girl about, but she decided against herself. 

She resorted into pressing the distinctive heart-shaped button. Hesitantly. 

This tweet does not exist

What?

She pulled down on her thumb and refreshed the existing timeline, Sorry, this account does not exist.

And maybe the growing worry on the top left ventricle of her heart slow crept its way down, and maybe her fingertips felt a little cold, and maybe, the morning burrito suddenly didn't taste just as good three seconds ago. 

She bit on her lower lip. This was a habit she tried to quit months ago; it gave her chapped lips and it always left a rusty taste on the tip of her tongue. 

"Your biting again," Chaeryeong pointed out, "I'll buy you hundreds of lip balm if you quit."

"Sorry," The oldest of the three quickly stopped nibbling on the flesh, "I forget sometimes."

Yuna walked in, holding a brown bear painted mug. She really liked having her things printed on her favorite stuff. Yeji thinks it's the cutest thing, and while Chaeryeong refuses to acknowledge this, the cat-eyed girl knows she started sneaking in we bare bears stuff monthly.

She knows Chaeryeong too well because the moment she came over last night, she saw a myriad of bears scattered all over Yuna's bed. She remembers some—on the left were the ones she gave Yuna on her birthdays, most atop the headboard were the ones Yuna bought with her, and then she came across unfamiliar ones, a little whiter than the rest.

She laughed and then she felt her heart squeeze. She mentally made a note to tell Chaer later on because she knows Yuna wouldn't have had the heart to tell her that she liked grizzly, and not ice bear.

Yuna sat on the empty space beside Yeji, sipping on her homemade chai tea while her other hand was holding toast spread with peanut butter and jelly.

"Ryujin told me she's coming over," The youngest announced while she was chewing food on the left side of , 

Chaeryeong had her eyes glued to her phone, "She texted me just now."

Yeji, on the other hand, felt a sense of panic. She wasn't sure of she wanted to see Ryujin after their encounter last night. She had two things running on her mind; to down the burrito in one go, then run as fast as she can home, or hide inside the cupboard, or the closet, or underneath the bed. 

She felt the overshadowing of another migraine.

"I didn't know she comes over," She tried to ease in the conversation nonchalantly, "She barely hang out with us when I was still here." She sips on the dark bitter fluid,

"She's been coming over frequently," Chaeryeong pouts as she misplaces her virtual white stone on the omok game session, "She started hanging out with Yuna and I when she had almost the same classes with us last semester,"

Yeji knew outside the two groups, the three probably clicked the most. Especially Yuna and Ryujin sharing the identical amounts of crazy, she remembered that tiny memory she had of them which was rare if Ryujin was involved—the three pretended to steal cartons of milk off the exposed rack of drinks, just for laughs.

They were always comical, never actually criminal even though the subject of their humor was always questionable at most.

It was all fun and games until the security going around actually thought they were stealing.

They weren't exactly keen and subtle about it; the picture was technically Yuna having her bright yellow not entirely small street backpack being opened by Chaeryeong, as Ryujin moves swiftly along the lane, grabbing as many cartons as she can with her not so big hands.

Their laughs could be heard from the farthest corner of the mall, it was only time until they got caught doing something so dodgy.

Yeji remembers this specifically because she got called in the security room while ordering strawberry shortcake, and she had to explain that her friends were just a little too unhinged sometimes.

It took a lot of convincing, because the fact that Yuna and Ryujin coincidentally took the time to plan out wearing all black outfits didn't exactly help their case at all.

She was appalled, and then she laughed because what they did was so.. in line with their character, and the moment she entered the room, the three were sharing stares and were trying so hard to hold back their laughter—except Chaeryeong, of course, Yeji thought she would have passed out if she didn't catch a glimpse of the gleaming hope that is the shadow of Yeji.

"She's your new replacement," Yuna laughs, 

Yeji squints her eyes into slits, the whites of her orbs barely visible, "I'm gone a year and you replace me, huh?"

"Aww, you're jealous," Chae added, she flipped her phone face down. She lost another game. "You'll get along well,"

The blond quirked her left eyebrow upwards, "We barely," She ballooned her nostrils twice,

"Why?" The youngest quirked her a puzzled look, "I saw you two talking last night, giggly and stuff,"

"Giggly and stuff," Yeji reenacted, "Questionable choice of adjectives,"

The duplet broke into blithe laughter, "She's just a little—" The two looked at each other before telepathically agreeing on the right word, "—difficult at first."

Yeji corrected, "Very,"

"She's a little shy," Chaeryeong thought out loud, earning her a look from the blond, "You call that... shy?"

"She's much better in small crowds," The youngest assured, "If I were you I'd fix that bedhead, and change from my pyjamas before she gets here,"

"What's wrong with my hair?" She pouts, "I brushed it earlier,"

"Do you want the truth, or do you want the half-truth?" The hazelnut haired asked, pressing her screen as her brows knit into straight line. She has been playing that game ever since they woke up.

"None," Yeji cemented, "Your lies are truths and your truths are always a little to true for my dissipating self-esteem to handle," She huffed, lightheartedly. 

"It looks like a nest," Chae shoot out, and then she let out a soft chuckle the moment the cat-eyed girl looked at her deadpan. 

Yeji wasn't really sure about the contradicting emotions creeping into her skin; she didn't really want to deal with Ryujin so early in the morning, not because she actually didn't want to see her, but her blurry memory of what happened last night wasn't exactly reliable enough to gauge if she even has the face to talk to her less than a meter apart.

And, she actually did want to see Ryujin. 

She always wanted to see her again, well, not really want, she tells herself, but she would like to, if she could, to catch a glimpse of her, as much as possible, and a little longer than a glimpse if time permits.

Her stomach fluttered tiny at the thought of seeing whiskers so soon. 

Baby butterfly.

---

The thick tension in the air would take a chainsaw to cut through.

It has been a little over an hour since Ryujin arrived, and a little over an hour since Yeji turned into stone. 

She has barely muttered a single word, and that's weird because she set herself up for doom when she took the seat on the farthest part of the room, instead of being a normal person and sitting beside where talking actually happens.

The raven haired girl came over ten minutes before Yeji finished showering. So she had the time to situate and make herself comfortable in the four corners of Chaeryeong's room, a privilege the former didn't have—the blond showed up, her two orbs a little larger than usual after seeing the occupants of the room with her hair wet, and not even damp.

I look like a wet chick, or a duckling.

The king sized bed is situated at the center of the room, cabinets and closets at each sides of the of the tan wall, her office table along with some other books were placed opposite her bed beside a fifty-inch flat screen tv mounted on the wall, and her game console and collection just beneath that.

Yeji chose to sit on her office chair, while the three made themselves comfortable on the bed.

The three were conversing as normal, Yuna took out some snacks from her cupboard and placed them on top of the bed mattress. Yeji made a conscious effort to lessen herself from looking at Ryujin, or to keep herself from even looking at her at all. 

She and Chaeryeong always shared the fascination and interest in video games. The two would always talk about the latest triple A games, except Yeji was a playstation , and Chaeryeong was xbox's —something they never really had the same sentiments for.

But one thing they shared in common was their love for the Tomb Raider franchise, and the moment Yeji saw the rectangular piece of plastic with Lara Croft's imagery printed all over, she just had to ask Chaeryeong if she could play. 

"You got the latest release?" Yeji broke her silence, excitement laced in her voice.

Chaeryeong looked away from her phone, "Yeah. They were out of stock all over. I was lucky there was one left when I looked at gamestop."

The cat-eyed girl kept her gaze on the younger, she tried to use her non-existent telepathic skills to plead Chae for a chance—the younger duplet seemed to be the only ones to always succeed in silent communication.

The hazelnut haired girl quirked her an eyebrow, she kept her gaze on the older a little bit longer, "I haven't progressed much in the game, but you can play if you want."

Yeji flashed her a toothy smile, and quickly prodded the rack of plastic encasement for the  specific one she liked. Rise of the Tomb Raider.

It didn't take her long to set up the console, and she had her back faced away from Ryujin—this ought keep her mind grounded on her nightly mission; to not stare too much.

Funny though, how she thought suppressing one of her five senses would stop her from paying too much attention to the raven haired girl. She did successfully keep herself from staring too much, which she honestly needed to do if she wanted to actually play the game, but the moment her vision was occupied with something else, her hearing was amplified ten times stronger.

Her eyes were fixated on the fifty inch screen, her thumbs were busy dragging and pushing buttons on the game controller, but her ears practically served as an antenna—fishing out the tiniest things Ryujin says.

"She looks like something.. familiar," She heard Ryujin whisper. She wasn't sure if it was an information she was supposed to hear, but the fact that she didn't say it out loud probably meant no.

Yeji squinted her eyes at the screen, her left thumb circling mindlessly on the analog controller; Lara Croft was running in circles. 

She wanted to focus on the next sentence that was going to roll out of Ryujin's tongue.

"Ah—" Yuna whispered, a little too loud, as if she had a eureka moment, "That white cat from Cinderella?"

She heard Ryujin hum, then chuckle softly, "No, I thought that first too but—"

"The white dragon from that movie?" Yuna whispers in delight. She had Ryujin chuckling a little loud, "Yes, but that's not the image in my brain," She continued to brainstorm.

Ryujin clucks her tongue in thought—five seconds pass, and even though Yeji can't see the look on their faces from behind, she probably thought Yuna had her eyes darting on the ceiling, and the other was knitting her eyebrows together in serious contemplation. 

She felt the corner of her lips tug at one side, cute.

"She looks like a great white shark," Ryujin cemented. She heard her stifle a laugh, and it was Yeji's turn to scrunch her face in slight offense and confusion.

The duplet shared a sneaky laugh and the blond wished her ears went deaf instead.

---

A few hours passed, and Yuna saw herself out of the room. It was past nine thirty in the evening, and the youngest wasn't the type to keep herself up all night.

Yeji, on the other hand, completely gave up on defeating the first mini boss just an hour after she first started playing. Chaeryeong wouldn't give her hints, and the laugh she constantly heard from a certain raven haired girl every time she failed and died just got to her nerves.

The only ones left in the room were Chaeryeong, Ryujin and her. Their positions changed a little: Ryujin was still on the bed, but had her stomach lying flat on the mattress; Chaeryeong was sitting on the floor, her limbs tucked underneath the bed, and her eyes glued on her laptop placed on top of the sheets; Yeji had no choice but to sit beside the hazelnut haired girl just opposite Ryujin. 

The oldest of the three wondered if the raven haired girl was sleeping over, but her thoughts were quickly answered as if she read her mind just now, "I called dad. He's fetching me in a few."

To which Yeji hummed in agreement, and they soon fell into soft silence,

"How are you?" Chaeryeong asked the other girl, not in a tone casual but prodding, caring. 

Ryujin waited a few seconds before answering, "The usual," She chortled. Doleful.

The cat-eyed girl admits she feels a little left out, as if she's barging into something very personal—something she didn't have the right to hear, or to share.

She lets herself go a little, and allowed a little stare. She looks at the raven haired girl fiddling with the hem of her striped long sleeved shirt. She notices how her eyelashes are a little longer. 

Pretty. 

Her hair falls and cascades in front of her face, and she had her head hung low. She hears her hum a soft lullaby, very familiar. She smiles when she realizes the piece the other girl was mindlessly thrumming. Mario's theme song.

Chaeryeong gets up on her feet and asks, "Do you like milk?" She waits for the two to reply. When she was met with confused silence, she quickly followed up her question, "I have some cookies I want you to try,"

The two bustled in agreement, and it took five seconds for the hazelnut haired girl to disappear and make her way into the kitchen.

Yeji wasn't sure if she feels awkward, or if she's agitated. Ryujin always met her in silence, and always talked to her in silence. She thinks this kind of situation is something she might have just to get used to.

She contemplated for a few seconds, if asking something so trivial would help the situation she is in. She was then reminded of the static worry that its found home in her heart.

She inhales deep, slow, and silent. 

She starts biting her lower lip; she really needs to stop this habit.

"Are you okay?" She finally convinced herself otherwise. She always took pride in saying the right words except this time, she didn't know if it was needed, or if she was needed at all.

The girl opposite her lifted her head, and returned the older girl's gaze. Ryujin really wasn't the one to talk. 

In fact, Ryujin hated it. She prefers silence, and words are always difficult for her to find, to express. So she resorted in the language she was most comfortable in, saying nothing at all. 

Yeji expected it though, it wasn't like this is the first time Ryujin has ever ignored whatever she had to say, so she figured maybe this is just the way they communicate— her saying whatever she felt like saying, and Ryujin replying in quietude. 

It's okay, she thinks; at least she knows. 

"Was your hangover that bad?" She tries a second time. She thought the first question must have been too personal, at least in their terms, for her to get an answer.

The raven haired girl has her head hung low, again, but she answers her. Briefly. "A little—" she pauses, "I think I still handle alcohol better than you."

Most of the time, Yeji would have felt like the words Ryujin just said was passive aggressively intended to get on her nerves, but her blurry memory of last night's event was slowly becoming lucid, and she feels her cheeks flush in heat, and she wishes the liquid courage didn't get the better of her.

Ryujin notices though, the way the older girl shied away, and she felt like she had to say something—a rare occurrence

"Tell me a funny story," She said out loud, out of the blue,

The cat-eyed girl was caught off guard, Ryujin would never start the conversation, at least the way she has perceived it.

Ryujin notices again, and she followed up quick, "I'll start—" she ponders for a second, "I used to love tic tacs, you know, the candy, so much when I was little I would eat it until my tongue bled," She bit on her tongue as if she could taste the blood from her words,

Yeji in return, scrunches her face in serious indignation; she felt icky about gore, "That wasn't funny,"

The raven haired girl laughs at how the girl in front of her changed expressions, from wide eyed to eyebrows knitted into one, "So I ate it everyday," She continues, the blond looking at her incredulously,

"And one time, I ate too many of them in one go, I suddenly bit into one that felt strange," Yeji quickly changed expressions again.

She was fascinated with the way Ryujin just continues on, and how she takes the time to say tiny details—like how she prefers spearmint over mint because the case is green, and she likes green; or how her tongue quickly searches for her front teeth when she mentions biting or bleeding; or how she quickly bites into the candies instead of melting them in .

Yeji felt in awe because she always met her in silence, and this was far from silence especially when the things she's saying are things she wants Yeji to know. 

It was trivial; she wasn't sure if someone would even remember something as frivolous as this, but she listened, and she took notes.

Ryujin likes mint, sweets, and everything green.

"—So when I tried to bite down hard, and couldn't smash it flat with my front teeth," she motioned her fingers near , "I fished it out and it turns out I broke my tooth from all the candy I was eating," Her tongue quickly darted to where her once broken tooth was.

Yeji laughed, because she found it cute, and she pictured it in her brain—little Ryujin holding tiny boxes of tictac and smiling with her left canine tooth missing.

"I was crying so hard," Ryujin chuckled at her foolishness, "But I quickly remembered there was tooth fairy for every time you lose teeth,"

"Did you put in under your pillow?" Yeji immediately responded, she was far engrossed with where Ryujin's story was going.

"I did, even with tears clouding my vision I quickly hid it there and slept," She giggled at her own memory, "I thought the tooth fairy granted wishes so I quickly wished for my tooth to grow or return to its place."

Yeji smiled, and laughed. Her cheeks were hurting from her lips being tugged upwards constantly, "I woke up, and when I looked underneath my pillow, it turns out it was the candy I slept with and not my tooth."

The cat-eyed girl burst into a fit of giggles, "How did you mix the two up?" She asked incredulously,

"I was a little kid panicking," She pouted, "Good thing the tooth fairy didn't grant my wish or else I would have had candy for teeth."

Yeji in between her laugh, felt her cheeks flush in heat and her stomach cramp, in a good way. She hears Ryujin laughing beside her, and she feels good. She feels happy, exhilarated and blissful. 

She looks at Ryujin at the corner of her eyes, and she sees her with cheeks just as flushed, her pearly white flashing wide, and her whisker dimples as prominent as it could get.

Her hand moves, unconsciously, and oblivious. She feels the edge of Ryujin's hand touch against hers, ever so slightly, and she contemplated if the latter noticed too, but she feels something nip at the corner of her heart, and she feels the trickling of electricity creeping on her skin.

Her body heats up— the space in between the atoms of their skin sparked, and it slithered its way to the tiny follicles of her arms, then to her thighs, then to the ringing in her ears. 

She felt the squeeze, churn, and contortion in her stomach, and the twist in her tongue. 

She tried so hard to not put words in , and especially in her heart, but when all she hears is the tumultuous laugh of the girl in front of her getting absorbed in the four walls of the room, and into a tiny speckle of space in her heart, she finally admits.

She admits—as silent as she could, not even loud enough for her own ears to hear, that maybe if the universe had permitted three years earlier, she would have had given this a chance. 

The burning sensation on the tiny space in her hand where it met the younger's flared, and she wishes the latter doesn't notice it too soon because she'd like to live in this moment for little longer before she's stricken with the fact that she can't allow herself to feel this good, not even now, not later, and not ever.