The familiar narrowed road of the resting place became visible to Hyukjae’s sight. The flower beds that were rested side by side on the sidewalk are still covered in few white clouds of dust as the cold winter slowly bid its goodbye. Hyukjae’s head started spinning slightly as he was never fond of visiting the place where his sorrow, fear, and anguish are triggering just by seeing the entrance with an engraved text on it.

The last time he remembered visiting the place was 2 years ago, the day after he was discharged from the hospital. He clearly remembered how much he protested in coming in front of Jieun’s headstone as he was still in denial of accepting the truth that pierced his already dead heart. He can’t accept the fact that his future was sleeping peacefully 6 feet below the ground and with no chance of waking up.

Since then, he never visited her no matter how much his brothers were pleading him to come with them as they thought that it will help him to slowly let go of the love that was already physically ended. But today, it was different. He finally gathered enough courage to say a proper goodbye to the person he promised to spent his life with.

With a brave heart and strong determination, he continued walking through the entrance while holding a lavender bouquet in his right hand while his brother, Jungsoo, is trailing behind him, Heechul was not present as he has an emergency meeting in his office. Nervousness and fear started to hit his vulnerable heart as he was afraid about what will happen when he finally stood in front of her.

He ventured the paths between the headstones bowing to each one of them as the sign of paying his respect. He slows down his pace when he caught sight of the three people standing in front of the familiar headstone on the far corner of the resting place. The beating of his heart became uncontrollable and his legs’ weight became unbearable that which made him completely stopped from walking.

He is in a state of confusion if he has the right to face the two people who treated him as a part of their little family all those years. Guilt, shame, and regret blatantly embraced him as this will be the first time he will face the people whom he never dares to face.

“Hyuk, why did you stop?”

Hyukjae snapped to his right when he heard the voice of his brother. He gave him an uneasy look as he can’t find the right words on how he will voice out his predicament.

Jungsoo’s brows became furrowed when he noticed the solemnity of Hyukjae’s eyes. He averted his gaze to the direction where his brother was looking and he realized the rationality of his brother’s action when he took a good look at the elderly couple standing in front of the headstone.

It was Jieun’s parents.

Jungsoo took a deep breath and gives his brother an encouraging smile and squishes his shoulders, beckoning him to continue walking.

 “It’s alright Hyuk, let’s go.”

Hyukjae who’s still stuck in his place allowed his brother to guide him closer to the grave. His heart is beating uncontrollably as many unpleasant thoughts had come to his mind. He was not sure what would be the reaction of Jieun’s parents about the fact he didn’t show up to them nor apologize for what he did from the moment he got discharged from the hospital.

“Good afternoon Mrs. Lee.” Jungsoo greeted and the couple that was standing in front of the headstone gently spun their heads to where the voice is coming from.

Hyukjae’s body tensed when two pairs of eyes landed on him. He is sweating badly and his heart is beating uncontrollably fast. At the moment he had locked eye contact with Mrs. Lee, he badly wanted to shed tears as the guilt is eating him up.  But the guilt suddenly replaced with the feeling of confusion when Mr. Lee beamed at him, and he was more surprised when Mrs. Lee runs into him to give him a warm hug.

“Hyukjae, son, it’s good to see you.” Mrs. Lee said as she sobs in Hyukjae’s shoulder. “We missed you son. Jieun’s also missed you.”

Hyukjae didn’t answer, he was lost for words when he heard Mrs. Lee calling him a son.  As Jieun’s fiancée, he was used to hearing it whenever he was meeting them, but now, he wasn’t sure if it’s right to be addressed like that. He averted his gaze to the aged man who’s walking towards him and Mrs. Lee. Like Mrs. Lee, he was beaming at him with teary-eyed dark brown eyes.

“Hyukjae, I am glad you are doing fine. We waited for you for so long.” Mr. Lee said as he was patting Hyukjae’s shoulder.

Hyukjae stood there dumbfounded. He doesn’t know how would he react to the warm welcome of his ex-fiancee's parents. It was too much to bear for his fragile heart and mind. He knew deep inside of his heart that he doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment for causing pain to those kind-hearted people that even the world cannot explain.

A strong but warm wind suddenly blows towards him and gave him the sobriety he needed. He suddenly collapsed on his knees and started sobbing uncontrollably bowing his head to the elderly couple who are both dumbfounded by his sudden change of behavior.

Jungsoo, on the other hand, was so shocked when he saw his brother is kneeling.  He can’t imagine how much grief Hyukjae is trying to hide for two years of holding on to the accident he never intended to happen. A part of him is glad for the reason, it seems his brother finally let out what he truly felt, while there’s also a part in his heart that’s aching to see his brother in that state.

“I’m sorry... I’m sorry for everything I have done. I know I can’t bring back Jieun and it’s my fault why… I am sorry Mrs. Lee.” Hyukjae begged between his sobs. He was aware that his words are useless to ease the pain he had given to the two people in front of him but he is still hoping to wash away the pains he inflected even if for just one bit.

Mrs. Lee smiles sadly and crouched down to Hyukjae, she patted his shoulder and spoke.  “Hyukjae, you don’t have to do this. Please stand up.”

Hyukjae didn’t know what to do he can’t even bring his head up to look at them. He stayed in that position until he felt strong arms are helping him to stand up and to his surprised, it was Mr. Lee who helped him. “Come on son, let’s take a seat first.”

Mr. Lee guided Hyukjae to the nearby bench and help him to take a seat. When he settled himself, Mrs. Lee takes a seat beside him, reached for his hands, and holds it. She waited for Hyukjae to calm down before speaking what was in her mind that she was holding for two years. When she hunched that Hyukjae is ready to listen to what she will say, she began to speak.

“Hyukjae, did you know when I found out that Jieun and you are getting married I was beyond cloud nine? I am so happy to the point I wanted the two of you to make your wedding faster because I can’t wait for the moment you’ll be official and legally part of our family. I liked you for Jieun because you are the perfect husband material. I know that you can make Jieun happy for a lifetime and you will never let anything bad happen to her. But the accident happen…”

Hyukjae gulped down while waiting for Mrs. Lee to continue her words. He expected that she will blame him for the accident and he is ready to take all of the blame. But the words that came out from Mrs. Lee are the words he is not expecting to hear.

“At first I and my husband were so devastated. We are very scared that we might lose our only daughter and unfortunately, we indeed lost her… “ Mrs. Lee's voice trembled. “We thought that we will lose our sanity because losing a child is never easy for a parent like us. But the moment we found out that you survived the accident, a sudden bundle of hope had formed in our hearts. we are so happy that you survived. It feels like even though we lost Jieun, God blessed us with you Hyukjae.”

Hyukjae tears are overflowing that he thought he will go blind. Mixed emotions are clouding his mind and heart when the words of Mrs. Lee are slowly sinking into him. They are happy that he survived the accident, and he can’t feel any kind of resentment towards him, it was all pure love and pure care, which is somehow peculiar to him but on the other hand, he’s overwhelmed by it.

“We were saddened when Jungsoo told us what are you doing to yourself. Torturing yourself and blaming yourself for the accident that we know you never intended to happen. None of us liked what had happened and we know that even in the last moment of Jieun, you did your best to protect her.” Mrs. Lee continued and she squished the hand of Hyukjae. “So Hyukjae, son, please don’t blame yourself because it’s not your fault and we never resent you. Now, please go to Jieun, she misses you.”

Hyukjae averted his gaze to Mrs. Lee and to Mr. Lee. He saw two pairs of encouraging smiles at him. He wanted to say something but the words left him because the overwhelming feeling of happiness, relief, and sadness are invading him right now. But the feeling of wanting to go to his fiancée overpowered all of the emotions that the moment gives him. He nodded to the people, and he slowly stood up from the bench.

He strode towards the purple tombstone beneath the grassy field. He took a good view of the carvings, and there, the beautiful name of his fiancée was written. He kneeled in front of it and placed the lavender bouquet he’s holding, the favorite flower of his fiancée that symbolized serenity. He stared at it for the longest time before lifting his hands to the top of the tombstone, closing his eyes, and uttering a small prayer for the love of his life. He asked for forgiveness, for being too late, and for torturing himself over the years.

He didn’t expect to get an answer but a cold, yet, warm wind embraced his whole body. And the overwhelming feeling of love hit him.

At that moment he knows that even if Jieun is not physically present, their love is like the wind, he can’t see it, but he can feel it….