Hyukjae was leaning forward on the railings of the merry-go-round, hands clasped together as he is watching it slowly turns in circles.

“Hyukjae!” Dara exclaimed as she waves her hands while passing by him. Hyukjae reciprocates the gesture and smiled at her warmly.

Dara has been riding the merry-go-round for the second time now. Seeing her bright face after she cried hard while giving comforts to him, he didn’t have the heart to interrupt her, no matter how many times she wanted to ride it. And this is the least he can do in returning the gratitude he felt since the first time he met her at the bar earlier.

It was the first time since the accident that he openly allowed himself to let out what he had been hiding for years of being a mess. The deepest pain that he never wanted to let out for the reason he deserved all that pain. He didn’t want to be selfish knowing that he caused excruciating pain to the people who loved his fiancée. But Dara made him realized that letting out his anguish was not bad and it’s not selfish at all. And he needed it badly. He needed someone who will listen to him without being judge by the way how his messed-up mind works.

“If I didn’t let my jealousy and anger took over my sanity during that time, it won’t happen.”

He used to blame his emotions, for failing to control them. He lost his sanity during that time. He lost his ability to think twice and act what is right. But Dara made him realized that he shouldn’t blame himself for the reason he was gifted with having those emotions.

“Hyuk, It’s ok to get angry or jealous. You shouldn’t blame yourself for having those kinds of emotions. And we should be thankful that we are capable of feeling it because having emotions are a gift”

When he recovered from the accident, he didn’t feel thankful, even for a tiny bit. He hated himself for living. He hated himself that he survived the accident. He hated that he lived while Jieun’s life ended. And that hatred he felt, turned him into a complete mess. He lived his life in a mess. Drowning himself every night into oblivion, in hopes it can help him forget the things that have been lingering in his mind. In hopes that he can forget that he was alive.

“Since the accident, every night I get myself drunk. Because if I am sober, I’m being haunted by my guilt, and by my regrets. I keep wishing for Jieun to come back, that everything was just a nightmare and I need to wake up from that nightmare. But it never happened. And getting drunk, it’s my only way of forgetting that distress.”

Once again, Dara made him realized that what he was doing is not right…

“Hyuk, what you have been doing is not forgetting. It is running away. You are running away from reality and it will not help you heal. Even if it’s painful, you should accept it.”

He hates to admit it, but what she had said was true. He is running away from his unwanted reality. He can’t accept the fact that he lost someone he treasures. He felt so alone and he was left in complete darkness without a bit of resonating light.

“I tried to shut myself from anyone, even to my brothers. I keep all the pain that I have been feeling even if I wanted to let it out, even if my heart was screaming for help because I know that I don’t deserve to be comforted fully. It was my fault… It was my damn fault.”

His two brothers, Heechul and Jungsoo are there for him when he was drowning miserably in pain. He once told them the pain he had, but as the guilt had been consuming him, he didn’t let them completely comfort him. No matter how they countlessly tell him that it’s not his fault, that what happened two years ago was an accident, he can’t bring himself to think of that.

“Hyuk, what had happened was not your fault. It was an accident. It will be your fault, only, if you mean for it to happen. But you didn’t mean for it to happen right? So it was an accident.”

Dara was right. He didn’t mean for it to happen. He doesn’t want any of it to happen. And his two brothers were right, it was not his fault. But even if he didn’t mean it, he cannot forgive himself…

He was so angry with himself, to the point that he lost the capability of forgiving. Because he didn’t know if Jieun had forgiven him. And what makes it worst was the fact that he wasn’t given a chance to ask her for forgiveness or see her in the last moments.

Before she left, the thing he had given her was just disappointment, hurt, and loneliness…

He failed to give her the happiness she deserved. If only he knew that it was the last time that he can see her, touch her, and kiss her; he will make every moment to the fullest. And that was the biggest regret he had…

“I was in a coma for 7 days. And when I woke up, I found out that Jieun was already dead. She was dead on arrival in the hospital. She suffered multiple major internal injuries. I didn’t even get the chance to ask for her forgiveness or even see her. The fact that I disappointed her, hurt her, and make her sad was unforgivable. She deserved better, but I failed to give her that.”

He regretted that he failed to be a better fiancée for her. Jieun was his true love. She loved him unconditionally. She accepted his flaws without any reason. She embraced his imperfections. She gave him nothing but love. And in return what he had done?

“Hyuk, I am not in the position to tell you this because I didn’t even know your fiancée, but I am sure that you have given her the love she deserved. Do you think she will accept your marriage proposal if she didn’t feel the sincerity of your love for her? She felt that. That’s why she accepted you. That’s why she wanted to spend the rest of her life with you. She felt your love and I know that she was happy with your love for her even if in the last moments of her life.”

And for the last time, Dara made him speechless. He wanted to believe what she had said is true. He wanted to believe that Jieun felt his love for her. He wanted to believe that Jieun was indeed happy when they were together even if in the last moments of her life. But he cannot get the assurance of it and it frustrates him. He felt lost. He didn’t know what he should do to be felt assured because the person who can assure him was already gone…

But Dara probably knew what he was thinking, for she had given him the assurance he was longing for…

“Hyuk, Did you know, you can still ask for forgiveness? Just pray for her. And when you’ve done it, look at the sky and find the brightest star. That star means your prayer was heard. And that was the answer you have been looking for, the longest time.”

He was not a religious person nor believe in the power of prayers. But he thought that if he tried to pray sincerely, he had nothing to lose. With closed eyes and clasped hands, he uttered his silent prayer. He prayed for forgiveness. He prayed everything, what he wanted to say to Jieun. He prayed that the wounds in his heart would heal. He prayed that he won’t be hurt anymore. He prayed that Jieun is in a happy place, free from the pain and no one can hurt her. And he wondered if he can start a new life without the feeling of guilt, regrets, and anger.

When he opened his eyes, Dara was looking at him proudly. She has a big smile on her face, and he finds that smile comforting. She beckoned him to look at the sky, and he started to look for the brightest star. Strangely, once again, he saw that one shining bright star that he had seen earlier. It was shining so bright, and it was the only star that had caught his attention. And looking at it, it seems the pain, regrets, guilts, and anger inside his heart were gone in an instant. Being overwhelmed with the strange feeling he felt, he cried again. He cried not because of the pain, but because of the joy. And he cried more when Dara spoke…

“You see that shining star Hyuk? It was Jieun. And it means that she is always with you. She never left.”

“Hyukjae!”

He was cut off from his stupor when he heard Dara had called him. She was waving at him and she was beaming at him. And again, he gave him the brightest smile she deserved. Because his heart is overflowing with gratitude for her.  

He didn’t know how it happened. But he’s sure that Dara had saved him from the great pain he had. She saved him from his messy life. And in just one night, he learned many lessons. He learned to forgive himself. He realized so many things that he lost count of it. And he promised to himself that from now on, for the sake of Jieun and for the sake of Dara who had changed everything, he will fix his life.

And if someone will ask him to describe this night…

It was a night that was different from the night he was used to...

It was a night when he was sober. He was not in a messy state...

It was a kind of night that was not too right, not too wrong; it was perfect...

It was one night of bliss…  

Authors Corner
The end... 

No, it's not the end. 
We haven't discussed Dara's back story yet... 
So stay stunned! 

Good night ~~